


A Galaxy Far, Far Away

by KittyPaw



Series: A Galaxy Far, Far Away (Fanfiction Universe) [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: #Amidala2024, Acting, Ahsoka Has Two Masters, Ahsoka Tano Didn't Leave the Jedi Order, Ahsoka Tano can Sing, Ahsoka Tano is a Sibling to the Clones, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Anakin Skywalker Has Issues, Anakin Skywalker Needs Help, Anakin Skywalker is the Chosen One, Anakin Wants To Be Jesus, Anakin likes cat gifs, Anakin ships obitine, And Of Course - Freeform, Are, Awesome Leia Organa, Awesome Luke Skywalker, BABY SITH, Babies, Babysitter Obi-Wan Kenobi, Babysitting, Back to the Future References, Backstage, Backstage Misadventures, Ballerina Leia, Because she's just as powerful as Luke, Bought with Anakin's money, Broadway, But Anakin fixed it so they can have the fluffy family they deserved, COVID-19, Cars, Chaos, Child Leia Organa, Child Luke Skywalker, Christianity, Clones, Clones Babysitting, Confused Ahsoka Tano, Confused Anakin Skywalker, Confused Earth Civilians, Confused Obi-Wan Kenobi, Confusion, Crack, Crushes, Dancing Clones, Discord - Freeform, Dogs, Earth, Except they think the French Fries might be poisonous, Fangirls, Fans, Fluff and Humor, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, French Fries, Gen, He has to deal with all this, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Human Disaster Obi-Wan Kenobi, Humor, I didn't mean for there to be this many random tags when I started don't get mad please, I'm making this up as I go, Jedi Leia Organa, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Jedi Mind Tricks (Star Wars), Just pure crack and nothing else, Leia Organa is a Skywalker, Leia is responsible, Lightsabers, Like really sing, Listen everybody's a disaster in this fic, Luke is irresponsible, Modern Era, Movie Making, Music, Musical, Namely Anakin misinterpreting Jesus' teachings as denouncing sand, Namely HaikuBot, Nonsense, Obi-Wan Has Two Padawans, Obi-Wan Kenobi Does Not Get a Break, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs Help, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Break, Piano, Poor Obi-Wan, Poor Padme, Purple Cat, Rex can't keep an eye on Luke, Ridiculousness, SHENANAKINS, School, Singer Ahsoka, Skywalker Family Drama (Star Wars), Skywalker Family Feels (Star Wars), Skywalker Shenanigans, Skywalker Twins, Skywalker problems feat. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, Star Wars is fictional, Stranded, Survival, Tap Dance, That's right they brought the coronavirus to Earth, The Bible - Freeform, The White House, The White House is not White anymore, The clones ain't cut out for this, The world isn't ready for this, They're twins their midichlorian count is the same, Time Travel, Total Nonsense, Triplets, Troublemaker Ahsoka Tano, Twins Wrecking Havoc, Ugly Palpabean, Vote Padmé for President, Who is driving all the Skywalkers crazy, Who is producing troublemakers Luke and Leia, You... have to read the fic to understand that last tag, because Anakin, drama club, in other words, musical theater, now, skywalker triplets, stage, they, veggie tales - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 70
Words: 90,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26127238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyPaw/pseuds/KittyPaw
Summary: Anakin time traveled. While trying to go back to the future, he, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and later Padmé and the twins accidentally ended up too far in the future, on this random planet called... Earth?See, this isn't your normal Star Wars-on-Earth fanfiction. Because they come to OUR Earth. As in, Star Wars is a thing. As in, they are very recognizable as Jedi.They try to lay low, but it quickly becomes common knowledge. Not to mention Ahsoka begins to take a particular interest in musical theater, and then the twins arrive and get a YouTube channel, and Padmé becomes president of the US, and they're the reason we all ended up with the COVID pandemic.This is all just crack. And comedy. Humor for you entertainment. You're welcome!
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano/Original Character(s), Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker & Luke Skywalker, CC-2224 | Cody & Ahsoka Tano, CC-2224 | Cody & Anakin Skywalker, CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CT-2224 | Cody & CT-7565 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, CT-2224 | Cody & CT-7565 | Rex & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, Darth Maul & Ahsoka Tano, Darth Maul & Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Dooku & Darth Maul, Dooku | Darth Tyranus & Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Leia Organa & Ahsoka Tano, Leia Organa & Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa & Anakin Skywalker & Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Leia Organa/Han Solo (mentioned), Luke Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & CT-7567 | Rex, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Leia Organa, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Leia Organa & Anakin Skywalker & Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Original Character(s), Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Padmé Amidala & Ahsoka Tano, Padmé Amidala & Darth Maul, Padmé Amidala & Leia Organa, Padmé Amidala & Luke Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: A Galaxy Far, Far Away (Fanfiction Universe) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048180
Comments: 1093
Kudos: 430





	1. Stranded

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read as a sequel to my other fanfic "My Mind is Older" (6/6 chapters) but is perfectly fine as a stand alone and makes no references to the other.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**Setup**

After an adventure where the Force sends Anakin to the past to fix his mistakes, he tries to jump back to the future. However, the Force neglects to send him back, so he, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka spent their spare time during the Clone Wars (which was not very often) to build a time machine.

However, the time-travel device has one slight, back-to-the-future-esque problem. It has to get up to a certain speed, well past lightspeed, meaning going into hyperspace wouldn't quite get them there. So they had to make it so fast is began ripping past star systems and even galaxies before it finally deposits them into future.

But they land on the planet in the galaxy they'd begun to near as they'd reached the correct speed instead of their actual galaxy. Not to mention, they totally crash land.

So now they're stranded. On this planet called Earth. In a town called Greenwood. A _long_ time in out into the future. Not to mention, Ahsoka is a Togruta, a species not native to the planet, which is raising suspicion... and Anakin and Obi-Wan look like a certain two beloved actors.

Welcome, Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka, to a galaxy far, far away.

**Disclaimer**

The characters and events of the Star Wars Universe do not belong to me but to George Lucas (and unfortunately, J. J. Abrams and Ryan Johnson and all that).

Also, I created the town of Greenwood, so if you live somewhere with that name, it's probably nothing like your town.

**Chapter 1**

"I knew I never should have let Ahsoka take the controooools!" Anakin shouted as they came in, extremely hot, to a planet he'd never seen before. But soon they'd be transported to the future and everything would be okay, right?

"Anakin never let your Padawan fly us anywhere ever again!" Obi-Wan replied, also slammed to the back of his seat.

"One of you try handling this time machine!" Ahsoka yelled in defense.

"Yeah, let's try that!" Anakin commandeered the ship from Ahsoka as they crash landed, the ship smoking as they coughed and exited it. Once they all made sure they were okay and nobody was hurt, they surveyed the ship. "Aw, nuts," Anakin lamented. "It's broken."

"Yeah, and Ahsoka and I are stranded in the future!" Obi-Wan added. "We're not from this time."

"Or this planet," Anakin pointed out, gesturing around them. "I don't think this time machine took us back to our galaxy, Obi-Wan."

He cussed under his breath, which Anakin sensed Ahsoka pretending to ignore. "Let's see, what planet could look like this where we're from?" He thought for a minute. "Uh..."

"These buildings were _not_ built in our galaxy, Master," Ahsoka interrupted, gesturing to the... what was this? There was neatly paved black gravel underneath their feet, and white lines were painted in little boxes where... ships? were parked. There were rather big wheels on these ships, like they were designed to travel on the ground for an extended period of time. And around them...

They were surrounded by block-shaped buildings with basic writing on them, the main entrance reading: _Greenwood Mall_.

"What's a mall?" Anakin said in a low voice, so he wouldn't attract unwanted attention from anybody around them.

"I have no idea," Obi-Wan answered in a similar tone of voice.

A group of girls approached them and elbowed Anakin. Once they had his attention, they giggled, and one of them said, "You'd better get a haircut, or people are gonna star thinking you're Anakin Skywalker." Then her gaze turned to Obi-Wan. "And they'll think _you're_ Obi-Wan Kenobi." (What? I mean, Anakin knew they were famous, but not intergalactically.)

"They've got to be in costume, they're spot-on," another said. "And O-M-G." (What did that mean?) "They are definitely dressed up - look at this girl! She's _exactly_ like Ahsoka Tano. I'd almost think her lekku were real."

Anakin, through their bond, nudged Ahsoka to _not_ tell them they were real. He had a feeling Togrutas weren't native to this planet. He hoped they could survive in the environments.

"I'm glad you're fans," Anakin said slowly, "but do you no what planet we're on? We're kind of stranded."

The girls giggled again. "Oh, you are _definitely_ Star Wars roleplaying." (Star Wars? Roleplaying? Anakin needed to learn the local jargon.) "Alright, we'll play along. You're on planet Earth, in the country of America, in the state of New Jersey, in the town of Greenwood. Good luck, Jedi, and may the Force be with you!" They giggled as they walked away.

Anakin stared after them, and almost under his breath, he answered, "And you."

"That was weird," Ahsoka decided. "I have a feeling they're not accustomed to seeing Togrutas around here, since they were certain my lekku were fake."

"And they know who we are," Obi-Wan added. "That's... weird. The planet Earth is not in our galaxy, so unless we're far enough into the future that they've renamed another planet and evolved to where Ahsoka's species is extinct..."

"That's actually _very_ possible," Anakin realized. "Ahsoka's species extinct, evolved and renamed planet... that would explain the unfamiliar terms and buildings and... speeders? What are these?"

"That's a Honda. Unfortunately, I don't know what a Honda is," Obi-Wan admitted. "And wait. How would they know our names if we're that far into the future?"

Anakin shrugged. "Maybe we're a legend?"

"I don't think so, Skyguy," Ahsoka told him teasingly. "You're not _that_ famous, and besides, she knew who Obi-Wan and I were too. You can say what you want about you and your children's Skywalker legacy, but... we're not a part of that. In fact, you said I wasn't even a part of that story once I left the temple."

"Well, we did see each other again..." Anakin trailed off. "That's actually a really, really bad memory, so I'm just going to pretend that never happened and get on with life."

"You tried to kill me, didn't you."

"You're way too intuitive, Snips."

"Guys," Obi-Wan interrupted. "We can try to figure this out later. For now we should get new clothing that goes with everybody else's around here, get Ahsoka something with a hood, and follow that girls advice and get haircuts."

"Agreed," Anakin told them.

~

The barber was also quite confused as to why Anakin and Obi-Wan looked like Anakin and Obi-Wan, but trimmed their hair and made it so they didn't look _as_ recognizable, but then people started asking, "Wait seriously, are you Hayden Christensen? No, you're too young... how do you look so much like..." Which left Anakin to wonder who Hayden Christensen was and Obi-Wan to wonder who Ewan McGregor was.

Ahsoka, meanwhile, tried not to show her face or lekku as to not attract attention. She tried leaving her hood off, and got attacked about being "Ahsoka Tano" or "dressed like a real togruta" and "Wow! Where'd you get that kind of costume?" so she had to maintain a low profile.

After using something called Google (seriously, it was called _Google_ ) to search up how to find places to stay the night. Obi-Wan mind tricked some unsuspecting people into giving them a free hotel room for a week while they tried to figure out their predicament.

Ahsoka finally could show her face and allow her lekku free, while Anakin and Obi-Wan contemplated their situation. "This is a weird culture," Anakin said. "And cars, as they're called, can't even fly. What is this, the past?"

"Nope, it's the future alright, they know who we are," Obi-Wan pointed out. "Which brings us to the question of how?"

"And why are they so certain I'm _dressed like_ Ahsoka Tano or a togruta?" Ahsoka piped up. "In fact, I've not seen any species other than human, besides those little furry creatures some of them are walking."

"It's true, there only seems to be one intelligent species," Obi-Wan agreed. "And they know what Jedi and the Force are, yet nobody seems to actually be a part of that."

"I'm still hiding my lightsaber on my belt, which some people have commented on," Anakin admitted. "They kept saying, 'O-M-G,' whatever that means, 'Is that a real lightsaber hilt?' Like there's no way it could be a _real_ lightsaber."

"One things for certain," Obi-Wan said grimly. "We're stranded."

Ahsoka sighed. "In a galaxy far, far away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wondered what it would be like if our favorite characters from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away showed up on planet Earth.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, as there are more to come!


	2. Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try to go shopping. (Uh-oh.)

"I'm coming too!" Ahsoka insisted. "I can just wear the jacket I wore yesterday and try to hide my lekku."

Anakin shook his head. "It's seventy-nine degrees out - nobody's wearing jackets. Just let Obi-Wan and I handle this," he instructed.

"He's right," Obi-Wan admitted. "It might look suspicious, and even if it doesn't, you'll be miserable hot."

"Besides," Anakin said with a smug smirk, "we outrank you, so you have to do what we say." Ahsoka groaned. When Obi-Wan gave him a look, he defended, "What? I am technically _still_ her master."

"Alright," Obi-Wan conceded. "You do kind of get to boss her around. I technically outrank _you_ , Anakin -"

"Alright, alright, I get it," Anakin huffed.

"You'll be a master soon enough," Obi-Wan encouraged. Anakin snorted.

"Not if we're stuck on this planet forever. Besides, even in the other timeline, I never became a master. I became a Sith Lord first." He winced a little. "And on that note, let's go shopping, Obi-Wan. We should be a little less recognizable as Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, though I still can't figure out who Hayden Christensen and Ewan McGregor are."

"You could use that Google thing," Obi-Wan suggested. Anakin nodded, pulling his device out of his pocket (he refused to call it a "phone." What kind of name was "phone?") that they'd bought the other day when they saw everybody walking around with one. ("Bought..." Well, when you aren't familiar with the currency of the planet and you're stranded and it's an emergency, you don't feel bad about cheating with Jedi mind tricks).

Anakin began typing in his question about Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen. Eventually, after letting it load, he shrugged. "Actors in something called 'Star Wars.' I'll look that up later."

"I think one of the girls from yesterday mentioned Star Wars," Ahsoka remembered. "And O-M-G, whatever that stands for. And roleplaying. I'm not sure what that is either."

Anakin shrugged. "Alright, Obi-Wan. Let's go."

Ahsoka muttered something under her breath, and Anakin decided to let it slide as he and Obi-Wan left their hotel room, leaving her to mope about being a togruta on an entirely human world.

~

"What the heck is this?" Anakin inspected the small, odd-shaped _thing_ in his hand. There was a little sticker on it, and it was almost entirely red, with a small squishy spot on the side that he had a feeling wasn't supposed to be there. It was kind of like a cross between a sphere and a cube, with some weird stem coming out the top. "Is this supposed to be some kind of fruit?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Who knows if it's even edible? We shouldn't buy anything we don't understand."

"But we don't understand _any_ of this," Anakin insisted. "And I don't want to ask anybody. Everything is too easy and peaceful around here and it makes me uneasy. I'm so used to just being a Jedi in the Clone Wars that ever movement behind me makes me want to whip out my lightsaber, but I feel like that's be conspicuous."

"That's true," Obi-Wan admitted. "My Jedi reflexes are killing me, but the Force tells me than none of these people mean any harm. Are you picking up on anything?"

"Nope," Anakin agreed. "And the only strong Force presence I can sense anywhere is Ahsoka's, meaning there are no Sith or Jedi anywhere. Any small threat we'll have squashed immediately."

"So there's no harm in asking what this is," Obi-Wan reasoned, gesturing to the object in Anakin's hand. "Excuse me?"

"Yes?" A nice woman and a teenage daughter turned around.

"Could you tell us what this is?" Anakin asked, holding out the object. The lady scrunched up her face.

"Uh, that's an _apple_ ," she said slowly.

"Apple," he repeated. "So is it some sort of fruit?"

She nodded slowly. "Uh... Yes. If you don't mind me asking, where are you from?"

"Tatooine for a while, then Coruscant," he answered easily. Well, if they didn't recognize the planets, then no matter.

The lady turned to her daughter. "Do you know where that is?"

The teenage girl rolled her eyes. "They're pranking us, mom. Those are planets in the Star Wars universe." The lady made a face at them before taking her daughter's hand and walking away.

"We've got to find out what Star Wars is," Anakin said, staring as they walked away.

"I think it's fictional," Obi-Wan admitted. "They seemed to know what the planets were, but why would they? They're in a galaxy far, far away from here. And they thought that when we mentioned it, we _must_ be pranking them, and referred to it as a 'universe.'"

"That would make sense," Anakin said slowly. "But it's not fictional, it's very real. We're from there."

"Maybe there are tales about it, and they don't know they're true," Obi-Wan suggested.

"Which could explain the fangirls," Anakin murmured distastefully. He looked down at the _apple_ in his hand. "But one thing's for certain - we're _very_ out of place. And asking people around us is just going to make us more conspicuous."

Obi-Wan nodded. Then Anakin tensed. "I'm getting something in the Force. You?"

Obi-Wan nodded again, his face concentrating. "What the heck is that?"

There were some screams as people parted to let a vicious animal through. "There's a wild dog in the store!" Somebody shouted. Anakin and Obi-Wan ripped out their lightsabers immediately, and the creature - dog - turned and ran the other direction. Anakin and Obi-Wan simultaneously deactivated their lightsabers and placed the hilts back on their belts.

And there were stares.

And there was some explaining to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Was that a lightsaber?"  
> I just can't wait to write the next chapter!!! I have an idea of where this is going but that doesn't mean I'm not slightly open to suggestions. I hope you're enjoying and feedback is appreciated!


	3. Breaking News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The security footage in the store of Anakin and Obi-Wan pulling their lightsabers on the rogue dog in the store gets leaked to the media, and Ahsoka spits out her drink.

"Breaking news!" The dramatic woman said on the little box called the TV, whatever that stood for. "Two men, looking suspiciously like young versions of Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen - our favorite Star Wars prequel actors - pulled lightsabers on a dog that attacked the grocery store." Security footage ran of people panicking as a wild dog went on a rampage through the store, and there was Anakin and Obi-Wan, who scared it off with their lightsabers, causing people to stare.

Ahsoka spit out her water. What the heck did they think they were doing?

They cut to interviewing a lady who was there, holding a microphone out for her to speak into. "My daughter and I were already freaked out about these two guys. They didn't seem to know what an apple was, and when I asked where they were from, they said... they said..."

The teenager with her spoke up. "Tatooine and Coruscant. Those are just from Star Wars, so we figured it was a prank."

"But then the dog came through the doors and we were all screaming... it was so scary..." The woman shivered. "But these two Star Wars prankers pulled out what seemed to be _real lightsabers_ and scared the dogs away. We can't explain it - it could be a toy or an illusion, that's the only way I can explain what we saw..."

Of course Ahsoka's masters had managed to cause a problem at the grocery store. Had she really expected otherwise?

They cut to interviewing a little boy, who looked no older than nine. "Those were real lightsabers! They were small and then they were big with the laser thing coming out of it, it was epic!"

Then the cameras shifted to Anakin and Obi-Wan, who were trying to stealthily sneak out. The reporters ran over to them, cornering them. "Can you explain this? What happened?"

"Well," Anakin started, "there was this... I think you called it a... _dog_ that attacked, so we instinctively pulled out our lightsabers." His explanation was just making everybody more curious, Ahsoka could tell. The three of them were never going to get to go out in public ever again. "The dog seemed scared of them, so it backed away. We asked if anybody was hurt, but nobody was even scratched, thank goodness."

_Leave it to Anakin and Obi-Wan to wreck havoc just by keeping people safe._

"Could you show us your lightsaber?" The reporter asked excitedly. Obi-Wan put his hand on Anakin's shoulder, but he just shrugged.

"Sure,' Anakin said, pulling out the hilt. Everybody gasped when he turned it on and it _zing_ ed, the laser protruding from the hilt as he swung it around a bit. The reporters admonished him, saying it wasn't safe near their cameras, but he laughed and said, "Don't worry. My reflexes are better than that - you're all safe."

"Where did you get that lightsaber?" The reporter asked.

"We built them," Anakin and Obi-Wan said at the same time.

"Can they really cut through stuff?" A random little kid said off to the side. His father reprimanded him, but the reporter took advantage of how cute it was and shifted the camera to the kid before coming back to Obi-Wan and Anakin.

"Well?" The reporter asked.

Anakin and Obi-Wan looked confused. "Of course," Obi-Wan answered easily. "It's a lightsaber, why wouldn't it?"

"He even has the Obi-Wan Kenobi accent," the reporter said as the camera turned back to her. "Well there you have it, folks. Jedi at the grocery store - leaving us all to wonder how they built such realistic lightsabers, and how we can build them ourselves." The camera cut back to an extremely confused Obi-Wan and Anakin before they switched to commercial. Ahsoka turned the TV off.

Pulling out the phone that they'd bought at/stole from T-Mobile the other day, she typed in, _l_ _ightsaber_. She got a few results, but clicked on the really big one off to the side, which read:

_The lightsaber is the weapon of a Jedi, an elegant weapon of a more civilized age. It can be used to cut through blast doors or enemies alike. Using the Force, a Jedi can predict and deflect incoming blaster bolts, and reflect them._

Okay, that was about right. So why was everyone so awestruck? Did they not see very many Jedi anymore? _Star_ wars, she typed.

_Star Wars is an American epic space opera media franchise created by George Lucas, which began with the eponymous 1977 film and quickly became a worldwide pop-culture phenomenon_.

She wasn't sure what most of that meant, but she seemed to get the picture that it was supposed to be _fictional_. Then she searched up: _Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker_.

She got multiple video results, the thumbnails of which starred either very distraught Obi-Wan Kenobi's in front of a fiery background or an overconfident, almost menacing Anakin Skywalker on that background. Intrigued, she clicked on it.

 _That was them, that was exactly what they looked like,_ Ahsoka realized. She saw the two blue lightsabers clashing - were they training? No, Anakin was being overly aggressive. She'd seen Anakin fight before, he wasn't that aggressive. And then - did he just try to choke Obi-Wan with his bare hands? The two of them continued to fight until the background revealed they were definitely on Mustafar, where Obi-Wan proclaimed in a defeated voice, "I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you."

"I should have known the Jedi were plotting to take over!"

"From the Sith! Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil!" Ahsoka gasped. _That_ was who the evil person was? The chancellor? Then her sinking heart realized that this was the timeline Anakin had been from before he was sent to the past to save his mistakes.

The next thing he said only confirmed that suspicion: "From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!" Ahsoka felt tears burning her eyes as Obi-Wan shouted his defeated reply.

"Then you are lost!"

Ahsoka told herself not to cry. She was a Jedi, she was supposed to not allow her emotions to get the best of her like this. So why was it so kriffing hard?

Because _that was her master_.

And he was _evil_.

He clicked off the phone screen, sitting back on the couch. She knew Anakin was coming from a future where he turned to the dark side, and he had fixed it with time travel. But that didn't make it any easier to watch what could have been in the future. What had happened the first time around. What the master she loved had become.

Ahsoka took a deep breath, and then found it didn't feel right. Oh well, it must have been that she was crying for the first time, and her lungs were responding strangely to the air. She just needed to take shorter breaths.

But then she realized the discomfort she'd been feeling since they'd arrived was heightening quickly. This air was wrong, very, very wrong. Her last thought before she passed out was that there had to be a reason that there were no togrutas on this planet.

And then the world disappeared into a black oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun!!!!
> 
> Ahsoka can't survive in the atmosphere? What's going to happen? Will she need medical attention? Can Anakin and Obi-Wan give it to her? Will they need to bring her to Earth doctors? Will they be confused by her species? Is the world on the brink of finding out that George Lucas's Star Wars franchise is based on real events in a galaxy far far away? Oh no!
> 
> Gotta wait for the next update though, sorry. (Hehe, I'm so evil...)


	4. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They take Ahsoka to the hospital...

"Ahsoka!" Anakin shook her shoulders, but she remained lifeless and limp. "Ahsoka! Snips?"

"What happened?" Obi-Wan rushed into the room.

"She's out cold." Anakin looked back up at Obi-Wan, worriedly. "We can't let her die! This isn't the Clone Wars, where Jedi have to remain without attachments to serve the republic. The three of us are all that's here from our galaxy!"

"She needs medical attention that the doctors here can't give," Obi-Wan pointed out, but when he took another look at Ahsoka, he sighed. "We need to contact a hospital. They won't know much about her species."

"It's the least we can do," said Anakin, standing up and pulling out the phone thing. "I'll search up hospitals on the Google thing. Make sure she's still breathing," he instructed as he tried to figure out how his phone worked. He looked down at Obi-Wan, who gave him a weak smile.

"She's breathing, but barely," he said grimly. "I can still sense her life in the Force - she's alive, for now." That gave Anakin a burst of hope as he dialed the number of the hospital, which appeared to work like a comm link.

Obi-Wan would only hear half of the conversation, but it sounded like this: "My friend blacked out and she's barely alive. ...Ahsoka Tano. ...Yes, you've heard of them? I wasn't aware they affected anybody here. ...What? Oh, yeah. ...No. ...No. ..Uh... I have no clue what that means. ...Oh? Oh. ...Okay. Yeah. ...Alright, thank you." He looked at Obi-Wan. "We've got to get her to something called the Emergency Room as soon as possible."

After a few minutes of Obi-Wan using Google and trying to figure out what a GPS was, they were in a car (which Anakin found quite hard to pilot, but eventually figured out) on their way to the hospital.

The doctors immediately hooked her up to foreign things and asked Anakin, "Do you know what's on her head?"

"They're lekku," Anakin told the doctor, who gave her a weird look.

"What the heck are lekku?"

"You know, head-tails?" Anakin tried, but the doctor had know clue what that meant.

"Is it some sort of birth deficiency?"

"No!" Anakin shook his head fiercely as they tried to get the right amount of oxygen into Ahsoka. "Not at all, she's a togruta!"

"A what?"

"It's a species!?" The doctor stared. Anakin huffed in exasperation. "Don't tell me you _only_ have humans on this planet."

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "Planet? You've been to other planets?"

"Well yeah," Anakin said, figuring it was obvious. "You can't stay in the same part of the galaxy forever, can you?"

]"You've seen the other side of the Milky Way Galaxy?" The doctor shook her head. "You're weird, but your friend needs medical attention, so we'll give it to her."

"Normal oxygen levels aren't working, so we've been lowering them slightly and putting more pressure on her chest. It seems to be working, but it should be fatal to normal humans," the other doctor said.

"She's not a human, according to this guy," the doctor said. "Something called a... a..."

"Togruta," Anakin finished.

The other doctor raised an eyebrow. "What is a togruta? Cause she looks like some sort of Star Wars alien."

"Why do people mention Star Wars every time we talk?" Anakin was getting exasperated with not knowing what Star Wars was.

"Because you're acting like you stepped right out of Star Wars," the doctor explained dryly as Ahsoka began to cough. All attention averted to the fact that her eyes were opening as she was sitting up.

"Where am I?"

"You're at a hospital," Anakin explained soothingly. "Don't worry, you're going to be okay." But Ahsoka's eyes widened in alarm.

"Master Skywalker, Kenobi! I looked up Star Wars, it's a fictional world about _us_!" She cried.

" _Skywalker_?" The doctor scoffed. "Is this a joke?"

"Obi-Wan guessed right then," Anakin concluded. Then he glanced around. "That'll explain the weird looks we keep getting, and also why everybody keeps looking at us like we're insane, and why those reporters cornered us in the store about the lightsabers."

"I saw that on the news, it's been broadcast to everybody!" Ahsoka sat up. The doctors tried to stop her, but she swatted them away. "People who watch it will be following you around." The doctors once again tried to make her lie back down, and this time she held them off with the Force, making them gasp. "I'm fine," she snapped. "You've given me all the attention I need."

"It's the oxygen levels," one of them explained weakly. "We can make you a mask so you can survive in the atmosphere."

"So you believe we're real, then?" Ahsoka wondered.

"What was that if it wasn't the Force?" One of the doctors pointed out. Ahsoka shrugged.

"True enough." She stepped off the bed. "Yeah, how about you make us one of those mask things so I don't have to, you know, keep coming back here," she said snippily. Her attitude was back to Ahsoka-y.

"I hope they don't have any weird space diseases," one of the doctors muttered. "I'm traveling to China next month, and I'd hate to bring them a deadly virus from your galaxy that makes the rest of 2019, or even 2020, a nightmare for everybody in the world."

"You probably won't," the other doctor assured them.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes.

~

"You don't need us to pay you thousands of dollars or have a boring and confusing insurance talk. Also, you never met a togruta or anybody from another galaxy."

"We don't need you to pay us thousands of dollars or have a boring and confusing insurance talk. Also, we never met a togruta or anybody from another galaxy."

~

"It's not good that we're fictional," Ahsoka admitted when they were back home and she was no longer breathing in too much oxygen. "It'll raise suspicion, especially after the grocery store incident with your lightsabers."

"But we don't know how much they know," Obi-Wan reasoned. "How do we know how much like ourselves we can really be?"

"There's only one way to find that out." Anakin collapsed back onto the couch. "We've got to watch Star Wars."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I can't wait to write a chapter about them watching Star Wars... This is going to be fricking epic. Unfortunately you guys have to wait a bit, sorry! I hope I'm not torturing you too much!
> 
> Hopefully you're reading this later and you can move right on to the next chapter.
> 
> May the Force be with you (even if you aren't Force-sensitive, though we all wish we were) and have a good good morning/day/afternoon/evening/night. :)


	5. Watching A New Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! The moment we've all been waiting for...
> 
> These three are going to watch Star Wars!!!
> 
> (This is going to be a hilarious disaster)

"I can't figure out which movie comes first," Ahsoka admitted, her face in a twist as she scrolled on her phone. "Apparently, there are episodes one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight and nine - and yet... four appears to come first."

"What?" Anakin and Obi-Wan chorused.

"When they started coming out, they started in the middle of the story," she said. "It's way past us though - It's about some kid named Luke... Skywalker, oh that must be your son," she said looking up at Anakin, who nodded. "So this is going to be set in your former timeline, then." Anakin winced.

"This is going to be a nightmare for me to watch," Anakin admitted.

"Luke and Obi-Wan Kenobi - hey, that's you! - are going to go with some guy named Han Solo." Anakin huffed, and Ahsoka got the feeling he didn't like this "Han Solo" very much. "The ship, the Millenium Falcon -"

"That thing is my nemesis," Anakin grumbled. "I mean, every time the Empire was under attack - there was that ship!"

"Yeah - is piloted by this guy and Chewie, I don't know who Chewie is, but he sounds like a Wookie. And there's a princess named Leia Organa -"

"Spoiler alert, that's my daughter," Anakin stated. "She's Luke's twin. They got separated at birth so they'd be protected from me." He winced. "Time travel fixed that, though I'm not sure we'll ever get back to the galaxy we should be in for that to work."

"O...kay," Ahsoka said slowly. "And they're trying to defeat the Empire, led by some guy named Darth Vader."

"Oh yeah, I'm going to hate this movie." Anakin put his head in his hands.

"Do you want to do this one first, then?" Ahsoka wondered. "Or the actual first episode? What do you think?"

"There's probably a reason this one came out first," Obi-Wan reasoned. "So let's watch this one."

~

It didn't take long for Ahsoka and Obi-Wan to start bombarding Anakin with questions about everything.

"What are those?"

"Stormtroopers."

"Which do what?"

"They fight for the Empire, I guess."

"Are they the good guys or the bad guys?"

"Bad guys."

"Whoa, who's the guy in the black suit and weird mask?"

"That's Darth Vader."

"Who's Darth Vader?"

"Me."

"Ohhhhhh, so this is while you're evil then."

"Yes."

"But he doesn't look like you."

"You have yourself to thank for that, Kenobi."

They stopped asking questions.

~

"Hey, that's Threepio and R2!!!"

~

They started a little later.

"Is that Luke?"

"Yes."

"He's really whiny."

"I know."

"Why is he doing that?"

"I don't know, I wasn't exactly around to raise him! Remember the last shot of me?"

"Fair point."

They sat and chewed on their popcorn as they found the droids, which turned out to have the exact same personality as always.

_"Alright, shut up, we'll take him."_

_"Shutting up sir_."

Threepio was so _threepio_ that it almost made Anakin forget that he was the bad guy in this movie. _Almost_.

~

"Whoa, how does this lady know who I am and why am I her only hope?" Obi-Wan exclaimed.

"That would be my daughter, Princess Leia," Anakin said dryly. "And I don't know. You have to keep watching to find out." When he and Ahsoka groaned, Anakin added, "I honestly don't know, though. Obi-Wan does show up later, though, and I get a rematch with him from Mustafar. Killing you was sweet revenge, master, but luckily it won't be necessary this time around."

Obi-Wan gave him a look but didn't speak.

~

" _IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ME_?!"

"Yes," Anakin calmly told him. "You're twenty years older at this point."

Obi-Wan's mouth was hanging open as he watched his older self talk to Luke.

~

"Aw, that's my lightsaber." Anakin smiled. "He deserves it - he's pretty awesome."

"Wait, I told him his father was dead? But I thought -"

"You weren't exactly honest with him," Anakin deadpanned, his mood shifting as he remembered how upset Luke had been when Anakin, the supposedly evil one, had told him the _truth_.

Ahsoka gasped and smacked Obi-Wan on the arm. "Master Kenobi! How dare you!" Anakin laughed - honestly, though, it was good to know Ahsoka sided with him here. Obi-Wan deserved it all the way.

~

"Ugh! That's Han Solo," Anakin grumbled.

"I'm not liking him a ton so far," Ahsoka agreed.

Anakin bit his lip. "Uh-oh, they're going to Alderaan?"

"Why is that a problem?" Obi-Wan asked, puzzled.

"Because I'm about to blow it up," Anakin told him flatly.

"WHAT?!" Ahsoka na Obi-Wan chorused.

"Uh-oh, now I'm nervous," Ahsoka said, beginning to fidget.

"Don't worry, they all live," he said with a sigh. "Though I wouldn't have been too sad is Han had died." Obi-Wan smacked his arm.

~

"Leia!" Ahsoka was indignant. "How dare she give away the location of the -"

"She's lying," Anakin interrupted.

Obi-Wan nodded in approval. "You're daughter's a lot smarter than you are, Anakin." This time, Anakin smacked _his_ arm.

~

"Whoa, girl power!" Ahsoka pumped her fist in the air. "Leia is making Luke and Han look so stupid."

Obi-Wan and Anakin laughed at that, though they weren't exactly fans of how feminist that seemed to be...

~

"So wait, I just _let_ you kill me?"

"Yep," Anakin said, popping the P at the end.

Obi-Wan rolled her eyes. "That's so lame. I barely even fought back and then I sacrificed my self -"

_"Noooooooo!"_

Obi-Wan whistled. "Kid met me a few days ago, but he's pretty sad to see me go."

"That, or he just has a thing for shouting _Nooooooo_! at me," Anakin muttered. When Ahsoka and Obi-Wan gave him inquisitive looks, he slyly answered them with, "Just wait and see..."

~

"Wait, why did they build the space station with a weakness like that?" Ahsoka shook her head. "That's dumb."

Anakin shrugged. "We didn't actually know it was there, but it would have been _really_ hard to set off that reaction. I bet Luke has to use the Force in order to make a direct hit like that." He rolled his eyes. "What's _really_ dumb is that we literally rebuilt it with the exact same weakness, and they defeat the second Death Star the same way."

"Seriously?" Obi-Wan asked, incredulously.

Anakin sighed. "The people under me really weren't the brightest."

"Oh yeah, are you like, in charge?" Ahsoka asked. "That's been on my mind for a while."

"I'm second to the Emperor, Darth Sidious, who trained me." He winced. "I'm not a fan of that part of history, either. Emperor Palpatine is -"

"Palpatine?!"

"The chancellor," he confirmed.

~

Obi-Wan laughed. "Of course Luke would wait for me to tell him to use the Force."

"He was new to the ways of the Jedi," Anakin defended. "My son or not, he's not trained."

~

"That was good," Ahsoka said as it went to credits, playing epic music.

"I hate that I'm the villain, and I probably will be for a while now," Anakin admitted. "But seeing the rest of my son's story is pretty cool."

"Next up?" Obi-Wan asked, looking to Ahsoka.

She pulled out her phone, typed some stuff in, and smiled. " _The Empire Strikes Back_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahoo! This was pretty fun. The Empire Strikes Back is next!


	6. Watching The Empire Strikes Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka watch The Empire Strikes Back. (Oh boy.)

"Argh, turn it down!" The beginning of these movies always started with a really loud _DUN DUN_!!!!! Before a bunch of words appeared to give the setup for the story. "Who has the remote?!"

Ahsoka giggled, and Anakin had no doubt she'd turned it way up for the beginning on purpose. She quickly turned it all the way back to zero."

"Give me the remote." Obi-Wan snatched it out of her hands and found a comfortable volume level.

~

"Why doesn't he just use the Force to get that lightsaber out of the snow?" Ahsoka asked, frustrated.

"Pretty sure he's going to," Anakin argued.

"Sure about that? I had to remind him last time," Obi-Wan pointed out.

"He can feel the Force, why would he ignore it?" And sure enough, Anakin was right: Luke used the Force to grab his weapon and set himself free. "It's so cool to learn this stuff about my son, who I didn't really see very often."

~

"Wait, why am I sending him to _Dagobah_ of all places?"

"Force knows."

~

_"I have no doubt he is the offspring of Anakin Skywalker."_

_"How is this possible?"_

Ahsoka snorted. "Seriously, Master? 'How is this possible?' Let me explain to you, Anakin, what happens when you and Padmé -"

"I know!" Anakin cut her off. "I just thought I killed her before she gave birth to my children."

"We'll talk about that later," Obi-Wan said flatly, making Anakin remember all the time he'd spent hiding his relationship with Padmé.

Anakin giggled nervously. "Let's just watch the movie."

~

"Ewwwwww!" Ahsoka gagged. "He can't just kiss her like that, without her permission!"

"Good Threepio," Anakin commended when his droid interrupted. "I wish Han would give it up with Leia!" He sighed. "Unfortunately, they got married, and there's not much I can do about that."

"Ew, Leia _loves him_?"

Anakin shrugged. "Apparently," he begrudgingly admitted.

"But that guy's a jerk!" Obi-Wan shook his head.

Ahsoka shrugged. "I guess I _can_ see that he'd kinda cute..." All eyes turned to her, and she put her hands up. "Okay, okay! I just wish he'd stop pining for Leia and let her come to him if she loves him."

"Yeah, it kind of feels like a forced relationship," said Obi-Wan.

"I disapprove," Anakin said dryly. "Leia didn't exactly come to me for permission."

"You were an evil cyborg."

"Fair enough."

~

The three of them were cackling like crazy, choking on their popcorn. "Yoda will be Yoda," Anakin finally choked out.

"He's even better in the future," Ahsoka said through her laughter.

"Luke is so impatient." That was Obi-Wan.

"Well, Yoda _is_ being a little cryptic," Anakin admitted, still laughing. "And if they said _I_ was too old to be trained..."

"He was our last hope," Obi-Wan reminded him. "And you were the Chosen One. We made some exceptions given your cases."  
  


~

_*Catches Han's weapon with the Force* "We would be honored if you would join_ _us."_

"I'm brilliant," Anakin deadpanned. Ahsoka slapped him across the cheek.

~

"Ugh! Seriously?" Anakin buried his face in his hands. "I mean, I'd set a trap for him, but I didn't realize..."

"Realize what?" Ahsoka and Obi-Wan asked simultaneously.

"He had premonitions of his friends in pain, so he blatantly and recklessly disobeyed his masters to pursue a trap!" Anakin threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. "If there was _one thing_ I didn't want him to inherit from me...!"

"There there." Ahsoka patted her master's back. "You can't blame him for doing literally everything you did, since you weren't around to help him learn from your mistakes." Then her face darkened. "Tell me he doesn't turn to the dark side."

"He does not. "Anakin sighed, rubbing his temples. "It was seriously taxing, trying to get him to give up on his willpower. We eventually reached the point of almost succeeding, but... Nope. My son is crazy stubborn."

"Just like his father," Obi-Wan teased. But Anakin shook his head.

"I wasn't stubborn enough, actually."

As tension fell on the room, Ahsoka suggested they just keep watching the movie.

~

_"I love you!"_

The trio gagged.

_"I know."_

Anakin slammed his fist on the table. "That scoundrel does not deserve my daughter!"

"Calm down Anakin." (Boy had Anakin heard a lot of that in his life.)

~

"Did you just freaking _chop off your son's hand_?!"

"I was evil, remember?" Anakin reminded Obi-Wan dryly.

 _"Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father_."

"That's right, I didn't," Obi-Wan said distastefully.

Anakin chuckled. "I remember this."

"What, what happens?" Ahsoka asked.

_"He told me enough. He told me you killed him."_

"Here it comes..." Anakin murmured.

 _"No. I am your father_."

"And there it is," Anakin said, sitting back as he watched his son scream _NOOOOOOOOOO!_

"You were right, he does love screaming 'no' at you," Ahsoka agreed.

~

"This was really annoying, actually," Anakin admitted. "As Vader. He just keeps saying 'Why did you tell me?' over and over, not at all responding to what I was trying to tell him!"

"Good thing!" Ahsoka snapped playfully. "You were _trying_ to turn him to the dark side!"

"At the time, it was really annoying," he muttered.

~

"Why does his prosthetic get to be like an actual hand?" Anakin whined.

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka laughed. "It's the future, Master," Ahsoka reminded him.

~

The credits started, George Lucas's name appearing in big, bold letters. "AHHH! AHSOKA, TURN DOWN THE VOLUME!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Return of the Jedi.
> 
> Man, it's fun to write these.


	7. Watching Return of the Jedi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was reading (for like the 60th time) Keeper of the Lost Cities: Lodestar today and came across this quote:
> 
> "'There's no balance when it comes to the bad guys, Keefe. They're bad. It's that simple.'" - Sophie Foster (Shannon Messenger)
> 
> I feel like that's the kind of quote that belongs in the Star Wars universe. Lots of Jedi conversation to be had there. (Minus "Keefe," he doesn't exist in Star Wars.)

"What does it mean by _Return of the Jedi_?" Ahsoka wondered as she selected the movie.

"I have a sinking feeling it means me," Anakin admitted.

"What?"

"Just watch."

~

"We actually do say 'I have a bad feeling about this' a lot," Anakin noticed.

"You do," Ahsoka agreed.

"Hey, you do it too!"

~

"Oh no!" Ahsoka cried. "He's going to be killed by that thing -"

"Ye of little faith." Anakin shook his head sadly. "Luke lives, I assure you. Just watch."

Sure enough, Luke killed the rancor beast, making Jabba the Hutt very, very angry. Obi-Wan, Anakin and Ahsoka watched as Luke, still a new Jedi Knight, totally owned everybody in there when R2-D2 gave him his lightsaber, laughing. "He's a quick learner," Anakin said approvingly.

"Unlike you." Ahsoka laughed at Obi-Wan's comment. Anakin silenced both of them.

"Whoa... Did Leia just choke Jabba the Hutt?"

"Anything to get my daughter out of that outfit," Anakin grumbled. "It's clear she wasn't raised by her mother."

"Jabba's making her wear it," Ahsoka reminded him.

"Still. It's unbecoming of a princess."

~

"He has a right to be mad at you, you know," Anakin said, elbowing Obi-Wan, who rubbed his arm.

"Yeah. I don't know what I was thinking, lying like that." Obi-Wan tsked. "Must have been really mad at you." Anakin scoffed.

"Why does everyone seem to make me the bad guy in these?!"

"You were the bad guy," Ahsoka and Obi-Wan chorused. Anakin rolled his eyes.

"Whatever."

~

"Another Death Star?" Ahsoka scoffed. "Seriously?"

"With the legit same weakness," Anakin confirmed. "Though to be fair, we did put a shield around it this time around."

"Still not smart," Obi-Wan admonished.

"Believe it or not, it wasn't my call," Anakin admitted. "I know, right? It _wasn't my call_! I was the freaking Sith Lord there, I was _in charge_ , second only to the Emperor, and yet I wasn't overseeing the Death Star construction."

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Can't trust a Sith."

Anakin rolled his eyes. "It's not a band of psychotic evil killers, it's an ancient religion that _I_ was a part of. So watch your mouth."

~

"Why don't you just listen to your son?" Ahsoka complained. "Like seriously. Can't you see he loves you and he's trying to help you?!"

"Would I have come back in time if I didn't regret my actions?" Anakin pointed out. That made Ahsoka and Obi-Wan think. "The movie's not over yet, guys. Keep watching and don't give up faith in me!"

"Looks like you _are_ stubborn," Obi-Wan said, and Ahsoka giggled. But Anakin realized that he totally wasn't - not only had he fallen to the dark side, but after a while of resistance, he'd come back as well. What was to keep him from falling again...?

 _Probably the fact that we're stuck on this blasted planet_ , he thought to himself as the movie continued.

~

"No, Luke, don't do it, don't do it don't do it..." Ahsoka pleaded with the movie screen.

"He won't," Obi-Wan assured her, though he didn't look so sure.

"Stop being drama queens," Anakin whined. "He's not going to do it!" Ahsoka and Obi-Wan sighed in relief, and Anakin sighed in exasperation.

~

"Oh my gosh, did he just actually try to give in to his anger?" Obi-Wan tsked. "He actually tried it. He _actually tried it_. Wow. Glad you were there to -" Obi-Wan paused. "Wait a second. Why _did_ you intervene?"

Anakin shrugged. "I don't know. I had a sudden instinct to not let Luke to the same thing I did, though I didn't particularly regret it at that point. It was probably a nudge from the Force."

"Wait, you didn't know you had a daughter?" Ahsoka realized.

"I didn't even know I had a son!" Anakin snapped back.

"Yeah, you didn't even know it was possible," Obi-Wan said, he and Ahsoka laughing. Anakin was seriously getting tired of these two.

"Wait," Ahsoka interrupted. "He cut off your arm?" She wondered, puzzled. "But it was already prosthetic."

Anakin shrugged. "He aspired to be like Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan huffed in exasperation. "Okay, that's it. What the heck did I do?!"

"You chopped off all my limbs and left me to burn in lava on Mustafar," Anakin said emotionlessly. Obi-Wan winced.

"Seriously? I'm beginning to regret literally all the life decisions I haven't even made yet," Obi-Wan admitted. Anakin finally got the chance to laugh at _him_ instead of the other way around.

"Somebody's got to roast Ahsoka here," Anakin complained.

"I'm not even in the movie. I get to make fun of you now, you get to make fun of me later," Ahsoka said triumphantly, crossing her arms. Anakin and Obi-Wan groaned.

Obi-Wan pointed to the TV screen. "Look! Luke is taking a stand. He doesn't want to take Vader's place! WAHOO!"

"You realize you basically said, 'Good thing he didn't end up like Anakin,'" Anakin said dryly.

"I could just say that," Obi-Wan realized. "Good think he didn't end up like you, Anakin." Ahsoka cracked up - no insults her way quite yet.

Anakin kicked his feet to get even.

"Whoa! He's trying to kill Luke!" Ahsoka stood up incredulously. "So Luke doesn't turn to the dark side, but he dies?"

"Nope," Anakin said with a shake of his head. "I turn to the light side, just watch!"

Ahsoka sat back down, totally confused, until Vader picked up the Emperor and threw him down the reactor shaft. Anakin doubled over laughing, causing his friends to stare. When he got over it, he explained, "Oh, the sweet revenge. I am _so_ glad I threw that guy down a reactor shaft." He couldn't help it, it was too hilarious. Then it got emotional again.

"Aww, this is so sweet," Obi-Wan commented. Anakin shushed him as he removed his mask. And when he died, Ahsoka choked back a sob. Anakin rolled his eyes. _Drama queens_.

~

"Oh, well good thing Han's not as selfish anymore." Anakin crossed his arms. "He doesn't want to get in the way of Leia's other relationship - which, unfortunately, is her twin brother, so there's nothing there."

"Still, it makes me feel better about their relationship," Obi-Wan told Anakin. Ahsoka nodded in agreement.

"A little," Anakin relented. "I still disapprove."

"Oh, look! Force ghosts!" Ahsoka pointed. "There's Obi-Wan, there's Yoda... wait - somebody else is appearing - oh my gosh, Anakin! You became a Force ghost!"

"Yep." Anakin popped his P.

"Pretty quickly, too." Obi-Wan sounded impressed, and Anakin couldn't help but feel prideful at that. Obi-Wan, even after watching three movies about him being the villain, was proud of him.

"This is so sweet!" Ahsoka squealed. "Watching over your son through the Force, alongside Obi-Wan and Yoda... Luke must have been so happy!"

"He was," Anakin confirmed. "I could feel it. I still can't believe he forgave me."

"You didn't deserve it," Ahsoka said dryly. Anakin punched her in the arm as it went to credits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin keeps getting roasted by his friends!!!!!
> 
> Up next: The Phantom Menace!


	8. Watching The Phantom Menace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary? What summary? Who cares about a summary?! This is the Clone Wars trio watching the prequels!!!

"Alright, next up, _The Phantom Menace_." Ahsoka selected it, and Anakin grabbed the remote, making sure the volume was at a comfortable level before the film began. Ahsoka might not have cared, but Anakin wasn't a fan of getting major hearing loss.

And so it began...

~

"ARRRRRRGH!" Obi-Wan stood up and actually lost it. Ahsoka paused the movie until he finally sat down, controlling his emotions like a good Jedi.

"What the heck?"

Obi-Wan crossed his arms. "There's no way I looked like that when I was twenty-five! That, and I'm about to have to deal with Jar Jar Binks again."

Anakin groaned. "Yes, Obi-Wan, you looked like that, and I agree - Jar Jar Binks is _super_ annoying." Ahsoka was just laughing off to the side throughout the whole encounter. Once they'd calmed down, she unpaused the movie.

~

They all shouted, " _Nooooo_!" As Jar Jar began to insist that it was necessary for him to stick around. "I wish you'd ditched that thing when you had the chance," Ahsoka groaned.

"So do I," Anakin agreed. Both of them turned to Obi-Wan, who put his hands up.

"It was Qui-Gon's idea."

~

Anakin sighed. "There's fourteen-year-old Padmé Amidala, the angel I remember." Ahsoka gave him a weird look. "No, I literally call her an angel."

"It's a wonder she ever fell in love with you," Ahsoka teased.

"We _will_ be having that conversation later," Obi-Wan promised. Anakin felt a Tatooine sandstorm beginning inside his stomach as he laughed nervously.

"Let's just enjoy the movie."

"Enjoy it? My hair _did not look like that_!" Obi-Wan insisted.

~

"Ugh, that guy is being a total jerk to that kid!" Ahsoka cried indignantly.

Anakin chuckled. "That's one way of describing Watto," he told Ahsoka graciously.

"Wait - Watto? You know this guy?"

"Too well." Anakin shook his head and winced as he remembered his time with him. It'd been short, but slavery was awful. He was lucky to have gotten out so early in his life.

Ahsoka didn't pry.

_"Are you an angel?"_

"Wait -" Ahsoka stopped. "Anakin, is that -"

_"... the most beautiful of creatures..."_

"Shh, Ahsoka. Watch the movie."

_"You're a curious little boy."_

"That's for sure," Ahsoka grumbled. "He's so adorable, though. Did you know him?"

Anakin grinned. "Oh, yeah. I know that kid better than anybody else."

_"So you're a slave?"_

_"I'm a_ person _and my name is_ Anakin _!"_

Ahsoka gasped. "Yeah... that's you! Anakin, _that's you_?!"

Anakin laughed out loud. "Took you long enough, Snips." She blushed. "Just you wait."

~

Anakin laughed. "Watto's pretty weak minded. Most mind tricks would have worked on him. But he has these _shields_ when it comes to money," Anakin asserted. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, clearly Qui-Gon didn't know that," Obi-Wan told him, trying to shift the blame all onto Qui-Gon.

~

"You were a Chosen One?" Ahsoka asked incredulously.

"A pretty kriffing bad one, but yes," Anakin said grimly. "I was the Chosen One."

Ahsoka raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure part of being a Chosen One means _not_ turning to the Dark Side and murdering innocent people."

"I fulfilled it in the end," Anakin argued. A smile teased on his lips. "I threw Sidious down a reactor shaft."

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan agreed this time that it was funny.

~

"Podracing?" Ahsoka drawled. "You won your freedom in a podrace?"

"It's harder than it looks!" Anakin cried indignantly. "I was the only human able to do it, and I was just _nine_ at the time. And if it weren't for the Force, I'd be dead!"

"Yeah, but not because of podracing," Obi-Wan muttered.

"Shut up!"

"Shutting up, sir," Obi-Wan mimicked in a rather terrible Threepio impression.

~

"You look so confused, Anakin," Ahsoka said with a snort.

"I was nine, and my fourteen-year-old crush just revealed herself to be a queen," Anakin whined.

" _We will be talking about that_ ," Obi-Wan reminded him. He sighed.

"Stop reminding me."

~

"That's not what he meant by 'Stay in the cockpit,' Skyguy."

~

"There goes Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan whispered.

"Ohhh," Ahsoka realized. "So _that's_ why Obi-Wan's the one who trained Anakin. I was beginning to wonder."

"Yeah, I would never choose Anakin," Obi-Wan teased, earning a slap to the arm.

"I meant that Qui-Gon kept saying he'd do it, but that's better," Ahsoka said through her laughter.

~

"That would have been better if it'd gone long enough to include _me_ ," Ahsoka informed them. "But it was still good."

"Relax, Anakin was only nine in this! You'll be in one of these movies," Obi-Wan promised.

"Alright." Anakin looked over Ahsoka's shoulder at her phone. "Looks like the Clone Wars are starting. The next movie is called _Attack of the Clones_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you wait for Obi-Wan and Ahsoka to witness Anakin and Padmé's romance?! ;) Cause I can't. (Even if AotC wasn't the greatest of the prequels - don't worry, I love the prequels - I think it'll be really fun to watch Obi-Wan's reaction to Anidala...)
> 
> EDIT: And we have a Discord now, if anybody who just started wants in. https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	9. Watching Attack of the Clones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh, this is the chapter where they witness Anidala romance... And Anakin's sappiness...

"Anakin and Padmé on the cover," Ahsoka sang. "Oh, this is going to be _wonderful_."

Anakin felt his cheeks reddening. He was _not_ looking forward to this.

"I have a feeling we might be having that conversation after this movie," Obi-Wan reminded Anakin, who groaned.

" _Please_ no."

"It's unavoidable, master." Ahsoka was clearly enjoying this. _Oh, just you wait till your character shows up..._ Anakin thought, shooting her a glance.

~

"Bad idea," Ahsoka jumped in. "No way, uh-uh. Who's idea was it to put Padmé under Anakin's protection, so they can spend every waking moment _alone together_?! That's just _asking_ for a romantic relationship to show up!"

"Not to mention the first thing he ever said to her was, 'Are you an angel?'" Obi-Wan recalled. Anakin groaned into his hands.

"Why do I have to be stranded with _you two_?! Why can't it be _Padmé_ or even _Luke_ or _anybody else_?!"

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan laughed. _Oh, they laughed now. Just wait till they were on the receiving end of this_...

~

_"I don't like sand. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating... and it gets everywhere."_

"You're bad at romance," Ahsoka said dryly.

"We will be talking about this," Obi-Wan reminded him.

Anakin ground his teeth together. "Shut. Up. _Master_."

~

"That's how the Clone Wars started?" Ahsoka drawled. "You went looking for a planet and there were randomly hundreds of clones there?"

"Not exactly..." Obi-Wan sighed. "Pretty much."

"It was a little more complicated than that," Anakin allowed.

~

"Anakin, I had know idea you were having these visions." Obi-Wan sounded genuinely concerned.

"I know. That's cause I didn't tell you about them."

" _Oooooooh_!" Ahsoka was enjoying this _far_ too much.

~

Ahsoka gasped, paused the movie and began laughing. "There's Watto! Oh, that poor guy! Oh, tell me you got revenge on him!"

"Padmé reminded me we were there for a reason," Anakin admitted. "But I wanted to strangle the guy."

"The look on his face is priceless, though," Obi-Wan said, as Ahsoka unpaused the movie. When he realized it was Anakin... oh, boy. Yes. Anakin was glad that this guy's face at this moment was on the... what's it called... _internet_ for everybody to cherish.

 _"My mother," movie Anakin repeated to Watto_.

"I will tell you this," Ahsoka said, still recovering from her laughing fit. "You really are something else, Skyguy."

"I try to be," he said smugly, earning himself a kick on the ankle.

~

"There's the people who raised my son," Anakin said with a sigh. "I didn't express my gratitude very well."

"You burned their house."

"That was my stormtroopers, not me!" Ahsoka gave him a look, and he sighed in defeat. "Whatever."

~

Ahsoka paused the movie so they could all stare at the screen.

She was also the first to speak in the silence that followed. "Dark side rampage, huh."

Anakin nodded. "It was there all along, Chancellor Palpatine just brought it out." He hesitated, and then added, "To be fair, they actually deserved it. Well, maybe not the women and children, but the others. It's not like when I led an attack on all the Jedi, and slaughtered younglings -"

"WHAT?!"

"That's a later movie," he said hurriedly. "Just unpause."

_"You're not all powerful, Ani -"_

_"But I should be. Someday I will be! I'll be so powerful I can even stop the ones I love from dying!"_

Ahsoka tsked. "Master..."

"I wish you would have told me," Obi-Wan told Anakin, who waved it off.

"Enough! Just watch the movie and pretend it never happened in the other timeline."

~

" _Jar Jar Binks is the reason that the Chancellor got more powers_?!" Ahsoka screeched. "Nothing good ever comes from that little piece of -"

"Calm down Ahsoka, he didn't realize he was a Sith," Anakin defended, though he wasn't sure why. He honestly hated Jar Jar Binks as much as the next person - maybe he was just trying to avoid dark side stuff that badly.

~

"'You are in my very soul, tormenting me?' Seriously, Anakin? I can't watch!" Ahsoka and Obi-Wan were cringing, their faces scrunched up through the whole scene.

"Seriously, Anakin, the 'no attachment' rule aside, you never would have gotten a girlfriend anyway!" Ahsoka snorted at Obi-Wan's comment.

"And yet Padmé married me," Anakin said smugly.

"Another thing we'll be having a conver-"

"Oh my gosh Master, leave me _alone_!"

~

"My robotic hand isn't as good as Luke's," Anakin muttered.

"That's cause Luke's from the fut- oh my gosh. That's a wedding. You guys, like, formally got married?!" Ahsoka gasped.

"I'm traditional," Anakin drawled.

"If you were traditional, you never would have been in a forbidden relationship in the first place!" Obi-Wan pointed out.

"I think I've told you to shut up multiple times now," Anakin remarked. "So do it. Before you end up like the Tusken Raiders -"

"Cool it, Skyguy."

~

_WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY GEORGE LUCAS._

"Next up... _Revenge of the Sith_ ," Ahsoka said grimly, noticing the cover showed Vader's helmet in the background. "I'm not sure I want to watch this one."

"Neither am I," Anakin admitted. "And trust me, Obi-Wan, neither did you."

Obi-Wan bit his lip. "On that note, how about we have that conversation."

Anakin _literally_ ran away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh boy.
> 
> I think I'll write "The Conversation" at the beginning of the next chapter, do you guys have an opinion? I'll add their reaction to Revenge of the Sith either way.
> 
> (Yes, Ahsoka is going to be like "WHERE AM I?!" Yes, they are going to watch some of TCW.)
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	10. Watching Revenge of the Sith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, Ahsoka's going to be so ticked off when she's not present in this movie...

"Anakin, you were fully aware that relationships were forbidden."

Anakin groaned. "Please, Master, just -" He heard a giggle, and his eyes dangerously found their way to Ahsoka, who was suppressing laughter. "Oh Ahsoka, I can't wait to see what goes on in _your_ life through these movies," he warned.

"But Padmé was very clearly trying to follow the rules." Obi-Wan crossed his arms. "So why didn't you just give up pining for her?"

"Because she was really pretty," Anakin mumbled. "And because I loved her. And because I knew she loved me because she kissed me -"

"She had the decency to notice she shouldn't have done that," Obi-Wan said with a pointed look. "Besides, even if you _were_ allowed to have relationships, that was seriously not how to go about it. You were not shy, not to mention you were extremely sappy."

"Wait - is this conversation reprimanding me for ending up in a relationship, or teaching me how to break the attachment rule _properly_?" This time, Ahsoka was laughing _with_ Anakin.

"The point is -"

"I think you've tortured him enough, Master Kenobi," Ahsoka said through her giggles. "Let's watch _Revenge of the Sith_."

Obi-Wan nodded and made his way over to the couch, while Anakin rubbed his temples. "I'm not looking forward to this," he groaned.

~

_"Oh, I have a bad feeling about this -"_

"Wow, you really _do_ say that a lot," Ahsoka remarked.

"Stop acting like you don't do it too!"

~

Ahsoka cracked up. "You're amazing, master. 'You're shorter than I expected.' Definitely my favorite." Then she turned to Obi-Wan. "Why 'don't make him angry'? He's going to try to kill you either way, you might as well have fun with it."

"Obi-Wan's a stubborn boring goody-two-shoes, that's why," Anakin said with a smug look in Obi-Wan's direction.

"Yeah, well I had to follow the rules enough for the both of us!" Obi-Wan shot back.

"Ooooh, Obi-Wan wins!" Ahsoka declared. She fist bumped Obi-Wan. "Nice comeback."

~

"And literally nobody sees you in that Senate Building." Obi-Wan tsked. "You totally got lucky there."

"Or I'm smart," Anakin grumbled. "Besides, this is where I learn she's pregnant with Luke and Leia."

"Luke _and_ Leia?!" Ahsoka realized.

"They're twins, remember?"

Ahsoka looked up, like recounting the past movies - "Oh _yeah_..."

"Your memory needs a bit of work," Anakin said, elbowing her.

"Shut up." _Finally that was out of_ Ahsoka's _mouth!_

~

"It was definitely outrageous, and unfair, and it had never been done in history and I couldn't even believe them!" Anakin exclaimed. "Of course, Palpatine was just trying to put a wedge between me and the council anyway, _but still_!"

"Shh, Anakin, we're trying to watch."

~

" _NOOOOOO_!" Ahsoka screamed like Luke Skywalker when he found out who his father was. " _ANAKIN DON'T DO THAT! BAD ANAKIN! BAD, BAD ANAKIN_!"

_"What have I done?" Movie Anakin asked._

"GOOD QUESTION!" Ahsoka shouted.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Seriously? You clearly feel bad about it, yet you bow to him and pledge yourself to his teachings? Anakin, that is _not smart_! That's how you end up like Darth Vader!"

"Who, if you remember correctly, _was me_."

_"Henceforth, you shall be known as - Darth Vader."_

"There it is," Ahsoka said with finality. She sighed. "Anakin, did you have to do that? Could you see no other option than joining the Sith and becoming evil? _Why_ , master, _why_?!"

"Wait," Obi-Wan interrupted. "If he's Darth Vader now, how does he end up in the weird suit thing?"

Anakin sighed. "Just wait till our battle."

"Oh yeah, I think I saw the battle online," Ahsoka said with a guilty wince. "It's not cool."

"It's not 'cool' at all," Anakin agreed. "I think I'd describe it more as ' _burning hot_.'"

"What?" Obi-Wan asked, shaking his head.

"You'll see."

~

Ahsoka gasped. "The clone troopers turned on us?"

"They had no choice," Anakin told Ahsoka in defense of the clones. "They didn't _want_ to, they _had_ to. Order 66."

"Still... That's Commander Cody..."

~

Ahsoka gasped. " _YOU KILLED THE YOUNGLINGS_?!"

Anakin winced. "Uh, yeah."

~

"Seriously?" Obi-Wan shook his head. "He just declares it an Empire, just like that, and everyone agrees?"

Anakin attacked the TV.

~

_(They get Anakin to calm down and remind him it's a movie, it's not the real Darth Sidious ruining everybody's lives because of Anakin's treachery.)_

~

_"I will not kill Anakin!"_

"Wow," Anakin murmured. "I always thought Padmé brought you there with the intention of killing me."

"What?!"

"You'll see," Anakin said under his breath. "Still, I can't believe after everything I'd done... and then I was under the impression you just wanted to hurt me..." Ahsoka patted his back.

"You're okay, Skyguy. Remember? That isn't happening in this timeline."

"I don't even know what timeline we're in," Anakin admitted. "I'd never heard of the... uh... _Milky Way_ galaxy or the planet _Earth_ before."

~

"Wait - you snuck onto her ship?" Anakin shook his head and looked again. "I thought Padmé and you were conspiring to kill me, but you literally just _snuck onto her ship_!"

"Seriously, Obi-Wan?" Ahsoka shook her head and sighed.

~

"This battle is epic, but really, really sad," Ahsoka said, tears burning in her eyes.

_"I have failed you, Anakin! I have failed you!"_

_"I should have known the Jedi were plotting to take over!"_

"Where on Earth did you get the idea that -" Obi-Wan began.

_"From the Sith! Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil!"_

_"From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!"_

"What?" Ahsoka gave Anakin a weird look. "Why?"

Anakin shrugged. "I thought everyone was evil, honestly, and was just choosing Padmé's life over Padmé's death. Of course, as you saw in the originals... she dies anyway."

_"Then you are lost!"_

"Oh my gosh I'm going to cry," Ahsoka realized. _Teenage girls_. "This is so sad!"

_"This is the end for you, my master."_

"No, no no no no no!" Ahsoka couldn't watch.

"Stop being so dramatic," Anakin said halfheartedly, but watching this battle from this point of view actually made him realize it as as heated as it was heartbreaking. And then -

_"It's over, Anakin! I have the high ground!"_

_"You underestimate my power!"_

"Actually, I overestimated it," Anakin muttered.

"So that's how I get your lightsaber," Obi-Wan said softly, wincing. "Oh my gosh, why didn't I just finish you there? Why would I leave you in that much pain, for heaven's sake?"

"I have no idea," Anakin said curtly.

~

"Oh. So that's what Yoda was doing on Dagobah."

~

"Oh! There's the Darth Vader we all know and hate," Ahsoka remarked.

"Shut. The. Kriff. Up."

~

"That was sweet, but also extremely heartbreaking," Ahsoka commented. "There was only one problem with it."

"What?" Anakin and Obi-Wan asked her.

" _WHERE WAS I?!_ "

"Oh," Anakin said with a nervous laugh. "In the other timeline, you left the Jedi Order."

"Why would I do that? And then how do people know who I am?!" Ahsoka shook her head. "I'm Googling my name." She paused, and then sighed. "There's a seven season TV show about me."

"We could watch some of it," Anakin suggested. "But not all seven seasons, we've already burnt fifteen hours in front of the TV screen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	11. Watching The Clone Wars (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://nerdist.com/article/star-wars-clone-wars-15-essential-episodes-arcs/
> 
> You can find the list they're going off of at the link. I hope this doesn't dissapoint!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got an extra long chapter for you today! Hopefully it doesn't dim the humor. I hope you enjoy reading about the trio watching the second battle of Geonosis!

There was a loud knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Ahsoka said, but as she made her way towards the door, Anakin blocked her.

"No way, Snips. If the way people have reacted to you in the past is any indication, it's not a good idea for you to let them see you."

Ahsoka huffed. "That's not fair, master. So what if they're prejudiced against Togrutas?"

"'Sokka, they think we're _fictional_ ," Anakin argued.

"I'll get the door." Obi-Wan made his way to the door while Anakin and Ahsoka continued to argue. "Whoa!" Obi-Wan's reaction made Anakin and Ahsoka look over. There had to be at least twenty people crowding up that hallway. "Hello there. What can we do for you?"

"People have been noticing a Togruta coming in and out of there, as well as the lightsaber guys from the news," one teenage boy said excitedly. "We wanted to see if you guys were really here!"

"Can you show us your lightsaber?!" A girl about fifteen asked. Obi-Wan shook his head, but Anakin, being Anakin, made his way to the door and obliged, smirking smugly as they all gasped in wonder.

"Can you show us it can cut stuff?!" A younger boy, probably twelve, asked. Ahsoka came over with a little stack of paper, making them all gasp.

"Are you really Ahsoka Tano?"

Ahsoka sighed. "I guess there's no point in denying it anymore. Here, Skyguy."

" _She really calls him Skyguy_!"

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. _"Obviously._ Show them you lightsaber can cut stuff." She held out the stack of paper, and Anakin's lightsaber sliced through it immediately, eliciting another gasp.

"Now that you've seen, we'd really appreciate it if you don't get us on the news again." That was Obi-Wan. The excited teenagers allowed them to close the doors, and they all sat back on the couch.

"Soon enough, people are going to start realizing this Star Wars stuff is real," Obi-Wan said with a sigh.

"Can't wait!"

"Anakin!"

Anakin rolled his eyes. " _Sorry, master_ ," he said in a mockingly pouty voice.

"Was that supposed to be an imitation of _me_?!" Ahsoka cried indignantly.

"Whatever." Anakin rolled his eyes. "Now, I found online a list of episodes in The Clone Wars that we should watch - something about season seven coming up soon. It says we should watch episode one first, but that it chronologically comes somewhere in season three."

"That's weird," Ahsoka remarked. "It probably just sets up the characters and action. We've already lived through all this, so it shouldn't be a problem. Mind if we skip that one?"

"I think we should watch it," Obi-Wan protested.

"I agree with Ahsoka. Maybe we can watch it later, if you don't insult me," Anakin said with a side-eye glance at Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Fine. What's next?"

"Rookies... oh! That's about the new Clones and Commander Cody," Ahsoka realized. "It says: _This episode is supremely important. While the movies had plenty of clones, without The Clone Wars, we wouldn’t care about any of them. Much less count them among our favorite characters. Dee Bradley Baker provides the voice for all of the Clones and this is his first tour de force. Commander Cody and Captain Rex have to lead a small unit of rookies through a pitched battle with droids. It’s a tense and surprisingly moving episode, and one that showed the early promise of the idea._ " She looked up. "No offense to the clones - I love them - but I'm kind of looking for an episode that _I am in_. I'm getting a little fed up with this exclusion."

"We'll come back and watch that," Anakin decided. "Next?"

"'Lair of Grievous,' it sounds like it's about Master Fisto's former padawan acting like Anakin," Ahsoka teased.

"You know what? I'm not going to ask what you mean."

"But the next one appears to include _me_ , which is kind of what I want," Ahsoka realized. Then she shot a sly glance in Anakin's direction. "We're totally coming back to this one afterwards, though. I think Anakin deserves a little more teasing."

"Only you would find a way to make something that's not even about me an insult," Anakin said with a shake of his head. "So what's the one you're saying you want to watch?"

"Four season two episodes about the second battle of Geonosis!"

"Oh yeah," Obi-Wan decided. "Anybody else with me?"

"Definitely," Ahsoka said, and Anakin nodded as well.

"Alright, then. Let's get this thing going!"

~

"They changed the music," was Ahsoka's first observation.

"I like it," Anakin defended.

"I don't," Ahsoka asserted.

~

_"You're late."_

"When is Skyguy ever _not_ late?!" Ahsoka pointed out. Anakin groaned.

"You've made fun of me enough, Ahsoka! Shut up and watch yourself like you _so_ wanted to!"

"Oh yeah..." Ahsoka squinted. "There's got to be something wrong with the animation. My lekku do _not_ look like that from the back!"

"Actually they do," Anakin said, almost apologetically, before settling into his smug grin. " _There_. Now you feel like me and Obi-Wan when watching the prequels." He crossed his arms triumphantly.

"Obi-Wan and I," Ahsoka drawled.

Obi-Wan interrupted by actually noticing what was happening onscreen. "I still fail to see why you two _insisted_ on making droid death counts into a game while in real-life battle!" Obi-Wan said with a shake of his head. Anakin and Ahsoka smirked.

"Those were fun times," Ahsoka remembered.

"I always won."

"Not this time, Skyguy!" Ahsoka elbowed him. "Just watch. I'm fairly certain I won this time around."

"You two are _impossible_."

~

Anakin sighed. "Unfortunately, that's exactly what battle's like."

"I'm sure glad we don't have to deal with that anymore." Ahsoka looked over at the door, where she definitely heard teenage whispers. "Now we have a bunch of annoying Star Wars fans to deal with." She rolled her eyes and turned back to the TV screen.

~

"Ugh! They are _right there in front of us_ and we can't attack them because it's a TV screen!" Anakin hollered, taking it out on the stuff in the room. "It's so _infuriating_ , I can't _stand_ it!"

"We're suffering too," Obi-Wan reminded him. "So take a seat."

"It's times like these I remember you're on the Jedi Council," Anakin muttered as he sat back down.

~

"Ugh, there's that music again, _turn it off_ ," Ahsoka growled. "I'm quite attached to the original music!"

"I like it!" Ahsoka swore he only thought (and left it on) to annoy her. (Which she supposed she and Obi-Wan deserved, after they'd mercilessly teased him.) "Besides, how attached can you get to the music that you've barely just heard?!"

"It's been at the beginning of every Star Wars thing so far!" She groaned. "Oh, I just can't _wait_ for the sequels. I bet they'll be _so_ much better than this series."

"Something in the Force tells me that is not so," Obi-Wan told Ahsoka. She huffed.

"Probably just because it won't include me."

Anakin shook his head in amusement. "We'll see about that."

"Alright, put on the next episode! I believe it's about to take us to the part where... ah, skip the intro!"

"I'm leaving it on just to make you listen to the music," Anakin said smugly. "You'll learn to appreciate it, believe me."

"No I won't," Ahsoka said stubbornly, covering her ears. Unfortunately, he was right. The more familiar it got, the more it was beginning to grow on her. _She couldn't let that happen..._

~

"That's right, Skyguy," Ahsoka shot at him while they watched. "That was _my_ briefing."

"You _did_ keep interrupting her," Obi-Wan told Anakin, who crossed his arms.

"I was just trying to-" he sighed. "Whatever."

_"I know, I know. I'm the padawan, you're the master."_

"While he _was_ your master, he was not a Jedi Master," Obi-Wan informed Ahsoka.

Ahsoka giggled. "I know," she said while Anakin punched him in the arm.

"Shut up, Kenobi. I thought by putting on this show, you'd _stop_ doing this to me. Unfortunately, I was wrong."

"As always," Ahsoka and Obi-Wan chorused, high-fiving. Anakin groaned.

"Why you two? Can't I be stranded here with _anybody else_?!"

"You're stuck with us, Skyguy."

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Sounds familiar."

~

_"You don't think Ahsoka is up to the task."_

_"I never said that."_

"That's totally the signals you were giving off," Obi-Wan agreed.

"And I _clearly_ proved to be up to it." Ahsoka crossed her arms in defiance.

Anakin didn't even fire back. He just sighed. "Can't you guys just _leave me alone_?!" He groaned.

"Nope."

~

"Oh my gosh, I want to _scream_ at myself and Barriss, _there's a giant bug coming to kill you_!" Ahsoka shouted.

Anakin bit his lip. "Yeah, so in the last timeline, I hadn't known the, you know, future, to stop stuff from happening, and Barriss kinda -"

"Shh! The tension is building..."

Anakin sighed. Well, maybe it was best for her to know Anakin hadn't had to purposefully manipulate Barriss the way Palpatine had manipulated him to get her to blindly devote herself to the Jedi. It wasn't a perfect solution, but Ahsoka stayed with the order.

"What did Barriss do?" Obi-Wan whispered.

"I'll tell you later. Or you'll find out watching the show."

~

_(Anakin and Luminara bomb the bridge so that the supertanks fall)_

Obi-Wan whistled. "Anakin, that's actually brilliant. You and Luminara made a good team."

"I agree, both that I'm brilliant and that we make a great team." Anakin winked as Ahsoka when she rolled her eyes.

~

"Oh my gosh the battle droids are so stupid."

"It's hard to believe that intelligent, powerful people like _Sith_ armed their separatists with these pieces of junk." When Anakin got withering looks, he froze. "Oh, you mean you _don't_ think the Sith, who put up an amazing fight and managed to bring down the Chosen One, are intelligent and powerful?! It doesn't mean I'm advocating for darkness!"

"Keep your mouth shut so you don't cause any more problems," Obi-Wan told Anakin.

"Wha - you just don't want to admit that the Jedi aren't actually more powerful than the Sith!"

~

_"TURN THAT MUSIC OFF!!!_ "

"Okay, okay." Anakin laughed - at least he wasn't the annoyed one this time. _Sweet revenge_. "Next episode."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They'll watch the next two battle of Geonosis episodes (with the weird mind control parasites and stuff) in the next chapter. I wanted to get this out to you so you can enjoy it as soon as possible! (If you have any specific episodes you want to make sure they watch, just add that in the comments.)
> 
> Once they are done with the Clone Wars, they will watch the sequels (er, as many of the sequels are there are at the time) and soon TROS will come out, and then quarantine will strike, and they'll find a lot more time on their hands. But after The Last Jedi, I'm going to put them back in public so they can embarrass themselves a little more.
> 
> Who votes they take a trip to Disney's theme park and their Star Wars themed centers? But more on that after they watch TCW!
> 
>   
> Discord: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	12. Watching The Clone Wars (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next two parts of the second battle of Geonosis, viewed by Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka.

"That's it, I'm fast-forwarding through the intro." And Ahsoka tried. However, the remote floated out of her hand to rest in Anakin's, who smirked when she scowled at him.

"I don't think so, Snips."

~

"No, Luminara, don't follow don't follow don't follow!" Anakin cried desperately. Ahsoka rolled her eyes.

"I believe a certain person in this room told me a few hours back not to be a drama queen," she reminded him. His cheeks reddened and he shut up.

~

_"The bugs have a queen?"_

Ahsoka cracked up. "Anakin, you are most definitely my favorite character."

"Mine too," Anakin said with a smug smile. Ahsoka choked down her laughter and smacked him across the cheek.

"Ahsoka, control yourself," Obi-Wan admonished, though he definitely was laughing inside. Ahsoka could see it. Satisfied, Ahsoka let Anakin go and resumed the movie, watching as they made their way down the halls...

~

"Ew, the animation of that slimy thing is even more disgusting than in real life," Ahsoka said, scrunching up her face. "And unlike normal viewers, we already know what they are. Mind-control parasites."

"That react to the cold." Then Anakin winced.

"Huh?"

"I just realized they're probably going to show the interrogation where I get that information, in this episode or the next," he said, looking a little uncomfortable. Obi-Wan gave him a suspicious look.

"And that's a problem because...?"

He bit his lip. "Whatever. If you find out, you find out."

Ahsoka's brain began creating scenarios, most of which she shoved away.

~

"There's a reason they call Obi-Wan the negotiator," Anakin said smugly as he watched. "He always does this - the talking thing. 'Lightsaber away, Anakin. Let me reason with the giant evil bug queen who captured Luminara, Anakin.'" Ahsoka snorted, and Obi-Wan shook his head.

"You would do well to use that wit of yours in _conversation_ rather than to insult me," Obi-Wan admonished.

"You almost got us killed!" Anakin argued.

_"I want to see how it works!"_

_"I don't think Luminara wants to see how it works!"_

_"I don't!"_

"He's right," Ahsoka agreed, nodding her head. "You are _definitely_ going to get us killed someday."

_"What are you doing? I was going to study that!"_

_"Study the bottom of my boot."_

Ahsoka was laughing an unhealthy amount throughout the whole ordeal, and Obi-Wan shook his head. "If you had allowed me to study it, maybe we would have figured out the secret to deactivating them without your mentioned... _questionable_ interrogation techniques."

Anakin winced. "Forget that. If it shows it, it shows it."

"I'm nervous." Ahsoka began squirming, reminding herself this was _Anakin_ not _Vader_ and he wouldn't, you know, do anything _too_ dark...

~

" _Turn on the next episode_!" By now, Ahsoka didn't mind the music as much... it was just the principle of the thing. _Anakin was not getting away with this_. And yet he did keep succeeding.

~

"Ew, the way these things crawl into people's noses makes me sick."

~

"Wow, you toss and turn at night more than Anakin!" Obi-Wan remarked.

"How do you know how much I toss and turn at night?!" Anakin challenged.

"Padmé told me." Obi-Wan smirked.

"Okay, but how did Padmé know?" Obi-Wan gave him a look. "I mean why did she _say_ she knew? I hardly see her telling you we sleep together." Anakin crossed his arms, awaiting a reply.

"She said she once cared for you when you were sick."

Ahsoka whistled. "Padmé is a _really_ good on-the-spot thinker."

"It's what made her such a good senator," Anakin said dreamily. Realizing his friends were staring at him, he reddened, coughed, and turned back to the show.

~

_"Oh. Anakin? I think you might find some of his views on the future to be a bit... radical."_

Anakin snorted. "That's one way of putting it."

_"Let's just say he always does what needs to be done."_

"And sometimes a little extra," Anakin added. When he got looks, he shrugged innocently. "What? I stand by my political views!"

"You believe in an Empire?"

"No, no, no, that's not what I..." Anakin fumbled for an answer under his friends' heated stares. "Whatever, just watch the show!" Ahsoka and Obi-Wan clearly found his discomfort amusing. His pride was taking way too many hits today.

~

"I told you! I told you you said 'I have a bad feeling about this' too! I knew it!"

Ahsoka blushed. _Aha! Justice_! "Leave me alone."

"Nuh-uh. No way, not after all the merciless teasing I've been enduring!" Anakin crossed his arms, and Obi-Wan chuckled.

"I suppose he's right."

~

_"Mind tricks?"_

Anakin winced...

_"I don't need mind tricks to get you to talk."_

_*clicking*_

_"I'll never talk."_

_"We'll see about that..."_

"Anakin Skywalker -"

"I know. Shut up."

~

"Wahoo, go Ahsoka! You should be proud of your Padawan, Anakin."

Anakin didn't say anything, but he smiled.

~

_"How did you get him to talk?!"_

_"It doesn't matter..."_

"Ooh, master..." Ahsoka poked him. "You were very aware that what you did was -"

" _Stop lecturing me like you're Obi-Wan Kenobi!"_ Anakin shouted.

"Okay then, I'll do it," Obi-Wan said, amused. _They were having way too much fun with this_.

~

"To think Ahsoka felt _bad_ that she _didn't_ kill somebody." Anakin tsked. "She suffered from most of the reasons _I_ turned to the dark side. Feeling the order was corrupt."

"It was," Obi-Wan said quickly.

Ahsoka Anakin's heads snapped in his direction. " _What_?!" They chorused.

"Who are you and what have you done with Obi-Wan Kenobi?!"

"Glad you asked. I am actually a Sith Lord in disguise and trapped you on this planet on purpose!" Obi-Wan mocked evil laughter.

"I'm glad Darth Vader never tried to cackle evilly," Ahsoka said. "He wouldn't have been any good at it."

"Ahsoka TANO!"

~

"Turn of the music." _Why did she even try anymore?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter made you laugh, and there are more to come! I appreciate kudos and comments!
> 
>   
> Discord: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	13. Watching The Clone Wars (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, Obi-Wan is in for it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to get this out to you so you guys can enjoy it - I'm working on the second episode of the Mandalore trilogy as you read this (unless, of course, it's already come out). I hope this makes you laugh!

"What are these?" Anakin, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka had tried picking up food at this place called Wendy's, since they had no clue how to cook Earth food. However, Ahsoka was having a hard time trusting the little squirmy strips known as _french fries_.

"I have no idea," Anakin admitted. "They call them french fries - that's about all I know."

"They look disgusting," Obi-Wan remarked.

"There's got to be a reason the people here like them," Ahsoka reasoned. "Somebody should try it." When she noticed Obi-Wan and Anakin staring at her, her eyes widened and she shook her head furiously. "Oh, no. No, no no no -"

"You're the only one who's not getting chewed out in these shows," Anakin pointed out. "It's only fair."

"Besides, it's food," Obi-Wan added. "It can't be _that_ risky."

"It's a small price to pay for mercilessly teasing us." Anakin crossed his arms, and his padawan sighed in defeat.

"Okay, okay. I'll try it." Ahsoka pulled out one of the french fries, dangling it as far away from her as she could, as if it was infected with some deadly disease. "Here it goes..." As slowly as possible, she dangled it near her mouth, and then forced herself to take a little bite. Anakin and Obi-Wan waited.

"It's actually not bad," Ahsoka said, surprised as she put the rest of the french fry in her mouth. "Kind of starchy, but okay."

"Alright," Anakin said. "It's settled. Now who wants to test the sandwich?"

\-- _FIVE MINUTES LATER--_

"Alright. Now we've determined the food isn't poisonous, which Clone Wars episode are we watching next?" Anakin wondered, taking a bite of his, uh... _hamburger_ , if he was correct.

"Well, let me see." Ahsoka looked at the list and her eyes widened. "Uh, let's skip the next one -" The phone flew out of her hands and into Anakin's.

"Let's see what's got you all worked up..." If Anakin was drinking something, he would have spit it out in his laughter. "Oh, when the title said 'Essential' episodes, it meant _essential_! Guess what, Obi-Wan - Ahsoka lost her lightsaber!"

"Nothing happens during that," Ahsoka said quickly, the phone flying out of Anakin's hand and back into her own.

"Nuh-uh, Ahsoka. We're watching this." Obi-Wan crossed his arms, but Ahsoka looked at him slyly.

"I think I have information that will make Master Skywalker agree that we should skip my losing-the-lightsaber episode and go straight to the next." She raised an eyebrow, but Anakin didn't look convinced.

"You have to suffer too. This next one better be good," Anakin told her.

"Oh, but it is. It includes Obi-Wan and Satine's love story."

Anakin's eyes lit up mischievously, while Obi-Wan's widened. "We'll be coming back to 'Lightsaber Lost,' Snips, but I _definitely_ want to see this!" Obi-Wan shook his head furiously.

"Nope! What happened to 'Ahsoka has to suffer too?'"

"She does," Anakin promised. "We'll come back to this. But it looks like my padawan and I agree on which one we want to watch at this point." Obi-Wan groaned.

"Let's get this over with," he reluctantly conceded.

~

_"You're still as beautiful as_ _ever."_

Ahsoka and Anakin were choking back their laughter, especially at how beet red Obi-Wan's cheeks are. "And you said _I_ was sappy," Anakin said through is laughter.

"Oh, I'm gonna love this," Ahsoka said with a sly smile.

_*takes her hand so they can go for a walk in the park*_

"How could you ever deny your feelings?! You are _so_ clearly romancing her!" Anakin tsked and shook his head. "Oh, my master... it looks as if you weren't such a stickler for the code after all."

"I put my duty before my feelings!" Obi-Wan asserted.

"So you admit you had feelings?" Anakin said with a smug smile, while Ahsoka laughed beside him. Obi-Wan put his head in his hands and groaned. _My, how the tables have turned_.

"Oh boy! An attack!" Ahsoka shook her head. "Romance just never goes well for a Jedi, does it? Either you end up killing her, or you get bombed while you're trying to go on a walk, or - I bet _something_ happens in the sequels..."

"Or they actually follow the code," Obi-Wan suggested.

"The code that even _you_ didn't follow?!"

"Shut up Anakin, I did better than you." Anakin chuckled, and Ahsoka full out laughed.

~

_"Don't go stirring up trouble where there isn't any."_

"You are good at that," Ahsoka agreed. This time, it was not Anakin but Obi-Wan who kicked Ahsoka's ankles. Anakin was having way too much fun with this.

~

"Oh no!" Ahsoka said overdramatically, like she was acting in a trashy holodrama. "Satine now must save her true love!"

"Obi-Wan is being way too impatient for this to be romantic," Anakin pointed out, making Ahsoka snort.

"Hey, I was kind of about to get killed!" Obi-Wan defended. Anakin smirked - he'd been hoping he would say that.

"So you wish it was romantic, then?" Anakin said slyly. Obi-Wan groaned.

"Somebody kill me now."

"I did." Anakin shrugged emotionlessly. "You saw the first movie."

~

_"Now we're even."_

_"Huh?"_

_"I saved your life, you saved my life..."_

_"Well, mine was the more daring rescue."_

Ahsoka and Anakin cracked up, and Obi-Wan's face somehow managed to get redder. "You're so. Bad. At. Love."

"I can't possibly be worse than you, Anakin," Obi-Wan fired back. Anakin shut up.

~

_"Anakin, boy am I glad to see you."_

_"You look tired."_

"Tired enough to fall into Satine's arms?" Ahsoka batted her eyelashes as Obi-Wan groaned.

"Will you guys leave me alone?"

"No way!" Anakin shook his head fiercely. "Karma bites, Master Kenobi."

"I guess that explains why Sidious killed you!" (Why was Obi-Wan so good at this?!)

~

Ahsoka actually managed to get them to turn on the next show this time before listening to too much of the music. Anakin had decided making fun of Obi-Wan's romance was more fun than torturing her with music that she didn't even mind as much anymore (like she's mentioned, it was just the principle of the thing by this point).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll have the next chapter, with the next part of the Mandalore trilogy, out as soon as it's ready (that'll probably be today).
> 
> Leave kudos if this made you laugh, and have a good day!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	14. Watching The Clone Wars (Part 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More misery for Obi-Wan...

"Aww," Anakin teased, "they argue like a married couple!"

"Although, unlike _you_ , Anakin, I was _not_ married!"

"Nice comeback, but Anakin wins," Ahsoka said. Anakin smirked triumphantly. _Sweet revenge_.

~

_"Oh... So you were close..."_

"Anakin's getting there..." Ahsoka smirked.

_"Sounds romantic."_

"I love the look you just gave Anakin, Obi-Wan!" Ahsoka exclaimed through he laughter. "And you're just simply the best in this, Anakin."

_"Surely your feelings played a role in your decision?"_

_"Oh, they did."_

"Aha!" Anakin pointed at Obi-Wan accusingly (and definitely with a good dosage of triumph). "You admit it! Your feelings affected your decision! I _knew_ it!" Anakin crossed his arms and stuck his nose in the air.

Obi-Wan didn't even try to come back, as on-screen-Anakin said, " _Yeah, yeah, no attachments,"_ waving it off. "See, Anakin? You're the one who didn't care about the attachment role. Not me."

"We're literally watching a story about you falling in love," Anakin drawled.

"I'm afraid Obi-Wan has a good point," Ahsoka admitted. "But yours was better."

"Justice!" Anakin pumped his fist. "You're next, Ahsoka. We're watching that lightsaber episode." Ahsoka groaned.

"Let's enjoy tormenting Obi-Wan for now."

Anakin raised an eyebrow before turning back to the screen. "Agreed."

~

"Ick, what are those things?"

Anakin sighed, wincing at the memory as he watched. "Really annoying killer droids."

"They look like spiders - ew! They have little spiders inside!"

Anakin shuddered. "I'm glad we're watching this, and I'm not _actually_ fighting in this."

"Those little spiders end up being the key to our victory," Obi-Wan reminded Anakin, who rolled his eyes as Ahsoka gave the two Jedi a confused look.

"What?"

"Just watch."

~

Ahsoka groaned. "Why are there always traitors?"

" _Now_ do you see why we needed the little spider droids?" Obi-Wan asked Ahsoka nodded, scrunching up her face.

"I still don't like spiders."

" _THEY WEREN'T SPIDERS, GUYS!_ "

Stunned silent by the sudden outburst from Anakin, Ahsoka and Obi-Wan returned their gaze to the TV screen. Then Ahsoka insolently muttered, "They sure _look_ like spiders."

Anakin elbowed her.

~

_"This may not be the time to ask... but were you and Satine ever -"_

_"I don't see how that has any bearing on the situation at_ _hand_!"

"In other words, yes," Anakin said smugly. Ahsoka cracked up. Obi-Wan gave her a dark look.

"Stop cackling like a Sith Lord and watch the kriffing show!"

~

_"You - go find your girlfriend."_

_"Right." *pause* "Ah, no, Anakin - she's not my - ugh."_

Ahsoka giggled. "You even forgot to correct him."

"A sure sign that you two were romantically involved," Anakin said mischievously. "And now, watching this - _I have the proof_."

"No you do not," Obi-Wan snapped tiredly.

~

_"How could I forget? I still have the scar."_

_"Begging your pardon, Duchess. I distinctly remember carrying you to safety."_

_"I mean the scar I got after you fell and dropped me."_

_"Oh. Yes."_

"You can't stop embarrassing yourself, can you, master." Anakin put his hand over his mouth to hide his laughter, but then thought better of it. Why hide it? Obi-Wan deserved every bit of merciless teasing he had coming for him.

"You shut up."

~

_"Obi, it looks like I may never see you again. I don't know quite how to say this but, I've loved you ever since you came to my aid, all those years ago!"_

"How's that for proof?" Anakin _loved_ Ahsoka's tone of voice. Obi-Wan sighed and didn't respond.

 _"Satine, this is hardly the time or place for - oh, all right... Had you said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order."_ Real Obi-Wan winced as two incredulous heads swung in his direction.

"How's _that_ for proof?!" Anakin added.

"You would have left the order for her?" That was Ahsoka.

Obi-Wan looked down. "Shut up, I thought she was about to die."

_"That is touching! Truly it is. But it's making me sick! And we really must be going!"_

"Ugh! How dare he interrupt my favorite couple's romance!"

"Seriously?" Obi-Wan scoffed. "Anakin and Senator Amidala aren't your favorite couple?"

"This isn't about me, Kenobi." Anakin glared playfully. "So zip it and let us torture you."

_"You have the romantic soul of a slug, Merrik! And slugs are so often trod upon!"_

"Oooh, look how determined she is to stay with you!" Ahsoka cooed. Obi-Wan couldn't take it anymore and threw a couch pillow at her. Anakin paused the show as Ahsoka threw it back, and then Anakin grabbed his own and soon it was a full-out Force-enhanced pillow fight.

Eventually - after totally trashing their room - they realized they'd gotten way off track, and unpaused the show.

" _Who will strike first and make themselves a cold blooded killer?"_

Ahsoka held her breath as the scene switched between a trembling Duchess Satine, and a conflicted Obi-Wan Kenobi. Then he suddenly dropped dead, and Ahsoka sighed with relief. "Looks like nobody's a 'cold-blooded' -" she froze. "Anakin Skywalker!"

_"Anakin..."_

_"What? He was gonna blow up the ship!"_

"You just stabbed him with no warning!" Ahsoka accused.

"He deserved it!" Anakin argued.

"But the younglings didn't," Obi-Wan reminded him. Anakin winced. "Look, all I'm saying is - however justified - the blood on your lightsaber is what eventually led to your downfall."

"The only good thing that came of your stabbing him - besides the fact that Obi-Wan and Satine's hands remained clean - was that they played your dark side music in the background. It's super cool." Anakin groaned.

"I thought this _wasn't about me_!"

~

_"And yet..."_

_"What?"_

_"I'm still not sure about the beard."_

_"Why? What's wrong with it?"_

_"It hides too much of your handsome face."_

_"_ Oh, I remember that." Anakin tsked. "You can't hide your relationship when you don't even try!"

Obi-Wan scoffed. "There was nothing to hide."

Ahsoka raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?"

_"What was that all about?...She's a remarkable woman."_

_"She is indeed."_

"Aw, watch him stare after her," Ahsoka cooed. "It's so sweet!"

After some sweet music - music that was actually good - George Lucas's name appeared on the screen and it was over. "Alright, next episode!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Ahsoka likes Imperial March. Yes, that is torture for Anakin. No, Ahsoka doesn't care.  
> I hope you liked this installment - comment if it made you laugh and have a great day! May the Force be with you!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	15. Watching The Clone Wars (Part 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to skip them watching last episode in the Mandalore trilogy because there's almost no Obi-Wan and Satine - and it's mostly just them watching like normal people, and being slightly fed up with that two-faced Palpatine.
> 
> So if you didn't get that - they already watched the whole Mandalore trilogy, it just wasn't as interesting to see their reactions to the last episode. This one will probably be Mortis, I guess.
> 
> Soooo here we go! (It's probably not as funny as the other chapters but I tried.)

"Are you done humming the Imperial March?" Anakin drawled. Ahsoka shook her head.

"Nope," she giggled. "It's the best song _ever_."

"Can't you fall in love with _your_ music? Or the sweet victory music, or -"

"Or your love theme with Padmé?" She said slyly, looking at him out of the corner of her eye and cherishing his face. "You know, that one's good too, but I think I'm doing to stick to Imperial March."

"Stop torturing him." _Anakin owed one to Obi-Wan_. "Now, what's next?"

Ahsoka bit her lip, but didn't argue. "Alright. Next up: 'The Zillo Beast.'"

"I thought we were coming back to the losing-the-lightsaber episode," Anakin said with a pointed look. She rolled her eyes.

"You guys teased me enough about that, and seriously - nothing happens. An old guy ticks me off and I go nuts, but that's all."

Anakin snorted. "We _have_ to see that."

"Well, what's the next one about?" Obi-Wan wondered.

"Hmm..." Ahsoka began to read: " _What makes the two Zillo Beast episodes important is they deal with the moral implications of a galaxy-wide war. The Republic’s new droid-annihilating weapon awakens a gargantuan creature from hibernation. Mace Windu and Anakin have an ethical quandary: should they protect this creature, the last of its kind? Or should they kill it to aid a people who would be good political allies?_ "

"I think we've watched enough of Anakin's ethical quandaries," Obi-Wan pointed out. Anakin nodded, biting his lip.

"Yeah, we're done with _my_ struggles," he agreed. "Next?"

"Another one about the clones."

"Next?"

"A bunch of villains."

"Sounds cool!"

 _"Does not_! Next is Mortis. We should see Mortis!"

Anakin was iffy. "I'm sure it's great, but I kind of have a blank spot in my memory there."

"Same," Ahsoka agreed.

"I'm not sure you want to figure out what happened during those blank spots," Obi-Wan warned.

"Well now we _have_ to see it! Ahsoka, turn it on."

~

_"Are you the One?"_

"Ugh, I got so tired of hearing that." Anakin clutched his head.

"Oh, that's right, you were the 'Chosen One'!" Ahsoka remembered.

_"Are you the One?"_

"I imagine that's annoying."

"It _was_."

~

" _We are the ones who guard the power. We are the middle, beginning, and end."_

_"Glad she cleared that up for us."_

Ahsoka giggled. "Anakin is the best when he's sarcastic."

"I'm the _best_ when _you_ aren't talking," Anakin muttered. Ahsoka's mouth dropped open.

"For heaven's sake, master -"

"He just totally roasted you, 'Sokka." Obi-Wan chuckled. "Get used to it."

~

"I feel bad for you," Anakin admitted. "Having to once again deal with Master Qui-Gon's rants about me being the Chosen One."

Obi-Wan chuckled. "I fulfilled his dying wish, but he just wanted to know if he was the Chosen One or not."

Anakin gasped. "Oh my gosh!" He told TV-Obi-Wan. "You don't believe I am the Chosen One?!"

"I didn't at the time!" Obi-Wan argued. "You were reckless!"

"So was Ahsoka!"

"All because of your training," Ahsoka muttered under her breath while Obi-Wan fired back at Anakin, "I didn't think Ahsoka was the Chosen One, either!" Ahsoka gasped.

"How _dare_ you, Obi-Wan Kenobi!"

"You weren't the Chosen One," Anakin reminded her.

"That does not mean I am not offended!" Ahsoka put her hand on her heart, but saw the look on his face and decided to stop.

~

"That's not really your mother, is it!?" Ahsoka checked. "She's all creepy and weird."

"Nope, that's the Son pretending to be my mother." Anakin sighed. "Not cool at all."

When TV-Anakin brought up how he'd slaughtered the village, Ahsoka silently played her favorite Star Wars song in the background of her head. (Vader's Theme, Imperial March.)

~

"Uh, is that the dark version of you?" Anakin asked, looking at the older Ahsoka speaking against him. Ahsoka shrugged.

"I like to think there is no dark version of me." Anakin and Obi-Wan snorted, and she began to get a little nervous.

~

"Argh! The father is even more infuriating than the Son and Daughter!" Anakin groaned.

"Hey, he was being helpful," Obi-Wan reasoned. " _Very_ helpful, actually."

" _He was not being helpful_!" Anakin screeched.

" _Yeah_!" Ahsoka agreed. "In case you forgot, _he ordered his children to kill us_ , Obi-Wan, just to see if Anakin was the Chosen One! And if he wasn't, _one of us would be dead_!"

Obi-Wan shrugged nonchalantly. "Good thing he was the Chosen One."

" _You're crazy_!" Anakin and Ahsoka shouted at the same time before turning back to the TV.

~

" _Save Ahsoka!"_

Anakin snorted. "Ahsoka struggled against the Son but didn't argue."

"Well, I wasn't about to scream _'Save Obi-Wan_!' at you if you were about to save my life," she pointed out.

"A Jedi is selfless," Anakin reminded her. Ahsoka rolled her eyes.

"That means _so much_ coming from you." And then she started humming the Imperial March, and it was all Anakin could do to keep himself from reaching out and Force-choking her. He settled for flipping her over the back of the couch.

" _Anakin Skywalker_!"

~

"Anakin's just like 'I don't _want_ to be the all-powerful special Chosen One!"

"I didn't!" Anakin agreed.

"You're _impossible_."

~

"Oh, look. We _think_ we're getting off this Force-forsaken place." Ahsoka tsked. Aaaand then the show was over.

"If we have to listen to _this_ music, you have to listen to _my_ music," Ahsoka said smugly. Anakin groaned.

"Fine, fine, I'll turn it off - "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way - the ones that they're skipping that I think would be funny, they'll come back to during quarantine.
> 
> So I didn't update yesterday. (WHAT?! KittyPaw skipped a day? What's wrong with her?!) I know, right? Writer's block, I guess. Well I got a comment that really resonated with me as EXACTLY what was happening during that time period....
> 
> "So I could only imagine a bit of what might be happening.
> 
> Perhaps right now Ahsoka is humming `Dum-dum-dum dum-da-dum dum-da-dum' next to her master.
> 
> Or better: Ahsoka has found a performance of the Vader theme in Youtube or anywhere, and is looping it for hours.
> 
> Perhaps she has found the version performed by the `Skywalker Symphony Orchestra'. (This is one of the best.)
> 
> Ahsoka will probably say to her master: `Oh Skyguy, this is wonderful music. You see how people on this planet worship you. They even name this orchestra after you.' (She is unaware that the word `Skywalker' refers to Luke.)
> 
> Then she will point at the image of Vader on the front-cover of the disc: `And there you are, master! You look so cool in that black armour.'"
> 
> And then later added:
> 
> Anakin would shout (when he was reminded of his former Vader self but that front-cover): `Snips, stop that!'
> 
> Ahsoka would reply: `Stop what?! If there is a competition on looks, you beat your son and son-in-law by a few parsecs. Not that they don't look cool. But you are simply superb.'
> 
> Anakin became more irritated when he was reminded that Han Solo, in all likelihood, would marry his daughter: `Don't call that rogue pilot and scoundrel my son-in-law. I still disapprove my daughter's choice.' He jabbed his fingers in all the mannerisms of Vader's.
> 
> Ahsoka found it hard to hide her smirk: `Did you not say to the scoundrel: "We would be honoured if you would join us"? I would take that as a father-in-law's blessing to a son-in-law.'
> 
> And Obi-wan added: `My former padawan, being a rogue pilot won't prevent someone from being a good husband. I believe Senator Amidala would agree, according to her own experience with rogue pilots.'
> 
> As if to put salt on a wound, Ahsoka said: `Mother and daughter not only look alike. They think alike as well.'"
> 
> Honestly I think my readers are funnier than I am...
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	16. Sorry I've been gone but Ahsoka's about to go to school

_KittyPaw... Where have you been_?

Well, I had to wait till I had my computer again. And when I did, it was all school tech issues that just got resolved.

_Okay, but now you'll give us another chapter?_

Yep.

_Why isn't it about watching the show?_

I've already forgotten a lot of the quotes and don't have the heart to rewatch it again... so I'll come back to it later, when I do your guys' special requests too. For now, Ahsoka's going to high school.

 _What happened while we were_ _gone?_

Well they probably watched more TV, but then Ahsoka realized that she was sixteen and could be enrolled in a school and learn more about Earthean culture. That's what today is about.

Anakin got a job at Wendy's. so did Obi-Wan, under the alias of Ben because he had a feeling his name would rouse suspicion about Star Wars. After a week, a lot of research, and even more mind tricks, they managed to buy a really nice house for one hundred dollars. And a car for ten. That's it!

_Wait but I have so many more -_

_*_ KittyPaw had opted out of "Hard Questions Since She's Been Neglecting Her Fanfic For weeks"*

* * *

"Wear the hoodie and keep it pulled over your head," Anakin instructed. "But not so much that you conceal your face - you want to make friends. And you can always mind trick anybody who thinks your lekku are weird."

Ahsoka shrugged. "Sounds good to me. But what the heck does this shirt say?"

Anakin squinted. "The people here speak basic, but, um... they do not use the same writing system. I have literally no clue what that says."

Ahsoka sighed. "Let's hope it's normal." (It said, in writing she'd never seen before: _Is it Friday yet_ _?_ Accompanied by a ridiculously round yellow face that looked exaggeratedly bored.)

~

The transportation on this planet was atrocious.

The "bus" was loud, bumpy, and there was no good way to properly fasten yourself to the seat. The little belts they _were_ offered were completely neglected by most students.

She sat down on the last seat available, and when another human girl her age appeared on the bus, she asked politely, "It alright if I sit here?" So Ahsoka let her, and she immediately took out her phone and started scrolling through stuff.

Ahsoka texted her master: _Someone sat down next to me, what do I do?_

_You're the teenage girl! Figure it out!_

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. It was so like Anakin to be extremely unhelpful.

The girl growled and put her phone away.

"What's wrong?"

"Apparently I've used _all_ my mobile data for this month, and there's no WiFi out here!" Was that even spoken in Galactic Basic? Not a word that just came out of her mouth made sense.

But she still tried to sound sympathetic when she said, "That sucks."

The girl nodded and slumped. "And none of my friends go to this school, because I just moved from New York and I don't actually know anybody."

"I'm new, too," Ahsoka offered. And it was true.

The girl turned to her, curious. "Where from?"

 _Uhhh_... she couldn't exactly say 'Coruscant.' Or even 'Skyriver galaxy.' "I'm from New York, too." She might as well go with something that made sense. She hoped it wasn't too obscure a place.

Apparently it made sense. "That's cool! Where in?"

"Uh... north?" She hoped that was okay, and it seemed to be.

"I'm from the city," the girl admitted. "Kayla."

"Ahsoka."

One of the corners of Kayla's mouth tipped up. "Ahsoka like _The Clone Wars_ Ahsoka?"

"Yeah. My parents named me before they knew about Star Wars, though," she said, still treading in unknown territory.

"Makes sense, since it would have existed until like five years after we were born." Kayla laughed. _Good thing she hadn't said she was named after the character_. "I think that's our school!" She said, pointing out the window.

~

The building made no sense.

1000, 2000, and 3000 indicated floor. 100, 200, 300, 400, or 500 indicated random section of the school. Each section had two wings for odd versus even. So finding room 3523 was confusing, but at least she and Kayla were late to homeroom _together_. It was less embarrassing that way.

~

"Kevin Pammel?"

"Here."

"Kayla Riverie?"

"Here."

"An- an-"

"Anuoluwapo," a kid said. "My aunt calls me Ani, though."

Ahsoka bit her lip. People used that as an informal term of endearment for Anakin sometimes, namely Senator Amidala. Not to mention she'd seen in the Phantom Menace that people called him that all the time when he was a kid.

"Very well then, Ani Ronderen. Ahsoka Tano?"

Ahsoka heard the whispers, but she ignored them and said, "Here."

Kayla leaned over to whisper, " _Tano_?!" At Ahsoka. She shrugged, getting a little uncomfortable. Word could probably spread fast in a building like this, and if Ahsoka Tano was that famous a name...

"Alright!" The bell rang. "Do you all know where to find your next class?"

Kayla read from her paper. "3-2-2-5. You?"

"3-2-2-1. Same place," Ahsoka told her. So they approached the teacher for guidance.

~

_Ahsoka could so not read this language._

'English,' it was called. She did okay in Spanish, where the whole point was to learn a new language, but she couldn't read this. And she had a feeling it was not a good idea to just shout out " _I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ!_ " So she slowly approached the teacher, and thinking really carefully, she said, "Uh, Miss Sanderson?"

"Yes, Ahsoka?"

"English is not my, um... first language... and I learned it orally, so I don't really get the alphabet," she said in an embarrassed tone.

"Why wasn't the school informed of this?" Miss Sanderson acted accommodating right away, to Ahsoka's relief.

"I don't know," Ahsoka said, trying to act confused.

"What language _can_ you read?"

 _Kriff_.

"I don't know it's name in English." _A Jedi is calm, a Jedi is calm, there is no emoTION THERE IS PEACE -_

"Can you say it in the language?" Miss Sanderson asked.

Ahsoka took a deep calming breath. _There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is -_

The Force!

"You don't need to know what language I speak," she said convincingly and sweetly, moving her hand slightly in front of Miss Sanderson's face. Her eyes blanked.

"I don't need to know what language you speak."

"You will give me an A in this class and not make me do any work."

"I will give you an A in this class and not make you do any work."

 _Easy_!

No need to tell Anakin she'd forgotten to trust in the Force for a moment there...

~

"How was school?"

"Well..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that! I also hope you think it's funny that Anakin and Obi-Wan managed to buy a house for one hundred dollars using the Force. XD Hope this lives up to expectations and see you next update!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	17. Discoveries

The day Ahsoka discovered fanfiction was the same day Anakin discovered pizza.

After watching Anakin eat what must have been an unhealthy amount of those sloppy triangles, Obi-Wan actually decided to _try_ one. (Screw whatever Yoda says about doing and doing not, he was _trying_ one, noncommittal.)

After eating one slice, he actually turned to Ahsoka and said, "What do you know, it's actually good!" With Obi-Wan's confirmation that it wasn't just Skyguy being Skyguy (which I mean, it kind of was) she tried one too (again, _tried_ ). And that was how they discovered that Earth people actually had some pretty good food.

The day Anakin discovered pizza was the same day he discovered X-Box. He immediately got himself a single player pilot game and zipped through it, using his remote control on the giant TV screen.

The TV, and the X-Box - it was bought honestly. Anakin quit his job at Wendy's and found a quite nice, well-paying job in technology. At first there was no way they were going to hire them, given he'd never gone to college and didn't have the degrees or anything required, but then he built a small walking-talking protocol droid right in front of them saying "Sorry it's sloppy, I built him in one hour." And so that was why the professionals were like "Screw the rules, this guy already knows how to build intelligent robots!"

The day that Anakin got a job in computer science/technology and bought an X-Box was the same day Obi-Wan ran down the stairs, pumped his fist in the air, and said, "I did it! I can now adequately read the English alphabet!" With Obi-Wan being the responsible, Anakin bringing in fair money, and Ahsoka adapting to culture at school, the trio was becoming a little family in their neatly cleaned house (except Anakin's room, which was a kriffing mess).

But remember, this is all the day that Ahsoka discovered fanfiction. And that was definitely the greatest discovery of that eventful day.

She clicked on the like _Archive of our Own_ on _accident_. She couldn't really read English all that well, even with Obi-Wan's sloppy attempts to teach her. But when she had Obi-Wan pick up the device to try and read it to her so she could do her homework, his eyes widened. "I don't think this is your homework, Ahsoka."

"Why?"

"Are you learning about gods in school?"

"...No?"

"Because this is about Percy Jackson being the son of a god and stuff."

"But... that's wrong, there's only -"

"The Force, I know. I'n not sure this is the site you're looking for."

" _THIS IS NOT THE SITE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR_!" Anakin yelled from the other room, where he was still playing with his X-Box video game (and apparently quoting older-Obi-Wan as well).

"Very funny," Obi-Wan called back dryly. "The next one is about - okay, now what the _kriff_ is Naruto?"

"No clue."

"And - this is Star Wars!" Obi-Wan's eyes widened and he clicked on it, scrolling through it. "I think this is some sort of site where people write stories that take place in preexisting worlds of fiction!"

Ahsoka's mouth dropped open, but then it slid into a smirk and she clapped her hands. "Oh.... this is _awesome_! Now, in addition to what _really_ happened in Anakin's timeline, we also can see what fans think about us!" She Force-lifted the computer out of Obi-Wan's hands and brought it over to herself, and then sighed. "I _think_ I can kind of read this? My English still isn't great."

"I can read it aloud to you, if you want," Obi-Wan offered in his preppy core world accent, with absolutely no idea what he was getting into. Anakin chose that moment to walk into the room, munching on a bag of _another_ discovery he'd made: Doritos. (Well, it was Ahsoka's discovery through school, but Anakin shortly afterwards fell in love with them.)

"Read what aloud?" He asked with food in his mouth.

Ahsoka huffed. "Skyguy, chew with your mouth closed."

Anakin shrugged and smirked, being Anakin. "Alright." He swallowed. "Now what's he going to read aloud to us?"

"Something called..." Obi-Wan searched for the word on the page. "A 'fanfiction.' It's something Star Wars fans have written about us, but it's not necessarily in your timeline, Anakin."

"Awesome! Pull up something trolling Ahsoka." Ahsoka elbowed him.

"Just for that, why don't you look up some Anakin and Padmé," Ahsoka said slyly.

Anakin's eyes widened, and his hands made wild gestures. "Nononono! That's not - don't -"

"I've got a fanfiction here called 'The Force Grounded Me' by Kittypaw ( **A/N yes that is actually one of my fanfics check it out** )," Obi-Wan read. "Okay, this sounds pretty funny."

"What. Is it about me getting grounded by the Force?" Anakin asked dryly.

"Yep. Let's read!" Obi-Wan cleared his throat.

_Ahsoka sat in deep meditation. She reached out to the Force, and -_

_"FINALLY!"_

_Ahsoka heard her former master's voice broadcast into her mind. When she opened her eyes and saw a triumphant-looking Anakin Skywalker standing in front of her, she let out a surprised yelp and sprung to her feet, jumping backwards and igniting her lightsabers in one swift motion. "What do you want?"_

Anakin whistled. "Wow, Ahsoka. Great way to greet your master."

"I'm pretty sure this is set in the timeline where you were evil for over twenty years!"

Anakin sighed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Continue, Obi-Wan."

_Anakin raised an eyebrow and passed a hand through her lightsaber. "I'm dead, Ahsoka. That won't work on me."_

Ahsoka snorted. "Anakin's pretty straightforward, isn't he."

_She still didn't put it away. "What are you doing here?"_

_"So... you don't know about how I, you know, died a good person and all that?"_

_Ahsoka faltered. "Uh, what?"_

_Anakin smirked. "Yep."_

_"But I thought -"_

_"Do did I. So did Obi-Wan. So did everyone. The only person who didn't was my son, Luke, and he was right." He laughed and shook his head. "Can you believe it? It was right and the rest of the galaxy was wrong."_

"That's true and for some reason surprising," Ahsoka chuckled.

"Yeah," Obi-Wan agreed, raising an eyebrow. "That's true. Luke was right and literally all the other quintillions of people in the galaxy were wrong. That's... pretty impressive, if you ask me."

"Even more than being the only Sith the renounce the dark side?" Anakin huffed. "Seriously, _give me some credit_ , guys."

"The credit for turning back to the light does not outweigh the credit of killing trillions of people," Ahsoka informed him. He groaned.

"Whatever. Continue the story."

"My pleasure." Obi-Wan looked back at the screen.

_Ahsoka put her lightsaber away. "It's really you?"_

_"Yep." Anakin popped his P._

_"Then why didn't you visit earlier?" Ahsoka challenged._

_Anakin winced and rolled his eyes. "Uh, yeah. Well. I kinda got grounded."_

_Ahsoka burst into laughter, ignoring Anakin's protests. "By Obi-Wan?"_

_"Nope. By the Force."_

Now real life Ahsoka cracked up, and even Obi-Wan chuckled. Anakin's cheeks were a littl red. "Stop laughing at me! This isn't even possible in real life!"

"Yes, but it's _amazing_ to fantasize about! Anakin getting grounded by the Force!" Ahsoka cracked up again.

"Remember, this _didn't really happen_ ," Anakin reminded her, but she didn't care.

_Ahsoka stopped, the mirth on her face replaced with bewilderment. "Uh, what?"_

_"That's right. The Force grounded me." Anakin sighed. "The Force doesn't exaggerate. When it says '20 years' it means '20 years.'"_

_"How exactly do you get grounded by a living energy?"_

_Anakin shrugged and his old, familiar smirk returned. "Being the child of the Force has its advantages. I can commune with it as a living entity. Which is pretty cool, except for when it steps into its parental role. I got grounded for becoming a Sith."_

Ahsoka was biting her lip to stop laughing and enjoy the story. When Obi-Wan looked up for responses, she let herself burst. "Oh Anakin, this is just amazing."

"And now for a flashback in which Anakin gets grounded by a manifestation of the Force," Obi-Wan informed them, his lips twisting into a restrained smile themselves. "This is going to be good."

"We're definitely reading some Ahsoka/Lux fanfiction next," Anakin warned, causing Ahsoka's cheeks to flush a bit.

Obi-Wan gave Ahsoka a look. "What does he mean? Were you and Senator Bonteri _close_?"

"Um..." Ahsoka coughed. "Continue the story."

"We're doing that next," Anakin warned.

Ahsoka sighed, accepting her fate. "Okay, okay. Now on with making fun of bad boy Anakin getting grounded by his all-powerful living-energy daddy!" She burst out laughing again, and when she got over it, she eagerly waited for more to be read.

Obi-Wan chuckled a bit and continued.

_"Wow! I can't believe I get to become a Force ghost!" Anakin said in awe._

_"Obi-Wan wanted it," said the Force._

_"Even though I became a Sith?"_

_"Even though you became a Sith." The Force gave him a look. "How about we talk about that. You, who were supposed to wipe out those who utilize me for darkness and therefore restore my balance, decided to use my dark side. That is off-limits, even for you, my child."_

_"I understand." He looked down, biting his lip._

_"So you're grounded."_

_"WHAT?! You can't ground me!"_

_"As your biological Father, yes I can."_

_"You're an energy! You can't just ground me!"_

_"Correction: I'm an energy, so I can ground you the best. You can go visit your son once because he needs to see you watching over him. But then I am personally blocking you from communing with the realm of the living." The Force smiled smugly._

Ahsoka interrupted the story with laughter again. Even Obi-Wan thought this was particularly funny. Anakin groaned. "You guys! It is not cool at all to get blocked from talking to people!"

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka froze. Then their smiles grew even wider. "You mean to say," Ahsoka began, slowly and slyly, "that this _actually happened_ in your timeline?"

Anakin's eyes widened. "What? No, I - I -" He sighed as his master and padawan began to laugh uncontrollably. "It's not that funny," he mumbled.

_"But - but - most people don't even know we can talk to each other!" Anakin protested. "This - this isn't fair!"_

_"It's perfectly fair. When you decide to defiantly disobey me and the master I willed to be assigned to you -"_

_"You killed Qui-Gon?!"_

_"Uh, no, that's not how I saw things playing out, but it was my will for Obi-Wan to be your master. When you defiantly disobey us and became a Sith for twenty years, you are sentenced to be grounded for twenty years."_

_"Twenty years? That isn't fair!"_

_"It's very fair. You were a Sith," The Force reminded him._

_Anakin continued to talk like a two year old._

"Even the author thinks you're actign like a two-year-old! Oh, this is so accurate."

"Shut _up_!"

_"I want to visit Luke, you can't just -"_

_"I already sad you can go see your son once before carrying out your twenty-year sentence."_

_Anakin sighed. "Fiiiiine."_

_The Force smiled smugly. "Good. Now go tell Obi-Wan about your punishment."_

_"This isn't fair," he grumbled as he withdrew from his meditative state._

"It seems pretty fair to me," Obi-Wan said, laughing lightly.

"What's not fair is you guys are only teasing _me_ ," Anakin groaned.

"I got plenty of teasing when you watched my romance with Satine," Obi-Wan pointed out, his cheeks flushing a bit as he admitted that it was a romance. "And Ahsoka - actually, we've not teased Ahsoka quite enough. We will definitely be looking up some fanfiction about you and young Senator Bonteri," he promised her, totally killing her joy.

"Come on, let's just enjoy _this_ for now!" She reminded him.

Obi-Wan looked back at the computer, smirking a bit. "Alright, back to present day."

_"So yeah, I was pretty ticked off, but you know how it goes." He sighed. "When you disobey your parents you get in trouble."_

_Ahsoka was giggling like crazy, even though she knew she was too old for this type of reaction. "Oh, master. You are certainly something else. And if I was the Force, I totally would have grounded you too." She winked, and Anakin groaned._

_"Well, I'm going to get on with visiting everybody else I want to speak to." Anakin blinked out of sight._

_Ahsoka continued to laugh lightly. She sighed. "Anakin Skywalker got grounded by the Force. Oh, that's definitely going to be one of the younglings' favorite stories."_

Anakin's mouth dropped open. "What?! Do you guys _tell the younglings embarrassing stories about me_?!"

"Our favorite pastime," Ahsoka confirmed. Anakin buried his face in his hands.

**Link to story they read**

####  [The Force Grounded Me (It's just not fair!)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26515468)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is how they would act if they all had to live together on Earth as a family. Ahsoka's the sweet little student always trying her best but she also has an edgy side, Obi-Wan is the responsible adult who looks after the family and learns the ways and languages of Earth to better understand it, and Anakin plays video games and leaves his clothes all over his bedroom floor and eats too much pizza.
> 
> So yeah, they reacted to another one of my fanfictions! I hope you guys enjoyed this installment!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	18. Meanwhile...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, Padmé makes a discovery...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this chapter came from one of my readers, "taylor," who does not have an account but I felt like crediting them anyway. :)

One of the two-year-old twins was pure Padmé. The other was pure Anakin.

When Padmé tried to feed the children, Leia ate cleanly and never spilled anything on her bib, perfectly spooning her breakfast into her mouth with the fine motor skills of somebody three times her age. Luke, on the other hand, seemed to fling more oatmeal on her the nicer her dress was.

"Oh, Lukie," Padmé said sweetly, trying not to get angry at him. "Ugh, I've got to go change dresses." She figured Luke couldn't make much bigger a mess while she was gone.

She lightly ran into her bedroom, sifting through the closet that still had some of Anakin's clothing in it. She sighed. Her husband, along with his former master and padawan, had disappeared three months earlier - but Padmé supposed she'd signed up for that sort of possibility when she married a Jedi Knight. As she sifted through possible new dresses, she found on the end a dress she'd never even seen before - probably because it was plain, and not as elegant. Perfect for trying to feed Luke Skywalker.

She'd never worn it and didn't remember buying it, and that was probably why when she tried pulling it off the rack, it got stuck. Then it froze, and the entire closet began to descend.

Padmé's only thought was, _ANAKIN SKYWALKER, YOU BUILT A SECRET ROOM INTO MY SENATORIAL APARTMENT?!_

When she reached the bottom, she turned around. There, in front of her, was a ship. A very big, very fancy looking ship. And in front of it, the door as it would be in a hangar - very big and very suitable to let out a ship. Meaning it was meant to be used.

There was a little sticky note attached to the front, so Padmé slowly walked up to it and pulled off the sticky note. It read:

_Dearest Padmé,_

_If you've found this note, it means you found my spare time machine. While I worked on one for Ahsoka, me, and Obi-Wan, I wanted a spare just in case you ever decided to join us._

_You have to get up to a very high speed past lightspeed in order to find your way back to the future. I know, I know... future?! Well, remember how I told you I time traveled from the future?_ **(A/N that's from my last fic "My Mind is Older")** _Well_ , _I kinda want to go back there. You and the twins can come if you want - unless, of course, you'd rather be a senator in the past._

_You'll probably start ripping past galaxies, but don't worry, when you land, you'll be transferred right back to the Skyriver Galaxy, just in the future, so don't you worry. I hope you can join us!_

~ _Anakin_

_P. S. Don't ask anybody in the future about what happened to older me. You won't like what you hear._

Padmé was completely and utterly confused, and also a bit shocked - okay, _extremely_ shocked - that her husband had built a time machine and stored it in a secret room beneath her apartment.

But she supposed she signed up for that sort of possibility when she married a Jedi Knight. Right up there with him suddenly disappearing without a trace.

Pushing the little white dress back into the closet, she stepped in and ascended back into the bedroom she used to share with Anakin. Searching for a new dress to change into, she muttered, "Alright, my little sweethearts. We're going on a field trip."

~

"Where Luke?"

"I already put Luke in the time machine," Padmé patiently told Leia, scooping her up into her arms.

"Time matching?"

Padmé laughed lightly at Leia's two-year-old pronunciations. "Yes, time machine." She boarded the ship and placed Leia next to Luke. "Now, no touching anything. Am I clear?"

There were obedient little nods. Then Luke asked, "Leia?"

"No, not Leia. Or you. Neither of you move." She looked at her little responsible Leia. "Okay?"

"Ohh-kah," Leia said, giving a little thumbs up that made Padmé laugh out loud. Then she made her way to the front, reminding herself of the few flying lessons she'd had from Anakin and hoping she had it right.

~

They had totally crashed - probably because Padmé hadn't been a great pilot, especially not at that speed.

And oh yeah - she had _not_ teleported back to her galaxy in any way. So... she wasn't sure what to do past unbuckling the twins.

"Mommy!" Leia pointed towards the door of the ship, and Luke automatically ran that way, with Leia following. Padmé, as a mother, automatically panicked at the sight of her two two-year-olds just taking off like that.

"Wait! You two! Get back here! _You're going to be in so much_ -" Then she stopped shouting and started simply following them. They were heading in a _very_ specific direction, and with their father's midichlorian count of 20,000, and the fact that their grandfather was literally the Force, she decided to trust their instincts as she bolted after them.

Eventually, literally having the stamina of a two-year-old, the twins stopped running so fast, put continued walked, urgently pointing the way they wanted to go. Once again, Padmé trusted their instincts.

Soon, after following her toddlers around a nice very-non-Coruscanti neighborhood, she found herself on the porch of a random house. The two kids stared up at her expectantly. Hoping this was the Force and not just two overly excited children, she rang the doorbell.

There was some low voices inside, whispering about something, and then one of them made their way for the door opening it. At first, Padmé was surprised to see the long, curly hair, and the bright blue eyes he'd given to Luke, and the smirk she'd grown so familiar with. But then she was overjoyed when he opened the door for her and said, in that voice she'd missed hearing, "Come on in. I see you found my note."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grammarly doesn't like the word "padawan." It thinks I mean "panda." I turned off grammarly.
> 
> (Also, I'm well aware that Anakin's note said "...in order to find your way back to the future." Not sorry at all.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed. :)
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	19. Add: Padmé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So yeah Padmé joined the mix (oh boy) and now we've got little grandchildren of the Force running around so that's just wonderful.

Padmé's eyes were wide as she took in the nice, large, but very different house she stood in, while the twins set themselves loose in the place. Anakin's eyes widened as he looked down at the twins. "Argh, they're _two years old_! Last time I actually saw these babies was the day they turned one..."

"And then you had missions, and missions, and missions, and then you disappeared _into the future_ on a planet in a galaxy far, far away," Padmé finished.

"Yeah, the people here don't really go into space so -" Anakin shrugged. "Anyway, I can show you some Earth food, you can get used to the house, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka can kind of fill you in here -"

" _Wait_ ," Padmé stopped him. "You're not going to try to _get off this place_?!"

Anakin shrugged. "It's neat. There's no war. The politics don't seem as complicated - I mean, the people here _think_ they are, but they have no _idea_. They think the leader of _their_ republic is bad - and I mean, I've seen some speeches, he's really not ideal - but at least he's not a Sith Lord! Oh yeah, Palpy's a Sith."

" _WHAT_?!"

Anakin shrugged again, even more nonchalantly. "The only reason I'd want to leave a place this nice is for you and the twins. And now you're here. So why not settle in as Earth citizens? I mean, I first we were kind of conspicuous because of our lightsabers and being Jedi and stuff, because we were unaware that that's all fiction in this universe -"

"Back up." Padmé raised an eyebrow. "Fiction? Like, they _know_ about us, but think we're fake?"

"Yeah, but then we watched Star Wars and everything was okay," Anakin said with a shrug. "I mean, the events were different, because it was set in the timeline I came from before I traveled back to the past."

"You never told me very much about that," Padmé noticed suspiciously. "What were you coming back to - _wait_. You said Chancellor Palpatine was the Sith, right?"

"Yeah." Anakin bit his lip.

"So you were coming back so he doesn't, I don't know, form a dictatorship or something?" Padmé checked.

"Empire," Anakin confirmed.

Padmé nodded, not knowing that wasn't all there was to the story!"

Obi-Wan was coming down the stairs when he saw Padmé. His eyes widened - clearly he didn't know about the note Anakin had left for Padmé. "Ah, Senator! What a lovely surprise!" He looked down at the little toddlers chasing each other around the living room. "Aaand this must be little Luke and Leia!"

Padmé whirled on Anakin. "You _told them_ and our marriage and the kids and...?!"

"They found out through the movies," Anakin said defensively.

Now Padmé was just confused. "What?"

"Like holodramas, but on a TV."

"A what?"

"Nevermind." Anakin shook his head. "You'll get used to it here. Anyway, yeah, Obi-Wan already gave me the standard scolding about attachments..."

"Do I get to see these... movies?" Padmé wondered. Anakin's eyes widened.

"Uh - no, no you shouldn't."

Now Padmé raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Why not...?"

"It's from my old timeline," Anakin rushed. "My old timeline's pretty bad, and they separate the twins."

" _WHAT_?!" Padmé was incredulous. "Why would they separate my babies?!"

"To protect them," Anakin said with a wince.

"From _what_?!" Padmé demanded.

Anakin cringed. "That's unimportant -"

"And why weren't _we_ raising the babies?!" The biggest one of all.

"You're going to have to tell her," Ahsoka said with chips in her mouth.

"Chew with your mouth closed, hypocrite," Anakin fired back at her. Then he turned back to Padmé and took a deep breath.

"Tell me _what_?"

"Tell you..." Anakin paused. "That you die."

Padmé gasped. "Oh no! How does that happen?!"

Still with chips in her mouth, Ahsoka added, "Because Anakin did something really stupid and decided to - _ow_!" Anakin had thrown a book at her head with the Force. "Anakin Skywalker!"

Padmé chuckled. "I have no doubt Anakin did something _very stupid_ ," Padmé told Ahsoka with a laugh.

"If only you knew _how_ stupid..." Obi-Wan shook his head.

"Anyway," Anakin interrupted quickly. "How about we let her try some of the food here?"

"Senator," Obi-Wan beckoned politely.

"Please, that'll be Padmé," she told him warmly. "And... what's with the outfits here?"

"You'll get used to jeans and a t-shirt!" Ahsoka told her enthusiastically. "They're so much more comfortable to the Jedi outfits and other stuff from our galaxy."

"Jean... like, the name?"

Anakin shook his head. "Nope. But come on." Anakin led Padmé into the kitchen. "There's some pretty sweet fruit here. Like these local New Jersey blueberries?" Anakin popped one into his mouth. "The _best_." Padmé gave one a shot, and her eyes widened as she chewed.

"Yes, these are very good!" She said after swallowing, like a dignified senator. Anakin or Ahsoka would have just said it while chewing.

"And that's not all. Try these grapes."

Padmé had the same reaction. "Are these _healthy_?"

"Yes! That's the best part - they're literally this sweet and _healthy_!" Anakin treated himself to more. "And that's not even all!"

Padmé sighed, making her way back over to the little white couch and sitting down. "I can't believe I just signed up for living in another galaxy. No wars, no problems... I almost feel bad." She chuckled. "Though there's no doubt of our relationship now that I disappeared, along with the twins, the same way you did." Padmé looked around - Ahsoka must have taken the twins upstairs.

Making this the first time she was alone with Anakin in... kriff, over a _year_. Anakin noticed this too and came to sit beside her.

"I've missed you, Padmé," he said softly. For the first time in forever, Padmé leaned in to accept a kiss from her husband, which led to another as they pulled each other closer, and closer, and then the heavenly kisses deepened...

So of course Ahsoka interrupted by shouting, " _GET A ROOM_!"

Anakin and Padmé pulled apart, sighing. "Ahsoka!" Anakin complained.

"Okay, fine, just go to the one you already have," Ahsoka instructed them. "Of course, that's assuming Senator Amidala -"

"It's fine, call me Padmé -"

" - will be sleeping with Master Skywalker."

"Um..." Anakin cleared his throat. "Well, Ahsoka, she's my _wife_ , so I'd sure hope she will be."

Padmé looked shocked, and then she shook her head. "Of course, that's right, you guys know about our marriage... well yeah, I'll be sharing a room with Anakin."

Ahsoka smiled. "Okay, great! Now, uh, where will the twins be sleeping."

Anakin's eyes widened. "Uh..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don don don!!!  
> You know I love to end chapters like this - with a nonsensical, funny cliffhanger that I'm never going to resolve. But y'all love it, and if you hate it I don't care because I'm an evil author. :D
> 
> Oh yes I did include New Jersey blueberries in this. I being originally from New Jersey before moving, I have a strange obsession with the state, especially its blueberries. That's what they're doing in New Jersey, and why I referenced their A M A Z I N G Garden State produce.
> 
> (If you are from my old school... you know exactly who I am now, only deterrent being last time you saw me I was all "Princess Lay-la? Lucas Sky-walker? WhO aRe ThEy?!" And now I'm writing Star Wars fanfictions. My my, how things change...)
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	20. ANAKIN SKYWALKER I DO NOT KNOW HOW OR WHY YOU ENDED UP BECOMING AN EVIL CYBORG, BUT I DO KNOW YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE WITH ME!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padmé is going to, you know, watch some movies. And, you know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two-year-old behavior is directly inspired by the two-year-old behavior of a girl my family used to foster.

This is the family now:

Ahsoka Tano is at school - or, after school. She and her friend Kayla are in the Drama Club, where Ahsoka doesn't even bother hiding her lekku or explaining her montrals. Everybody already knows that she's just dressed up. (Or they _think_ they know.) Many of them can't get over the fact that her name is Ahsoka Tano and believe she is giving them a fake name, which she's fine with.

Anakin Skywalker is at work - um, under the name "John Smith" because "Anakin Skywalker" would start a kriffing _uprising_ \- and is wowing literally everyone because he can build legit dr - robots.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is teaching math to Luke and Leia, who are seriously not thrilled about having to sit still, and Luke broke quite a few things with the Force while Leia sat their like her senator mother and waited for more instruction. Luke is pure Anakin. Leia is pure Padmé. That is all there was to it.

And Padmé Amidala found herself without any senatorial work to do. And then found herself looking up the movies with her husband in them. And then found herself opening Episode four, apparently about her grown-up son, from her husband's former timeline - eager to see what _stupid_ thing Anakin caused this galaxy.

~Ahsoka Tano~

"Are we doing a skit today?!" One of the girls pleaded with the teacher. (Huh. That must be one of the words that belongs in English and not Basic.) Ahsoka got a feeling she shouldn't _ask_ what a skit is, as to not draw more attention to herself.

"Yes, actually," Miss Stephanie said, making them all cheer (and Ahsoka cheer too because apparently a skit was a good thing). "We will be reading a few lines that are based off of a certain show. I have a few different ideas, but would you all rather do Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, or Star Wars?"

There were a few Harry Potters, two Percy Jacksons, and a _lot_ of Star Wars (which made Ahsoka happy, because she actually knew what that was). One of the girls complained, "But I don't know anything about Star Wars!"

Eyes burned into her. "Seriously Kathryn?"

Kathryn shrunk and stopped talking.

"We have to do Star Wars because Ahsoka here is literally named Ahsoka Tano," Kayla announced, making the kids gasp.

"So _that's_ why she dressed up like a Togruta," Jason said with a smirk. "Got that. Nice one, 'Sokka."

"Alright," Miss Stephanie said with a smile, passing out papers. "So here's the script I made..."

~Anakin Skywalker~

There had been some sort of arrangement to the facility before Anakin had shown up.

Now there was no work. Just giant crowds watching Anakin Skywalker (John Smith) explain how to build a droid (robot). As he put it together, there were gasps, like they were finally understanding something - kind of like the ninth graders and smart eighth graders in Algebra 1 learning how to factor using the sum/product method. Anakin loved the attention and the CEO of the company had... mixed feelings about what was happening to his business.

~Obi-Wan Kenobi~

"Now you can do something called _addition_ using counting," Obi-Wan explained.

"Addition?" Little Leia checked.

"Addition. Count to two with me?" Luke and Leia held up their fingers, counting one... two. "That's two. Now we're going to _add_ two. Count to two again, adding two more fingers." They added the two fingers. "Now count all of your fingers."

Luke and Leia counted, and before Obi-Wan could ask, "What's two-plus-two" to get them used to the terminology, Leia called out confidently, "Four."

Luke protested, banging down his fist. "Not _fair_! _I_ say it..." he whined.

Obi-Wan sighed, thinking this was just the standard two-year-old twin jealousy when Leia's chair suddenly moved farther away, causing her to protest. Luke hadn't pushed her, but he was narrowing his eyes at her.

Obi-Wan's eyes widened.

_Oh no. Force babies._

~Padmé Amidala~

She had spent most of her time watching her son and wondering where her daughter was. Why were they separated? And why did the Princess look so much like her? It wasn't until partway through _A New Hope_ she figured out that her little twins were developing a freaking _romantic relationship_. Padmé was already physically sick watching this movie.

It didn't help that at the beginning of the second one, _The Empire Strikes Back_ , her daughter _kissed_ her son. _Ew. Ewewewewew_. And then Han was basically _harassing_ her... oh dear. Hopefully he'd get better, because her daughter _needed_ a love interest that was _not_ her son. Leia's freaking _twin brother_. What a thing for a mother to watch - her twins falling into a romance. _Ew_! Was this the real reason Anakin hadn't wanted her to watch these?

No it was not.

Her good son, out to avenge the death of Anakin Skywalker, who Padmé was rooting for all along - came to a _startling_ realization.

But he couldn't possibly have been more started than Padmé herself.

She wasn't sure who screamed _No_ louder - her son, or herself.

 _I am your father_.

"YOU'RE LYING!" Padmé told the screen. But it seemed apparent that it was true. And then she sat back in shock.

"I was unaware doing something stupid could have you end up in a life support suit killing billions of people..." she muttered.

~

So when Anakin got home, he knew he was in trouble. Because a very angry Padmé Amidala was stomping down the stairs, shouting, "Anaking Skywalker. I do not know how or why you became an evil cyborg, but you are in _big trouble with me_!"

He was in for it.

But all he said was, "So you saw the movies."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that cliffy I WILL resolve, I promise. Oh boy I laughed while writing this, I hope it lived up to your expectations and a huge shoutout to taylor in the comments who doesn't really have an account but basically keeps giving me great ideas to keep this story going.
> 
> :) May the force be with you all!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	21. Time-Out

Anakin expected that Padmé was going to punish him by, you know, making him clean the house, or his room, or do all the dishes. Maybe even have to babysit all by himself, or feed little Luke Skywalker. But Padmé seemed very aware that the biggest punishment would be to actually make him _talk_ about it. So she made him call in sick to work and pulled him into their bedroom, sitting him down on the bed.

"Alright, Anakin Skywalker." She put her hands on her hips and smirked. "You are now going to figure out and tell me the exact number of times you almost tried to kill our daughter. Good luck."

Anakin groaned. "Angel... I don't _know_. I didn't know she was our daughter, and I probably tried about ten times to kill _all_ the rebels, and then her personally like five times..." he trailed off, not wanting to think about it.

"Oh, you're going to think until you've got a number. I don't care if you leave a few out on accident, just that you _think_ about it." She crossed her arms and sat down in a rocking chair. "Until you figure it out, you're in time-out."

Anakin scoffed. "I'm not two."

"Well you clearly had the brain of the two-year-old, not realizing that Leia looked _exactly like me_!" Padmé smirked. "So yes, you get a two-year-old punishment. If you talk time-out starts over."

Anakin groaned.

"Time-out starts over."

Anakin was in for a _long_ day.

~

"Twenty-six, alright? Probably at least twenty-six times!"

Padmé decided that that was pretty good for thirty minutes of torturous child punishment. She realized he'd probably never actually been in time-out, since during the years it would have been appropriate he probably had... _worse_ punishments. Less humane.

That didn't stop him from whining like a two-year-old.

"Alright, now our son."

"Nope!" Anakin smiled triumphantly. "Twice, exactly _twice_. After that it was all just trying to get him to turn to the dark side and -"

" _Dark side_?! Anakin what did you _do_?!"

Anakin bit his lip. "You didn't watch the prequels, did you?"

Padmé's eyes widened. "Well now I'm about to!" Anakin stood up, shaking his head furiously, but she reminded him that he was supposed to be sitting in time-out. "I must know what you did. Seriously, how stupid can you _get_?!"

"In my defense, I thought you were going to die," Anakin admitted.

"Well I died anyway, didn't I?" Anakin winced.

"Yeah, I... might have had something to do with that." Anakin bit his lip and Padmé's eyes widened.

"Alright, that's another thirty-minute time-out."

"Why don't you punish Obi-Wan?" Anakin complained. "Our children literally _fell in love_ -"

"They kissed," Padmé deadpanned.

"Okay..." Anakin gagged. "Didn't know that, but that's all because Obi-Wan lied about his family! Oh yeah, and the whole me-getting-killed-by-evil-me thing led to him chasing after me like a wild dog trying to avenge his father's death!"

Padmé considered it, so Anakin continued.

" _And_ you were wondering how 'doing something stupid' turned me into a cyborg? _That's all Obi-Wan's fault_."

Aaaaand Padmé snapped. "Hold on. I'm about to go have a conversation with a certain Jedi Master." After she left, Anakin started to get up, and she called back, " _You're still in time-out_!"

~

"I was just trying to shelter Luke!" Obi-Wan defended, crossing his arms. "Although, if I could relive that, since _that hasn't happened yet_ , I probably wouldn't have done the same thing," he admitted.

"The fact that you would even _consider -_ "

"I've not lived through this yet!" Obi-Wan huffed.

"i don't care. And _what did you do to Anakin_?!"

Obi-Wan winced. "Yeah, I saw the movie where I chopped off his limbs and left him to burn in lava -"

_ "OBI-WAN _ _KENOBI_!"

~

Anakin heard his angel scream his master's name, and snickered.

~

Meanwhile, Ahsoka was at school, and they were acting out a little Clone-Wars-inspired skit. Ahsoka was dying inside at the way she'd acted back when she was just fourteen. They'd let her do the role, but she was hating acting like her younger self.

_ A few minutes earlier: _

_ "Do we have to do the 'you're stuck with me Skyguy' scene? Can't we do a later season of The Clone Wars television show?" _

_ "But everyone likes this scene." _

So Ahsoka did her best. A kid named Jason acted as Anakin, saying, "There's been a mixup - the youngling's not with me."

"Stop calling me that!" She snapped, and it was real, because she really wasn't a youngling. Internally, she groaned at her next lines...

~

" _Didn't you have any respect for my husband_?!"

"I didn't know you were married! And for the record, I told him I loved him -"

" _AFTER leaving him to die?_ "

Obi-Wan winced. "Uh... yeah..."

~

Anakin had snuck out of time-out and was eating chips on the downstairs couch.

~

"You're stuck with me, Skyguy."

"What did you call me?" _Eh, you're going to like it in like a few minutes._

~

"Anakin you're supposed to be in time-out! Anakin, get back up here or I'm not waiting till tomorrow to watch the prequels!"

Anakin teleported up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! (KittyPaw, why didn't you update sooner?) Well, I was working on another chapterfic I call "Anakin Skywalker and the Lightning Thief," which is literally the Lightning Thief but it's Star Wars. So if you like Percy Jackson, hop on over there. But for now, I hope you enjoyed this installment!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	22. A gift for all of you who wanted this to continue :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So basically we have skipped forward to April. They just watched the Star Wars sequels and are freaked out as heck because ThAt'S nOt HoW tHe FoRcE wOrKs. And yeah they all just went into lockdown.

"Ugh! I hate this stupid virus." Ahsoka was also pretty sure it was her fault, since, you know, her doctor from a few months ago had asked if they had any weird space diseases since she was going to China, and the virus was _said_ to originate in China, so...

And yeah, Ahsoka had COVID, meaning nobody in that house was going _anywhere_. She had no symptoms or anything, it was just somewhere in her system and it wasn't affecting her. She was immune, probably because she was from a galaxy where it was most likely more common. But giving it to an Earth person would be a very bad thing indeed.

"I just wanted to go back to the future **(:D)** and see if I'd stopped myself from causing the galaxy to fall into a garbage can, not start a planetwide epidemic in a random other galaxy!" Anakin shook his head.

"They keep calling it a pandemic. Clearly they've never faced a galaxy-wide plague," Padmé pointed out. "And can we talk about the movies we just watched?!"

"Uh yeah, where was I?" Anakin shook his head. "You can't kill Sidious and restore balance to the force without _me._ It's not allowed!"

"I thought it was more of a fun _fanfiction_ ," Obi-Wan said. When Padmé looked confused, he added, "It didn't really happen, it's just something someone decided to do."

"It's unfortunately canon." Ahsoka groaned.

"And that Luke from _The Last Jedi_ was _not_ my Luke!" Anakin shook his head furiously. " _My_ Luke _never_ gives up! Like _ever_! And I know that because I was once the subject of his never-giving-up! And he kept going till he finally succeeded!"

"And I liked Rey," Ahsoka admitted, "but I thought the whole time it made more sense if she was Han and Leia's daughter. And since all of this clearly never happened, since like you said, Luke is more stubborn than that, it would have been better storytelling to just make _that_ the reason she's bonded to another Solo through the Force - what the heck is a dyad anyway? - "

"Dyads are strong Force bonds, and yes, they are real," Obi-Wan admitted.

Ahsoka shook her head. "That's not my point! My point is if you're going to mess up Star Wars you can at least do it _right_!"

"Once I let go of the idea that it could possibly be correct, it was actually fairly enjoyable," Padmé admitted. "But that Force-healing thing - is that even possible?"

"No!" Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka chorused.

"And there was no respect for my redemption at _all_!" Anakin complained.

Then Ahsoka froze. "Where are the twins?"

The others froze as well.

Padmé suddenly bolted up the stairs in search of her little troublemakers. And what was she to find but - "Anakin... _get up here! Your children are flinging our stuff at each other using the Force_!"

Anakin's eyes widened and he practically teleported up. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka chuckled.

"To be the father of the Force's grandchildren." Obi-Wan shook his head and sighed.

~Meanwhile, upstairs~

Anakin was using his Force powers to hold literally everything in the room in place while glaring at his children. "That's inappropriate use of the Force, guys."

At the exact same time, they went, "He/she started it!" And pointed at each other. Their parents sighed.

"Alright, that's it. Time-out, both of you." Anakin pointed down the stairs, and they groaned.

Luke said, "I don't want to go to time out." Leia nodded fiercely in agreement. Anakin could feel Padmé softening in the Force, but he stood his ground and shook his head, pointing again for emphasis. The children crossed their chubby arms as best they could and stomped off. It was so cute, Anakin and Padmé had to resist laughter.

Then Anakin looked around the room. "Too bad they're not old enough to clean up this mess." Anakin crossed his arms. " _Ahsok_ _a_! We need your help here!

~Meanwhile, downstairs"

Ahsoka chuckled. " _You're the parents, it's your problem_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit short, but the next one will be longer, I promise.
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	23. Quarantine Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I'm pretty sure this is what happens when these four are stuck with each other in the same house for six months... actually, I'm positive.

Anakin and Obi-Wan were watching the kids and making sure they didn't Force-break anything or totally cause a mess. Padmé and Ahsoka were _making_ them do the babysitting, saying they needed girl time. Last time Anakin had gone downstairs to check on them, they'd been painting their nails and giggling. Anakin sighed, but understood that Ahsoka had never really gotten time in the Clone Wars to just be a female teenager, not to mention she was a Jedi and didn't have a mother. So Anakin put up with it.

But he was only going to put up with it for so much longer.

"How long has it been?" Anakin groaned.

"Only twenty minutes, Anakin!" Obi-Wan shook his head. "You really are an impatient one."

There was a short silence except for Luke and Leia running in circles (because that's apparently how tag works), and then Anakin said, "What do you think they're doing?"

Obi-wan shrugged. "The first thing they did was make cookies, and when we checked on them they were painting their nails, so something along those lines. Hey, whoa, what were our rules about using the Force around the house?"

"But she _fast_." Luke pouted and crossed his arms and stomped one foot, giving them both the irresistible urge to giggle. 

"So you run!" Anakin explained.

"But -"

"No buts," Obi-Wan said firmly.

Luke slumped. "Leia?" He checked.

"Leia doesn't get to use the Force around the house either," Anakin assured Luke. That was every time he got reprimanded - he'd go "Leia?" Since he was so sure of the injustice that his sister could do everything he couldn't. Which just wasn't true.

There was a crash downstairs, and Anakin and Obi-Wan shared a look. "Are you all right down there?" Anakin called.

"Um, of course!" Ahsoka called back. But now that he really thought about it, Anakin _could_ hear little thumps coming from down stairs, like they were running around or something. "Are they being girls, or little kids?"

"Come on, Anakin, let them have their fun. Besides, we used to lightsaber spar in the living room over who could get the last cookie before Padmé put a halt to that, so you can't call _them_ childish," he reminded him.

Anakin smirked and shook his head. "Those were the fun times. But it's fun having my wife here, too."

"I'm not sure how much longer you could have survived without her," Obi-Wan remarked. When Anakin gave him a look, he added, "I've seen the movies. You were gone for two weeks and you acted like you hadn't seen her in years. In fact, you literally told her it felt like you'd been gone for a lifetime."

Anakin groaned. "It's not fair that you get this look at my private life! Stop watching those movies, Padmé and I though we were _alone_. We didn't know there were secret cameras everywhere."

"It could just be we're all a manifestation of stories people have created," Obi-Wan suggested. "But our time-traveler sliced through the space-time continuum and brought us to the world where we are fictional, suggesting we are simple fragments of fanfiction."

"You lost me when you got all science-y there, Obi-Wan." Anakin smirked, but then he heard another crash downstairs and stood up. "Okay that's it, I'm going to go see what they're doing.

Obi-Wan grabbed his arm and shook his head. "No way, Anakin! We have to watch the kids!"

Anakin glanced towards the stairs. "It really seems like the ones who need watching are _not_ the kids."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Come on, Luke and Leia. We're going to go and see what Ahsoka and Padmé are doing downstairs."

"Mommy and Auntie 'Sokka?" Leia clapped her hands. "What they _doing_?"

"That's what we're going to find out.

~

" _It's over Anakin! I have the high ground!"_

_"You underestimate my power!"_

_"Don't try it!"_

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GUYS DOING?" When Ahsoka and Padmé looked over to see Anakin and Obi-Wan standing by the stairs, each holding a child, they froze, and then Ahsoka got up and Padmé hopped off the couch.

"Playing?" Ahsoka toned like a question.

"And where did you get sticks that look like karking _lightsabers_?"

"The backyard?" Padmé said, toning it like a question as well.

"What is the meaning of this?" Obi-Wan crossed his arms. "It was really not funny. Not funny at all."

"Especially not for me, since I'm actually the one who was there," Anakin added. "Why are you roleplaying me and Obi-Wan in your freetime?"

"Obi-Wan and _I_ ," Ahsoka corrected. "And I don't know." She shrugged. "Because it's fun. And because the dialogue is great, the battle is epic, and we just felt like making fun of you guys."

"If we're not allowed to lightsaber duel, Padmé is not allowed to stand on the couch." Anakin crossed his arms.

"I'm not going to slice the couch in half potentially!" Padmé argued.

"Our Jedi reflexes are better than that," Obi-Wan said indignantly. "If you guys get to act out mine and Anakin's battle on Mustafar, we get to lightsaber duel when there's only one cookie left."

Padmé and Ahsoka looked at each other, weighing their options. "Deal," they eventually said in unison. Then Padmé immediately climbed back up on the couch to stand on it. " _It's over, Anakin! I have the high ground!"_

_"You underestimate my power!"_

_"Don't try it!"_

"Actually don't try it though," Anakin suggested to Ahsoka. "Just take it from me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one was a little short, but it's the most I could write in my allotted Study Hall time, and I don't have time in the evenings anymore. So I hope you guys enjoyed! Leave kudos and comments, I appreciate it!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	24. Add: Kayla

Anakin groaned and covered his ears. "Ahsoka, you're getting a phone call!"

"Be right there!" There was some pounding down the stairs as the teenager came to answer it. Picking it up, she smiled, and waited.

"Aren't you going to answer it?" Padmé wondered.

"I've still got three more rings before it goes to voicemail, and I want Anakin to suffer." Eventually she hit the button and picked up her phone. "Hello? Oh, Kayla! ...Yeah, but I'll have to ask my... parents. ...Okay, just a sec!" Ahsoka held the phone away from her ear. "Hey guys, is it okay if I go and get frozen yogurt with Kayla after drama club tomorrow?"

"Only if you promise to change your ringtone," Anakin said, crossing his arms.

"What's wrong with it?" Padmé asked, confused.

"Imperial March is Darth Vader's theme," Anakin explained. "I hate that song with a passion. I am not evil, regardless of how the sequel trilogy just _threw my redemption out the window_ , and had somebody _restore the balance to the Force without the Chosen One_. Worst fanfic ever. But anyway, do you promise?"

Ahsoka pretended to think about it for a second. "Well... I could make it so that it only rings that song when _you_ call me. Then you shouldn't ever have to listen to it, and I'll have my favorite ringtone!"

Anakin sighed. "Deal."

"He said yes. See you tomorrow Kayla!" Ahsoka hit the end-call button.

Obi-Wan came down the stairs, carrying two little kids. "Somebody take one of these small children?" Obi-Wan asked, and Padmé came and scooped up Leia into her arms. "So," Obi-Wan began, "I've been doing the math of how old the children were when they came here versus the years on this planet, etc. Luke and Leia's birthday is September 7th!"

"Nice!" Ahsoka said with a smirk. "So _that's_ how Obi-Wan spends his time these days."

"It's good to know," Padmé told him. "And, when's mine?"

"April 14th, coming up next month!"

Ahsoka suddenly clammed up. "Just a sec. Need to take my medicine." She dashed off, and Padmé scratched her head.

"Unless she wants to wear a modified oxygen mask in public, she needs these specifically modified pills to survive on the planet," Anakin explained. "It strengthens certain parts of her body to make it compatible with the atmosphere or something. I'm no healer, so it makes no sense to me."

"These days she usually just hides her mask under a quarantine mask, but oxygen masks are the _worst_ ," Anakin groaned. "I speak from experience."

"Yeah," Ahsoka agreed as she came back down the stairs. She made her way towards the kitchen. "I've only had two cookies, so I get the last one." Padmé nodded, but Anakin shook his head furiously.

"No, I've only had two cookies _too_!" Anakin insisted. Padmé facepalmed - who were the two-year-olds in this house?

"It's on, Skyguy."

" _PLEASE DON'T SLICE MY FURNITURE IN HALF_!" Padmé called.

~

"Ugh, drama club isn't the _same_ with masks on," Ahsoka groaned as she and Kayla left the school building. Learning was remote, but clubs were meeting in strict social distancing. "And the masks tied around my head are constantly bothering my lekku."

"You should probably take them off for this," Kayla suggested. "I mean, the cosplay is freaking _awesome_ , you could make a zillion dollars. And it goes well with your name, but it probably makes it hard to wear a mask." Ahsoka bit her lip.

"Yeah, Kayla... there's kind of something I've been meaning to tell you," she said as she got in Kayla's car.

"Yeah?"

"Hey girls, which frozen yogurt place are we going to?" Her mother asked.

"Yolickity," they said simultaneously as Ahsoka pulled out her phone and mouthed, _text me_.

Kayla: _So_ _what did you want to tell me?_

Ahsoka: _The truth is that I'm Ahsoka Tano_

Kayla: _I know..._

Ahsoka: _No, I mean the one from the Clone Wars - my lekku aren't fake_

Kayla: _I don't believe you_.

Ahsoka: _I have the lightsabers to prove it_

Kayla: _Fine, show me_

Ahsoka reached into her bag - was she really doing this? Yes, apparently she was - and reached _way_ far down. And then her hand locked around one of the lightsabers and pulled it out. She reached for the other and pulled it out as well. Kayla's eyes widened.

Kayla: _No. Way. Activate them_

Ahsoka: _Not with your mom here, later_

Kayla: _Maybe I could come over to your house?_

Ahsoka: _Yeah, my 'family' there all know anyway so that works_

Kayla: _Why the quotes around 'family_ '

Ahsoka: _You'll see._

"Hey, mom, is it okay if I go over to Ahsoka's after this?" Kayla asked in a sweet, I'm-an-irresistible-teenage-girl voice.

"If it's okay with Ahsoka's parents," she said.

"Oh yeah, they're fine with it," Ahsoka assured her. And they would be, especially Padmé.

"Alright then, I'll pick you up at around...?" Her mom asked.

"Five," Kayla and Ahsoka said simultaneously. _When in doubt, five o'clock_.

They talked about cute boys and Star Wars for most of the time, making Kayla's mom wonder when she'd gotten so into Star Wars. Multiple people complimented Ahsoka's costume. But Ahsoka was apprehensive the whole time - _she was really going to tell Kayla the truth_.

~

She brought Kayla into the house. Padmé wasn't surprised at all, and welcomed her immediately.

"Ahsoka, you brought a friend." Anakin raised an eyebrow.

Kayla's eyes widened. "I don't believe it. That's Anakin Skywalker." She looked over at Padmé. "And Padmé Amidala, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I can only assume those are the twins."

"Yep," Ahsoka agreed. "How's that for proof?"

"Ahsoka...?" Obi-Wan asked calmly but anxiously, with a warning in his deathly calm eyes. "What. Did. You. Do."

"I couldn't do this anymore. I told Kayla the truth." Ahsoka pulled out her lightsabers and activated them, spinning into fighting stance, and then relaxing as she turned them off. "And that's that," she told Kayla.

"Wow." Kayla sat down. "But aren't you from, like, a long time ago in a galaxy far far away?"

"So, here's what happened..." Ahsoka began...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> I know you're here for Star Wars, not my original characters, but I couldn't help it! Kayla was originally just this girl I was going to put on Ahsoka's bus... and then she was in the school... and then she was in drama club... and I just began kind of getting used to Kayla, you know? So I had to have Ahsoka tell her.
> 
> But, for those of you who wanted more of what you'd been getting, the beginning is for you - you know, Anakin getting all mad about Ahsoka's ringtone. XD I hope you liked it!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	25. Anakin and Ahsoka can't keep a secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all in the chapter title.

All across the country, the following people were watching the news:

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padmé Amidala, and the twins were gaping at the screen. _Come on, Anakin, I knew you were stupid, but this is ridiculous. And Ahsoka knows better than this_.

"That Auntie Sokka!" Luke squealed.

"And Daddy!" Luke added.

"Being the reckless younglings-in-older-bodies I had to put up with for years of the Clone Wars." Obi-Wan shook his head. "Padmé, do you see what I had to deal with?"

"I had to deal with it too. I married the nine-year-old who called me an angel," Padmé reminded him.

Hayden Christensen had been walking with a bowl of popcorn into a room, about to watch a movie - maybe one of his own, being an actor - but when he saw the news, he dropped the popcorn and spilled it all over his carpet.

_He didn't remember doing that._

_That - that wasn't him!_

_Who was that?_

George Lucas was also staring at his screen like, _what the heck._ Because those were his characters, just one problem - those weren't toys or even ultrasabers, those were _real-life Star Wars lightsabers._ He had thought he'd come up with the whole concept.

But, ah... why did scientists not know this was possible?

Were his characters real?

 _Was he going insane and making up this news broadcast in his head_?

And thne there was Kayla, facepalming. "Oh, Ahsoka. You are way too reckless."

So here's what happened:

It was parent-teacher conference day. Anakin was going in to speak with Ahsoka's teachers, and he showed up to her math class. Her math teacher had told him how awesome her grades were and how amazing she was at math. And Anakin said "Really? I thought she was terrible at math. I guess you learn something new about your... daughter... every day." He shrugged.

The teacher thought this was a weird comment, but didn't say anything.

Little did Anakin know, there was a recording device in his pocket - cause Ahsoka coudn't let her master speak to her teachers without knowing what was going on. She'd always been good at math! What was Anakin Skywalker's problem?

So she literally ran to school, burst into the building, found her class, and pointed a finger at him, saying, "Anakin Skywalker, you know that I am twice the mathemetician you are!"

The teacher took a step back. "Wait. Did you just call him -" she began, but got cut off by Anakin.

"Ahsoka Tano, I am a _mechanic_ and _technological genius -_ "

"That doesn't make you better than me at _math - "_

 _"_ They're _very_ related -"

The teacher was entirely confused. "Will somebody _please_ tell me what is - OH! Oh my! Are those -?"

So after watching an epic and very real lightsaber duel for a few minutes, she did the only thing that made sense. The contacted the local news.

Anakin and Ahsoka always settled stuff with random lightsaber battles. It wasn't new. It was instinct. But when the reporters showed up, they were suddenly just putting on a show for the cameras, with as many flips and cool moves as possible. And then, because Anakin just can't feel special enough, he flicks Ahsoka's left lightsaber out of her hand, and before Ahsoka can asjust he Force-pushes her to the wall, her other lightsaber rolling away and Anakin standing over her. "I win, Snips. I'm better at math."

"More like you're stronger in the Force," Ahsoka muttered as he helped her up. "Seriously, a girl who never graduated as a padawan versus the all-powerful Chosen One with thirty years of training, light and dark? I was bound to lose! This has nothing to do with math."

"You've beat me in the past."

"That just shows I'm more motivated about cookies," Ahsoka said with a smirk.

"And that you're smaller and your wife isn't constantly yelling at you to be careful and not slice the couch in half!" Anakin protested as Ahsoka gathered her lightsabers.

Then they turned back to the camera crew - ohhhhh boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kind of short but it made me crack up. I was just falling asleep and was like "What if Ahsoka got mad at Anakin and they start dueling in front of a bunch of random Earth civilians?"
> 
> And of course I had to bring in George and Hayden because IMAGINE FINDING OUT YOUR 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 FRANCHISE IS REAL? OR SEEING YOURSELF BUT IT ISN'T YOU, IT'S THE GUY YOU WERE ACTING AS?
> 
> Anyway hope you enjoyed this installment! (Earth is just not ready for this to be real guys. Not in the slightest.)
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	26. Ahsoka being an annoying little sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Taylor and NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong from the comments for ideas for this chapter. Enjoy! :)

**End of 2020 school year. Ahsoka is fifteen and a Freshman.**

Anakin and Padmé were just playing with their little three-year-old twins and trying to be like a normal family when they began to hear noise coming from Ahsoka's room. Sighing, Anakin said he'd go check on her.

He paused outside the room to see if he could get an idea of what that was.

_AHSOKA HIGH VOICE:_ By the Force, Anakin, you saved my life!

 _AHSOKA LOW VOICE:_ Don't mention it. It's what a Jedi is supposed to do.

 _AHSOKA HIGH VOICE:_ Oh, so _now_ you care about what Jedi are supposed to do.

 _AHSOKA LOW VOICE:_ Not quite everything.

_[AHSOKA HUMMING "ACROSS THE STARS"]_

Anakin opened the door and glared down at Ahsoka to see her making too action figures - one of Padmé, one of Anakin - make out with each other. She dropped her action figures and smiled up at her master guiltily.

"Ahsoka. Do you want to tell me what's going on here?"

"No particularly."

**Beginning of 2021 School Year. Ahsoka is fifteen and a Sophomore.**

Anakin and Padmé sat with their heads in their hands as their living room was taken up by two girls - Ahsoka and Kayla - singing "Rewrite the Stars" from the Greatest Showman while acting out Anidala scenes from the prequel movies and The Clone Wars series.

Ahsoka: "Say that the world could be ours... tonight."

Kayla: "You think it's easy... you think I don't wanna -"

Luke and Leia ran on scene and the girls looked at each other, shrugging. They scooped up the little two-year-olds and continued to twril and dance, making the twins giggle.

"- run to you... but there are mountains..."

"Someone please stop them," Anakin muttered to Padmé.

**A month into 2021 school year. Ahsoka is fifteen and a Sophomore.**

Ahsoka: "Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?"

Kayla: "That depends, who's asking?"

Ahsoka: "Oh well sure, sir, I'm Alexander Hamilton, I'm at your service, sir. I have been looking for you."

Kayla: "I'm getting nervous."

Ahsoka: "Sir - I heard your name at Princeton..."

Ahsoka and Kayla had been into theater way too much and it was driving Anakin and Padmé crazy. The twins liked to dance to it. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan talked in his proper accent about how musical theater was elegant and blah blah blah. He was the only adult there not being driven crazy by the girls' obsession with musical theater.

**Two months into the 2021 school year. Ahsoka is fifteen and a Sophomore.**

"I think it is a wonderful opportunity for her!" Padmé argued. "I mean, she's legally our daughter by adoption, and good parents let their children pursue their passions. Besides, who knows, she might even get a discount - it's pretty much public knowledge now that she's Jedi Ahsoka Tano."

"But I already have her and her friend constantly singing Hamilton and Dear Evan Hansen all the time. I don't need her constantly dancing too!" Anakin pointed out. "Besides, kids pick this up earlier."

Padmé rolled her eyes. "Most Earth kids aren't Jedi. Her balance and flexibility is probably already better than most dancers. We _have_ to let her do it!" She gave her husband puppy eyes. "I'll pay for all the leotards and such."

"Nice try. We only have one bank account between the both of us."

Padmé sighed and put her head on his chest and her arms around him, squeezing him. "Really? You won't do it for the girl who's like your daughter; you won't even do it for _me_?" She hugged him even tigher.

Anakin sighed. "Not fair. Fine, she can take dance lessons."

Which then led to vocal lessons, which then led to play rehearsals and - consequently -

" _I love play rehearsal, because it's the BEST, because it is fun..."_

And one day Kayla was trying to explain a new crush at school, so she used the song "A guy that I'd kinda be into." Very soon Padmé and Anakin deduced that the school musical was _Be More Chill_.

**End of 2021 school year. Ahsoka is sixteen and a Sophomore.**

Ahsoka - with Kayla, as always - walked through the door of the house, interrupting Anakin and Padmé's quiet time as they were in the middle of a song. In unison, they pierced the sweet silence with "...give them no reason to stare! No slipping out if you slip away! So I've got nothing to share!" They giggled and continued singing "Waving Through a Window" when they saw Anakin's reaction.

**More lovely Ahsoka and also other characters to come. Stay tuned! I appreciate comments and kudos!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	27. Skywalker Learning to Read

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haha library Anakin! Us library lovers will MAKE YOU GO THERE HAHAHA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm a teenage girl so I've been focusing a lot on teenage girl Ahsoka cause she's easy to get in the mind of for me. However for those of you looking for more Anakin and Obi-Wan (specifically Obi-Wan, he's not been really in the last few chapters) here it is!
> 
> **Thanks to VanillaChip101 and jedi_knights_at_bel_canto_bights for the ideas for this chapter!**
> 
> Thanks to everybody else who gave me good ideas too because I will be using them!

"Why are you dragging me to a library?" Anakin grumbled as Obi-Wan _literally_ dragged him to a library. He was holding his hand and tugging him towards the doors.

"Because your literacy in English is way too low for somebody who own's the largest droid business on the planet!"

And it was true that the CEO of the company had given up and decided to just let Anakin take everything and rule the place like a king. He basically had the whole building knocked down and rebuilt to suit his needs, and was hiring and teaching people how to build droids and holograms - he was basically causing the technological revolution everybody had forseen coming.

But he couldn't read English because he hadn't really cared to learn.

"Why do _you_ have to be the one to teach me how to read?" Anakin whined.

"I'm good at it! I taught Ahsoka English, and I taught you basic when you were only ten years old. Remember?" Obi-Wan gave him a pointed look, and Anakin sighed.

"Well, that was different. I needed to learn to read at _somepoint_ to function in that galaxy."

"And you have to learn this language to function in this one!"

The crowd that had gathered around who they were well aware was Skywalker and Kenobi laughed.

~

"Wait. Seriously? People actually mark down their religion as 'Jedi?'" Ahsoka was choking on what Padmé was telling her. _What_?!

"Yeah. I've been looking it up - they do stuff like recite the Jedi code, and some people deemed crazy have even insisted they can feel the Force!" Padmé told her excitedly.

Ahsoka scoffed. "Why are they deemed crazy? So people just think no Force sensitives could possibly exist?"

"They don't believe in the Force here," Padmé explained.

"And some people don't believe in God here, but they let Christians go to church!"

Padmé bit her lip. "Fair point."

"This is infringement on their constitutional right to practice whatever religion they want!" Ahsoka said defiantly. "We will find these Jedi and bring them the truth of the Force!"

~

"I can see why this is a classic. Charles Dickens really is a wonderful author," Obi-Wan said, smirking at the way his former padawan groaned as he turned the pages.

"Can you not geek out about your books while I try to figure out this language?!" Anakin asked him, irritated.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "If you learn the language you'll be able to read it," he pointed out.

"Yes, but - well - let's just say when I learn to read this, the only thing I will read for 'fun' is _Harry Potter_ because it's apparently really _entertaining_. I don't give a kriff about good literature." Anakin huffed and turned back to the Aurebesh worksheet Obi-Wan had made him, similar to what he had verbally done with him when he was ten and still figuring out reading for the first time.

That was because of his slave background. This was just because Obi-Wan loved to torture him, no matter how much he insisted it was so he could function in society.

Anakin thankfully escaped when a teenage fangirl ran up to them and asked, "You're, like, the real Jedi team, right?" When they nodded and Anakin took on his cocky smirk, she squealed. "I _must_ have your autographs."

She got them in Aurebesh because that was what their signatures were, no matter what language they were speaking to everybody else.

She gasped. " _Real Star Wars language_. I am freaking out. I love you guys!"

Obi-Wan shook his head in amusement at Anakin's easy charisma as he smirked and did what made every single sentient female in Skyriver Galaxy fall for him. Anakin did love being famous.

~

"They forgot about us," said four year old Leia, sitting in the room she shared with Luke.

"Definitely. Let's trash this place!" Luke suggested, standing up quickly.

"No way! Mom will be so mad!"

"But Auntie 'Sokka will buy us candy if we annoy Mom and Dad," Luke reminded her. And hey, even a half Jedi, half senator child with extreme responsibility would crack at the idea of candy.

"Alright. But one rule!"

"Yes?"

"We have to use the Force."

"Sounds. _Awesome_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have another chapter! I love you all and as I was reading through all the comments I got when I asked for suggestions I realized that I've got a bunch of wonderful readers who have either been here since the very beginning or hopped in somewhere in the middle, and I just can't believe you guys actually like my writing! It really means so much to me.
> 
> Have a good day and may the Force be with you!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	28. Zoom Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan, Anakin, Padmé, and Ahsoka go on a Zoom Call with their actors, Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, and of course, the voice actor for little Snips: Ashley Eckstein. The hopes are that they'll eventually also reach the creators at Disney and Lucasfilm and get new Star Wars movies made, but _better._
> 
> Thanks to **kimsquirtle** for part of the idea for this chapter!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be using the actors' first names 'cause this isn't an essay, it's a friendly interaction between them and the people they acted as. XD

So... Luke and Leia got their candy from Ahsoka.

The house was a complete _mess_. So, since it was Ahsoka's bribe, she had to clean it all up. Thanks to the Force and more kid-bribing, she managed to get it done before the Zoom meeting.

Their eventual hope was to contact Disney and Lucasfilm and get the movies remade, except _better_ and _more accurate_ (oh yeah, and include Ahsoka). For now, though, they had to settle for a Zoom call with their actors - except for Luke and Leia. They had wanted to call in Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher, but then Carrie Fisher was dead and she didn't want there to be jealousy among the twins. Leia wasn't _that_ mature.

The Zoom call went like this:

The first thing anybody said was Anakin: "Wow, you really do look, like, the _exact same_ that I would if I cut my hair."

The actors continued to stare. Then eventually Hayden snapped out of it and turned on his microphone. "Uh... yeah. You look... exactly the way that I did when I acted in Revenge of the Sith. So... this is creepy."

There was more awkward silence, and then Ahsoka rolled her eyes and turned on her microphone. "Alright, let's kick this off," she said. "Hi. My name is Ahsoka Tano, and I want to remake the prequel movies to include _me_. Because people deserve to know that that animation of me _totally_ got my lekku wrong."

Ashley cracked a smile. "Looks like I got your personality right."

"Oh yeah, that was _totally_ me getting all snippy with my master and earning my nickname," Ahsoka said with a smirk.

"You are not shy at all," Padmé scolded. "You need to be a little less... um... 'snippy,' I suppose, with adults you don't know."

Ahsoka raised an eyebrow, but other than that her face was blank. "Why?"

"Ahsoka's a bit of a handful, especially when she's bribing the twins into causing complete Force chaos in this house, promising _candy_ ," Obi-Wan said with a shake of his head.

"Huh... I suppose you have the accent I have, too." That was Ewan McGregor being awesome like always.

"It is my theory that our personalities, appearances, voices, and everything else exist only because of the world that George Lucas created. When he came up with the characters, they had to be _somewhere_ on the space-time continuum. If someone, say, wrote a fanfiction, that would then place characters of the same personalities, appearances, etc. somwhere _else_. These are, of course, mathematical equations - so say you have a system of equations with three variables and three equations, and there were infinite answers along a single line. Then we build a time machine in the fanfiction, and while traveling in it we somehow sliced through the space-time continuum, appearing somewhere that is not an x,y,z coordinate on the possible line of solutions - that could explain why we are here, but look and sound like the actors that played us -"

"Am I the only one _totally_ lost?" Natalie interrupted.

"Nope. When he gets all sciency, it makes the idea of midichlorians sound like basic arithmetic," Anakin assured her.

"I'm good at math, but that was completely not even possible," Padmé informed him.

"It does make a little sense, doesn't it?" Obi-Wan pointed out.

Padmé shrugged.

"And dang. You look exactly like my wife, which is really creepy." Anakin whistled. "Is this what it feels like to be married to a twin?"

"Probably," Natalie agreed.

"Was it weird for you to kiss Natalie and pretend you were in love when you were just friends?" Ahsoka inquired shamelessly.

"Ahsoka!" Padmé chided.

"What, it's a totally honest question," Anakin pointed out.

"I guess a little," Hayden admitted. "But we weren't teenagers. I mean in _Attack of the Clones_ we were but - what I mean to say is we were mature people who knew each other - well. We might have been a bad screen couple in Episode Two cause we _kinda_ liked each other -"

"We dated for a few months three years after _Revenge of the Sith_ came out," Natalie interrupted. **(A/N true fact, look it up.)**

"And then we broke up. And now we're _totally_ fine."

Ahsoka whistled. Then she heard a crash upstairs and she tensed.

"Ahsoka..." Padmé said dangerously. "You didn't offer them more candy, did you?"

"You're the ones who left them without supervision!" Ahsoka argued.

Everyone slowly turned a horrified face back to their zoom cameras. "Um... so the twins are four years old," Obi-Wan said, "and they happen to have a knack for causing mass havoc when we leave them alone. Ahsoka encourages it. So, um... we gotta go." They all closed their computers simultaneously and bolted up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I got all mathy and sciency there in the middle... I'm letting myself rub off on Obi-Wan a bit, I think. So yeah I know that what I'm describing isn't exactly possible, but if you're a mathemetician, you can see where he's coming from, can't you? I'm looking at all the nonsense I just typed and honestly it makes a little sense. XD Any other math nerds out there?
> 
> Also, even though this was a bit of a short chapter, it was pretty hard to write, considering I'm not as familiar with the actors' personalities as I am with the people they were portraying. I hope it was fun to read, though!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	29. Making The Phantom Menace - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hint hint: Anakin does not know how the movie making world is. I know a fair amount, though not a ton - but enough to point out exactly the random things Anakin is completely disregarding, such as agents and budgets and different processes. He's just like "I'll do this my own way."
> 
> If anything I've made sound normal is very much not and you're aware, be sure to comment so I can fix it. Enjoy!

Guess who's trusting the Star Wars characters to remake the movies?

Disney.

Bad idea, Disney. Very very very very very very _very_ bad idea.

**~The Phantom Menace~**

_ Step one: Find the right actors _

"So I can already cross off about four hundred possibilities because their hair isn't light enough blonde," Anakin said.

"Isn't that a little picky?" Padmé tried graciously.

"No!" Anakin insisted. "I'm casting _myself_ , Padmé. I need them to look as close to the way I did when I was nine as _possible_. And when I was nine I lived on Tatooine, which had _two suns_. I don't know how my mother's hair managed to stay brown."

"We'll find the right person," Ahsoka assured him. "How many people on the list are left after you cross out people who don't look like you?"

"One hundred and three. Alright." Anakin sighed. "Time for auditions. How do auditions work, anyway?"

"Well, for high school theater -" Ahsoka began, but Obi-Wan cut her off.

"This isn't high school theater, Ahsoka."

"How about we just have them read some of the lines from the original script?" Anakin suggested. The original script was word-for-word exactly what had happened - and Obi-Wan had his theories about how it had to do with spacetime and Anakin really didn't care to listen. However, Anakin wanted to focus more on different parts of the movie, and maybe include Ahsoka in _Revenge of the Sith_.

"Eh, why not?" Obi-Wan shrugged. "I've been looking for actors who look like my younger self - um, my _actual_ younger self - and I've come down to only fifty people!"

Anakin whistled. "And you say _I'm_ picky."

"Fine," Ahsoka conceded. "Obi-Wan's _pickier_."

"For my character, I've got two-hundred-thirty-eight possible actresses," Padmé said. "I've been very inclusive, though."

"I can cross off the ones that don't look like angels," Anakin suggested.

Padmé hesitated. "Well, I guess the less possible actresses, the easier the interviews will be... especially since we have absolutely no clue how movie auditions work at all..."

"Aren't they supposed to sign a bunch of contracts or something as to not spoil anything or blah blah blah?" Ahsoka remembered.

Anakin shrugged. "We don't have _time_ to do this the Earth way."

"I mean, it is true that he entirely destroyed a company's normal organizational structure by getting everyone to quit work and stand in the hallway watching him build droids," Obi-Wan pointed out. "When you put Anakin in charge of something, he does it however he wants."

~

"Do I have to sign anything?"

"No."

"Are you going to interview me?"

"No."

"Did you even speak to my agent?"

"No."

"Do you even know what you're doing?"

Anakin gave an honest answer. "No. I just want to make the movies the way _I_ want them to be done. I am Anakin Skywalker, after all. So, uh... we're just going to have a bunch of people read some lines and then select one."

The girl shrugged. "Close enough. I'm fourteen and I'm auditioning for the role of Padmé Amidala."

"My wife is over there. Go speak with her." He pointed to where his wife was being sweet to a bunch of little Padmé actors and little Anakin clones. "Ah, yes. Many kids who look like a younger version of me. Quite creepy."

~

After selecting a cute little boy named Alex who looked too much like little Jake Lloyd had, a fairly accurate Padmé Amidala named Terra, and Obi-Wan's version of of himself: Bryan. For some reason, Anakin very much liked the name Bryan and told his wife that if they had another little boy, he wanted to name him Bryan. Padmé laughed and rolled her eyes, shaking her head, but Anakin was dead serious.

They had randomly selected a bunch of side characters and hired a bunch of makeup artists and such - all of which were very confused as to the way this movie was being run. Some of the team from Disney pitched in to get everything organized and the green screens set up - and then, with looks on their face like "Is-this-a-joke," left everything else up to Padmé, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka - Ahsoka was mostly entertaining the cast. (It was Bryan's first movie, so he had no idea that this wasn't the way it normally went.)

"Alright. Time for step two - write the actual script!" Anakin said triumphantly.

"Wait," Terra said. "You mean you haven't actually written the script?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two coming soon!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	30. Making The Phantom Menace - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has a week really gone by already? Ah, remember the nice summer days when I got a chapter of this out every day? Anybody been here long enough to remember that? Good times. Thanks to those of you who have been here long enough to remember<3
> 
> And now, for part two of making TPM!

They are admittedly doing things a _bit_ out of order. And by a bit I mean a _lot_.

**~The Phantom Menace~**

_ Step two: Write the Script _

"I think that I have officially finished!" Ahsoka said triumphantly.

Everyone had been too worried that Obi-Wan would write it into Shakespearean style, Anakin had a loose relationship with the Latin alphabet, Padmé didn't consider herself a great writer and Luke and Leia were only, you know, four years old. So with the crew explaining everything that happened, Ahsoka had written a new _The Phantom Menace_ script that included these upgrades:

1\. Much less emphasis on Jar Jar

2\. The audience knew Padmé was the queen and that it was a secret, and was introduced to her and Sabé very early for optimal character development

3\. Anakin was the first character introduced, and the scenes switched back and forth between Jedi/politics/crisis stuff and little Anakin's life, so you can't wait for them to meet

4\. It was written to better excite an audience that liked action, even though until the next generation everyone watching these movies would have already seen the original prequel films

"I hope the people born today will enjoy these movies more than people initially enjoyed the prequels." **(A/N: THE PREQUELS REIGN SUPREME. The audience reaction was because it wasn't what they were expecting.)** Padmé smiled and said, "Now what next?"

"I guess we film?"

_Step three: Film (Sounds normal enough, right?)_

While it was Bryan's first movie - he was honestly just a kid who happened to be good at acting and Obi-Wan hired him on the spot - it was not Terra's. "This is honestly not how movie making works!" She insisted.

"Listen girl, Skyguy doesn't care how it works," Ahsoka informed her. "He does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Do you want to know how he came to be in posession of the most famous dr - robot company literally ever?"

"How?" Terra said skeptically.

"He dismantled the system and got every single employee to gather around and watch him build droids, ticking off the CEO and all the other managers. When they gave up and said 'Here, have the business,' he knocked the whole thing down - literally - and had it entirely differently rebuilt to suit his own needs. Also he added a pool because why not."

Terra raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, and he did this all without knowing how to write a single word in English."

Terra raised the other eyebrow.

"EVERYBODY ON SET WHO'S IN SCENE ONE!" Anakin screamed. Everyone winced and plugged their ears for a second.

"Dear, they can hear you just fine at normal volume," Padmé informed him.

"I know. But now they're paying maximum attention. Alright Alex, we're starting out with a podrace in which you crash and end up being assigned to fix the pod until nightfall and then the entire next day until it's better than brand new because Watto's a -"

"He gets the idea," Obi-Wan interrupted. "Just... climb into the thing and let us film you."

Alex squinted at where Anakin was setting up a cell phone on a tripod. "Are you going to film this on your phone?"

Anakin shrugged. "Why not? The only affect we're really using is green screen, cause we've got practice lightsabers for you guys to use, and Obi-Wan, Ahsoka and I will be covering all Force bits, so there's no reason we can't just film on our cell phones."

Alex shook his head and climbed into the little machine. (Anakin had literally whipped up an actual legit podracer in thirty minutes, and then designed it to stay in place. He was a faster worker now that he wasn't nine anymore and didn't have to work all day on other things because Watto -)

"Action!" Obi-Wan exclaimed.

It was very non eventful to see a kid pretend to steer a podracer.

Then the actor for Sebulba entered in his little racer thing and shoved Alex's off to the side.

"It'll look good," Anakin mouted to Padmé.

Padmé rolled her eyes.

~

"So Terra, you're basically going to be dressing up Ansley as... well, you. Padmé has had the outfits designed exactly to what she would wear as queen or have Sabé wear when pretending to be her. Meanwhile, you're going to have a conversation about... you know, politics," Anakin explained.

"We've read the script," Ansley assured him.

Terra shook her head with a look at the camera, and then immediately shaded into sweet Padmé acting as Obi-Wan said "Action."

Terra bent down and messed with Ansley's shoes, tending them and making sure they were perfectly zipped and everything. "You know where I stand and how to defend my position, do you not?"

"Of course, Your Highness," Ansley assured. Terra stood up, messed with Ansley's sleeves, and then made her way to the other side of the room to grab the final piece of the outfit.

"Remember, stick to the speech I gave you _unless_ the others get off topic. In that case, improvise," Terra said, throwing the outer piece over Ansley's shoulders, who held out her arms as Terra adjusted it into place.

"I don't have half the talent for politics that you do, my queen. If it comes to improvisation, I likely will be unable to properly advocate for your beliefs."

"Sabé." Terra looked Ansley straight in the eye now. "You are going to be perfect."

~

"By the way, _nobody is obligated to like the character of Watto_ ," Anakin once again reminded everyone.

"You've made that clear," Bryan assured him.

"Quite," the real Obi-Wan agreed.

"However, you are obligated to not harass the actor," Padmé reminded Anakin with a look.

~

"Hey Angel?"

"Yes?"

"Are you done doing makeup on Jared?"

"Yep, he looks just like Darth Maul. Why am _I_ doing the makeup?"

"Cause you're a girl and use makeup on a regular basis."

"...Different thing."

"When you were queen and had all the facepaint?"

"That was rarely actually me, and when it was Cordé usually did it for me!"

"Well you still know more than Ahsoka."

"Hey!"

"What, you spent most of your life as a Jedi!"

"...fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part three coming soon - filming of final battle, some shenanigans with putting everything together, etc.
> 
> I can't tell if this fic is about a bunch of Star Wars characters trying to live on Earth, watching Star Wars movies, or remaking Star Wars movies. It keeps going through different phases.
> 
> Also, I'm going to lose readers if I keep all of this OC stuff going, but hey, do you want random famous actors that I can't write right or my own OC's?
> 
> Anyway, hope you at least enjoyed the installment! Then we'll move on to AOTC!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	31. Making The Phantom Menace - Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Editing shenangigans

Oh boy...

**~The Phantom Menace~**

_ Step four: Edit _

Anakin didn't like the programs that were generally used for editing - neither the low budget at home ones, or the high budget film making ones. So he just made his own.

Terra was just happy to get off set and quit, saying, "I refuse to play the role of Padmé Amidala in your next movie. It's not going to happen." She paused. "Is anybody going to make me do anything or...?" She got completely ignored. She huffed and stomped off set.

See, usually you don't put up sign up sheets for movies on telephone poles. Usually, your agent has to get you hooked up with the people. Unfortunately, Anakin didn't care.

Terra didn't like that very much.

"I'm kinda glad she left," Bryan admitted. "She was kind of beginning to ruin the fun."

"Just so you know, this isn't probably how it usually works," Padmé admitted.

Bryan shrugged. "Hey, I've acted in a literal Star Wars movie now. That's a huge step up from community theater. I have no doubt I'll be able to get hooked up with an agent." Then he added, "But the telephone polls were hard to write on. Try something flatter next time."

_Anyway..._

Ahsoka was trying to help with the editing process, but Anakin was very much hoarding the computer, grumbling to himself. "These lightsaber battles are way more realistic; that's the problem. Lightsabers don't glow as bright in real life and therefore it looks faker." He shook his head, irritated.

"Then just fake it and make it look real," Ahsoka suggested rolling her eyes and putting her hand on her hip. "Seriously, Skyguy - you're making this take way longer than it needs too."

"Actually, most movies take years to make," said Ansley. "Two months is... kind of ridiculous."

"You're looking at the guy who made a fully functional protocol droid when he was nine," Padmé pointed out. "He knows all the shortcuts and tricks to film."

"We should make it a holodrama!" Anakin exclaimed.

"No. We're making movies, Anakin. This is Earth." Obi-Wan wouldn't budge, claiming they needed _something_ familiar from these films.

"It will be familiar," Anakin insisted. "It'll be _Star Wars_. They've already _seen_ these movies."

"No." And that was the end of _that_.

See, Obi-Wan can say "No" in this very specific way that makes it not even questionable. It's like a Jedi mind trick that works on literally _everyone_ , regardless of how weak- or strong-minded they are. He has had to use it with Anakin a great many times since his Padawan years.

"...Obi-Wan."

"Yes?"

"You have to use the Force at the _exact same time_ that they move their hands. You can't just -"

"But their form was bad!"

"That does not matter!"

" _Guys_!" Ahsoka interrupted. "Anakin, you can just _edit it_. Isn't that _right_?"

"Yeah, but it'll take a few hours," he grumbled.

Bryan whistled. "That's _good_ , man."

~Meanwhile, at the Skywalker Residence~

When Joane, a fourteen-year-old girl with her babysitting license, has volunteered to watch the Skywalker children, she thought she was in for her normal five-year-old babysitting job - just with the added fact that they were the most famous twins in the world. She was thrilled.

She had not anticipated just how much trouble Force-sensitive children could cause.

"No - Luke, Leia - guys - Auntie Sokka's not _here_ right now, sweeties - ugh!" How was she supposed to fix this?

Then she had an idea.

They had one weakness.

"If you clean up this mess... I'll buy you _more_ candy than your Auntie Sokka will buy you for making the mess," she offered.

They both paused and looked at her.

"She's telling the truth," Leia stage-whispered to Luke.

Luke nodded. "I sense it too," he whispered back. Then, as if she hadn't just heard what they said, he told her, "Deal." He held out his little hand to shake. Keeping herself from giggling, she shook his hand.

"Deal."

~Meanwhile, at [insert name of the place they're making the movie]~

Ahsoka could feel it in the Force.

The babysitter had officially made the twins stop wrecking havoc. Which she guessed was good for the babysitter, but boring for Ahsoka. Then again, if the twins couldn't give Anakin and Padmé trouble, she would do it.

She proceeded to plague Anakin's work space with a loud, off-key version of _The Schuyler Sisters_ until he Force-pushed - actually, more like Force-shoved - her directly out the door. She giggled like a maniac and then did the same to Padmé.

~

"I have finished! The entire movie is produced and ready to go!" Anakin announced, holding it up for everybody to see.

"Why is the opening crawl in vertical cell phone mode?"

"I can fix that."

"Then it's not finished.

Anakin cocked his head. "What's your definition of 'finished'?"

"Completed," Obi-Wan informed him, crossing his arms.

"Oh. Well then I guess it's not _quite_ finished."

 _Maybe Anakin can cause enough groans by himself_ , Ahsoka supposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XD okay, I just couldn't stop myself with some of this...
> 
> Poor Joane...
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	32. The Phantom Menace (Primary Source Edition) in Theaters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I saw The Force Awakens in theaters, the crowd was VERY lively. I mean, I was eight, and I had never seen a single Star Wars movie before, and also I didn't know anything about the world. I was totally fricking clueless, and after that, I continued to say I'd never seen a Star Wars movie - because while I'd enjoyed the movie and it was fun to watch, I mean, I still didn't know the universe or get how the stuff connected to a wider world.
> 
> During quarantine I picked up Star Wars and have been a huge fan since.
> 
> The point is, a guy and a giant furry thing walked on screen and everybody burst out in applause. I had no idea why. Then, when I rewatched it a few months ago, I realized it was Han and Chewie.
> 
> Then there was Leia and everybody clapped.
> 
> You get the picture.
> 
> So since Star Wars audiences are quite active, I thought I'd let you see it in theaters with the rest of everybody else!! Enjoy!

_The Phantom Menace (Primary Source Edition)_ sold out immediately the first day it opened to buy tickets. Anakin didn't get the whole "primary source edition" thing, thinking it sounded boring, but Padmé insisted, and by this point Anakin knew better than to get into an argument with his _I've-been-a-politician-since-I-was-thirteen_ wife.

It still sold out, with everybody extremely excited to see the prequels in theaters _as written by the Skywalkers themselves_. Ever since it had become common knowledge that they'd come to Earth, everybody had been anxiously awaiting the movies as made by the people who had lived through the events. Besides, they were already mad at Disney, since it was now confirmed that nothing in the sequel trilogy was actually possible by Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi themselves.

If that wasn't enough to make it sell out immediately, they also explicity advertised less of an emphasis on Jar Jar.

That did it for everybody.

So, people filed into the theater, with their popcorn and drinks and whispering excitedly about the movie. And, since they just _felt_ like it, Anakin, Padmé, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and the now six-year-old Luke and Leia (can you believe it's been four years since they first came to Earth?!) were sitting in the back row. (They'd obviously seen the movie already. Like _duh_. But they just felt like being there to see the audiences reaction.)

And that drove the whole audience wild. Anakin definitely signed a bunch of autographs for teenage girls while Padmé rolled her eyes. Ahsoka did autographs too, while Obi-Wan tried to make order out of everything.

In the end, everybody listened to Obi-Wan Kenobi, for no other reason than, well, he was Obi-Wan Kenobi.

When the prievews came on, Anakin scoffed. "There's no reason for this," he whispered to Padmé. "Give me a sec."

"Anakin, _no -_ " she whisper-shouted as he ran out of the room.

"What's he doing?" Obi-Wan asked Padmé quietly.

"I don't know, but knowing Anakin, it can't be good."

A few minutes later, the prievews were replaced with a gif of dancing cats, along with the message, _The movie will be on in fifteen minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

Everybody laughed and clapped as Anakin made his way back to his family, sitting back in his seat and looking particularly pleased with himself. When he looked over and saw the looks he was getting from Padmé and Obi-Wan, he shrugged. "What? The crowd is effectively more entertained."

Ahsoka's smile was pretty wide too. "I'm Team Skyguy on this one. Dancing cats are _much_ better than commercials and reminders to turn off cell our phones."

The message changed to, _The movie will be on in fourteen minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_ , and the gif changed to a bunch of different cats doing a different dance.

"Impressive," Padmé admitted.

"It'll keep changing until the movie comes on." Anakin sat back in his seat, satisfied.

Obi-Wan chuckled and rolled his eyes.

Slowly, the clock ticked down.

_The movie will be on in thirteen minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in twelve minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in eleven minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in ten minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in nine minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in eight minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in seven minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in six minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in five minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in four minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in three minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in two minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

_The movie will be on in one minutes. I don't know why they show you a bunch of ads anyway. You're here to watch a movie. ~ Anakin Skywalker_

"Dang it, I forgot to change the 'minutes' to 'minute' when it gets to number one," Anakin muttered.

Nobody else seemed to notice. They were busy watching the dancing cat gifs.

And then, finally, the movie was set to begin.

STAR WARS

_Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (Primary Source Edition)_

Anakin and his mother are slaves, Padmé's secretly a queen, 

Qui-Gon Jinn is a Jedi Knight and Obi-Wan Kenobi is his 

padawan learner. Watto's a jerk of a slave holder,

so is Sebulba, and Darth Maulis the Sith apprentice

of Darth Sidious, who deserves to have all of his plants blow up

in his ugly face. This movie basically starts on Tatooine

(AKA worst planet ever) with Anakin in a podrace and

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are on a super cool mission. The

Trade Federation is working for the Sith. That's basically all

you need to know to understand the movie. I don't get the point

of these opening crawls...

And then the opening crawl took off into lightspeed because Anakin didn't want to watch it slowly go up. The confused but definitely entertained audience laughed a little as it dissappeared. Padmé and Obi-Wan gave Anakin _the look._ It was the same look they'd given him the first time they'd seen it. And the second. And the third.

Meanwhile, Ahsoka was cracking up off to the side. "That's 100 times better than every single opening crawl for every single movie officially made," Ahsoka whispered to him.

Anakin shrugged. "I'm incapable of being serious," he whispered back. And Ahsoka truly and deeply believed that.

The movie actually looked really good - you could tell somebody of Anakin Skywalker's caliber had worked on it. Some of the dialogue was pretty witty and stuff, and a lot of the audience kept glancing back to see the Skywalkers reacting.

And, as promised, Jar Jar was kept offscreen most of the time. When the credits came up, everybody clapped for every single name.

_WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY ANAKIN SKYWALKER_

_AND OBI-WAN KENOBI_

_AND NOW FOR ALL THE OTHER STUFF_

_CAST:_

_ANAKIN SKYWALKER: ALEX FREEMAN_

"Oh," Ahsoka said, facepalming. "That's why you cast him?"

"The fact that he looked the exact role? Yes."

"No, Anakin, the irony of - nevermind."

_PADMÉ AMIDALA: TERRA PETROSKI_

_OBI-WAN KENOBI: BRYAN STEVENSON_

It gave credit to Jared as Maul, Ansley as Sabé, and basically everybody else too ( **because the author doesn't want to come up with a zillion actor names that'll never show up in this story again** ).

The movie was a success, if a bit incongruous among normal Star Wars media. But hey, the audience loved it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits:
> 
> Alex Freeman - yeah, I did that. XD We all know that's how this would go though.
> 
> Terra Petroski: In the novel _See you In the Cosmos_ Alex Petroski finds out he has a half sister named Terra. It was a coincidence, but I figured why not?
> 
> Bryan Stevenson: Anybody listen to KLOVE here? If so, Ryan Stevenson? "In the Eye of the Storm"? No? Okay. His name was Bryan, so... why not?
> 
> Okay, NOW moving on to AOTC!!!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	33. Making Attack of the Clones - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in a day! Wow! I'm on a roll!

Here we go again!

**~Attack of the Clones~**

_ Step one: Find the right actors _

Annelise Viotto was a twenty-four-old fresh-out-of-college woman who was engaged to a sweet young man who had a job - which was good, cause she didn't. She'd planned on becoming an actor, but it didn't _exactly_ work out.

But then she was sitting on her couch, just watching a movie, when the commercials came on and _there was Anakin Skywalker_. She'd heard that the Star Wars characters had arrived in their galaxy - like, who hadn't? - but this wasn't the news or some random footage that had been caught of him lightsaber dueling his padawan. He had apparently made an ad for something?

He was really just sitting on his couch with two seven-year-old girls running around in the background and Padmé making cookies over in the kitchen. "Hey, everybody who lives on Earth and happens to be watching TV right now. It's Anakin Skywalker, and -"

"Are you recording an advertisement?" Ahsoka poked her head in the shot.

"Yes, Snips, now go away so i can do this. So anyway, telephone pole sign-ups were apparently a bad idea according to Bryan Stevenson, the actor we cast for Obi-Wan Kenobi in out last film. The team at Disney offered to teach me how to do this right - or be a more 'competent' director team - but I declined. We're doing this the _Skywalker Way_ , trademarked."

He chuckled. "So anyway, if you, like, want to be in the next Star Wars movie, a remake of Attack of the Clones, just show up at Kenobi Studios. Look up the address because I don't feel like putting it on the screen." The address appeared on the screen as he said this, and Annelise's eyebrows furrowed. "Just show up in the next week or so, I don't know - you don't need to sign any papers or anything, and I'm still not a hundred percent sure what an agent is, so just if you feel like you can play the role come on over."

"You can do better than that, Skyguy," said the offscreen voice of Ahsoka Tano.

"I'm trying, Snips." Then he told the camera, "She's the only one allowed to call me that, by the way. So anyway, just drop by in the next week -"

"You already said that -"

"And we'll have you read some lines, see if you're good, and if you are, well, you're cast! Yay! It's as simple as that."

Ahsoka leaned into the camera. "By the way, he's not a very good director."

"You're not helping Ahsoka! Anyway - wait, Leia, don't -" The camera fell over and the advertisement stopped, leading into another one about washing machines.

Completely and utterly confused, but also seeing a possible chance to make it as an actress, Annelise decided to try out for the role of Padmé Amidala.

~

Meanwhile, an eighteen-year-old high school senior anmed Jake was watching the same movie as Annelise, and suddenly that came on. He was a huge Star Wars nerd, so he'd actually been at the first viewing of _The Phantom Menace (Primary Source Edition)_ and found that he would have loved to be behind the scenes for that... not to mention how hillariously incompetent Anakin was probably going to be.

Oh yeah, he was trying out for Anakin, alright.

~

Bryan just couldn't wait to return for _Attack of the Clones (Primary Source Edition)_ 's filming! But Anakin was making him grow a beard, which he was... ah... less than pleased about.

~

When Annelise tentatively stepped up to Kenobi Studios - which was essentially a giant house that they'd bought and made it suitable for movie-making - Anakin swung the door in. "You're hired."

Annelise stepped back. "Wait, what? I -"

"You're perfect for the role of Padmé, come on in." Anakin ushered her inside.

"Mr. Skywalker -"

"Call me Anakin."

"...Anakin, I haven't even read any lines yet..."

"Doesn't matter. You wouldn't be trying out if you weren't a good actor." Anakin shrugged. "Besides, you look so much like my wife that it's impossible to _not_ cast you." So... that's how Annelise landed her first big role.

It was not what she'd expected.

~

"Mr. Skywalker -"

"Anakin, please."

"...Anakin, this isn't anything like the original script."

"I know! This is the only part of the new script I've written yet," Anakin said excitedly - which should have set off even more alarms in Jake's head. Then he remembered TPM-PSE and went along with it. "How do you like it?"

"'Sand is coarse enough to tear fabric to shreds, rough enough to erode even the sturdiest of Tatooine's cliffs, and is even more pervasive than glitter...'" Jake gave him a look.

"'I don't like sand' doesn't sound as good out loud as it did in my head when I was nineteen. So I modified it." Anakin beamed.

Jake grimaced. "I think you should keep the original, really..."

"You get to kiss Annelise after saying it." Anakin guestured over to where Annelise was interacting with Padmé to get to know her character.

"Fine, I'm in."

~

Ahsoka gathered the cast into a room that she was pretty sure Anakin didn't know existed. "You're all here," she whispered, "because you've been cast in the Primary Source Edition of _Attack of the Clones_. As payback at Anakin for saying he couldn't extend the movie long enough to include my character, I've written a song that we're going to record us singing and doing the dance to - if necessary, I'll use minimal autotune - for in the middle of the movie. We're going to record it and I'm going to sneak it into the final edition. Deal?"

"Deal," they said in unison.

"Great! Now here's how it goes..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka can't help herself.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/
> 
> That's credit to NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong for giving me the idea of the Ahsoka-throwing-in-a-showtune subplot that will be now fundamental to the making of AOTC!!!
> 
> P2 coming soon!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	34. Making Attack of the Clones - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin is Anakin. Need I say more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow - two chapters yesterday, and another one today? It's like the good old days1 Anybody been following this fic long enough to remember back when I got one of these out every day? Ah, good times.

Ah, remember this? Well, this time it's for AOTC, and... well...

**~Attack of the Clones~**

_ Step two: Write the Script _

"We should not be letting Anakin do this," Ahsoka whispered to Padmé.

"Don't worry, he has fully learned how to write in English, using the Latin alphabet rather than the Aurebesh," Padmé assured her.

"That doesn't make it a good idea to let Anakin do this!" Ahsoka insisted.

"And... done!" Anakin looked so pleased with himself that even _Padmé_ got a little nervous. See, there's this _look_ Anakin gets when he does something completely ridiculous and he totally loves it and unfortunately, so do Star Wars fans.

"Anakin. What did you do?"

"What, automatically deciding I didn't do it right?" Anakin said indignantly, although it was clear he knew _exactly_ what Ahsoka and Padmé were going to give him 'looks' about.

"Show us the script," Padmé commanded, crossing her arms. Anakin smirked and followed orders.

Looking through it, it was obviously an Anakin type script, though Padmé definitely stopped on the sand line. "Anakin. 'Sand is coarse enough to tear fabric to shreds, rough enough to erode even the sturdiest of Tatooine's cliffs, and is even more pervasive than glitter...' Anakin... I barely even fell for your _original_ line, and that alone was a miracle!"

"Which was why I made it ten times better!" Anakin beamed in satisfaction.

"No, Anakin - "

"Let's see the rest of it," Ahsoka interrupted. "It's not like he's going to change it."

Padmé sighed. "Fine..." she continued to read, before she got to a part that - well, if she's been drinking something, Anakin and Ahsoka would be soaked. "Anakin Skywalker!"

"What?" He asked innocently.

She pointed at what she was looking at, reading it aloud: "'Anakin politely taps the Tusken Raiders each on the shoulder and asks for them to apologize for hurting his mother. He then gives small gifts to them all - not just the men, but the women, and the children.'" She gave him a look.

"I'm not proud of the original."

"Yes, but the audience will be well aware that it's supposed to be -"

"Not to mention this doesn't even make any -"

"What's all the ruckus about?" Obi-Wan said, walking into the studio, clearly having just drank his tea and woken up for the day. He startled. "Wow, 8:00 AM and Anakin's already caused a problem?"

"Look at this!" Padmé pointed to the script. "'Anakin politely taps the Tusken Raiders each on the shoulder and asks for them to apologize for hurting his mother. He then gives small gifts to them all - not just the men, but the women, and the children.' That's not how it went and everyone knows it! Not to mention that situation's not even fathomable!"

Obi-Wan gave Anakin a look. "You just lost script writing rights. Give it to me, Padmé." Padmé did so.

Anakin's mouth dropped open, indignant. "You wouldn't dare -"

"The point of the Primary Source Star Wars films is to show what really happened _more accurately_ , not change the story so that you're going around giving gifts to sand people!" Ahsoka pointed out. "Obi-Wan now has rights to the script."

As the actors began to arrive, Ahsoka suspiciously went, "Oh! I have something, uh, really important that I, uh, need to do!"

_Step three: Film while your Padawan hides a musical number in a secret upstairs room_

Downstairs, Anakin was getting scenes (on his cell phone) of Bryan using the Force while Obi-Wan secretly did it off camera. Obi-Wan continuously corrected his form.

Upstairs, Ahsoka had Jake.

"So, Jake ( **Who the author did not mean to name the same name as the kid who played Anakin in TPM, but coincidentally did** ), I'm supposed to be giving you lightsaber lessons. But you're a Star Wars fan, right?"

"Yes."

"And you already know how to use lightsabers?"

"Yes."

"So I'll teach you some really good form, _after_ we work on your singing and dancing skills. Because while you're pretty good, Annelise is, like, really good, so we need to balance this out a little. No offense," Ahsoka added very half-heartedly.

"None taken. I'm an awful singer."

"No you're not! You just need lessons. And I'm probably the wrong person to give them to you, but I'm the only singer here besides Annelise who is available to teach you, so you're stuck with me." Ahsoka smirked. "Just _try_ not to be too starstruck by me when I use my famous lines like that."

Jake laughed and shook his head. "Do or do not, Ahsoka. There is no try."

"Eh, nobody seems to actually know what that means," Ahsoka said flippantly. "Alright. Now we're going to start with some scales." Ahsoka walked into a little storage room off to the side and came out dragging a very nice studio upright piano that had for some reason been in there.

"Wha - Ahsoka?"

"Shh." She brought her finger to her lips. "Don't tell Anakin I spent his well-earned money making droids on a piano solely for this lesson. Now, this is middle C -" She played a D. "Nope, that's not middle C. This is." She played middle C. "Sing that?" She waited for him to do it. "Good resonance, but slightly flat. You know what - sing a C flat. I mean a B natural. I mean... sing this note." He did. "See, no, that's a little sharp. Can you sing any note for me?" He sang a made-up note between C and B. Ahsoka sighed. This was going to be harder than she thought.

~

"So Annelise, you have to be completely distraught over Cordé's death," Anakin instructed. Annelise nodded. Anakin hit the record button on his cell phone. "And... action."

"No!" Annelise ran over to Ansley - actor for Sabé in the last film - leaning over her."

"I... have failed -"

"No you haven't. This is exactly why your job exists! Thanks for dying for me!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Cut! I forgot to fix that part of Anakin's script. Give me a moment."

~

"So, Dalton! i need you to basically act like you're in a kick line. So reach out your arms like they're around the shoulders of twenty other versions of you and kick your feet," Ahsoka instructed.

"Really, Miss Tano -"

"Call me Ahsoka!"

"...Ahsoka, I don't really see the point in this..."

"You're playing the clones, right?" He nodded. "Exactly. I'm going to edit a bunch of videos of you doing a solo kick line so that it looks like the clones all being awesome behind my awesome musical number that I'm sticking at the end of the movie!" Ahsoka said triumphantly.

Dalton raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it for this - part 3 coming soon! Ah, editing shenanigans - with the added twist of Ahsoka sticking in a musical number there at the end!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	35. Making Attack of the Clones - Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Another chapter? I... wow. It's like those days when I'd update every day. I'll see how long I can keep this up this time.

We've all been waiting for this!

**~Attack of the Clones~**

_ Step four: Edit ~~in the musical number that you created to annoy your master~~ _

Ahsoka had already made the background and added the clones - a bunch of Daltons doing step-touches, kick lines, and other stuff that she'd learned a lot of backup dancers do in high school theater beacuse choreographers are tired and didn't get their sleep so _y'all just do step-touches_.

Now she just needed the rest of the parts.

Annelise was this musical theater prodigy, and she was able to do perfect ballet moves all while beautifully singing about how much she loves Anakin (because this is after the wedding, remember?) and a good enough actress to do it without giggling. Afterwards, she immediately dropped the act of Padmé and put her hands on her hips, glaring at Ahsoka.

"The audience will love it," Ahsoka promised.

Then Jake, who's singing lessons had come further than expected but still not quite there yet, was going to need a little tuning to make him as awesome as Annelise. Still, he did his best, singing lines that really belonged in a YouTube parody about how he killed all the Tuskens - the men, the women, and the children - all while doing a weird shuffle dance.

Ahsoka didn't even try to keep a straight face.

Jake was pretty easygoing about it, saying, "Hey, if it makes the audience laugh, I'm cool with it!"

Still, Annelise was like, "Do I seriously have to sing this sappy stuff?"

"This is Anakin and Padmé we're talking about, my darling. Yes, you do."

~

Meanwhile, Anakin and Padmé cringed while he edited _Attack of the Clones (PSE)_. "Ugh, I can't believe I fell for that sand thing," Padmé groaned, putting her face in her hands. "And this new version is even worse. I swear, there's no way I would have kissed you after that."

"Aw, Padmé, you know you love it when I'm stupid," Anakin pointed out.

Padmé sighed. "i do find it endearing."

"Mostly because it's a rare occurance."

"Not as rare as you might think."

Anakin gasped and put his hand on his heart. "Padmé! I can't believe you would say such a thing!"

"Oh look, the next scene," Padmé said, pointing to his screen.

"If you think you're getting away with that..." Anakin turned back to the screen and gasped when he saw that now he got to edit the confessing-his-love scene. "You're absolutely right!"

Padmé laughed and shook her head and Anakin played back the footage.

Kudos to Jake for keeping a straight face while saying: "Padmé... you are the light of my life. You are the salt to my pepper, the peanut butter to my jelly, the bacon to my eggs, the macaroni to my cheese..."

"Anakin, I feel the exact same way about you!" Annelise hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"Anakin, that's not how it went at all," Padmé said with a pointed look. "And I don't appreciate being compared to salt, peanut butter, bacon, and macaroni. JAKE, ANNELISE! WE'RE REFILMING ONE OF THE SCENES!"

~

Ahsoka sighed. "Well, you go down to refilm the scene."

"It's probably the me and you being peanut butter-and-jelly one," Annelise speculated. Jake nodded.

If Ahsoka had been drinking something, she would have spit it out. See, she hadn't known about that scene. " _What_?! That's a _thing_?! Keep it in the movie! _KEEP IT IN THE KRIFFING MOVIE, ANAKIN SKYWALKER!"_

~

"My padawan agrees with me," Anakin noted.

"You are your padawan are not my immediate go-tos for competent movie making," Padmé pointed out shamelessly.

"How rude!"

"Ah, now I see where Threepio gets it."

"Shut _up_."

~

"Anakin, we have to refilm like all of this. Dooku cut off your arm. Not your head."

"See, but I think it's more interesting that I survived if he cuts off my head," Anakin rationalized.

"No."

"And then through the next movie I live with it taped on with duct tape -"

" _No._ "

"And then -"

" _Obi-Wan, I need you to come use your special 'no' on my husband_!"

~

When Anakin's editing was finished and he and Padmé went out for lunch, Ahsoka crept down the stairs with her fully-edited footage of the musical scene stored on her cell phone. She cautiously checked her surroundings, and then hooked it up to the computer with a USB, importing it into the computer. Then she bit her lip while trying to figure out how Anakin's special movie making program even worked.

Eventually, she was able to stuff it right in front of the credits, with an intro title of _By the way Anakin didn't know this was going to be in the movie guys_!

When was Disney going to figure out that having Anakin and Ahsoka run this thing was a very very very bad idea? If not for Padmé and Obi-Wan, PSE Anakin was going to tell PSE Padmé that she was like macaroni!

~

And then, it was ready for theaters... And Anakin still didn't know what his padawan had done...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! This was a ride! If you enjoyed, leave kudos or comments, and of course suggestions for furture chapters are always appreciated, especially if y'all want quick updates! See you in the theaters for _Attack of the Clones (Primary Source Edition)_!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	36. Attack of the Clones (Primary Source Edition) in Theaters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs* Anakin...
> 
> Honestly this was extremely fun to write XD Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> And the musical number... I cracked up just writing it... the clone harmonies XD

Ever since the prior year, when _The Phantom Menace (Primary Source Edition)_ had come to theaters, there had been rumors and talk about all the crazy stuff in the theaters - for example, Anakin turning the previews into cat gifs and the opening crawl and the autographs and... well, let's just say that this time around - since it was apparently possible - the tickets to the first viewing of the movie sold out even _faster_.

Anakin, Padmé, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and the now _seven-year-old_ Luke and Leia (wow, has that much time really passed?) (Wait a sec, are they in the year 2024 now? Wow! Gotta do a presidential election... keep reading...) were, as expected, sitting in the back row again. Because dang it, they could be.

Obi-Wan had been the one to preview the movie, and he'd decided the musical that Ahsoka had stuck at the end was hillarious enough to keep it - he just took out the "Anakin didn't know this was here" title that Ahsoka had put before it. Anakin still had no idea what was coming.

Once again, when the prievews came on, Anakin got out of his seat. This time, he announced to everybody, "Hey! So, you may have heard the rumors about last time and the cat gifs. But this time, I have a more special announcement."

Padmé put her head in her hands. "Oh no," she muttered. "What's he going to do?"

Suddenly, the screen popped up with Anakin. _"Hi. I'm Anakin Skywalker but you already knew that. This is my wife, Padmé Amidala."_

_"Anakin, what are you doing?" on-screen Padmé asked._

"Oh, this. I didn't know he was actually filming!" Padmé hissed to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "I didn't know this happened."

_"I'm just practicing something. So anyway guys, this is my wife and she's a really cool lady so anyway I think she should be president of your country because with all due respect to your country, if she can help run the senate of a_ galaxy _, she can run a country."_

_"Honey, that's not how their system works. You can't just say I'm running for president and it suddenly be a thing. I've been studying American politics -"_

_"Another reason you should be president!"_

_"- Anakin, listen to me. This_ is _an election year -"_

_"Perfect."_

_"No, Anakin, the party has to -'_

_"So there you have it -"_

_"- nominate -"_

_"Padmé Amidala is -"_

_"ANAKIN SKYWALKER. That's not how running for president works!"_

_"- running for president."_

_"Ani no."_

_"Ani yes!"_

_"No - Anakin! That's not even close to-"_

_"Anyway, folks, enjoy the movie and vote for Padmé Amidala!"_

_"ANAKIN THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE WAY THIS WORKS!"_

_"Angel you've been elected queen. When you were fourteen."_

_"That doesn't make this the way it works."_

_"Then how does it work?"_

_"Like I've been trying to tell you -"_

_"Wait, save it for later. Anyway, guys, enjoy the movie!"_

_"Are you actually filming this?"_

_"Nah, of course not, Angel. Now let's go out for lunch?"_

_(sighing) "Okay, fine."_

Before Padmé had time to process all that, the opening crawl came on screen.

Well, was it still an opening crawl? Cause all it really said...

STAR WARS

_Epidode II: Attack of the Clones (Primary Source Edition)_

if you've watched the other version of this movie, or you've seen

either version of _The Phantom Menace_ , you'll be good. Seriously,

why would you watch the movie if you hadn't already seen the

previous ones? As for setting up the story, no need to be lazy - just

put the plot in the actual movie!!! So anyway that's what we've done,

enjoy the show! 

Padmé wasn't sure what she had expected.

So anyway, it went through the different scenes - and Padmé was relieved to find that none of the comparing her to food, or decapitating Anakin, or giving gifts to sandpeople had ended up in the final cut. However...

"Sand is coarse enough to tear fabric to shreds, rough enough to erode even the sturdiest of Tatooine's cliffs, and is even more pervasive than glitter."

"Aw, you're so sweet, can I kiss you?"

"Of course!"

...that still made it into the movie.

~

Right at the end, Suddenly a kick line of clones appeared in the background, and Anakin's eyebrows furrowed. "Wait a sec. This wasn't in the original cut. I made this movie!" When he glanced over at Ahsoka, who was giggling uncontrollably, he suddenly realized what was going on.

"This is a song!" Leia whispered.

"Yep!" Luke agreed.

"Shh," Padmé scolded her children.

The audience was pretty confused with the boppy music going on ( **A/N yes I just used "boppy" as a descriptor for the song** ) but began to nod their heads as the clone stopped kicking and began to step-touch as Annelise danced ballet onto the screen.

"When I was fourteen a random child called me an angel!"

(The clone backup dancers chimed in, " _Ooh, he called her an angel!"_ )

The theater burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

"And I found it endearing right away!" (Annelise twirls)

(" _Ooh, right away - ooh, oh, right away.." ._ the clones were causing more laughter than even Annelise and her song...)

"But there was no way I could of anticipated..."

(" _She didn't see it coming..._ " The clones stopped step-touching for a sec to clap their hands before going back to step-touches.)

"The love that I would feel for him was years away!"

( _"She just rhymed the word 'away' with 'away,'"_ the clones chimed in in harmony.)

Jake shuffled on screen in the most ridiculous dance ever. "She first realized that she loved me..."

 _("They were in love..."_ )

"When I slaughtered a bunch of families in cold blood..."

(The clones shrugged. " _We don't get it either..."_ )

"But it took a little prodding and the fact I hated sand

to get her to express her love."

( _"Those words don't really rhyme..."_ )

Ahsoka danced on set. "This is Anakin," she stated. "Do you expect him to rhyme? Anyway..." she began to sing - like, actually sing, not trying to be annoying or off key, and Padmé realized for the first time what a good singer she was. "I'm Anakin's padawan from the future!" The audience cheered. "And I was supposed to be in this show."

One of the clones did a cartwheel in the background and got the audience to clap. "But then he decided to not get that far - and I'm mad - so I threw this in to let him know." The bowed, and then it went to credits.

( **A/N It's sad you don't know the tune to this... I'm totally singing along in my head and this song is sick...** )

~

"Ahsoka Tano..." Anakin bit his lip. "That was impressive, and funny, and the audience loved it, but _no putting musicals in my movies_!

~

Meanwhile, the team at Disney was playing it back, nodding their heads in approval.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a day again! Wow! It won't always be like this, but _dang_ I'm on a roll!
> 
> If you lost your sanity laughing at the clones... don't worry. So did I. XD
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	37. Making Revenge of the Sith - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... Anakin doesn't exactly like Revenge of the Sith... so...

Ah, yes. The movie Anakin will tamper with the most...

**~Revenge of the Sith~**

_Step one: Remind all of your current actors how much money they're making to keep them from quitting while trying to run your wife's atypical presidential campaign_

"Are you sure? Like why can't Padmé just play herself?" Annelise pointed out.

"Sweetheart, you just proved to Hollywood that you're a great singer, dancer, and actor, not to mention how much you're getting paid for this movie alone," Ahsoka reminded her. "This is your chance to make it big. Do you know how many times your name was Google-searched this past year?"

"How many?" Annelise asked skeptically.

"Millions! I don't have the exact number on me right now, but seriously - you're famous!" Ahsoka clapped her on the back. "Now get on set for filming. All the fans are expecting you to star as Padmé Amidala in the next movie, _Revenge of the Sith_. Should I throw in another nonsensical musical number?" She stroked her chin a bit. "Like, I don't know, 'You were my brother Anakin - the song?'"

Annelise cracked a smile. "You just get to work annoying your master."

The actors were all slowly becoming Skywalkers.

~

Luke and Leia were the stars of third grade. When the teacher wrote homework on the chalkboard, Luke would wait for the teacher to turn around, and then Force-lift the eraser to the board and erase the whole thing. Leia would smack her brother on the arm and rewrite it with the Force (these kids had some excellent control). Then Luke would erase it again, the class would giggle, and the teacher would whip around to see what was going on. Then she'd look at the board, realize the homework had been erased - and then the bell to let them go home from elementary school would ring.

Ah, just imagine those kids in middle school...

~

Padmé sighed. "This was not how I expect most people get nominated for the democratic party, but I'll take it."

See, Anakin had done a lot of mind tricks on people, which Padmé kept yelling at him not to do. But when the voice of the people spoke up, screaming "AMIDALA 2024!" and "WE WANT PADMÉ FOR PRESIDENT!" She sighed and accepted the truth of democracy.

People wanted her to be the president of the United States.

Anakin just wanted to rebuild the White House.

And Anakin had a way with getting what he wanted.

~

"After that dance, there is no way I'm playing Anakin in the next movie," Jake declared.

"Please? We don't want to have to find another actor." Ahsoka gave him puppy eyes. "All the fans want you back. Besides, you're part of the Skywalker family now. Oh, and you'll get to kiss Annelise like ten more times in _Revenge of the Sith._ "

Jake agreed to do the role.

~

Bryan was as eager to be Obi-Wan as always. He was brushing up on his lightsaber technique, constantly battling with Jake until they were super evenly matched... Obi-Wan was having them train for the final battle.

Anakin obviously had other ideas.

Idea 1: Cat gifts

Idea 2: Just make it what happened when he time traveled

Idea 3: Alternate ending in which Anakin and Obi-Wan shook hands and Padmé lived.

Obi-Wan kept teling him that no, they were going to do it _right_ , as painful as it was. But see, Anakin would go to extreme lengths to make sure _Revenge of the Sith_ did not end with Darth Vader.

Find out what he does in the next installment! (Er... sorry this one was kinda short. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks to

####  [entropycompression](https://archiveofourown.org/users/entropycompression/pseuds/entropycompression)

and

####  [NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/pseuds/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong)

For some of the ideas Anakin got.)

)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	38. Making Revenge of the Sith - Part 2

Anakin writing the script for _Revenge of the Sith_? Uh-oh...

**~Revenge of the Sith~**

_Step two: Write the Script_

Anakin was weaving Ahsoka into the plotline, including the stuff that was happening to her while Anakin and Obi-Wan were off doing... you know. _Revenge of the Sith_ stuff. Being friends, getting seperated, trying to kill each other. But Anakin took it upon himself to make the script _interesting_.

For example, when he got to the end where Anakin was supposed to cut off Mace Windu's arm... well, the new scene went as follows:

_WINDU: He's too dangerous to be left alive!_

_UGLY PALPABEAN: Please, don't kill me!_

_SKYWALKER: (doesn't do anything)_ **(don't question Anakin's script-writing techniques!)**

_WINDU: Really? You're not gonna stop me? Cool! (kills UGLY PALPABEAN and shoves his ugly face attatched to his ugly body out the window)_

_WINDU: (turning back to SKYWALKER) We decided to gie you the rank of master!_

_SKYWALKER: Really? Awesome! I know I deserve it. And it's way overdue._

_WINDU: Yeah, it is - we were really stupid to deny it to you the first time._

_SKYWALKER: You really were._

_WINDU: By the way, marriage is legal in the Jedi Order now._

_SKYWALKER: Really? Sweet!_

_WINDU: Yeah, so you can totally get publically married to Senator Amidala now and get her the proper care to make sure she doesn't die in childbirth!_

_SKYWALKER: Really, master? That's super cool! I'm definitely going to do that._

_WINDU: By the way, Obi-Wan killed Grievous and is coming to visit you._

_SKYWALKER: Really? Super cool! See, I feel like in an alternate universe, I would try to kill him and end up burning on the edge of a volcano, but that's probably just my wild imagination._

_WINDU: (laughs) Yeah, and I imagine you would have become an evil Sith in a life support suit - but again, just my crazy imagination. Who wants pizza?_

"No," Obi-Wan said.

"But -" Anakin tried to protest.

"No. You will now leave the script writing up to _me_. From now _on_." Obi-Wan put his foot down, much to Anakin's dismay. "Anakin, we're trying to make it _more_ accurate, not _less_ accurate. There was no pizza in Skyriver Galaxy."

"But pizza is good."

"Does that have literally anything to do with what i just said?"

_Step 2.5: Fix the script that Anakin wrote_

Obi-Wan had to do it because Padmé was off becoming president of the US and Ahsoka liked Anakin's original.

_ Step three: Film _

Jake and Bryan went back and forth with their lightsabers, every move as exact as they'd been taught. "I have failed you Anakin! I have failed you!"

"I should have known the Jedi were plotting to take over!"

("Why couldn't we change it?" Anakin muttered.")

"Anakin, Ugly Palpabean is evil!" Then they stopped and groaned. "Sorry, it's just it's in the script and..."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Sorry about that. Anakin programmed the computer to always change 'Palpatine' to 'Ugly Palpabean,' so you're just going to have to memorize it the right way." He shot Anakin a look.

Anakin shrugged. "I don't see why we don't just keep it as Ugly Palpabean! It's accurate."

"It's not nice!"

"Tricking somebody into thinking their wife is gonna _die_ by giving them _night terrors_ while manipulating them from a young age to become an _evil Sith apprentice_ without any care for his well being and forcing him to kill _children_ is not nice! DOWN WITH UGLY PALPABEAN!"

Obi-Wan couldn't argue with that. So... "Ugly Palpabean" was used in place of "Palpatine" throughout the entire script in the final cut.

 _This is gonna spawn a hundred memes and YouTube parody songs,_ Ahsoka realized. "I gotta be the first to make an _Ugly Palpabean_ song!" Ahsoka suddenly shouted, darting up the stairs.

(It ended up being so good, they included it in the final cut.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, kinda short, but you got two updates today, so I think I've given you sufficient content. (I'm really on a roll right now, guys. This can't last forever, but enjoy it while I have it!)
> 
> UGLY PALPABEAN!!!!!!!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	39. Making Revenge of the Sith - Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know how these part threes go. Editing shenanigans, again!

#### First and foremost, check out [Ahsoka Supposes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27697826) by [NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/pseuds/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong)

It was based on this fanfiction and it made me laugh so hard!!! It's basically Kayla and Ahsoka being little gremlins. It's especially fun if you enjoy musical theater. They basically tap dance Anakin's eyes yellow!

And now, for the chapter!

**~Revenge of the Sith~**

_Step four: Edit_

Obi-Wan came in to prievew the final cut every single day to make sure neither Anakin nor Ahsoka had messed with it. He was _trying_ to maintain his sanity while both doing this _and_ being the probably soon-to-be Vice President. (The election was in literally three weeks and most people had still only heard of Padmé Amidala. She was running agains someone last name Jones or James or something.)

He fast forwarded through most of it - wait. No.

The entire mustafar scene had been replaced by cat gifs.

_WHAT WAS ANAKIN'S THING WITH CAT GIFS?_

Seriously, of all things for Anakin to adapt a strange affinity for...

Sighing, and also needing to get back to WORK, he quickly edited out all of the cat gifs and got the footage of the scene back in. Sighing, he got back to work.

~

Meanwhile, at Greenwood Stage, a highly exclusive theater program, Ahsoka Tano sang "For the First Time in Forever," wowing everybody, because she was _awesome_ like that.

Seriously, her decision to do theater that wasn't for the college had much dissapointed her college theater program. They got her to reluctantly play Zoe Murphy in _Dear Evan Hansen_ for them, just to boast that she went to their school.

For Greenwood Stage, she'd already starred as Miss Hannigan (she loved to be an evil orphanage owner more than she wanted to admit), Angelica Schuyler (they literally performed _Hamilton_ just so they could have her play that role), Christine Canigula (she was really bribed into that one - _Be More Chill_ wasn't her favorite), the other, really really famous Christine (who knew she could do Hannigan's low notes AND all those opera high notes? They've got some talent...) and now she was staring as Anna.

Slowly, Disney's eyes were turning into little dollar signs at this young college freshman.

~

Meanwhile, Annelise sat at home, finally done acting in the prequels (though she was slightly sad she no longer had to say "Ugly Palpabean" all the time), watching an advertisment where Padmé popped up.

The Skywalkers had become like family to her on set - something she was really proud of, cause they were _crazy_ famous. That and Jake was a really awesome boyfriend, and she never would have met him without the prequels. And she'd finally made it as an actress and singer.

She basically owed her career to Anakin being a buffoon.

But anyway, sweet Aunt Padmé showed up onscreen and said, "I know all of you know my name, mostly because I'm supposedly fictional. But that's no reason to vote for me. I want to prove to you that Obi-Wan Kenobi and I are the right people to lead your country."

She began to list the things she believed in and would do as president. "Rather than vote for me because Arthur Johnson is a less well known name, vote for me because I can run this country the best. Thank you."

Gosh, she's gonna be the perfect president.

Annelise was also mildly interested in what Anakin was giong to turn the White House into.

~

Obi-Wan once again came down to check on the movie. This time, along with the usual "Ugly Palpabean" delieveries in place of "Chancellor Palpatine" (the actors had eventually managed to deliver it with a straight face), Palpatine's head had been replaced with little wrinkly beans. Sighing, Obi-Wan got to work fixing it.

Why couldn't Anakin understand he had _real work to do?_

Was this about letting Ahsoka and Kayla tap dance under his office that one time? (https://archiveofourown.org/works/27697826) Because to be fair, Anakin _did_ eat the entire cherry pie. Had he really ended up starting prank wars with Anakin? Because seriously, Obi-Wan had work to do that didn't include fixing Palpatine's head to not be a wrinkly old bean!

~

Kayla did a perfect portrayal of being worried of her ice powers showing. "Don't let them in, don't let them see..." See, she'd gotten cast as Elsa, and it was her turn to sing in this song while Ahsoka stood on the other side of the stage, twirling and acting overly excited.

Ahsoka may more may not have mind-tricked the casting team into casting her. But to be fair, she _totally_ deserved the role. She was doing it _perfectly._

Oh yes, she and Ahsoka were headed to Broadway together!

...if Ahsoka's master/adoptive father didn't Force-choke them to death while they were practicing first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> Yeah, the whole reference to the cherry pie and prank war comes from the the oneshot NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong wrote, which I linked at the top and also in the middle of the work. So you should have no shortage of access to the fic.
> 
> I really reccomend it. It's hillarious.
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you liked it! Leave a comment/kudos if you did, and feedback is always appreciated!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	40. Revenge of the Sith (Primary Source Edition) in Theaters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the moment we've all been waiting for!

After wrapping up all the editing - mostly Obi-Wan fixing all of the stuff Anakin kept sneaking in and adding Ahsoka's heaily autotuned song about Ugly Palpabean that she'd posted on her YouTube channel in place of the prievews, it was all ready to go for the theaters!

But first, a note on the presidential election results:

This had never happened in history.

Never in all the hundreds of years America had been a country.

 _Somebody_ always voted for someone else - like a third party, or the other party's candidate.

Padmé Amidala won 100% of the vote.

Literally nobody voted for Arthur Johnson (or the Libertarian candidate that nobody knew the name of). While Padmé was flattered, she was worried that she was only voted because of her name recognition. Still, after Biden's very respectful concession speech, Padmé was glad to accept the presidency.

And now, back to the theaters.

Every single seat was taken before the previews, all of them waiting anxiously for whatever ridiculous thing Anakin did. But this time, it was Ahsoka's YouTube video about Ugly Palpabean:

A wrinkly bean onscreen morphed into Palpatines face, and his voice - very autotuned - said, "I am the senate, I was the senate, I used to be the senate now I'm UGLY PALPABEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN."

The audience roared with laughter. Ahsoka screamed from the back, "Y'ALL CHECK OUT MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!!"

When the song was over, Anakin popped up onscreen and said, "Hope you enjoyed Ahsoka's song about Ugly Palpabean! Which yes, is what we'll be calling him through the entire show. Anyway, thank you for voting for Padmé for the presidency, and I'm sure Ahsoka's already screamed it into the theater, but check out her YouTube channel. If you want Luke and Leia to get one, you'll have to wait till they're ten. They're only nine and my wife and I have rules. Mainly my wife."

He looked around like checking his surroundings, then leaned into the camera and whispered, "I'd actually be fine with it."

In the back, Padmé gaped and Luke and Leia high-fived.

Onscreen, Anakin straightened. "Anyway, I hope you enjoy the primary source version of _Revenge of the Sith_!"

The opening crawl (or, uh, Anakin's idea of an opening crawl) appeared onscreen:

STAR WARS

_Epidode III: Revenge of the Sith (Primary Source Edition)_

Again with these opening crawls. Seriously, what's even the point of

it? Well, since apparently these movies aren't really Star Wars movies

without them, I guess I'll suck it up and make one. Anyway, the setup

is basically that The Great And Mighty Anakin Skywalker and his Slightly

Useless Master Obi-Wan Kenobi are on their way to ~~capture~~ sorry, rescue

(UGH) Ugly Palpabean. (He lost his right to the name Palpatine when he

manipulated me and my family. Sorry, not sorry.) Enjoy the show.... 

"Did he just call me 'slightly useless?'" Obi-Wan said, his face disbelieving.

"It's almost as innacurate as that whole 'Great and Mighty Anakin Skywalker' thing," Padmé agreed.

"Hey, we all know I'm great and mighty," Anakin defended quietly. "And also that Obi-Wan's useless."

"I am _not_ useless, my padawan!'

"FORMER padawan."

They were bickering quietly, but some people were still managing to eavesdrop, as evidenced by the snorts of laughter from some of the people sitting near them.

~

There was definitely some laughter at the actor's straight faces as they delivered lines in which they said "Ugly Palpabean," and a whole deafening round of applause when the scene cut to Ahsoka and the clones. Ahsoka leaned back in the back row, basking in the attention.

"You know, I never expected to star in a holodrama back when I was a military commander, which carried to movies here... and I definitely didn't expect my character to be me," Ahsoka admitted. "But the audience seems to love it!"

"Everyone loves you, Auntie 'Sokka!" Leia reminded her sweetly.

"Yeah!" Luke added. "You buy the best candy!" Leia elbowed her brother. "What?" Luke asked innocently. "She does!"

"She does," Leia begrudginly admitted. "But that's not why we love her, right? We love her because she's _awesome_?" Then Leia pointed at the screen. "Oh, look! Darth Maul is tap dancing!"

Padmé's eyebrows furrowed. She leaned over to Obi-Wan and whispered, "Is that supposed to be in the final cut?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Ahsoka choreographed it and Anakin liked it, and if we're going to call Chancellor Palpatine Ugly Palpabean we might as well let Maul tap-dance. The audience loves it!"

The audience was indeed laughing and clapping at Maul's tap dance solo. Then Ahsoka - played by none other than Ahsoka Tano herself - came forward in the movie and gave everyone what they really wanted - an epic tap solo done by _her_.

Dang, that girl could tap dance.

Dang, that girl could dance in general.

The audience cheered and whistled and clapped, while Ahsoka leaned back in her seat, looking very proud of herself.

Meanwhile, Anakin stared at Ahsoka's tap shoes as she did the dance... he had PTSD from this one night where he was trying to work and Ahsoka and Kayla decided to tap dance _right under where he was working..._ (https://archiveofourown.org/works/27697826)

~

Meanwhile, the team at Disney's eyes were swimming with money.

"We should let her make a Star Wars musical."

"Yes. She could play any Togrutan character or herself, she could cast all the characters -"

"Put in all sorts of dancing types for all kinds of roles -"

"All sorts of singing parts -"

"And she's witty -"

"Oh, this is gonna make _so much money_ -"

"And then high schools will love it and start doing it because of the array of good parts it offers -"

"This is gonna make every last person in this room _rich_."

(A rather silly thing for people who are _already filthy rich_ to say. But whatever.)

~

There was a _slight_ editing error.

As Windu fell out the window, you could hear an echo of "Who wants pizza?" in the background.

"Ah, must be a remnant from the original that didn't get entirely edited out," Obi-Wan said, his motuh in a thin line.

"We never filmed that version," Padmé realized.

Obi-Wan's eyebrows furrowed. "That means..."

"That I did it on purpose?" Anakin smiled smugly. "Yes I did. Pizza is awesome."

The pizza reference did not go unnoticed, causing the people in the theater to totally burst out into laughter.

~

A few days later, Ahsoka recieved word that Disney wanted her to make a musical about Star Wars. She accepted immediately under a few conditions:

a) She got to star in it on Broadway

b) Kayla got to star in it on Broadway

c) She got to do it however she wanted with no regulations

They shook hands on it (cause Ahsoka didn't feel like papers and contracts) and immediately informed Kayla that she'd just landed a _huge_ Broadway role. First she just needed to write the script and choreograph the dances!

Kayla agreed to help.

Oh, this was gonna be great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the prequels are OVER!
> 
> This is both a happy accomplishment and also really sad cause it was hillarious to write!!!
> 
> Also, I need your input:
> 
> Would you rather I have them make the OT, or have Ahsoka make a Star Wars themed musical? Which production would you rather see? Leave a comment!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this installment!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	41. Star Wars Musical wins!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright so I was going to wait a little longer to see what people voted for, but at this point making a Star Wars musical has won pretty handedly, so I'm going to go with that. Maybe I'll do the OT later for those of you who want to see that.

Ahsoka and Kayla were in the middle of making a Clone Wars musical.

It was based off of the 2008 movie: _The Clone Wars_. If it was popular enough, Ahsoka thought about possibly making musical versions of every single episode and having them come out once every month - you know, because that would last for years and years and bring piles of money to everyone involved.

But first the movie.

"How are the lyrics to the song going?" Ahsoka asked.

"The one where Anakin takes Ahsoka as his padawan?" Kayla checked. Ahsoka nodded. "I'm finishing up the lyrics right now. Do you want to take a look?"

"Sure," Ahsoka agreed. "Then you can tell me what your tune is for it, and I can make a backing track!"

"Alright, so here's what I have:"

_(speaking)_

ANAKIN: Hey, you alright?

AHSOKA: _(sighs)_ Yeah, I'm fine.

ANAKIN: Okay... you know, I've been thinking about it.

AHSOKA: Thinking about what?

_(singing)_

ANAKIN

You know I always used to worry

I'd never learn to fit in

I came here from pretty far away

I had to start over again

I always used to worry

My master didn't want me

Just keeping a promise, but he

Quickly

Proved me wrong...

"These stanzas are in different tunes, right? Because they don't have the same rhyme scheme," Ahsoka pointed out.

"Oh yeah, I can hum the tune for you." Kayla did so, and Ahsoka's eyes brightened.

"Actually, those notes really have an aesthetic. Have you written songs before?"

"Sometimes," Kayla admitted. "Usually in musical theater style."

"That explains why you're so good at this." Ahsoka turned back to the page:

ANAKIN

I guess I'm not sure I'm ready for this

I myself can be a bit too reckless

But we can figure it out!

_(speaking)_

AHSOKA: ( _hopefully_ ) So what are you saying?

ANAKIN: I guess...

ANAKIN

I used to jump out of the sky

I worried all the masters

And when mine taught me to fly

I always pushed it faster

I'd jump out of the sky

Never afraid to die

They say there is no try, well!

We'd make a great team, you and I!

I'm not sure I'm ready for this

But you can be a bit too reckless

You're never gonna make it with anybody else... _(speaking)_ So... that leaves me! Right?

AHSOKA: ( _brightly_ ) Really?

ANAKIN: I guess?!

AHSOKA: Well yes!

"That's where I am," Kayla said. "I'm thinking I'll wrap it up with a duet. What do you think?"

Ahsoka tapped her chin. "It _does_ make Anakin seem a little more sane than he actually is..." Kayla giggled. "But we can make him look ridiculous later. OH! And his character _has_ to get a tap solo. After what we did to him, it's the best form of torture - think of it as retribution for being a ridiculously incompetent director for the primary source prequels."

Kayla laughed. Then a lightbulb went off over her head. "I'l give Ahsoka and Anakin a tap duet for the end of this song! The music can stop for a sec, they can get an epic tap duet, and then we can have a nice music ending while they pose and stuff -"

" _Yasss_! That's perfect! And just at the very ending, my character can jsut be like, 'So, that means I'm your padawan, right?' and Anakin can nod and they'll go back to they're cool pose cause that's awesome!"

They squealed.

"I can choreograph the dance," Ahsoka added. "I just need a pencil."

"I'll just mark down that there's going to be an epic tap duet at the end of the song, and you can make a backing track," Kayla suggested.

"Yes!" Ahsoka opened a little closet and wheeled out a nice studio upright piano. Kayla's eyebrows furrowed.

"Where did you get that?"

Ahsoka waved it off. "Eh, it's not the first piano I've bought with Anakin's money." Kayla's eye's bulged and she had to fight to keep in her laughter.

"Now I'm thinking for the tune you gave, we'll need a little guitar too. Um, probably electric, not acoustic."

"Nah, go acoustic. It's more you're guys' style," Kayla suggested.

Ahsoka shrugged. "Alright, but we'll have to play it hard. You're right, I can already envision the chords. This song is gonna be awesome!" She pulled out her casting notes and wrote down next to the Anakin and Ahsoka roles: _Tap dancing skill required_.

"Now can you hand me my sheet music notebook? I do things best by hand."

Kayla handed it over and she immediately began to formulate the perfect track for the show. She couldn't wait so have people perform it live. "Oh yeah, I just had a thought - we're going to have to find people who play these instruments."

Kayla shrugged. "'Sokka, if we can find some awesome tap dancers and actors to play these roles, we can find people who play these."

"Fair enough. Oh! We should have Obi-Wan come find them posing and be like 'What are you two doing?' And they can break the pose and be like 'Oh, nothing.'"

Kayla giggled. "Yes, and then it can go into the scene where Obi-Wan offers to have Ahsoka transferred to him and Anakin's like 'Hold on' -"

"Actually, we can make it look like Anakin totally forgot about that. Like, 'What do you mean transfer? She's mine,' like all confused," Ahsoka mused. Then she snorted with laughter. "We have to make him look like as much of an idiot as possible."

"Let me guess. Retribution for being an incompetent director?"

"Yep." Ahsoka popper her P and got back to writing the track for the song.

 _Oh,_ this was going to be an awesome musical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Song lyrics don't make a ton of sense without the tune, I know. But I promise you, it sounds super cool. Just... see if you can come up with something cool-sounding in your head that works with the lyrics and has a theater-y feel.
> 
> Ah yes, we're gonna have some FUN with this musical... making it, choreographing and blocking, backstage misadventures, etc... this is going to be one of the most fun phases of this fanficiton yet!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	42. Auditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just FYI, if you couldn't already tell, I'm pretty huge on theater. And dance. It's been a while since I did tap though, so thanks to NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong for reminding me of all the terminology!

"For your dance audition - well, what type of dance are you going to be auditioning?"

"I can do ballet and tap," the fourteen-year-old girl, Ashlyn, said.

"Alright, our only ballet role is Ventress -"

"Hold on a sec," Ahslyn interrupted. "You made Ventress do ballet?"

Kayla nodded, keeping a straight face the whole time. "You're a bit young for that role, though. Tap would open you up to a variety of roles, including Ahsoka - which, I'm assuming you want to be Ahsoka." Ashlyn nodded. "Okay, great! So for our audition, we're going to have you learn the choreography for the ending of one of the songs."

"Do you have your own tap shoes?" Kayla asked.

"Yeah," Ashyln said. "I brought my ballet and tap shoes, just in case."

"Alright, so just change into those for me?" Kayla instructed. Ashlyn did so, and when she stood up, her toes _click_ ed.

"The idea is that you'd repeat a certain routine, then whoever plays Anakin would do it afterwards, and then you'd do a slightly longer version together," Ahsoka explained. "You know how to do drawbacks, right?"

Ashlyn nodded.

"How fast?"

Ashlyn demonstrated - and Ahsoka whistled when she saw how fast Ashlyn could go while still keeping the sound nice. "Alright, that's good! So just four counts of that, and then whoever plays Anakin will copy, basically. Um, I can fill in. Kayla, where are my tap shoes?"

Ahsoka quickly changed shoes and then matched Ashlyn's pace, so that she came back for four counts and then Ahsoka copied. "Okay. You know Cincinnati's?"

Ashyln's eyes brightened. "For some reason - I don't know why - I really like doing those."

"Hey, tap is fun. So anyway..."

~

Meanwhile, back at the Blue House (ask Anakin, not me), the now ten-year-old Luke and Leia had been granted permission to start a YouTube channel. They had immediately made a profile pic of Leia leaning on Luke's shoulder and titled it "The Skywalker Twins." They had three subscribers two seconds after making the channel. They hadn't even posted yet.

Now they were filming.

"Hello! Mom and Dad _finally_ granted us permission to get a channel!" Leia began.

"Even though we've already been in Auntie 'Sokka's before," Luke added. Leia giggled.

"So right. You probably either know us as the kids from a different galaxy, or the president's children. Anyway, we just wanted to say _hello_ -"

"-and _we have a YouTube channel now_!" Luke finished.

"By the way, as you can see behind us, the walls are blue," Leia pointed out. "That's the same for every single room. And the outside of the building. Yes, that includes Mom's room."

"And that oval-shaped office that's super important for some reason," Luke added.

"It's just a placeholder for what he apparently plans to do to this place." Leia bit her lip. "Mom's already mad at him for turning the White House entirely blue, so I'm not quite sure how much more he'll get away with."

~

"Okay, nice." Ahsoka leaned in to whisper to Kayla, "I'm half inclined to just say she gets the role. She's perfect for it."

Kayla nodded. "Agreed," she said. "Ashlyn - you've officially been cast as Ahsoka Tano."

Ashlyn looked confused. "What about everyone else?"

Ahsoka shrugged. "I don't feel like doing more auditions and you're perfect - even if that does make me a little more like my idiotic master than I would like to be," Ahsoka admitted.

Ashlyn's eyes brightened. "I can't believe it! I have to tell my mother!"

~

"There's a bowling alley in this place - and as of our move into it last month, yes, it is entirely blue," Luke said, with a short burst of laughter at the end. Her ran his hand through his (very adorable) blonde hair.

"Mom's busy a lot, but she did find time to yell at Dad about that," Leia added.

"He didn't care," Luke informed the camera. "He just said 'The Blue House sounds so much better than the White House, right?'"

"And Mom was like, 'No, you idiotic nerfherder!'" Leia and her brother cracked up.

~

When Annelise got a call from her good friend Ahsoka Tano, she did _not_ expect to be invited to be a ballet-dancing version of Ventress.

It's just, that girl's so dang hard to say _no_ to.

So that's how she ended up with a short white wig and two practice red lightsabers, doing pirouettes. (There may have been some _slight_ Force suggestion there on Ahsoka's part.)

~

"So that concludes our first video. Subcribe for more from the Skywalker Twins!" Leia concluded, and stopped the camera. Within seconds of uploading, it already had over a thousand views.

Lue's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Are people just sitting on YouTube, waiting for us to get a channel and upload?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, none of you are here to see Ahsoka and Kayla choreograph dances. It's just too interesting for me! So I had to basically give you a little introduction to the dance. (If any of you know tap, you probably understood what I was saying. And I may have let myself rub off on Ashlyn. When I did tap, I really liked Cincinnati's for some reason.)
> 
> So anyway, YEP! The White House is blue now! It's not my fault, it's Anakin's.
> 
> And the twins have a YouTube vlog now! Ah, yes. XD
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	43. The Skywalkers are Skywalkers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All you gotta know is that Hunter has a thick southern accent, but can pull off English/Scottish when he wants to.

Before you read this chapter...

[Read this fic by NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong!!!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27721573)

Seriously, it's hillarious. It's based off of this one - it's shortly before Anakin paints the White House blue, I think. (It does get continuously referenced in this chapter, so I highly reccomend reading it.) Anakin doesn't know what to do for Padmé's aniversary and he's failed hopelessly in the past, so Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and some Luke and Leia decide to be his teachers!!! (Warning: Contains sand.)

* * *

Leia backed away from the camera, sitting down next to Luke. "Hi guys!"

"So, it's time for story time with Luke and Leia!" Luke announced. "Next week, we're going to cover the story of how our Dad managed to paint the entire White House the color of his lightsaber without Mom noticing."

"This week," Leia continued, "we'll be covering the story about how Uncle Obi-Wan, Auntie 'Sokka, and us taught-slash-tortured Dad into becoming an _okay_ romantic partner for a single night."

"So, basically, here's what happened..." Luke began.

~

"This has been a cultural monument for _decades_ , Anakin Skywalker!" Padmé informed him in a stern tone.

"Don't you have work to do?"

"I would honestly rather deal with you than the senate!"

"I agree, especially if we're talking about The Senate in terms of Ugly Palpabean -"

"Anakin Skywalker you will listen to me!" Padmé snapped. Then she took a deep breath. "I understand that you don't know what it means to be a a dignified First Gentleman, but -"

"In my defense, it's your fault you didn't notice I was having the project done until the whole place was _already_ blue," Anakin pointed out. "And it looks cooler."

"There's a lot of rooms in this place and it's easy to miss you!" Padmé defended.

"Aw, you miss me with all the work you're doing?" Anakin put his hand on his heart. "That's so -"

" _Anakin_. Can you be serious for _one. Second_?"

Anakin looked up, pretending to think about it, and then shook his head decisively.

"Ugh!" Padmé wanted to tear her hair out. "Anakin, you're not allowed to paint the _White House_ blue because it 'looks cooler'! Quotes around 'looks cooler'!"

"Technically, it's the Blue House now and it _does_ look cooler," said Anakin.

Padmé sighed. "You are impossible, you know that?"

"It's my specialty."

"Well, you can't possibly be more impossible than the senate. Who I have to deal with right about now." Padmé sighed and pointed a stern finger at hre husband. "This isn't over." And she stalked out of the room.

Then Anakin got a strange feeling in the Force that he was being watched. He slowly looked towards the feeling and found Luke and Leia, giggling and holding a camera. When Anakin's eyes widened, they stood up and darted away laughing.

~

"Kayla, did you see this?" Ahsoka pulled up The Skywalker Twins on YouTube, and Kayla leaned over her shoulder to see. "They've got four videos now, all of which have gone viral. This was their first, this is the one where I performed a ballet duet with Leia and she turned out to be a little prodigy, this is the one where they gave a detailed recount of our preparation for Skyguy's wedding anniversary -"

"I must see that!" Kayla exclaimed.

"- and in this, they apparently caught Anakin and Padmé arguing on camera." Ahsoka giggled. "If President Amidala was _any other president_ and Anakin Skywalker was _any other First Gentleman_ and Luke and Leia were _any other president's kids_ , this video would not exist!"

"We are totally watching this after we get Hunter's audition," Kayla said with a giggle.

"Speaking of Hunter's audition, where the kriff is he? Wasn't he supposed to be here like fifteen minutes ago?" Ahsoka checked her watch. "Yeah, we scheduled this for three, and it's 3:!5."

Just then, the man burst into the room, panting like he'd been running. "Sorry I'm so late! I was running away from the president's kids!" He pointed out the door.

Ahsoka and Kayla came over to the door, where Luke and Leia - having the absolute time of their lives - were darting towards the building. Ahsoka put on her responsible-Aunt-face and crossed her arms. "Luke, Leia? Who let you away from the Blue House?"

"Daddy," they said in unison.

Ahsoka sighed. "Of course Anakin did that," she muttered. To the twins, she said, "Did he drive you here?"

"Yes."

"Where's Secret Service?" Kayla wondered.

"Oh, those must be the black SUV's that were chasing our car!" Luke said, like he was just realizing this.

"Yeah! Daddy had to pass a bunch of cars on the interstate just to try and get away from them," Leia added. "It was epic!"

"Dad was trying to help us chase down Obi-Wan for revenge, and by the time we realized it wasn't actually Obi-Wan, we just kept chasing him because why not?" Luke shrugged.

"Please tell me President Amidala is more sensible than her family," Hunter begged.

"By a _lightyear_ ," Ahsoka promised.

"Yeah, I've been hanging with the Skywalkers - Padmé's the only sensible one there is!" Then she corrected, "Sorry, President Amidala. It's... weird calling your best friend's mother by the President's title."

"Wait, your the President's daughter too?" Hunter's eyebrows furrowed. "The Skywalker family situation makes no sense. Isn't she more like the wife of your master or something like that?"

"When we came to Earth I was fifteen. Since I was still a minor I had to have a legal guardian, so they're now my adoptive parents!" Ahsoka shrugged.

"Yeah, the Skywalker family situation is pretty messed up," Kayla added. "I mean, have you seen the Star Wars movies?"

Hunter shrugged. "Fair enough. Now, I believe we scheduled an audition?"

"Yes!" Ahsoka and Kayla exclaimed, closing the door. "Now, you're going to need to know a bit of jazz dance, as well as be able to sing."

"I can do that," Hunter promised.

"And you look enough like Obi-Wan that Anakin literally thought you _were_ him," Kayla said with a snicker. Then she corrected, "Sorry, Vice President Kenobi and First Gentleman Skywalker. This is really gonna take a while."

~

Meanwhile, outside, Secret Service had Luke, Leia, and Anakin corner right outside. "Sir, it is our job to keep you and your family safe," he said, a bit confused. He'd never been in a car chase with a member of the President's family nor had he ever expected to be.

"Listen, guys, I have a lightsaber and am trained in the ways of the Force," Anakin insisted. "I fought a in a galactic war and have killed multiple Sith Lords. If any normal Earth human decides to challenge me, I'll have no trouble going all awesome-Jedi on him."

"Still, isn't it a federal crime or something to run away from Secret Service?" They seriously had no idea how to handle this. They'd never faced resistance _from the President's family_ before.

"We're the ones you're supposed to be protecting so _no_ ," Anakin said firmly. "Also, I don't need your protection. Obi-Wan and I - sorry, Vice President Kenobi and I - can keep the Blue House perfectly safe ourselves."

"Vice President Kenobi has work to do and you're incompetent," the man said, entirely serious. "Not to mention you just dragged your children to chase down a poor innocent man -"

"He _is_ Anakin Skywalker," the other one admitted. "I mean, does he need protection?"

The other bit his lip. "We'll... take this one up with the president herself!" He decided.

"What?" Anakin's eyes widened. "No, my wife is still salty about all the blue paint! She'll assign at least twenty of you to me alone and confine me to my room -"

"You _did_ paint the White House blue. We will allow the president to deal with you."

"No. Not Padmé. Please no."

"You deserve this, Mr. Skywalker. Now come on. We're going back to the White - er, formerly White House with you _in between_ our cars. Okay?"

"Not okay!" Anakin looked down at his children for support, but simple found them filming. " _Luke and Leia Skywalker_!"

~

"Yes!" Ahsoka declared. "You are _perfect_ for the role."

"Wait, you're not going to wait for more auditions?" Hunter wondered.

Kayla shrugged. "Nah, we don't feel like it. You're perfect!" She turned to Ahsoka. "Alright, three castings down! Just a few zillion more to go..."

"Oh, look! Luke and Leia posted!" Ahsoka's eyebrows shot up at the thumbnail. "Wait a sec, I think Skyguy got in trouble with his own Secret Service. Come on!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but that's something Anakin would do though. XD
> 
> Leave your thoughts in the comment section! I'll update soon! (Seriously, break has given me summer-vacation-level time to update. This won't last forever, but enjoy it while you have it!)
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	44. Mad Padmé and the Twins Being Rascals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember Add: Padmé?  
> Well now you get Mad Padmé.

A guilty Anakin Skywalker was pushed before the judgement of the president of the United States of America herself.

Aka, his wife.

"Anakin Skywalker," Padmé Amidala began. "Do you mean to tell me that you got into a car chase with Secret Service?"

"Yes."

"Who is assigned to protect _us_?"

"...yes."

"With our young children in the backseat?"

"Yes."

"Without telling them not to follow your example?"

"Yes."

"To chase down the Vice President of the USA who you owe your Jedi training to?"

"...yes."

"And then it _wasn't actually him_?"

"Yes."

Padmé closed her eyes and let out a sigh. "Do you see the problem with this?"

"No," Anakin said blankly. Then he closed his eyes, concentrated in the Force, and - "Luke, Leia, turn off that camera right now." He heard the twins giggle as they ran away, causing him to sigh. "Hopeless, those two. Absolutely hopeless."

"They have more hope than _you_ , you idiotic nerfherder. First you paint the White House blue. Now this. I..." Padmé sighed. "You're officially on house arrest. You shall be confined to your room until further notice."

"But that's just not _fair_!" Anakin said, his mouth dropping open.

"Don't whine like a two-year-old," Padmé instructed, crossing her arms. "Now, I have important work to do - mostly deal with some of the whiniest adults in the country - and I don't have time to deal with the single whiniest human being in the world. I love you. Goodbye."

~

"So that's all the footage we got," Leia said with a giggle.

"It's hillarious when Dad gets in trouble with Mom," Luke added.

~

"Hunter, can you do me a favor?" Ahsoka asked.

"Yes?"

"I want you to act out an Obi-Wan Kenobi scene, but instead of doing it in that Scottish accent, do it in your normal accent."

Hunter faltered. "You want me to talk like this?"

"Yep. Perfect southern accent. This'll be hillarious." She pulled out her phone and began to tape it. "It's for the twins' YouTube."

Realization washed over him. "Ah. It's for the Skywalker children. I see." He immediately began to act his role, but with his southern accent. They had to do a few takes because Kayla kept giggling in the background.

~

"So for your audition," Kayla said to Trent, "you need to say the lines on the paper as straight-faced and cool as you can. You know, kind of layed back - think high school cool kid," she said.

"But with a slight mixture of disastrous chaos," Ahsoka added. "That should be right."

Trent nodded. "I think I get the idea." He looked at the paper, and his eyebrows furrowed. "Um... is this in the musical?"

"No," Ahsoka admitted. "It's just based off of a real life thing that happened. If you can deliever it seriously, you'll be good for the role! We've had five auditioners so far, and they couldn't keep the face. This is the character!"

Trent sighed. "Okay." He cleared his throat. "My name is Anakin Skywalker, and I dragged my impressionable children into a car chase with my own secret service, which was trying to protect me, on a hunt for somebody I thought was the vice president but actually wasn't, and after this my wife grounded me and my children caught it on camera. Also, I painted the white house blue without my family noticing."

"Perfect!" Kayla exclaimed. "You just got the role."

~

Annelise looked down at her cell phone. She'd been keeping up with the Skywalker family through the twins' YouTube - she couldn't believe these were the five-year-olds who had needed babysitting! They were all grown up and in fifth grade!

"Auntie 'Sokka got this footage earlier. It's behind the scenes of the upcoming Star Wars musical cast," Leia announced.

"Instead of doing the proper English-Scottish accent he does for the character, the actor for Obi-Wan Kenobi used his deep southern accent!" Luke added.

"Here's the footage," Leia concluded. The video transitioned into -

"Howdy there, Grevious! Just dropping by to kill ya and end the Clone Wars!"

Annelise giggled shook her head. That image was too hillarious.

~

Anakin sat pouting on his bed. Then he checked his phone.

Those little Sithlings had posted almost every ridiculous moment he'd gotten himself into on YouTube, and all the videos had gone viral.

Seriously, who raised them?

...oh.

Anakin sighed. He didn't understand why everyone expected him to suddenly not be as chaotic now that he was related to the president! I mean, he was still Anakin Skywalker!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a ride. Dang, I... I can't. XD
> 
> The twins' YouTube channel is freaking awesome! Dang it I wish it existed in real life, those videos would be hillarious to witness!!!
> 
> I hope y'all enjoyed - both the chapter and your Turkey! Happy Thanksgiving!
> 
>   
> Guess who's discord link decided to stop working?
> 
> Mine, that's who.
> 
> Here's the new one: https://discord.gg/z7ecojxupM


	45. Give me a week or two

Hi!

I'm currently writing a scholarship essay and I need to focus on that. I'll be back to writing this in a week or two, don't worry.

In the meantime, [NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/pseuds/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong) wrote a very wonderful and hillarious lung-destroying fic based off of this one, which is about what happens when Anakin is left to his devices and has a prank war with Obi-Wan. (Ends in a very cross President Amidala's office, and very grounded little twins.)

####  [Revenge of the Sith: Round Two](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27769183)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	46. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, I'm really focusing on my scholarship essay. However I'm taking a break right now and figured I might give you another chapter cause I'm nice like that :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I highly suggest reading the link from the last chapter. Consider it a chapter in this story, just written by NevilleLongbottmDidNothingWrong rather than me (THANK YOU SO MUCH BTW) *clears throat* it will be constantly referenced so it really is best to read it.
> 
> Really. It's hillarious. You'll enjoy it.
> 
> And this chapter will make a whole lot more sense.

Padmé was on her way to her office while holding her bag, like she often was. In her bag - since she knew Luke and Leia were little sneaks and would somehow find a way to steal back their electronic devices (which they were _very much_ GROUNDED from) - were Leia's iPad, Leia's cell phone, Leia's Kindle reader, and Leia's school computer, as well as Luke's iPad, Luke's cell phone, Luke's tablet, and Luke's school computer (Padmé did NOT buy them all these things, that was their Auntie 'Sokka spoiling them).

Looking straight ahead like a dignified Madam President, she didn't notice all eight devices float out of her bag and down the hallway behind her, into the awaiting hands of two little rascals peeking out from behind a corner.

Aka, the Skywalker twins.

Gathering the forbidden fruit, they quickly scampered back down the hallway to their room, and setting up Luke's tablet to record.

~

Ahsoka had the twins' latest YouTube up on the big screen for the entire cast of the Clone Wars musical.

"Alright," Leia whispered, backing away. "Sorry we haven't posted in a few days. We've been grounded."

"Actually, we're still grounded," Luke said quietly. "Also, we really really really hope Mom doesn't watch this channel, or else she's gonna find out we stole our electronics back. But first, some footage from the Blue House cameras:"

The video cut to footage of Luke and Leia giggling as all their electronics floated back to them with the Force as Padmé marched on without noticing. The cast giggled a bit, and even Landon - the one who was serious to end all seriousness - cracked a smile.

"So anyway," Leia said as the video cut back to them. "We're kind of proud of ourselves."

"As soon as we're allowed back on YouTube - which will be awhile if Auntie 'Sokka snitches, which she better not -" Luke gave the camera a warning glance "- Leia will be performing the Nutcracker ballet with Anakin."

"Like the true daughter of a politician, I refused to prank Obi-Wan without a little negotiating first," Leia explained with a giggle.

"I want to see that!" Ashlyn shouted.

"We will soon!" Ahsoka said, laughing.

"But for today, we present you with Never Have I Ever with the Skywalker twins!" Leia said, still giggling from her previous statement. "The list is from Auntie 'Sokka, our proud sposner and not-about-to-tell-on-us adoptive sister."

"Did you just say 'sposner?'" Leia gave him a look, and Luke groaned. She turned back to the camera. "Yesterday it was 'butter ball' when we went bowling, and today it's 'sposner?' What is up with my brother?"

"Leia, I literally put butter on the ball," Luke groaned.

"Sure you did," Leia said flatly. "Anyway, question number one!" Luke and Leia grabbed their signs from in front of them, lying on the ground. "Never have I ever..." Leia glared at the camera. "Really Auntie 'Sokka? Never have I ever gotten in a car chase with secret service."

Leia reluctantly displayed I HAVE, while Luke did it enthusiastically.

"This better not just be a list of messes that only we could get ourselves into, Auntie 'Sokka," Leia warned.

Luke shrugged. "I'm a proud guy-who-got-in-a-car-chase-with-Secret-Service!"

Leia rolled her eyes. "Just read the next one!"

Luke smirked as he read the next one. "Never have I ever used my twin's toothbrush." Luke displayed I HAVE while Leia displayed NEVER, staring at Luke in shock.

"LUKE SKYWALKER!!!! You used my _toothbrush_?! THAT IS SO DISGUSTING!"

"Keep it down!" Luke reminded her. "We don't want Mom to catch us."

"YOU. USED. MY. TOOTHBRUSH -"

Suddenly, the door creaked open and Leia quickly Force-shoved the iPad into the corner of the room and covered it with a blanket, so that now the audience only saw a little blanket.

"The Force makes it too easy for these two to hide stuff," Ahsoka said with a shake of her head. "And no, in case you were wondering, I will not be snitching on them."

"Good!" Trent told her. "This is _hillarious_!"

The audio on the iPad still worked though, so they could hear the Vice President's voice saying, "What are you two doing in here?"

"I'M YELLING AT LUKE FOR USING MY TOOTHBRUSH!" Leia shouted.

They couldn't see, but could only imagine the look Obi-Wan gave Luke. "Honestly, Luke?"

Again, they could only imagine Luke's nonchalant shrug. "It was yesterday! Chase put _mine_ in hismouth!" Luke said unapologetically.

"Chase?" Obi-Wan asked blankly.

"I bought them a dog two days ago. Padmé, Obi-Wan and Anakin still don't know," Ahsoka explained to the audience. "Or, didn't."

"It's our dog!" Leia said excitedly. "It's so cute and yappy!"

The serious voice _definitely_ meant Obi-Wan was giving his signature hard stare. "Ahsoka bought you a dog?" No noise, but presumed nodding heads. "And it's running loose in the Blue House _right now_?"

"Yep!" Luke said brightly, pretending to be unaware of Obi-Wan's growing anxiety.

"I will deal with you guys later!" There was the sound of a door opening and shutting extremely fast.

Luke called the iPad back to them, sitting it back on the table in front of them to continue the game. "Anyway, yeah, Chase put mine in his mouth so I used yours!"

Leia sighed. "Okay. That's really disgusting on a number of levels." Shuddering, she called their signs and list back to them and caught the list in her hand. "Never have I ever... eaten off the floor." Leia proudly displayed NEVER, while Luke displayed I HAVE. Leia gave her brother a disgusted look.

"You are _so_ losing this game, Luke! And honestly! That's disgusting!"

"Thiry second rule," Luke defended.

"Zero second rule. Do you _want_ germs?! I mean, Chase could have _licked_ that part of the floor!"

"It was before we had a dog!"

"But you do it all the time, don't you."

Luke scratched his neck. "Yes?"

"Well that better stop now." Leia wagged her finger in his face like his mother, even though she was technically fourteen seconds younger than him.

Then she sat back down and handed the list to Luke, who was about to speak when a panicked Obi-Wan voice said outside the door, "YOU DIDN'T MENTION A PURPLE CAT!"

Luke and Leia shared a glance. "Purple cat?" They chorused as Obi-Wan flung the door open, looking _very done with life_ , holding a cute little cat that had probably formerly been white. Now it was purple.

"That's not ours!" Leia truthfully insisted. "Who did that?"

"And more importantly, did they do it with _my purple hair dye_?!" Luke exclaimed.

"YOU HAVE PURPLE HAIR DYE?!" Leia and Obi-Wan chorused.

"But you've never dyed your hair," Leia pointed out.

Luke shrugged. "It was in the grocery store and I was bored so i asked Auntie 'Sokka to buy it for me!"

"The stuff Ahsoka buys for you..." Obi-Wan shook his head.

"Any minute now, he's going to realize that the iPad is right there," Ahsoka said in real life.

"It's a wonder he hasn't," Ashlyn remarked.

"He's holding a _purple cat_ ," Trent reminded them.

"Did you do that too Ahsoka?" Hunter asked.

Ahsoka shook her head and put up her hands. "I am entirely innocent. I have no idea what a purple cat is doing in the Blue House."

Suddenly Anakin burst into the room. "Where is he? Have any of you seen Coconut?!" Then he saw that Obi-Wan was holding the purple cat and scooped it out of his hands. "Coconut! I was looking all over for you, where were you?"

"He was drinking from the toilet water in your wife's bathroom," Obi-Wan said flatly.

"She's a she!" Anakin informed him, offended, and not even trying to address the second part of that statement. Then he glanced towards the camera and the audience held their breath as his eyes' widened in recognition. Then Luke and Leia noticed that he noticed and visibly tensed.

"You know," Anakin said slowly, "can you take me to the bathroom that Coconut was drinking toilet water from? I should probably wipe it down for Padmé. After all, it's my cat, my responsibilities..." Anakin yanked Obi-Wan out the door and closed it.

"You know what, that might be sufficient payment for us helping with the pranks," Leia told Luke, who nodded.

"Maybe you should only make him do a very small amount of ballet dancing then?" Luke suggested.

"Hm... or maybe we should make him sing instead of dance. It doesn't give him the PTSD dance does, and he just totally saved our skins there," she said.

"It's settled then!" Luke smiled. "Now we should probably sign off before another close call like that hits."

"And find out where Anakin got a white cat, considering he's just as grounded as we are," Leia added.

"And how he found my purple hair dye," Luke added.

"See you on part 2 of Never Have I Ever with the Skywalker twins!" The screen went black before recomending more YouTube videos.

~

"Anakin bought a cat and died it purple?" Trent's eyebrows furrowed.

"This is the same Anakin who painted the White House blue and colored my white sandals orange," Kayla informed them all. "He just hates the color white for some reason."

"Wait a minute." Hunter held up his hand. "I want the Anakin-coloring-Kayla's-sandals-orange story."

"Maybe another time," Ahsoka interrupted as Kayla opened her mouth. "It's rehearsal time!" She clapped her hands as the cast stood up and she led them to the room she used for practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm... maybe you'll eventually get the orange sandals story! Who knows!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, especially since it's pretty long AND since I should probably be writing my scholarship essay right now. Which I'll get back to. Bye!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	47. Here have some clones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to do this, I'm so sorry I just had to!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exactly one week from when she posted she'd take a week (and three days from that one time she just felt like slacking) KittyPaw is back, and with another chapter!
> 
> Like I sad in the summary, I had to do this. I absolutely had to. Had. To. So bear with me here for a moment.

The 212th and 501st were now both under command of Commander Cody and Captain Rex. Because, well...

You see, about eight years prior, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Anakin had suddenly just... dissappeared. No explanation. No dead bodies. No evidence that they'd packed for a trip. No way to find them in the galaxy. No sightings.

Absolutely gone.

Which was weird... but what happened.

A few months later, Senator Amidala of Naboo had disappeared in the exact same way, along with her two children. Just gone. Forever. And ever. Amen.

Suspicious, right?

But there was nothing they could do about it.

Until now.

...what the kriff?

See, when looking through Obi-Wan's old room to find any clue to where he could have gone, the last thing Duchess Satine expected to find was a giant garage with at least ten enormous ships inside, along with a sign that said:

_Defective time machines - do not touch._

_~ Anakin Skywalker_

_P.S. Don't tell my master I put this in his room._

_P.P.S. Or my wife that I put a working on in her closet._

_P.P.P.S. Or anybody that I have a wife._

So what she did, to find any sort of plausible explanation for this, was invite Rex and Cody - the two people who knew them best and also still remained in the galaxy - to come make sense of all this.

Cause that's the only logical thing you can do. Does anybody blame her?

"Duchess."

"Captain. Commander. I need your help with something." Satine guestured for the clones to follow her into Obi-Wan's room. "I wanted to know where he went, along with his padawans and the senator and her kids. I may have found a lead, but it's not what we expected."

As Rex and Cody walked into the emormous garage... what the actual kriff?

"Time machines?" Rex said, raising his eyebrows.

"General Skywalker hid something in General Kenobi's room?" Cody was incredulous at first, but then realized this was _Skywalker_ he was talking about. Of course he his defective time machines in his master's room.

"Um... General Skywalker is _married_?" That was Rex, before realization washed over his face. "Ah. Senator Amidala. I knew there was something there - actually Anakin told me and had me cover for him a lot - but... Marriage?"

"Not to mention he built this many time machines?" Cody.

"Not to mention _he built time machines at all_?" Rex.

"You think they're really time machines," Duchess Satine realized.

"We're talking about General Skywalker. Anything is possible."

So that is how they ended up bringing in a bunch of clones and inspecting a bunch of defective time machines. Looking for clues of where they went, they ended up accidentally starting it up...

~

"Luke and Leia Skywalker!"

Padmé Amidala stood over her two very-not-sorry children. Oh, she'd seen that YouTube video alright. Right after noticing the electronics were no longer in her bag, she'd checked their channel.

Ahsoka then claimed she was going to tell her all along. And after she'd so wonderfully saved the Oval Office from the idiots known as her husband and Vice President, Padmé elected to believe her.

"You decided to knowingly go under my nose and steal back your electronics for the sole purpose of... of _this_? That's it. No more YouTube. Your account? Deleted."

Luke and Leia gasped. "But -" they started in unison.

"No buts. I'm deleting it now." Padmé, in front of the twins' wide, despairing eyes, prepared to -

 _CRASH_!

Padmé slumped. "That would probably be your father. I'll go check the gates, give me a minute!" She stomped off muttering something about Anakin being an idiot. But when she found the gates, Anakin being an Idiot (capital I) was not what she found.

She found... not what she expected.

No, she had not expected to see Duchess Satine Kryze, Captain Rex, Commander Cody, Echo, Fives, Jesse, Kix, Tup, Wolffe, Bly, and Fox scratching their heads in extreme confusion.

"Did we time travel then?" the Duchess said, brushing off her dress. Then she looked up. "Oh, Senator! Thank goodness. We didn't mean to activate a defective time machine. It appears to have broken down after one use, which definitely means it was defective!"

"Wha -" Padmé sputtered. "Where was this?"

"It was in Obi - in General Kenobi's room at the temple," Satine corrected.

"Well, you have a lot to catch up on," Padmé said, leading her and the clones into the Blue House. As she passed Luke and Leia, she pointed a stern finger at them. "You two. Go lightsaber practice. No more electronics for you."

Luke smirked. "Lightsabers are technically -"

"No screens! Go!"

~

"And... we're stranded?" Commander Cody checked. "Like, forever?"

"In a galaxy far, far away?" Captain Rex added.

"Yep," Padmé said with a sigh. "But anyway, I'd better explain the way the world worked before Anakin decided to screw the rules, and... the new way the world works. Starting with the story of how John Smith showed up at a robot manufacturing company as any other innocent employee..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH YEAH, THE CLONES ARE HERE! WAHOOOOOOOOOOO!
> 
> Yas, alright? Just yassssssss. CLONES. I. LOVE THEM.
> 
> I also love NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong for reccomending which clones to brng and giving me rundowns of their personalities so I can write them right, cause I've never done that before.
> 
> Go to chapter 55 and beyond for the right discord link because the other one randomly decided to go NOPE


	48. Filming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Leia being YouTube famous

The eleven-year-old Skywalker twins had eyes (and cameras) everywhere. It was taking the residents of the Blue House _much_ too long to figure that out.

See, when Ahsoka gathered all the clones and Forced them (capital F) to come to her dance studio to learn a musical number for her musical, they thought there was no way Luke and Leia could follow. After all, they were too livestreaming a lightsaber battle between the two of them. The prize?

....you guessed it.

The last cookie.

 _Skywalkers._ *the sound of Padmé sighing loudly*

However, after a twenty-minute struggle, Luke pulled through, and triumphantly went for the last cookie - only to find it was already in Leia's mouth.

After swallowing, Leia smirked. "The Force is legal in these battles. The true winner isn't the one who points the lightsaber at the others' throat - it's the one who's idiotic brother didn't notice her stealing the cookie."

"Cheater."

"The Force isn't cheating."

"How is the Force not cheating!?"

"We're Jedi, Luke!" And then, Leia slyly said, "Wanna go film the clones dancing?"

Luke decided he could yell at his sister later.

~

Tup grapevined across the front of all the struggling clones, did a triple piroutette, and then a perfectly clean walkover before dusting his hands off and posing.

The rest of the clones stopped attempting to grapevine to stare at him.

Tup lost his pose and turned around. "What? It's easy, if you listen to the Commander!"

Ahsoka nodded and smiled approvingly. "See? If he can do it, the rest of you can! You're in great shape and you're super flexible."

"We're just not used to not being dressed in full body armor," Jesse pointed out.

Ahsoka put her finger to her chin and her hand on her hip and looked up at the ceiling, as if considering something. Then, as if a lightbulb went off in her head, her eyes brightened, making all the clone's dread her next words. "I know! Jesse should do hip-hop! He'd be great at it!"

Jesse looked like he wanted to crawl into a little hole and stay there for the rest of his life. "Um..."

"Come on! Lemme teach you some moves!" Ahsoka began to drag him out of the room while calling back to the other clones, "Tup is gonna teach y'all to do grapevines, which literally even Anakin can do so get it together!"

Tup shrugged. "Looks like I'm in charge. Alright guys, it's not that hard..."

Meanwhile, as Ahsoka left the room, she looked down to see two little crouched children - one blonde, one brunette - giggling and filming with their little camera. The twins then stood up when they noticed Ahsoka.

"Hey, Auntie 'Sokka! Just getting the footage of the century!" Luke said brightly.

Ahsoka laughed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, I won't stop you!"

Jesse's eyes widened. "You're not going to tell them not to film me doing... hip-hop?" The words sounded strange in his hardened military soldier mouth.

Ahsoka shrugged. "I doubt I could stop them." She looked back down at the twins with a stern stare. "Luke, Leia? Jesse politely requests that you do not film him doing hip-hop dance, alright?"

Luke and Leia shared a look, and Ahsoka had no doubt they were communicating through their twin Force bond.

_Hip-hop?_

_JESSE doing hip-hop?_

_As soon as they're outta sight, we're filming that, alright?_

When Ahsoka saw Leia nod, she knew that couldn't be a good sign. That or it was a wonderful, future-lung-splitting sign. However you interpret the knowledge that they were certainly about to film Jesse doing hip-hop dance.

~

Later that day, Luke and Leia's YouTube channel was full of Tup being an awesome ballet dancer, Jesse turning out to be okay at hip-hop, Echo and Fives struggling at tap while Ahsoka stood there stubbornly in her attempts to force them to do it, Kix dancing lyrical to the song "Waving Through a Window" (Ahsoka's pick) and Captain Rex getting off easy with Ballroom Dance because he was one of Ahsoka's favorites. Still, Luke and Leia found the video of him and Ahsoka dancing and in their YouTube video, they put as a caption:

#rexsoka4life

Something Ahsoka and Rex rubbed their temples in exasperation to. Ahsoka had found numerous fanfiction shipping her with her clone captain, and she thought it was ridiculous! Why did people ship her with her clone captain?!

It made no sense! In the other galaxy, Ahsoka had been a good Jedi, adherent to the code! She'd never even had a crush! (...Bonteri didn't count. Forget him.)

Still, Luke and Leia were quite the budding shippers.

Rex would have told them not to do anything like that anymore if the next video they posted hadn't been, _WE CAUGHT OBI-WAN KISSING SATINE ON CAMERA!_

Something the whole cast of the Clone Wars musical got to see.

So... Ahsoka and Rex forgave them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those little gremlins.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter! If so, leave kudos! Once again, shoutout to NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong for all her ideas and telling me what kinds of dance the different clones would most likely do!
> 
> Also, salanaland just left kudos on this thing. I'm kinda freaking out because I've been a huge fan of their work for a really long time. That's kind of a random shoutout but *shrug* why not I just got kudos from an awesome person
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	49. Padmé's Life Just Can't Be Easy

Ahsoka looked up at the stage as the opening number to the Clone Wars musical - which started with the battle scene - played.

The little few seconds of silence in the music were filled with the little tap shoes, the way Ahsoka had instructed. It was lovely. All the dancing in place of battle... it was beautiful. Ahsoka and Kayla leaned back and admired their work. And then -

 _CRASH_!

Ahsoka and Kayla's heads slowly turned to look at each other. Then they dashed up the side stairs to the stage.

Ahsoka heard some whispering - "The directors are coming!" "Fix this!" "We can't -" They all froze as they walked backstage and crossed their arms. They were prepared to be stern, but what they saw confused them so much they actually broke facade.

Kayla's eyebrows furrowed as she scanned the scene. Two fold-up tables were on their sides, like they'd just fallen, and one was standing on its side in a way that was... not how a fold-up table went. Landon and Reyla were sitting on top of the one that was still sitting on its short side, and three of her stage crew plus Ashlyn were crashed on the floor with their tables. Off to the side was a stopwatch, still ticking up.

"I don't even want to know," Ahsoka decided. "Clean this up. And don't make Ashlyn do it by herself." Because Ahsoka had a feeling that would happen. "Or Landon, for that matter." Then she turned on her heel and stalked out, Kayla right beside her.

"I think they were seeing who could sit on top of tables stood up like that the longest," Kayla told Ahsoka.

"Probably. It's still ridiculous. And dangerous. And I bet they had to _pay_ Ashlyn and Landon to participate." Ahsoka shook her head.

~

"We are now going to tell you guys about our latest brilliant scheme and how it all worked out _perfectly_ ," Leia said with a giggle.

"So basically," Luke began, "we told some of the actors and stage crew from Auntie 'Sokka's musical to play this fun game, explaining you stand a fold-up table on its show side and two people sit on top of each. Then you put a stopwatch off to the side and let it tick up. Whoever can stay on theirs the longest wins."

"We just wanted them to crash in the middle of a musical number," Leia informed the audience.

"And make Auntie 'Sokka and Kayla question their crew's sanity," Luke added.

"Yeah," Leia said with a giggle. "It worked. It was awesome. We caught the footage on camera."

"They never noticed my tablet floating there in the Force," Luke said smugly. "Here it is."

The video cut to footage of Ahsoka and Kayla raising their eyebrows at their actors and crew members. The scene cut back to Luke and Leia. "So anyway, Operation Get Auntie 'Sokka to Question Crew's Sanity was a success!"

" _Major_ sucess," Luke added.

~

"Next time I see them, they're dead," Ahsoka muttered.

~

"You don't feel anything in the Force, do you?" Satine asked with a chuckle. "Last time I thought we were alone..."

Obi-Wan sighed. "You'll get used to it. Nobody has privacy from their cameras, absolutely _nobody_. And with how good they're getting at sheilding, it's becoming honestly terrifying."

"I feel like I have to look all eight directions before kissing you after last video on their channel." Satine shook her head. "At least we don't have to be secretive about it. It's not controversial when the Jedi order down here is basically just you, Skywalker, Skywalker's kids, and Tano, and none of them are exactly fans of the code, are they?"

"It's so weird to think they have minimal true memories of our galaxy," Obi-Wan realized. "They grew up here." Then something pricked at him in the Force, and his senses went on high alert. "LUKE AND LEIA SKYWALKER."

He heard giggling sounding farther and farther away.

Satine sighed. "We're special guests on their channel again, aren't we?"

"Most definitely."

~

"How?" Padmé stared at the ceiling, as if waiting for an answer. " _How_?! I've been making Anakin sleep on the couch ever since the whole reoccurance of Mustafar inside our home!" Padmé sighed in resignition. Things just didn't go normally when Anakin was involved.

She began to do the math. A few weeks ago, plus a few days, would be before all that, so theoretically...

But maybe the test just didn't work?

(She got a new one. It was definitely certain news.)

~

"Congratulations, Luke," Padmé said, with her entire family gathered around. "You're now going to be an older brother by _more_ than fourteen seconds. Leia, you're going to be a big sister more than just in practice. Anakin, you're going to have another child to raise into a chaotic mess. And Obi-Wan, Ahsoka? More babysitting."

As all of this registered in their heads, everyone cracked a smile and clapped for her. Yes, President Padmé Amidala was pregnant - something that could happen to a female president. But then Anakin's face twisted a bit.

"Wait a sec. How?"

Padmé shrugged. "It's theoretically possible, though it's stretching from the last time we actually..." her eyes skirted towards her kids "...slept together, you know?"

"Maybe the youngest can be the voice of reason in this family," Obi-Wan suggested. "In case I'm ever high on fundip again. Or didn't get my sleep." He glared at Anakin.

"I get to be a big sister!" LEia exclaimed.

"I'm already a big brother," Luke said smugly -

"Fourteen seconds!" Leia cried indignantly -

"- _but_ , a little brother sounds fun!"

Leia elbowed him. "No, it's going to be a little _sister_!"

"We're Skywalkers. With the logic that we live by, it could be more twins," Anakin pointed out. As the family laughed, Leia was preparing inside her head a way to be the very first to announce to the public that her mother was pregnant, transmitting to Luke through their twin bond in the Force...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEP SHE'S PREGNANT.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> ...
> 
> GUYS I NEED YOUR HELP.
> 
> So in the other galaxy, I feel like Rexsoka doesn't make very much sense. (I was personally more a Luxsoka kind of girl - uh, post-Onderon Luxsoka, IK shame on me...)
> 
> However, in the circumstance of this AU, it kinda works!
> 
> I've been thinking for a while about Ahsoka getting a boyfriend, so what do you prefer: Her dating Rex, or Rex getting overprotective over random guy she meets backstage?
> 
> Please please please tell me what you prefer!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	50. This is getting out of hand - THERE ARE THREE OF THEM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What? They're Skywalkers. Of COURSE this happened.

ATTENCIÓN!!

So you know how I am about the great and almighty [NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/pseuds/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong), right? Cause she's written so many AMAZING fanfictions based on this fanfiction for you to read while you wait for my next chapters. She's a queen and you all know it.

Welp she just wrote another one - Ahsoka's musical at the Thanksgiving Day Parade!!! Along with some really hillarious reactions from the family!!! A lot of embarassing Obi-Wan. So check out [Ahsoka's Thanksgiving Day Parade Live Performance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27908089), and if you haven't been keeping up with all the other beautiful stuff she's written based off of this fanfiction, just go to my profile and then my gifts and then just see all the beautiful works of art she's created.

And now for the chapter!

* * *

~Nine months after last chapter~

Padmé and her family had elected to not believe the ultrasound. In fact - they'd elected to just stay in a blissful denial, a stable phase they were able to maintain quite well. Um, that is, until Padmé went into labor and delivered three babies.

That was a little hard to deny.

_Of course they were triplets._

_Because nothing could be normal with the Skywalkers._

And no, not only that, but Padmé had managed to defy the laws of science. For when triplets exist - with those being extremely rare circumstaces - either none of them look a like, or two are identical and the other is the odd one out. That's because of how many times it's physically possible for an egg to split.

But that's just now what the Force had in store for the Skywalkers.

Identical triplets.

_Of course._

Because the Force was always screwing around with this family.

~10 months after last chapter, 1 month after introduction~

Ahsoka walked in front of her line of clones, who stood at attention for their commander. "Remember: Chances are, if anything weird or slightly insane happens to you, the masterminds at the top are Luke and Leia Skywalker. Captain Rex, you're assigned to look after Luke Skywalker."

"Yes sir!"

"Commander Cody, I technically don't outrank you, but whatever - you've got Leia Skywalker. Okay?"

"Yes sir!"

"You've been assigned to your duties," Ahsoka informed them with her hands behind her back. "And no matter what, do not let those to out of your sight or _anywhere near_ each other."

"Yes sir!" Rex and Cody saluted and took the hands of dejected looking Skywalker twins. Why was this so important?

Well, no entertaining shenanigans today. Oh no, there was too much to handle for those rascals to be allowed to cause trouble.

"Fives, you've got Anela Skywalker," Ahsoka instructed. "You know how babysitting works."

Fives bit his lip. "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Is Anela the one that's managed to break every window in this house in the one month that she's been alive?" Fives asked. (And yes, every single window in the White House had been replaced very recently.)

"Yep," Ahsoka said cheerfully. "She's a _Skywalker_ , Fives. It was bound to happen." Fives sighed.

"Yes, sir." One of the floating blonde one-month-olds off to the side giggled as she was lowered into Fives' arms. Fives walked off while tickling the little baby, very worried about the childs apt ability to crawl and break windows at this age.

"Fox, you've got Celestia Skywalker! Congratulations. The worst rule breaker in the house besides Luke and Leia," Ahsoka said proudly.

Fox's eyes widened. "Sir, I beg your pardon, but what did she do?"

Ahsoka giggled. "Just because she can't walk yet doesn't mean she can't fling stuff around the house."

"Wha - she's one month old!"

Ahsoka shrugged. "The Force."

"My point stands!"

"Fox, are you going to watch Celestia or not? ...Take it as an order from a Jedi commander."

"I'm a commander -"

"I'm a _Jedi_ commander."

Fox sighed. "Yes sir." Ahsoka lowered the little menace into his arms. (She didn't feel like carrying three babies so they were just floating in the air.)

All the other clones held their breath to see what poor soul would get the last triplet. Ahsoka scanned them. "Um... Bly!" Everyone but Bly sighed in relief. "You've got Iana Skywalker! Out of the triplets, she's probably the most well behaved - uh, unless she's hungry, so just make sure she's well fed." Bly walked away with Iana in his arms, and the other relieved clones began to walk away -

"Not so fast!" They all froze and turned around to see a smirking Ahsoka with her arms crossed, leaning on one of her hips. "The rest of you are coming to the dance studio." The clones groaned and accepted their fate.

"Yes, sir," they grumbled as they shuffled off to Tano's Dance Studio.

~

With Anela, Celestia, and Iana taken care of - as well as with Luke and Leia under control but most importantly _seperated_ (she was beginning to see where Obi-Wan in the movies had been coming from) - Ahsoka was free to take Echo, Jesse, Kix, Tup, and Wolffe to her studio to dance.

Jesse was forced to perform the hip-hop dance he'd learned - which, honestly, he was rather good at. Tup did a perfect ballet solo, the slow clapping indicating it was no surprise. Kix - still just _waiting_ for somebody to break their legs doing this - performed nice lyrical dance soley for the purpose of getting it over with.

Echo got dragged into his tap duet - only to remember Fives was gone. He thought he'd got off easy, but _nope_ \- Ahsoka just stuck Wolffe in there and gave him crash course tap lessons. Needless to say, neither of them were pleased.

However, Ahsoka clapped her hands loudly. "You guys are doing amazing! Just - amazing! But I advise you all to learn tap."

"Why?" Echo wondered.

"It's the easiest way to send General Skywalker over the edge," Ahsoka said smugly. By the end of the day, she had all the clones tap dancing - if beginners, they were picking it up...

Then Ahsoka saw something strange in the mirror. A... floating cell phone?

With it's camera turned on?

Wait a sec, that was Luke's phone!

Ahsoka sug her phone out of her pocket and texted Cody and Rex: _WHERE ARE THE TWINS?_

Rex: stillfiguringouthowthisthingworksbutlukeisrighthere

Cody: space it the button at the bottom of the screen man and leias right here doing none troublecausing things

Cody: on another note where is all the punctuation

Ahsoka: Ok boomers I'll give you a lesson when you get back. But Luke's cell phone is floating and filming!

Rex: ofcourseitisgimmeasec

Rex: waitwheredlukegohewasrighthereiswear

Ahsoka facepalmed. "Luke. You can come out!"

Luke giggled and grabbed the cell phone out of the air. "I got all the footage I need!" He exclaimed, and dashed away. "Leia's gonna _love_ this!" She heard his far away voice shouting.

Ahsoka sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OF COURSE TRIPLETS.
> 
> Also, the vote was pretty close, but it looks like the majority of you want to see an overprotective Rex rather than Rexsoka. Since I haven't solidified it yet, if you happen to be a big Rexsoka fan, last chance to comment before I move into 'Sokka's love story!
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	51. HaikuBot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was reading the Bible and I was like ANAKIN WOULD APPROVE OF THIS.

"That's it - I'm converting to Christianity."

Obi-Wan's eyes slid away from _War and Peace_ over to Anakin. "Uh, what?"

"Apparently Jesus told a par.... a para.... a story that said building on rocks will go well for you but in the sand everything collapses so don't build in sand!" Anakin said triumphantly. "So if I'm a Christian things will go well for me!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Parable, Anakin. And no. That's... not what that meant. It was a metaphor. About following Jesus."

" _JESUS DENOUNCED SAND_!"

Anakin would have continued to argue his point if he hadn't begun to hear tap-tap-taping below the room. His blood froze. That particular kind of tapping... that was a sound that could only be made by...

 _Tap shoes_.

His clones had turned to the dark side.

~

"Okay how does this thing work?" Leia scrolled through the thing and Luke looked over her shoulder.

"Whatcha doing?"

"It's the discord sever for the Lost-Cities-Keeper wiki," Leia explained. "Dedicated to fans of Keeper of the Lost Cities. I think it's basically like a giant group chat."

"Awesome! I gotta join!" Luke pulled out his phone, but Leia stopped him.

"To join, you have to be a fan of Keeper of the Lost Cities," Leia informed him.

Luke shrugged. "Alright. Since you're Leia, I'm assuming it's a book?" Leia nodded. "Then go get it for me and I'll read it!"

A few minutes later Leia returned with an enourmous stack of nine 100,000 word novels that make Luke's eyes grow wide. "They're still coming out," Leia added. "Start on book one!"

~A month later...~

Luke, out of breath, put down book 8.5 ( **Don't ask. Shannon Messenger did that not me** ) - and Leia finally allowed him to join the discord server on the wiki. All of that reading just to join a discord. Luke was commited.

"Ooh! Now that you've read them..." Leia got a conspiratorial gleam in her eye. "Sophie with Keefe or Sophie with Fitz?"

Luke's eyebrows furrowed. "Dex!"

Leia knocked him unconscious.

~

Anakin scruched his eyes at his screen. "What the heck is this news article?"

Obi-Wan's head turned, once again, away from _War and Peace_. "You read the New York Times?" He wondered when he saw his screen. Anakin rolled his eyes.

"No, of _course_ not! _You_ got an email from your subscription with the weirdest article title!" Anakin exclaimed. He showed him the headline, and Obi-Wan read it with him: "Why are pandas covering themselves in horse manure?" ( **A/N I have NY times and I got this email and... uh...** )

Obi-Wan was speechless. "Our presence on this planet is causing chaos all around the world," he said with a shake of his head, turning back to _War and Peace_. "And with that note, Princess Marya."

"Who?"

"Extremely sweet princess in the novel _War and Peace_ by Leo Tolstoy! Except they want her to marry -"

"Shut up. Sorry I asked."

~

There was the weirdest bot on discord.

It was called... HaikuBot.

Whenever somebody typed anything with seventeen syllables on accident, it turned it into a haiku. As of late, it was completely taking over the Lost-Cities-Keeper discord server and driving Luke and Leia crazy and not the other way around for a change.

For example:

_IceCreamCat: I usually can't make haikus even when I am trying to_

_HaikuBot: I usually_

_can't make haikus even when_

_I am trying to_

_SkyBoy: OMG NO WAY_

_SkyGirl: I just can't take this level of irony guys it's impossible!!!!_

_HaikuBot: I just can't take this_

_Level of irony guys_

_It's impossible_

_SkyGirl: You have got to be kidding me_

_IceCreamCat: Apollo is now beginning to take the world over bit by bit...!_

_HaikuBot: Apollo is now_

_Beginning to take the world_

_Over bit by bit_

_IceCreamCat: OMG SHUT UP_

_SkyGirl: No kriffing way_

_SkyBoy: It's taking over_

_DownWithUglyPalpabean: It's happening guys! The haiku bot is taking over! Take shelter!_

_HaikuBot: It's happening guys!_

_The haiku bot is taking_

_Over! Take shelter!_

_DownWithUglyPalpabean: LIKE I SAID-----_

_IceCreamCat: SHOWTIME -_

_SkyGirl: AH YES HAMILTON_

_SkyBoy: Wait what_

_SkyBoy: Leia please don't get nerdy on me now Leia please I beg of you_

_HaikuBot: Leia please don't get_

_Nerdy on me now please Leia_

_Please I beg of you_

_SkyBoy: THAT THING IS DEAD WHEN I FIND IT_

_SkyGirl: LUKE IT'S A BOT YOU NERFHERDER SERIOUSLY GET IT TOGETHER_

_HaikuBot: LUKE IT'S A BOT YOU_

_NERFHERDER SERIOUSLY_

_GET IT TOGETHER_

_SkyGirl: NEVER MIND WE'LL FIND A WAY TO KILL IT_

~

Padmé deserved a freaking medal. No, trophy. No - parade. No - whatever gift is a large enough size for a mother who is holding three two month olds at once while giving a riveting speech to the senate.

Obi-Wan, Anakin, the clones, Ahsoka... NO ONE COULD BABYSIT?! And it wasn't like she trusted the twins to babysit. So here she was. Holding Arela, Celestia (Lexi), AND Iana Skywalker in her arms - which wasn't affecting her beautiful speech at all.

And of course, her family had no idea. Commander Cody and Captain Rex would hate themselves when they heard of it, but hey, Padmé didn't mind. Or, didn't mind as much as one couldn't mind when they were giving a speech and holding baby triplets at once.

~

_SkyGuy: Wow what's this_

_SkyGirl: DAD. YOU CAN'T JOIN THIS DISCORD UNLESS YOU'RE A FAN OF KOTLC_

_SkyGuy: KOTL- what?_

_SkyGirl: Point proven! You have to read the books!_

_SkyGuy: Huh, I can *reluctantly* do that..._

_SkyBoy: No Dad don't it is a bad idea I swear don't get mixed up here_

_HaikuBot: No Dad don't it is_

_A bad idea I swear_

_Don't get mixed up here_

_SkyGuy: ...what?_

_IceCreamCat: WAIT. ARE THESE THE SKYWALKERS?!_

~

"Anakin what are you doing?" Obi-Wan asked, sipping his tea and looking up from _War and Peace_ to see Anakin typing furiously on his cell phone.

"Discord with the twins."

"...What?" Obi-Wan wondered, trying to look over his shoulder while taking another sip of tea.

A sip of tea that -

A sip of tea that -

"Tell Luke and Leia to come to my office. Now."

~

_SkyGuy: Obi-Wan wants you in his office and it sounds like it's serious_

_HaikuBot: Obi-Wan wants you_

_In his office and it sounds_

_Like it's serious_

_SkyGuy: OMG SHUT UP_

_SkyGuy: Really though guys I think you're in trouble..._

_SkyGirl: Is it about the tea?_

_SkyGuy: YOU MESSED WITH HIS TEA?!_

_SkyGuy: DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME THAT WE DID THAT YOU GUYS?!?!_

_HaikuBot: DO YOU REMEMBER_

_WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME THAT_

_WE DID THAT YOU GUYS?_

_SkyGuy: STOP IT HAIKUBOT THIS IS SERIOUS_

_SkyGirl: The fundip thing was funny_

_SkyBoy: We had to do it again_

_SkyGuy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_

_IceCreamCat: Oh geez oh no_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The HaikuBot thing is kind of an inside joke in this fanfiction's discord because it is honestly taking over and most of those are real life examples.
> 
> (Join us! https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter and there are more to come!!


	52. More Lyrics

I hope you've read some of NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong's Clone Wars Musical ideas. They're really good. They're based on other songs so that you can know the tune and cause parodies are just awesome XD

I write original lyrics though. I was a little shy about them at first, but after I showed the two songs I have written so far to her - and she apparently thinks they're good for some reason - I figured I could post them here. I hope you like them...

Here you all go!

* * *

**Victory**

(Ahsoka after she leaves the order)

[AHSOKA]

Maybe I am making a mistake

But that's a risk I am willing to take

I never felt in place

Now I know I didn't fit in

(Optional spoken) Honestly? Maybe Anakin is right!

(End optional spoken) I was built for battle, to fight

For what I stand for

But never again

Will I see the victory

I had always longed to see

But maybe this is good for me

A life where I can learn to be

Okay without victory

Without fighting constantly

Maybe this is good for me

A life where success doesn't have to be

Victory

I'm not sure where I'm going

I'll trust the Force is showing

Me the path I need;

The right way

(Optional spoken) Honestly? Maybe the council was right!

(End optional spoken) I can't always be trusted out of sight

So it's for the best

That I can't stay

I won't see the victory

I had always longed to see

But maybe this is good for me

A life where I can learn to be

Okay without victory

Without fighting constantly

Maybe this is good for me

Maybe this is supposed to be

(Key change up one half step)

Its own kind of victory

Something that can set me free

I think this is good for me

A life where I can learn to see

Other kinds of victory

Where I don't fight constantly

I think this is good for me

Success doesn't always have to be

Victory

(sadder because she remembers she's leaving her family)

Victory

(Spoken) Honestly? I don't know anybody's right.

[END]

**Order 66**

[ANAKIN]

So this is it

My decision

I've learned to trust

Each frightening vision

Now I'm at a

Head-on collision

With all my teachings

And the light obscuring my vision...

(taking down various shocked Jedi at the temple)

Don't show mercy!

[CLONES]

(Don't show mercy!)

[ANAKIN]

They've betrayed me!

[CLONES]

(They are traitors!)

[ANAKIN]

I bet they would let her die

To preserve their precious teachings

[CLONES]

(Precious teachings0

[ANAKIN]

Don't show mercy!

(pausing in front of a padawan) I remember...

I don't remember! (stabs him)

Where light in me remains

I'll squash the last ember

Won't hesitate

At the younglings' tremor

I am the dark side's

Newest member!

(leaving temple as it burns)

[ANAKIN]

Don't show mercy!

[CLONES]

(Don't show mercy!)

[ANAKIN]

They've betrayed me!

[CLONES]

(They are traitors!)

[ANAKIN]

All they care about is the Force

And its teachings

_SHOW._

(cuts down another child)

_NO._

(The last one in the room falls to the ground, looking betrayed)

[CLONES]

(Mercy...)

[ANAKIN, CLONES]

Don't show mercy!

* * *

I LEAVE YOU IN DEPRESSION MWAHAHAHAHA

At least Anakin was hot in ROTS even if it was heartbreaking

Let me know what you thought!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	53. Anakin Trying to be Jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this idea just kind of... *floated in* to the discord server... so thanks NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong and also all the other queens (and kings) of the universe on that server who spontaneously stop being ridiculous and weird and actually come up with good ideas for this fic XD
> 
> Also my friend has the Force I've seen her use it and I'm freaking out she can also sense stuff it's driving me nuts

Anakin was just sitting at a table with like five tubs of bathwater when Obi-Wan walked in and his eyebrows furrowed.

"Anakin, what are you doing?"

"Trying to turn water into wine." Anakin stared intently at the buckets of water in front of him, and then said, "How did Jesus do this?!"

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "Anakin, you can't turn water into wine."

"But Jesus could!"

"Anakin, you're not Jesus."

Anakin, deeply offended, turned his gaze away from the water and up towards Obi-Wan, staring at him dangerously. "What did you say?"

Obi-Wan took a step back and put his hands up. "All I said was you're not Jesus!"

"But I'm like Jesus." He turned back to his buckets of water. "I was born to a virgin. Sure, her name was Shmi, not Mary, but - wait a second, you should knwo this; haven't you read the Bible?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Actually, I'm more suprised _you've_ read the Bible."

"That's cause I'm the next Jesus."

" _ANAKIN, YOU'RE NOT THE SON OF GOD!_ "

"I'm the son of the Force!"

Unfortunately, Obi-Wan couldn't argue with that. But - "Anakin, the Force can't turn water into wine."

Anakin blinked. "Whoa, look, I did it!"

Obi-Wan slowly checked and sure enough - "What?"

~

"That was a great idea, time release packets of red powder," Luke said with a giggle.

"Yeah." Leia rolled her eyes. "Maybe now he'll be satisfied and stop trying to be Jesus."

But alas, it just encouraged him.

~

" _WHY IS ANAKIN KEEP JUMPING INTO THE SWIMMING POOL_?!" Obi-Wan was so done with Anakin. He couldn't leave the three-month-old triplets with the clones for long... but he had to know what the heck was happening with his former apprentice.

Ahsoka sighed. "Jesus walked on water in the Bible."

Obi-Wan facepalmed. "Seriously?"

Ahsoka nodded, pursing her lips. "Good luck with him. I've got to get back to the studio! We're almost done with the musical. We've gotten it down to only twelve hours long!" She said enthusiastically.

Obi-Wan thought about that for a minute. "Wait. Twelve -" But Ahsoka was gone. He sighed. "Anakin will refuse to sit through twelve hours of singing and dancing towards his fall."

"Hey, look, I did it!" He heard Anakin call. Looking, he saw -

"NO ANAKIN YOU'RE JUST HOLDING YOURSELF UP WITH THE FORCE."

"WHO SAYS THAT'S NOT HOW JESUS DID IT?"

"JESUS SAYS THAT'S NOT HOW JESUS DID IT!"

~

"Hey girl! How's it going?" Kayla asked, high fiving Ahsoka when she came to the studio.

"Oh, you know. Tap dancing with the clones. Rex getting overprotective of me. Anakin trying to be Jesus. You know, the usual," Ahsoka said casually.

Kayla would have spit out her drink. "I trust the twins are getting adequate footage of this?"

Ahsoka giggled. "Yeah. I caught them filming. They put their fingers to their lips and I decided to let it go," Ahsoka said with a wink. Then the other part of Ahsoka's statement registered in Kayla's brain.

"What do you mean, 'Rex getting overprotective of you'?" Kayla wondered.

Ahsoka shrugged. "I brought a boy to the house and suddenly he got all... you know."

Kayla's eyes widened. " _What boy_?!"

Ahsoka stepped away frmo an overenthusiastic Kayla. "Calm down, we're still just talking, nothing serious or anything. Just Landon."

" _STAGE CREW LANDON_?!"

"Or for heavens' sake keep it down!" Ahsoka shook her head. "I told you, we aren't anything official. Just friends right now."

"Right _now_!" Kayla pressed. "You realize most people want you to date Rex, right?"

"Well KittyPaw asked her readers and most people said they wanted him to be overprotective." Then Ahsoka's and Kayka's memories suddenly blanked and they forgot she said that, and instead she said, "Well I don't care what most people want." Then she added, "And Landon and I aren't dating."

~

"I NEED YOU TO CRUCIFY ME!"

"ANAKIN NO! SOMEBODY KNOCK HIM OUT!"

Leia expertly flew over him with a karate kick to the head that sent him to the floor, passed out.

Luke whistled. "Nice one, sis?"

Rex rolled his eyes as he bounced Arela. "Impressionable child, guys."

"She's growing up in a family where her father tries to be Jesus to the point where he wants to see if he can ressurect himself from the dead after being crucified," Obi-Wan said, shaking his head. "Doesn't he realize most people already don't survive getting set on fire?!"

"By the way," Luke added, "I got footage of all this."

Obi-Wan nodded in affirmation. "Good. Maybe if he sees this on your guys' channel he'll quit."

~

He did not, in fact, quit.

~

Padmé sighed. "Just do it. Kill him. See if he raises from the dead."

"No Padmé. I get that you're annoyed -"

"No, I honestly think he'll find a way to raise from the dead." She paused. "And I've been thinking about killing him for a while now," she said with a bit of a smirk. "Now shoo and go to Vice President stuff. I'm busy."

~

"ANAKIN YOU CAN'T MULTIPLY FOOD!"

"BUT I'M JESUS!"

" _YOU ARE NOT JESUS_!"

"I'M JEDI JESUS!"

Obi-Wan clutched his head in exasperation. Yeah. Maybe he'd just kill him, bury him, and stick a nice heavy stone in front of the tomb that only angels could roll away. Then the Force could decide whether he was worthy of ressurection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CAN'T WRITE THIS WITH A STRAIGHT FACE I -
> 
> ANAKIN WANTS TO BE JESUS EVERYBODY XD XD XD
> 
>   
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	54. DadBot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If we're all abolutely honest, Anakin would do this.

"Alright!" Ahsoka clapped her hands. "Ashlyn, Tanner! Onstage! Come on, the performance is in a week, what are you doing backstage?" Everyone stayed backstage, completely ignoring their director.

"You heard her!" Kayla shouted. "Ashlyn, Tanner, onstage! Come on, what the heck?" She sighed. "We should go check on them."

Making their way up the stairs - slowly, since they were afraid what they might find - they began to hear giggles and voices. Crossing their arms, they stood, looking at the crew and actors.

In the middle was essentially a protocol droid - except that it's head had a face crudely taped on it and it sounded like Anakin. Oh, dear.

"I'm having so much fun with this thing," Trent said with a giggle.

"Hi, having so much fun with this thing," a robotic version of what was clearly Anakin's Rim accent said. "I'm DadBot."

"Oh, shut up, DadBot," Ashlyn said with a giggle.

"Listen here, Ashlyn. I will not tolerate you using the phrase containing the words S - H - U - T - U -" and then they Tanner turned off the droid and pointed to Ahsoka and Kayla, saying, "Guys. The directors."

They all smiled guiltily. Then Ashlyn said, "It wasn't my idea."

"I know," Ahsoka said. "I'm positive it was Anakin's. But what is this?"

"This is DadBot," Trent introduced. "Mr. Skywalker made it. It's based off of a Discord bot. It reacts if you say 'shut up' -" everyone tensed before remembering it was turned off "- and there's a series of commands you can give it. But mostly, it just repeats everything you say after the word 'I'm.'"

"Mhm," Ahsoka said, arms still crossed. "And are you aware that the show is in a week?"

"Yes," they chorused.

"And that we were calling for Ashlyn and Tanner to the stage?" Kayla added.

Their eyes blanked and Ahsoka sighed. "Come on. It's Lux and Ahsoka's first meeting. Get out there."

~

Obi-Wan was trying to tuck Leia into bed, but she insisted at kneeling at the foot of it instead. "What are you doing?"

"Saying my prayers! 'Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord -'"

"Saying your _what_?!"

"Prayers!" Leia looked up to Obi-Wan.

"To the Force?"

"To Jesus!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "I need to have a talk with Anakin."

~

"Seriously. He's got to be real. I mean, that whole Lazarus thing? I was standing by the grave of Frederick Douglas for over two hours and couldn't get him to come to life."

"Anakin, his body has decomposed by now. Also, I didn't know you were the type to visit historical monuments. Also, I'm not surprised you were trying to bring him to life. Also, I'm worried about your sanity."

"Dude, that guy was _amazing_! If even _I_ can't do it, than he's certainly the person I definitely want my kids saying prayers to -"

"PRAY TO THE KRIFFING FORCE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!" Obi-Wan was getting exasperated with Anakin's new piety to the Christian God. And now the kids too. Seriously, did he completely forget he was a Jedi?

"Yeah, but the Force has always been a terrible parent."

Obi-Wan was done. He was out. That was it.

~

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, may angels watch me through the night, and keep me precious in his sight," Leia and Luke said together. "Amen."

Padmé thought it was cute.

~

"Come on!" Obi-Wan heard Anakin exclaim. He walked in to see him standing on a table with a ballpoint pen in his hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to turn this pen into a _SWORD_! Dang, it didn't work again!"

"Did Jesus do that one too?"

"Nope, that's Percy Jackson! Son of Poseidon?"

Obi-Wan's eyebrows furrowed. "Son of who?"

Anakin pretended not to hear. "Seriously. How many gods does this planet _have_?! Although I'm reading the myths and they're pretty meh, so I think I'll stick with Lord Jesus Christ as my -"

"No. I don't want to hear it. Leave me out of this." Obi-Wan stalked away. He was losing his mind.

~

The doctor at the mental hospital picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"This is Vice President Kenobi. Reserve a spot for me at all times. Anakin just might drive me insane."

Unsure what to do, she said, "Noted," and then he hung up.

~

"Alright! Looks like the Onderon arc is pretty good!" Kayla praised.

"Yep," Ahsoka said proudly. "Just one thing, though - Tanner, your tapping was great."

"Thanks!"

"That's the problem. Lux is supposed to be really bad at tapping; the song is a comedy. You need to look like you can't tap. Ashlyn, really play up your speed and precision."

"Noted," they both said.

"Alright. Jeanette, you're back to life as Steela again! We're doing Onderon one more time before moving on!" She looked at Kayla. "You good with that?"

Kayla shrugged. "I'm less than pleased that we have only one week to complete this show, but yeah, let's do it!"

Offstage, a robotic voice said, "Hi, less than pleased that we only have one week to complete the show, but yeah, let's do it, I'm DadBot!"

Everyone groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed Anakin to try to be Percy Jackson too. XD
> 
> SERIOUSLY DADBOT IS BECOMNING A PROBLEM REAL QUICKLY IN THE DISCORD SERVER -
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	55. Clone Wars Musical Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE DAY HAS ARRIVED!!!

It's here! The Clone Wars musical!!! IT'S HERE!!!

Okay, so a few VERY IMPORTANT THINGS:

1\. This isn't a giant script of a possible Clone Wars musical, it's a lot of scenes from a 12 hour show an reactions and such

2\. All reactions are written by me

3\. However, I only wrote like 5% of the song lyrics. My song lyrics are the original ones, and [NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/pseuds/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong)wrote the other 95% based on existing songs so you can know the tunes and sing along! She'd honestly a queen.

4\. [VanillaChip101](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanillaChip101/pseuds/VanillaChip101) and [NorthPointSkatingAcademy_figure_skater ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthPointSkatingAcademy_figure_skater/pseuds/NorthPointSkatingAcademy_figure_skater)gave some great ideas for songs too, for both me and [NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/pseuds/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong). Thanks so much to all of my queens!!

5\. This musical will be divided into six parts: One for each two hours of the musical.

6\. For all of the songs Queen [NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/pseuds/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong) has written, including the ones left out of the musical, visit the AGFFA Fanfic Universe series to find her fic of all her songs!

7\. For links and scripts to all the songs, you can find them in our discord server (the link is at the bottom of every chapter), in the Musical section.

8\. Rex and Cody are with the family in the audience reacting, and they have people acting as them onstage. The other clones are in the actual production

9\. And with that, ENJOY THE MUSICAL!

* * *

"Are you sure it was a good idea to bring the twins and triplets?" Rex whispered to Padmé, who was taking a night off from being the President to be a proud mom to Ahsoka.

"It definitely wasn't," Padmé whispered back. "But I assure you, it's better than making any of your brothers stay home to watch them. They _would_ sneak into the theater to see Ahsoka's production."

Rex laughed quietly. "They would."

"Shh," Luke said. "It's starting!"

When Ahsoka's bodiless voice broadcast throught the theater, everyone cheered as she said, "Please keep your Earthly technology silent and away as you embark in a twelve hour, six intermission journey to see the musical version of the events of the Clone Wars! Hope you enjoy!" The lights dimmed and the twins squealed with excitement.

( **A/N I totally lost the stuff I had for Battle of Christophosis tap opening... it kinda just *disappeared*... so... there's just a bunch of tap dancing going on onstage right now and if I ever find it I will paste it here** )

Anakin's eyes widened. " _Why am_ I _tap dancing?_ " he hissed.

Leia silently clapped her hands. "It's _epic_ Dad!"

"It is _not_ epic _!"_

As the awesome tapping finished and the actors bowed, the scenes began. Anakin took deep breaths to calm himself as his onstage self informed his master that he did _not_ need a padawan - and then out to the stage came the girl playing Ahsoka... Ashlyn, wasn't it?... and the audience clapped as she acted _perfectly_ in the role of Ahsoka, with the right attitude and everything. She explained that she was Anakin's padawan, which had stage Anakin totally, like, done as he took his new padawan into battle.

"Geez, Anakin, did this really happen?" Padmé whispered to her husband. When he nodded, she said, "you couldn't have been a _little_ nicer?" Anakin shrugged.

Btu what _really_ got a reaction from Anakin was after the battle, when his character started to _sing_?

ANAKIN SKYWALKER DID NOT _SING_!

THIS WAS NOT WHAT HAD HAPPENED!

ANAKIN

You know I always used to worry

I'd never learn to fit in

I came here from pretty far away

I had to start over again

I always used to worry

My master didn't want me

Just keeping a promise, but he

Quickly

Proved me wrong...

"The creepiest thing is that Ahsoka somehow knows all that," Anakin muttered.

ANAKIN

I guess I'm not sure I'm ready for this

I myself can be a bit too reckless

But we can figure it out!

_(speaking)_

AHSOKA: ( _hopefully_ ) So what are you saying?

ANAKIN: I guess...

ANAKIN

I used to jump out of the sky

I worried all the masters

"You did _what_?!" Anakin's wife hissed in his ear.

Anakin shrugged. "Like my character said, I jumped out of the sky. Wait. How does Ahsoka know about _that_?!" His gaze slid over to Obi-Wan's terrible poker face throughout the conversation. "Traitor."

ANAKIN

And when mine taught me to fly

I always pushed it faster

I'd jump out of the sky

Never afraid to die

They say there is no try, well!

We'd make a great team, you and I!

I'm not sure I'm ready for this

But you can be a bit too reckless

You're never gonna make it with anybody else... _(speaking)_ So... that leaves me! Right?

"It takes a reckless master to train a reckless padawan," Rex said with a chuckle.

Anakin shrugged. "I managed with Obi-Wan."

AHSOKA: ( _brightly_ ) Really?

ANAKIN: I guess?!

AHSOKA: Well yes!

And then they began to _tap_...

" _WHY IS MY CHARACTER TAPPING!_ " Anakin said, loud enough to turn a few heads and elicit a few chuckles. Ashlyn and Trent kept it up on stage though.

AHSOKA: Wait, so that means I'm your padawan then, right?

ANAKIN: Uh, yeah!

To Anakin's everlasting relief - or, well, not everlasting, but it felt like that at the time - they tap dancing stopped and they posed. Then Obi-Wan walked onstage and asked, "Who are you two posing to?"

Onstage Anakin and Ahsoka stopped posing and looked at each other confused. "Um..." Ahsoka started.

"I don't know?"

~

Honestly, leave it to Iana to say her first words in the middle of a musical where Padmé had to take her out of the room to congratulate her. And leave it to Iana for her first words to be "Shut up Luke."

~

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Stay Alive")**

_Scene: Fives, Echo, Hevy, Droidbait, and Cutup are all about to face their final test in the training dome, with Master Ti, Brik, and Ellis watching on. Domino Squad relays their plan of attack, their fears and doubts, and their hopes of becoming members of the Grand Army of the Republic._

_Domino Squad gears up in their training armor and weapons, getting ready to go out and try and pass their final test to graduate from cadets on Kamino. Up above, Jedi Master Shaak Ti, along with Trainers Brik and Ellis, are up on the balcony to observe the whole thing._

ELLIS: Set training module 8-4B to maximum difficulty.

BRIK: I still don’t think those rookies have what it takes. They’re too disorganized, too reckless. They’ll be no good on the battlefield.

TI: Come now, Brik. They have managed to get this far. You must have faith that the gravity of their situation will bring out the very best in these men.

BRIK: Ha! No offense, Master Jedi, but they’d be best served as sanitation workers than actual soldiers. Mark my words: they will fail this test.

*Shaak Ti shakes her head and looks down at the training room, now ready to begin the test. She sings softly to herself for the clones down below preparing themselves. The song begins*

_Stay alive,_

_Stay alive…_

*Below, the squad goes over the plan*

HEVY: _Let us go over the plan once again, men_

_So that we may never end up in the decommission pen,_

_Everyone thinks, ‘we won’t amount to anything good,’_

_Well, it’s time to show them we can do what they never would._

_I’ll take the front, take the blunt,_

_Cutup, and Droidbait,_

_Cover my behind so Fives and Echo can retaliate!_

CUTUP: _W_ e _can’t win this!_

FIVES: _Cutup!_

HEVY: _No, Cutup, listen: we can make it if through if we all do this: Work together, keep our formation tight…_

ECHO: _He’s right!_

DROIDBAIT: _Don’t rush forward, remain in sight,_

_Aim for their weak spots, and then we’ll take flight!_

FIVES: _Make our movements just impossible so the droids cannot fight!_

HEVY: _Exactly! Outmaneuver!_

FIVES: _Outmaneuver!_

ECHO: _Outsmart!_

CUTUP: _Outsmart!_

HEVY: _We’ll be at half-court, before they start!_

DROIDBAIT: _VROOM-VROOM!_

FIVES: _Really, DB?_

FIVES: _Stay alive, especially at the citadel part,_

_If even one of us fall, we’ll all be torn apart!_

EVERYONE: _Understood!_

CUTUP: _I have the best sight so I can mark each target!_

HEVY: _I have the biggest gun, I’ll give’em all something they’ll never forget!_

ECHO: _I can strategize to minimize the coming casualties,_

_But even then, this victory really has no solid guarantees!_

FIVES: _We’ve been kicked around,_

_Been treated as a joke,_

_That di’kut Brik up there watchin’,_

_Probably hopes that we’ll all choke!_

_And everyday,_

‘ _SIR! Entrust us with your command,’_

_And everyday,_

BRIK: _NO!_

FIVES: _He dismisses us out of hand1_

*Shaak Ti continues to gently sing “Stay Alive…” as the song continues*

HEVY: _He thinks of us as unfortunate lab failures ,_

_Who is he to go:_

BRIK: _They’re all just dead scabbers!_

CUTUP: _Yeah, how did he get this whole job again?_

ECHO/DROIDBAIT: _He took the credit for the Battle of Morriban!_

*At this point, an alarm goes off in their preparation room, indicating they need to start the test now*

SPEAKER VOICE: _SIMULATION READY!_

ECHO: _It’s time!_

SPEAKER VOICE: _READY!_

DROIDBAIT: _Pick your weapons!_

HEVY: _No need for me, you see?_

_This gatling’s a beast!_

DROIDBAIT: _But it looks so cumbersome!_

HEVY: _Really? You think I can’t hold and shoot? FIVES!_

FIVES: _What is it?_

HEVY: _I miss any, I’ll clean all your boots?_

FIVES: _You’re on!_

ECHO: _We need to focus on the taxing task we have at hand._

CUTUP: _Before we leave, has anyone seen cables so we can safely land?_

FIVES: _Instructor Brik is betting on the test to do us all in._

_How do I know? Why, he told everyone who’d listen:_

BRIK: _Those Dominos were never any good, they’re indecisive,_

_One thinks too hard, another’s scared to live,_

_One’s too aloof, one’s too clumsy, that’s a fact that’s true,_

_And don’t even get me started on that darn meathead too!_

HEVY: _OOH! THAT really did it! Let’s go out and prove him wrong!_

ECHO: _Careful, now!_

HEVY: _That time has past! We need to move along!_

FIVES: _Never thought I’d see the day that YOU would give a bother!_

HEVY: _No matter what, I would do anything….for my brothers_ *music stops* No matter what happens, no matter how I may have seemed to you all, I just want to say…it’s been an honor to be your vod.

FIVES: Hevy, don’t talk like that. We WILL pull through this. Together.

*All five men form into a circle, with their hands in the center.*

EVERYONE: One, two, three….DOMINO!

*Everyone gathers their weapons and armor and proceed to the elevator to fight in the final test, and as the door closes, the scene ends*

"I like that one," Anakin commented. "There isn't any tap dance."

"I like that one too," Leia added. "It's to the tune of a _Hamilton_ song!"

"Wait," Satine interrupted. "That song is to the tune of a song from another musical?"

"Yeah!" Leia said. "I _looooove_ Hamilton!"

"Isn't there some sort of law on this planet similar to the thing from our galaxy... I think they call is 'Copyright' here?"

"Darling, please. She's Ahsoka Tano," Obi-Wan pointed out. "She couldn't get Copyrighted even if she used the exact same song lyrics." This was definitely not the only conversation in the theater about Copyright, but everyone seemed to come to the same conclusion: Ahsoka wasn't about to get in trouble for _anything_.

~

**(Also written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong, to the tune of "Blood by My Chemical Romance/Workin’ Day and Night by Michael Jackson")**

_Scene: Ahsoka is helping Anakin fix up the Twilight in the cruiser hanger, with the clones doing their own thing. Ahsoka is bored and tired of just….going out and fighting, while Anakin tells her it’s just how their life works now. Ahsoka isn’t going to take that for an answer, and decides to entertain the clones, much to her Master’s annoyance._

ANAKIN: Ahsoka, hand me that rotor wrench up there.

AHSOKA: *sighs* Yes, Master.

They’ve been at this for a while. Anakin needed to tune up the Twilight (even though it wasn’t even damaged _at all)_ and the clones have been running around doing various tasks in the hanger. Ahsoka has been bored ever since; no lightsaber drills, no meditation, nothing of interest as she sits on the top of the extended wing as her master works below it.

ANAKIN: What’s wrong, Snips?

AHSOKA: We’ve been at this for nearly an hour! What kind of stuff do you need to do to this hunk of junk _that takes this long?_ *Ahsoka sits down on the wing, pouting. The wing rattles a little, causing Anakin to startle.*

ANAKIN: Hey, watch it up there! And besides, this is important. This won’t go any faster with you whining. And this is NOT a hunk of junk, young lady! I can make her a work of art with enough work!

"Was it even _damaged_?" Cody asked Anakin.

Anakin shrugged. "No. I just felt like tuning it up. Also, I wanted to see what Ahsoka liked to do when she was bored." Then he added, "I wouldn't do that again, because I have a feeling she'd..." he shuddered. " _Tap dance_."

AHSOKA: Whatever...What about the rest of you? You’ve been checking the same boxes and supplies even before we got here. What gives?

CLONE: Scheduled supply check, sir. We need to make sure everything’s accounted for, for our next engagement.

AHSOKA: Ugh! Isn’t there anything FUN to do on this frigate?

ANAKIN: Fun? Ahsoka, this is a military vessel. We don’t have time for fun here, we have a war to win! Now, where did I put that scraper?

"Says the exact same guy who I caught breakdancing with the clones while I was trying to get you guys to do important Clone War stuff!" Obi-Wan pointed out.

"I - That was different! Way different!"

AHSOKA: Well, you can’t just do this ALL the time! What about you, Hardcase? What do the clones do for fun around here?

HARDCASE: Uh, well…we check our weapons in the firing range! That’s always fun!

JESSE: We take bets on who the water filtration unit is gonna murder for taking too long of a shower.

KIX: I get medicine and slings ready for the sorry saps who end up in my med ward for said long showers.

AHSOKA: Ooookay…how about things that don’t involve checking weapons, supplies, or bodily harm? You know…FUN? Like, I don’t know…playing darts, telling jokes, singing, dancing…

ANAKIN: We don’t do that here, Snips.

AHSOKA: Really? Then what were WE doing on Christophosis, _Master?_

*The whole hanger stopped dead in their tracks to stare at Anakin, known hater of the art of dance, who apparently did a little of it with his newly-minted Padawan*

ANAKIN: Uhhh…ha ha….nothing, Snips. Absolutely _nothing_. Definitely _not_ tap dancing.

"The things I do for Ahsoka," Anakin said with a shake of his head. "Wait what am I talking about? _WE DIDN'T EVEN DO THAT_! My brain needs a break from this."

"I hate to inform you, General - there's still eleven more hours left in this musical," Rex said apologetically.

"Trust me, I know."

ANAKIN: Back to work, nothing to see here. *The clones went back to their duties*

AHSOKA: It’s just not fair! You guys should relax a little. Not everything has to be battle-related!

CLONE: Ha! Maybe in your temple, kid! But here, it’s all we know!

JESSE: All we were made for!

HARDCASE: The only thing we do!

KIX: And if we don’t, they’ll make someone new to do it!

CLONES: Here, here!

AHSOKA: *shocked* WHAT?

ANAKIN: *sighs* As bad as it sounds, Snips, it’s just the truth. *Distorted piano begins to play, indicating the start of the first half of the song*

ANAKIN: _The clones are developed with a very certain mindset,_

 _One that we as Jedi_ _think is very vile,_

_But we can’t do anything because they help us out,_

_So, until we know the way to help, they’ll be here for a while!_

CLONES: _We’re here to fight, fight!_

_Fightin’ day and night!_

_Kill a hundred men at once, they’ll send a thousand by the dawn!_

_We’re here to fight, fight, FIGHT!_

_So get used to it, cuz there’s no end in sight!_

JESSE: _We’re celebrated men amongst the gourneys,_

_Kix can fix us proper with a little luck!_

KIX: _Don’t think I’m full of miracles, cuz even at my best,_

_There is no guaranteeing,_

CLONES: _That our fates aren’t gonna SUCK!_

AHSOKA: That’s horrible!

CLONES: Trust us, we know! _Cuz…we…fight, fight,_

_Fightin’ day and night!_

_Kill a hundred men at once, they’ll send a thousand by the dawn!_

_We’re here to fight, fight, FIGHT!_

_We’re….the….KIND of human fodder that they’d like!_ *First part ends*

*Ahsoka looks visibly upset that the clones are so adamant that their lives are meaningless, and now has the conviction to try and help them. A plan begins to form in her mind to cheer them all up….and to potentially annoy her Master as well*

ANAKIN: Ah, there’s the scraper! *He begins to work on the underside of the wing*

*Ahsoka moves to the spot where Anakin is working and stomps her foot to his left, and a piece of hardware fall out. Anakin looks at this and looks up, confused. Ahsoka stomps her other foot to the right twice, and two more pieces fall out. Anakin curses, and the clones take notice*

ANAKIN: Ahsoka, what are you doing? I’ve got junk falling out down here!

AHSOKA: Oh, nothing.

*Anakin doesn’t believe her for a second, but continues working anyways. Suddenly, Ahsoka goes on her toes rapidly, knocking down a BUNCH more junk from the wing, some landing on Anakin. The clones hide their snickers, as Ahsoka taps on top of the wing gracefully, gliding and pullbacking to the top of the main hull*

ANAKIN: Ahsoka, come down here and help me fix your mess!

*Ahsoka, however, has another idea: she uses the Force while she’s dancing to lift up all the crates to her, like a stairwell down. Ahsoka continues tapping rapidly as she pirouettes into a pose. She starts clapping and stomping now, as the instrumental for the second part of the song kicks in*

ANAKIN: Ahsoka, put those back now! That’s an order!

*Ahsoka taps down her makeshift stairs, wings, shuffles, and clicks galore, all while not listening to the angry man. The men start nodding their head to the beat as she dances over to them energetically, spotlight on her*

AHSOKA: _So you’re sayin’_

_That clones be fightin’ day and night!_

_Their only purpose,_

_Is to fight and die from dusk to light!_

_Well, I don’t like it! *_ Tap, Tap, Tap*

_That don’t make me feel all right!_

_You’re not some puppets,_

_Whose only purpose is to fight!_

_I’m gonna show you,_

_To learn to have some fun tonight!_

_To show you there’s more,_

_To life than fightin’ day and night! WOO!_

CLONES: _There’s more to us,_

_Than fightin’ day and night?_

_Can it really be?_

AHSOKA: _Yeah, that’s right!_

CHORUS: _Fightin’ fightin’ fightin’ day and night (There’s more to it)_

_Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night (So tired, tired of the fight)_

_Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night (You heard right!)_

_Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night!_

ANAKIN: We’re on a deadline!

*They all don’t listen as the clones have now all stopped what they were doing to watch the dancing Torgrutan tap across the hanger, strutting to them with a playful demeanor. Some of them have now taken to playing impromptu instruments to help her out*

AHSOKA: _They say that figthin’_

_Is what a clone’s supposed to do!_

_They must’ve never met one,_

_Cuz I know there’s much MORE to you!_

_I’m tired of seein’,_

_All you thinking there will never be any hope to see!_

_I’m gonna help and show you,_

_That dream can be reality!_

_DANCE LIKE YOU NEVER,_

_Never used your legs before today!_

_It’ll help you proooove, WOOP!,(_ Ahsoka tap slides away)

 _The faults of what the critics say! WOO!_ (All the clones begin to dance, as Anakin looks dumbfounded)

CLONES: _They’re sayin’ all we do is,_

_Fight day and night,_

_But that just ain’t true!_

AHSOKA: _THAT’S RIGHT!_ (She stands on a crate and starts tapping on that as the clones dance around her)

CHORUS: _Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night (Dance like you wanna!)_

_Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night! (Dance the, dance the night away!)_

_Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night! (Go on everybody!)_

_Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night! (OWWW!)_

*Anakin, getting increasingly annoyed, by how little work is being done by his disruptive Padawan, sees an opportunity to end it. He uses the Force to lift the crate she’s dancing on so there is nowhere to go. She just shrugs and taps on it any way, also using the Force to lift more crates to her so she can jump and dance on them. Anakin lifts tools up for her to dodge, as Ahsoka just hits them with the tap of her shoes to the beat. This goes on for a while as she fall into the waiting arms of a clone and sets her down. She twirls to the center of the hanger and the music comes to a halt as the clones circle her, shushing everyone to listen. She starts tapping slowly, gracefully as she moves around them, then slowly speeds up. She reaches max speed as the clones clap and cheer her on, doing one long pirouette to finish off the phase. The music kicks back up*

AHSOKA: _They say that fightin’_

_Is what a clone’s supposed to do!_

_They must’ve never met one,_

_Cuz I know there’s much MORE to you!_

_DANCE LIKE YOU NEVER,_

_Never used your legs before today!_

_It’ll help you proooove, WOOP!,_

_The faults of what the critics say!_

CLONES: _We’re so much more than fightin’_

_Day and night!_

_We’ll make you see…_

AHSOKA: _FOLLOW ME!_ *Proceeds to lead the clones into a jazz break, mixing her own bit of tap in there as well as the clones do jazz*

CHORUS: _Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night (Ain’t this fun?)_

_Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night! (Dance the, dance the night away!)_

_Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night! (Who wanna party?)_

_Fightin’ Fightin’ Fightin’ day and night! (OWWW!)_

*Ahsoka and the clones continue to dance around, and at this point, Anakin just gives up and picks up the mess and decides to fix the Twilight himself. However, Captain Rex enters the hanger and sees the impromptu dance party, and looking more than a little confused*

REX: ATTENTION!

*Music grinds to a halt once, as Ahsoka and the clones freeze in posed horror as Rex walks towards them. Anakin peeks out to watch*

AHSOKA: Hey, Rexster! What’s up?

REX: I was getting reports of a loud disturbance in the hanger. Looks like I just found what it is.

JESSE: We were just having a little fun, Captain!

REX: Fun? There’s no time for that! We are on a tight schedule! Back to your stations!

AHSOKA: Belay that order! *The clones look between them, confused* Rex, these men have had more fun in the last several minutes than they have in their natural lives! They deserve a little happiness.

REX: *sighs* kid, I want that more than anything. But we have responsibilities to uphold. Not everything can be fun.

*That was all Ahsoka needed. She tapped her foot and spun out of pose, clones moving with her, music coming back* _THAT IS NOT TRUE!_

_We can all have fun!_

_Why, even you!_

_I’ll bet my master too!_

_You’re all not droids!_

_Just have some fun!_

_Just a little helps!_

_I know you can!_

_Just crack a smile!_

_WHO! HEE! OW! YEAH!!_

*Ahsoka storms back in center, spins, and poses, clones behind her, music pauses. Rex looks unimpressed*

REX: You know I can give each and everyone of you latrine duty, right?

*Ahsoka quirks a brow in challenge then continues dancing, music back*

_JUST YOU TRY IT!_

_I’ll mop and dance!_

_I’ll sing in the latrine!_

_WE’LL ALL PARTY!_

_So try your best!_

_I know you can,_

_Be a fun man!_

_Just bust a move!_

_Get in the groove!_

_HAH! WOOH! YEAH! HEE!_

*Again, Ahsoka and the clones stop and pose, music paused, eagerly waiting. Rex looks at them all uncomfortably, then shakes his head and sighs. He then begins to…..moonwalk. Ahsoka squeals in glee and the clones hoot and holler. Anakin slaps his forehead in defeat. Ahsoka grabs him and they dance across the hanger together, followed by the clones as the music continues. This goes on for a while as the song and scene fades*

Rex sighed. "Is this how you feel when you see yourself tap dance?" Anakin nodded. "Then I'll deal with it."

~

"Wait a minute," Satine said, squinting. "Is that... Jar Jar?" It didn't sound right coming out of her mouth.

"Oh no." Padmé put her head in her hands. " _Oh no_."

**(Also written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong, to the tune of "Larryboy from Veggie Tales/DNA by Kendrick Lamar (the second half)")**

_Scene: Senator Amidala, along with Representative Jar Jar Binks and C-3PO, have arrived on Rodia to discuss negotiations for the planet to join the Republic. Worrying that Jar Jar’s clumsiness may cause more harm than good, Padme asks him to stay with 3PO and the ship. Feeling dejected, Jar Jar sings about the times he has been useful, or at least, he thinks he’s been…._

Jar Jar has been trying for several minutes trying to commune with the local swamp life, but they respond adversely, throwing rotten fruit at him. He ducks, only for it to hit the protocol droid instead. Jar Jar helps wipe it off..

C-3PO: I don’t think that requires a translation.

JAR JAR: This’a be a different swamp altogether. Sorry!

Jar Jar sits on a pile of crates and looks dejected.

JAR JAR: *sighs* Meesa not gettin’ why Padme not wantin’ us to go wit her. We spake on it before’en, n’ she say it was okie-dokie!

C-3PO: Well, Jar Jar, perhaps it’s…well…perhaps your services are suited with guarding the ship from any threats.

JAR JAR: But there’s no baddies here. This’a sposed to be a safe planet, yeah?

C-3PO: Well, you never know…

JAR JAR: Just like the capital Theed! Meesa thought it was safe, but then bombad droids came ‘n’ tried to take it. But meesa friends save dem, thanks to meesa!

C-3PO; Jar Jar, please! It was because of their bravery and vast combat knowledge, NOT because of you buffoonery.

JAR JAR: Yousa don’t know dat!

C-3PO: R2-D2 showed me the entire line of events. I know that…

JAR JAR: Aha! So yousa do seein’ that meesa helped my Jedi buddies. See, meesa can be BERRY helpful. Meesa help dozens a’ times! *Beat picks up, indicating the start of the song*

C-3PO: Really? All I witnessed was you making bigger messes to already existing messes!

JAR JAR: Ex-squeeze me? Yousa be trippin! Ever since dat day, Meesa been berry helpful!

*As the drums pick up, Jar Jar imagines three gorgeous (or, as gorgeous as they can be) female Gungan backup singers serenading him as he pops and locks* (Note: I do not know how to block hip-hop, but imagine him dancing around clumsily and wrecking nearly everything in his path.)

_Jar Jar Binks!_

_Jar Jar Binks!_

_He’sa mean, he’sa pink,_

_Jar Jar Binks!_

_Jar Jar Binks!_

_Outta sight, full of might_

_Jar Jar Binks!_

_Who’sa did de call, when they needed guiden’ to da,_

_Gonga City, for dem to save da day?_

_Even when heesa been banned,_

_His poonishment planned,_

_Heesa still went n’ showed dem da way!_

"Wait," Leia interrupted. "This is the Larryboy theme from VeggieTales!"

Padmé gasped. "Ahsoka _didn't_!"

"What is VeggieTales?" Obi-Wan asked innocently.

"It's children's TV for good Christian upbringings!" Anakin said proudly. Obi-Wan's innocent curiosity turned to a scowl.

"Really, Anakin?"

Anakin shrugged.

_Heesa been so brave,_

_When a feesh came lungin’ toward dem!_

_Hey, hey, he on da way!_

_So tall n’ so smart, like a bombadee dart!_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Jar Jar honey)_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Heesa cool!)_

_Lean ‘n’ mean, pink machine!_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Bombad boyo!)_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Brave ‘n strong!)_

_Outta sight, full of might!_

_Jar Jar Binks!_

_On Tatooine,_

_Heesa met dis little boyo,_

_With flyin’ style,_

_Dat saved him from troubo!_

_For dat, heesa helpin’_

_Developin’ a ride,_

_Dat’a helped him him reach da free side!_

_Dat wrech heesa dropped?_

_Heesa plan’en from beginnin’!_

_It’a helped dat boyo be free,_

_So directin’ your tanks to dis Gungan, you see.._

_Jar Jar Binks! (Groovy Gungan)_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Supa duda!)_

_Lean and mean, pink machine,_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Naboo hero!)_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Heesa cool!)_

_Outta sight, full of might,_

_Jar Jar Binks!_

_Dis boyo even saved NABOO!!_

*The song hits a record scratch stop, as the song lands to a different, darker beat, as Jar Jar nods his head and starts singing himself*

_Yousa wanten’ to know how I savin’ all da bombad day,_

_Well den, lemme tellin’ you how meesa kept dem droids at bay,_

_De Gungans followed, spears be throwin, shields be blastin’ on,_

_Turned dem baddies off wit bombs we made n’ kicked dem off our lawn!_

*Beat goes harder* (Note: To clarify real quick, this time I’m not using the ENTIRE chorus of the song, just a small part of it, but think of the lyrics with this beat)

_So you now seein’_

_Meesa been a real pioneerin’_

_Helpin me boyos n’ Jedi ‘n clones n’ showin dem how weesa be gettin’ down in da swamp, you feelin’?_

_We beated all baddies and we celebratin’_

_Palpatine came ‘n made me reprsentin’_

_So de galaxy seein’ da help I be bringin’ wit Senator Amidala n’ yousa got problems, yousa juss be hatin’_

_Gotten a cutie, she showin’ lovin’_

_Back in da home, she sittin’ waitin’_

_I be successful n’ helpful n’ influ-ee-ntial so be tellin’ again how I be nothin’ but trouble,_

_Yousa wrongo,_

_Meesa be strongo!_

_Clumsy me not-o!_

_Not from my flow!_

_Dem fires me started,_

_Dem weren’t mistakes,_

_Da Force’n make notin by accident, Meesa just cookin invisible steaks!_

_Meesa been notin’ but angel in’ pink,_

_Despite’n what everyone else prolly thinks!_

_So before yousa makin me grave,_

_Meesa got only one ting to say!_

_….MEESA! BE! DAT! HERO!_

*Amazing sax/jazz solo intensifies*

*The original beat kicks back in, as the imaginary Gungans sing one final time*

_Jar Jar Binks! (Meesa hero!)_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Gungan pride!)_

_Heesa lookin’ great, handsome twink,_

_Jar Jar Binks! (JAR JAAAR!)_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Oh Jar Jar!)_

_Lean ‘n mean, pink machine,_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Heesa fine!)_

_Jar Jar Binks! (What a guy)_

_Outta sight, full of might!_

_Jar Jar Binks! (Do yousa thang!)_

_Jar Jar Binks! (YEEEAHH!)_

_Lean ‘n mean, pink machine, lookin great, hansome twink, outta sight…_

JAR JAR: _DYN-O-MITE!_

_JAR JAR BINKS!_

*Song comes to a stop as Jar Jar finishes and looks at 3PO*

JAR JAR: See? Meesa been berry helpful!

*Cue the whole hanger nearly collapsing as Jar Jar looks at the destruction caused by his manic hip hop*

C-3PO: Ah, yes. VERY helpful, indeed.

"I get it!" Luke said with a laugh. "Jar Jar is Larry the Cucumber and C-3PO is Bob the Tomato!"

Leia chuckled. "Oh, that's awesome!"

"I still do not see what talking vegetables have to do with Anakin's new religion," Obi-Wan said with a shake of his head.

~

**(Also written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong, to the tune of "Let Me Make You Proud by Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventures")**

_Scene: Ahsoka is still reeling after her failed starfigher assault during the Siege of Ryloth, getting some of her men killed for disobeying orders. She feels guilty for what she did, but she wants to try harder and not make more mistakes like this for her Master…_

Ahsoka can’t believe it. Her Master, even though she disobeyed direct order, got her own men killed, and got Admiral Yularen injured during the bombing she failed to stop, has put her in charge of another, more risky mission using their only cruiser. She feels afraid of what may happen, considering the events that happened just moments ago. She sits alone in her quarters, contemplating her decision on what to do, fear still lingering her mind of all the times she’s messed up and failed, including now. However, there are people counting on her, including her Master, so she steels herself with resolve to get the job done. The music begins, indicating the start of the song.

_Maybe I make things a mess,_

_And maybe they’re right to have doubts of me,_

_Maybe, but nevertheless,_

_I need them to see they can trust me!_

_Just this once, let me come through for you_

_The way that you want me to!_

_LET ME MAKE YOU PROUD!_

_Let me show I can be a strong leader,_

_Let me prove that I can try harder,_

_That I can get up,_

_And come back from any bump!_

_And for all the men,_

_That suffered their fates I will never amend,_

_I promise in your name,_

_That victory I’ll guarantee you’ll be there when victory we claim!_

*Ahsoka stands up and dusts herself off, wipes tears and exits her quarters, resolve reforming in her as she walks to the bridge*

_Sure, I’ve made lots of mistakes,_

_I know that I’ve disappointed you_

_Still, though, whatever it takes,_

_I’m gonna fix this, we’ll make it through,_

_Just you wait, I’ll make it up to you,_

_I’ll show even my Master too!_

_I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD!_

_I will you show you the best I can be!_

_I will prove the mistakes you all have seen,_

_Is all in the past!_

_I will save the day,_

_And make sure no more lives are lost!_

_Cuz I owe to those who have died,_

_Cuz those order I tragically, defied,_

_I need you to see,_

_That in your name, I claim victory!_

*As the doors open to the bridge, and the crew see her standing there, Ahsoka breathes and enters, ready to deliver her plan of attack, and the song ends*

The audience applauded wildly as the real Ahsoka Tano announced Intermission #1. And man. That was... a lot.

To think there were ten more hours coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THAT WAS A RIDE!
> 
> THERE ARE FIVE MORE PARTS COMING, SO HANG ON TIGHT! WAHOOO!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	56. Clone Wars Musical Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PART 2!!
> 
> I did NOT expect this to take so long. Just got pretty busy and stuff...
> 
> BUT HERE. WE. ARE!!!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is going to be from the perspective of those backstage!!

As intermission ended and people shuffled back into the theater audibly, Ahsoka and Kayla silently squealed at the Anidala song that came next. And at the song coming after that one...

Oh, they were _geniuses_.

And also possibly little Sith.

But mostly geniuses.

Ahsoka held her microphone up to her mouth. "Alright," she said, but didn't hear it booming throughout the theater. She sighed and touched her earpiece. "Selena. Now."

"Oh, right, sorry!" When Ahsoka tried again, it worked.

"Alright, everybody, welcome back to part two of The Clone Wars musical! So settle in and hang on tight cause _Force_ , you're in for a ride this round!" She felt silent exasperation and dread, mixed with reluctant acceptance, through her training bond. She giggled, only to find her mic was still on. She sighed, and Selena quickly turned it off as the audience laughed.

"What's so funny?" Kayla whispered.

"Anakin," she whispered back, causing Kayla to giggled too. "He just _knows_ what he's in for, Kayla. Just _knows_ it."

Ahsoka clapped her hands. "Alright, Trent, Meredith! Onstage!"

The lights dimmed.

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Heart of Stone," only adapted to have the accented é's in Padmé's name)**

_Anakin is lounging in the office of his wife, Padmé, who is busy trying to sort out bills and plan events and meetings for the Republic. Anakin, however, has other ideas._

ANAKIN: Hey, I’m supposed to be on a “meditative retreat.” We should go away together. I know a place far away from here where no one will recognize us! It’ll actually be like we’re husband and wife, instead of Senator and Jedi…

PADMÉ: *sighs* I can’t, Ani.

ANAKIN: What do you mean, you can’t? Ugh, it’s only two weeks. We’ll be back before anyone even notices we’re gone.

PADMÉ: Anakin, I am trying to get these relief plans and meeting arrangements completed before our deadline this week. This is important!

ANAKIN: Huh, more important than the way you feel about…me?

PADMÉ: *sighs again* Not MORE important, just….important. The work I—we, do, Ani, is in service to the Republic, to protect those who would otherwise be powerless to protect themselves.

ANAKIN: Of course, but those are ideals. Isn’t our love more important to you?

PADMÉ: But I..

ANAKIN: No, no but! To me, there’s nothing more important than the way I feel about you. Nothing.

PADMÉ: *stands up* Anakin, don’t be so…

ANAKIN: Oh, you don’t believe me?

PADMÉ: I didn’t say..

ANAKIN: I’ll prove it. Just watch.

*He pulls his lightsaber from his hip*

ANAKIN: When I finished constructing my lightsaber, Obi-Wan said to me, *does a very bad impression of his Master* Anakin, this weapon is your life! *end impression*

Ahsoka opened herself up in the Force just enough to feel Obi-Wan's distate for the terrible impression. And the fact that he clearly knew where this was going.

"What's so funny?" Kayla stopped her from answering. "Let me guess. You're enjoying your family's reactions?"

Ahsoka nodded, fighting laughter because for all she knew, her mic could be on. Selena had gotten a concussion figure skating but had _insisted_ on coming for the opening performance.

_(A/N I too once got a concussion while doing figure skating moves in my Mom's fancy old figure skates. She was trying to teach me and I was doing really well and then I banged my head. It was Winter Olympics year too! I couldn't watch the TV do to my concussion!!! D:)_

ANAKIN:

This weapon IS my life…*tries to hand lightsaber to Padmé*

PADMÉ: No, Anakin, I can’t. A Jedi lightsaber is….*doesn’t finish as Anakin puts the weapon in her hand*….wow, heavier than I thought!

ANAKIN: It’s yours. Believe me now?

Ahsoka didn't even have to _open_ herself to the Force. Obi-Wan so widely projected his facepalm, she figured even non-force-sensitives picked up on it.

Ahsoka decided to go check the dressing room for goofer-offers, giving Kayla a touch on the shoulder that conveyed everything she needed to say.

She vaguely heard the song beginning:

ANAKIN: *stops her* That’s not what I want…

*Music begins, indicating the start of the song*

ANAKIN: _You’ve got a good heart,_

_The purest I’ve ever seen,_

_Deep like an ocean,_

_Endless charity,_

_You came my way,_

_Like an angel floating toward me,_

_Your love helps soothe me,_

_I truly hope you see._

_And when I took your hand,_

_I promised I’d withstand,_

_Any harm my way, for you._

_Something dark inside,_

_Cuz my mother died,_

_Your love has helped me to subdue._

ANAKIN: And for that? Well..

_I will build you up,_

_I’ll never tear you down,_

_Others try, but you are unbreakable,_

_You always do your best,_

_Pass the hardest test,_

_You are truly unshakeable._

_You are my guiding light,_

_Through this cold, dark night,_

_When my walls may crack,_

_You build them back with stone._

_Your heart of stone…_

She tuned it out as she made her way down the stairs of the dressing room, knowing that Trent's melodramatic singing would probably embarass Anakin just as much as _Attack of the Clones_. She got the feeling there was something off down there...

She found Landon sitting on a stool, an exasperated look on his face, looking down at the cast and crew that wasn't in line up for stage, each of them cross-legged on the floor with bright eyes like kindergartners during story time.

When Landon noticed Ahsoka, his relief was an _enourmous_ wave in the Force. "Ahsoka! Save me!"

Ahsoka gave the kindergartnerish cast a Dissapointed Director look. "What are you doing?"

"Landon is giving us all the _juicy details_ from your date last week!" Tanner said. Ashlyn giggled next to him.

"Not willingly," Landon grumbled.

Her heart secretly soaring at the confirmation that it was a date, she didn't allow her eyes to brighten as she turned back to her childish crew. "That's not very nice. You realize Landon is constantly moving things on and off the stage for _you_. This is hardly proper payment."

"I imagine your love story is just as dramatic as _theirs_!" Ashlyn nodded up the stairs to the stage, where the song was continuing.

PADMÉ: You really mean that?

ANAKIN: I’ve meant it always. Ever since we met on Tatooine.

PADMÉ: Oh, Ani… _I never thought that,_

_I’d find my true love,_

_Yet you came to me, and my heart soared above._

_And on that day,_

_After we faced a hard endeavor,_

_We made our vows forever._

_And I know,_

_When you are here,_

_I would never need to fear,_

_And though we shouldn’t dare,_

_I really DO NOT CARE,_

_Because my love will still be here._

_I will build you up,_

_I’ll never tear you down,_

_Others try, but you are unbreakable,_

_You always do your best,_

_Pass the hardest test,_

_You are truly unshakeable._

_You are my guiding light,_

_Through this cold, dark night,_

_When my walls may crack,_

_You build them back with stone._

_Your heart of stone…_

"I'm sure Ahsoka would never say any of that stuff," Landon promised them.

"It's not even in character for me," Ahsoka agreed. "Besides. We literally _just_ started dating. We're not ready to do the _staring-into-each-others-eyes-thing_ that we all know is happening onstage right now because Landon blocked the scene."

"Yeah. No need to try to embarass us." Landon stood up. "Story time is over. Shoo."

Ahsoka made her way back up to backstage as the song continued. "What was it?" Kayla whispered.

"They were torturing Landon for information about our relationship," Ahsoka whispered back. "Though I now have official confirmation that we're dating. Which is nice."

If Kayla wasn't worried about distracting Trent and Meredith, she would have squealed uncontrollably like a teenager.

ANAKIN: _Soon I’ll have to go,_

_And that might the hardest blow,_

_But I hope you truly know,_

_For you, my heart will flow._

PADMÉ: _Yes, it saddens me to see,_

_Whenever you are forced to leave me,_

_Know that you won’t be alone,_

_For our love is set in stone._

BOTH: _I will build you up,_

_I’ll never tear you down,_

_Others try, but you are unbreakable,_

_You always do your best,_

_Pass the hardest test,_

_You are truly unshakeable._

_You are my guiding light,_

_Through this cold, dark night,_

_When my walls may crack,_

_You build them back with stone._

_Your heart of stone…(2x)_

*Anakin and Padmé move closer to each other, closer that they whisper*

_You will never be alone,_

_In my heart…of…stone._

"That's you and Landon someday," Kayla whispered.

Ahsoka groaned. "Not you too!"

*Anakin and Padmé move to kiss each other, when they hear voices right outside the door*

PADMÉ: Quick, hide!

*Anakin hops over the table and crouched beneath it, as C-3PO and Senator Bail Organa enter*

BAIL: Padmé, how are you? I thought I heard…someone else in here?

PADMÉ: Oh, no! It’s nothing, Bail. Just…singing to myself *Padmé nervously rubs on the lightsaber she still had hidden behind her back*

BAIL: Well, it’s time. Senator Bylo has called for a vote in the lobby before we vote on our next bill. We should go and meet him down there.

*Padmé makes a sidelong glance at where her husband is hiding, before turning and heading out with them. The scene ends as Anakin pops his head out*

The audience laughed as the lights abruptly went off onstage. They were supposed to _gradually dim_ , but Ahsoka was going easy on Selena for this one night. Though she was going to insist she get her rest after being involved in the opening production.

Opening herself up to the Force once more, she felt extreme embarassment from Anakin and Padmé. She smiled in satisfaction. _Mission accomplished._

Kayla's eyes widened. "OMG, 'Sokka. The next song." She was fighting laughter so hard. " _The next song_ , Ahsoka."

Ahsoka nodded, as she too was fighting back uncontrollable laughter. "The next song indeed."

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Illusion, Coma, Pimp, and Circumstance" by Prince)**

_After Anakin recounted the events of the flight back to Coruscant, and the crazy assassination plot he and Obi-Wan foiled, Ahsoka was still in shock at one thing only:_

_AHSOKA: YOU LIKE THE DUCHESS?!_

_*Anakin and Obi-Wan attempt to shush her as stares start coming their way in the diner*_

_OBI-WAN: Quiet, Ahsoka! And no, I do not…well, I didn’t…er…_

_ANAKIN: It’s a simple question, Master._

_OBI-WAN: *glares glarefully at Anakin* We have….a history between us. But we were never involved. She is the leader of a powerful planet with several clans fighting for dominance, I am a Jedi sworn to keep the peace. It would never work._

_AHSOKA: I just…I can’t….You are the model Jedi that everyone wants to follow! The living embodiment of the Jedi Code! And you have a CRUSH? I don’t think I can look at you the same again! My entire view of the Force just shifted!_

_OBI-WAN: Come now, it’s not that bad. Even Younglings go through such a phase!_

_ANAKIN: Really? From what I saw, that phase must’ve never left, “Ben”_

_OBI-WAN: Just like it never left you whenever you see Senator Amidala, “Ani?”_

Ahsoka could practically _hear_ Padmé telling Anakin that Musical Obi-Wan had a point.

"Forget _Heart of Stone_ ," Kayla whispered. " _This_ is you and Landon someday."

Ahsoka's cheeks reddened considerably. "Oh, _Force_ , no!" Then she thought about it. "Though, I do already have people _hassling me about it constantly."_ She glared, but Kayla simply shrugged innocently.

DROID: Hiya, hons! Are you enjoying your meal?

ANAKIN: Absolutely! Hey, you have the special “couples combo,” right?

DROID: Sure do! Two bantha steaks, a side of fries, and blue milkshakes fit for two Nabooin lovebirds!

ANAKIN: Perfect! My friend here would like one as a celebration for reuniting for his girlfriend!

OBI-WAN: Wh—no! Anakin! Please ignore him. He’s being an idiot! Anakin, she’s not, nor has she ever been, my girlfriend!

ANAKIN: You sure? Than what did I hear you two saying while I was sneaking up on Tal Merrik?

OBI-WAN: *Pales* you…you heard that?

AHSOKA: *leans in as she’s drinking her milkshake* heard what?

"Is Satine embarassed or enjoying this?" Kayla whispered.

"I dunno, let me see." She closed her eyes and... "Oh, she's having _so much fun_ with this song."

Kayla smirked. "Figures. Obi-Wan'll be embarassed enough for both of them."

ANAKIN: *does a poor imitation of Satine* I loved you, my dear Obi! I always have! *switches over to an exaggerated version of Obi-Wan* Had you said the word, my love, I would have left the Jedi Order!

AHSOKA: *Nearly spitting her milkshake out* YOU WOULD’VE WHAT?

*At this point, the whole diner is staring at them, wondering what the commotion is about. Obi-Wan’s embarrassment is increasing at a staggering rate*

OBI-WAN: Anakin. Not. Another. Word.

*Not listening at all, Anakin comes up with an idea to further drive his Master up a wall*

ANAKIN: Say, waitress? You have a music player installed in you?

DROID: Yep! Right here! *She points to her metallic midsection where a radio can be seen.*

*That was all Anakin needed. He turned the dial a few times to select a tune and stopped at the one he wanted. The song starts, as Anakin sings loudly to everyone in the diner*

_She was a lovely woman, looking for romance,_

OBI-WAN: What are you doing?

_He was just a gangly Youngling who looked like he just could not dance,_

OBI-WAN: Anakin, don’t you dare…

*Anakin stands up to address the patrons*

_Come one, come all! You won’t get another chance:_

_To hear how a Duchess and a Jedi met in romantic circumstance!_

*Ahsoka is fighting tears laughing, and Obi-Wan tries to hide his face, knowing this wasn’t going to end well for him*

Ahsoka giggled, lifting her right hand to her mouth. Kayla glanced over and saw Landon had done the exact same. "Aw, look how in sync you two are!" Ahsoka's expression turned sour as she elbowed Kayla.

"Shut it, Kay. Let me enjoy this."

_She was older, her beauty beyond compare,_

_Fair skin, honey lips and words, and Force, if you could only see her hair!_

_That was running through the mind, of a little nerdy man,_

_A Force using runt who took one look at her, and became her biggest fan!_

*Obi-Wan can be heard groaning, while Ahsoka and the diner clap on beat*

_Just too fine, he was for her!_

_Dirty robes to expensive furs!_

_He really went and tried to ask her out, with holes still in his boots!_

_Shocking all, she agreed to a date,_

_With this guy small enough to fit a hyperdrive plate,_

_But they had a time,_

_Dancing while they dine,_

_Even as he destroyed her feet all night!_

OBI-WAN: I’m the one who taught you to dance, remember?

_“My dear Obi” she said,_

_Staring in his eyes,_

_Young Kenobi looked up to see love staring down at him,_

_So out of his league, he couldn’t lie._

_“Come back to MYYY, place, where I know how to lock the doors”_

*Says lowly to the rapt attention of the diner* _I can’t tell the kids what happened next, but let’s just say, even dead Jango heard them in the FORCE!_

OBI-WAN: ANAKIN!!

Ahsoka and Kayla, as well as Landon and the others currently backstage, were full on _cackling_ now. It was a really good thing Ahsoka had Force tricks to make the illusion of silence.

It wouldn't work on the Force sensitives in the audience, but... those Force sensitives were the only ones she _wanted_ to hear the laughing, anyway.

"President Amidala is definitely in for an uncomfortable conversation when Luke and Leia look this line up on Genius Lyrics," Kayla whispered.

Ashlyn hadn't originally known what it meant either, but she had to act in the scene, so Ahsoka had given her the most modest, not-creepy explanation. It only took a few hints to get her to catch on.

"Obi-Wan and Satine never would have done that. Seriously," Landon had pointed out.

"Well obviously not! Obi-Wan's a goody-two-shoes and Satine's definitely a pure kind of duchess! Although there is the mystery of Korkie Kryze-Kenobi..." Ahsoka shrugged. "I wrote this while trying to embarass him."

*On one hand, Obi-Wan would almost feel proud of Anakin using his few brain cells to create a completely fake story. On the other, stronger hand, Obi-Wan was going to strangle his Padawan, as the diner hooped and hollered at the story. Anakin went outside to sing out so even more can hear, Obi-Wan trying to stop him*

_She was a lovely woman, looking for romance,_

_He was just a gangly Youngling who looked like he just could not dance,_

_Come one, come all! You won’t get another chance:_

_To hear how a Duchess and a Jedi met in romantic circumstance!_

*A crowd had now formed outside as soon as they saw The Hero With No Fear and The Negotiator outside, wondering what they were saying. Obi-Wan prayed to the living Force for mercy and a whole to fall through*

ANAKIN: _Where was I?_

AHSOKA: I know! _A lovely night for two!_

ANAKIN: After you, then!

OBI-WAN: No! *feels betrayed by his Grand Padawan as the crowd listens*

AHSOKA: _They held each other and planned,_

_A life the Jedi couldn’t stand,_

_But the boooy, can’t take that,_

_His Code couldn’t let him, what a scaredy cat!_

_Should’ve taken,_

_A page from a friend, n’ then,_

_Married her without em’ knowin!_

*Obi-Wan side eyes Anakin suspiciously*

ANAKIN: Uhhh, that friend, whoever it is, since it’s NOT me, sounds like a smart guy, huh?

"Open yourself to the Force!" Landon told Ahsoka. "I want to know how your family's reacting!"

Ahsoka obediently did so. "Padmé is giving Anakin the you-know-you-weren't-subtle look. Anakin's biting his lip, but still kind of laughing at the Jango line. Obi-Wan's done, embarassed, and wants to leave. Satine is enjoying this far too much. Luke and Leia are confused and _really_ want to know what they meant by 'locking the doors' and 'hearing them in the Force,' while Padmé insists they're going to wait till they are _older_. And Rex is covering all the little triplet's ears - he took the outside of two of them and squashed their heads together to do so - because he does not need this song to be in the babies' early memories."

She opened her eyes to find Kayla and Landon also found that hillarious.

*Obi-Wan shakes his head, and both turn their head to see and hear Ahsoka tapping to the delight of the now large crowd*

_Now he regrets it, every time,_

_He sees her looking lavish, standing over there,_

_He prays to the Force that nobody sees him STARE!_ *taps on her toes*

_Let me give you some advice so your suffering can end,_

_Diamonds will forever be a girl’s best friend!_

OBI-WAN: Will you…wait, where have I heard that said? *Obi-Wan thinks, but is interrupted by the chorus now being sung by both annoying Padawans*

"You did not!" Kayla said with her mouth wide open.

"I will torture my grandmaster till his death."

_She was a lovely woman, looking for romance,_

_He was just a gangly Youngling who looked like he just could not dance,_

_Come one, come all! You won’t get another chance:_

_To hear how a Duchess and a Jedi met in romantic circumstance!_

_Now, DANCE!_

*The streets outside the diner have become a party, as Anakin and Ahsoka dance in their respective styles to the enjoyment of the crowd as they clap and sing along to the music. Obi-Wan hates every single moment of his life right now as he looks for an escape*

OBI-WAN: _This has been a less than perfect day,_

_But now it’s time end it, I say!_

_The story you’ve been told by these goons is lacking credibility and facts! *_ Anakin and Ahsoka mock him from behind*

_The Duchess and Jedi, they never,_

_Never ever ever ended up together,_

_So now you know the truth, now go home,_

_And forget this story and leave it alone!_

*The music hits a record scratch pause, as the crowd looks at Obi-Wan. He hoped that maybe, just _maybe_ that was enough to stop this madness. His hopes were immediately dashed when Ahsoka played conductor and Anakin dropped down to hang on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.*

ANAKIN: _EVERYBODY!_

OBI-WAN: No, wait!

CHORUS: _She was a lovely woman, looking for romance,_

_He was just a gangly Youngling who looked like he just could not dance,_

_Come one, come all! You won’t get another chance:_

_To hear how a Duchess and a Jedi met in romantic circumstance!_

*They kept up the chorus for several more times, and Obi-Wan just gave up. He went back into the now empty diner, the occupants out there dancing along with his now two least favorite people, and sat down on the counter. Dex is there to greet him*

DEX: Rough day?

OBI-WAN: Yep. Pick me up. Now.

DEX: The “My Padawans are the bane of my existence” special?

"He definitely had one of those," Landon agreed.

OBI-WAN: Please. And go ahead and use my alias. “Obi-Wan” isn’t coming back until this…whatever this is dies down and I know I won’t hear it again.

DEX: *Chuckles* Alright, one Corellian brandy hard on the rock, coming right up…”Christian” *winks and heads back to the kitchen*

*As Obi-Wan’s head bangs the counter from STILL hearing the singing outside about his NOT REAL love life, the song and scene ends*

"You _didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't_." But oh yes, she did, Kayla.

~

**Something To Believe In**

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Duchess Satine are in the gardens outside the Mandalorian Palace. Originally, Kenobi was supposed to do a follow-up on the Duchess’ well-being after the eventful voyage back to Coruscant. Unofficially…

He _really_ missed her.

However, he could do without her laughing at his pain….

SATINE: *laughs* “Dead Jango heard us in the FORCE?!” *laughs* Oh, Obi, your former Padawan sounds like a delight. A shame I never interacted with him much. He must come over to Mandalore if he’s able to elicit a reaction LIKE that out of you!

Ahsoka's eyebrows furrowed as Obi-Wan snapped and shouted to the theater, "NO. THAT NEVER, EVER, EVER HAPPENED."

The theater rippled with laughter, and somehow the actors remained unfased. Wow. Hunter and Soya were _perfect_ for these roles.

OBI-WAN: *sighs* I…think that wouldn’t be the best idea. It’s enough that he has an uncanny ability to use the very little braincells he has to create a full false story at my expense. Force help me if YOU actually told him the real parts…

SATINE: Right. The “true” parts…*smirks*

OBI-WAN: Yes, I would never hear the end of it.

SATINE: Obi…. _Ben_ …Tell me, truly: why are you really here?

OBI-WAN: What? I-I told you. I needed to check on you after the assassination attempt of your life. I just….needed to see if there were anymore, or…if you were…okay…

SATINE: Obi, dear, I’ve had more assassination attempts than the number of times Mandalore has been through a regime change, and I’m only halfway through my term. I’m quite capable of handling myself, you know. So, what’s the _real_ reason?

*Realizing he can’t talk his way out of this, he checks their surroundings to see if their truly alone*

OBI-WAN: Satine, I…I’m not sure if this is going to work. Our relationship has to be kept secret for the sake of both your government and my Order. If Anakin already suspects something, then the Council will surely…

SATINE: You mean the man who tries to hide his relationship with Senator Amidala the same way a child tries to hide the fact he didn’t eat all the chocolate, despite it being all over his mouth?

OBI-WAN: *another longsuffering sigh* You know too?

SATINE: I knew ever since I saw them together. I immediately called her to get the rest of the details.

OBI-WAN: Ah, lucky. Anakin still refuses to tell me, thinking I would rat him out to the Council…

SATINE: Would you?

OBI-WAN: Of course not! Nothing’s wrong with an attachment, it’s just that if….

SATINE: *raises her brow*

OBI-WAN: Oh, right…

SATINE: Ben, I do not care even an ounce of what others think of us, I wish for us to be together, not as secret lovers, but as equals in life. We could have been, long ago…

OBI-WAN: I told you back on the Concord, Satine, that…

SATINE: ….if I had said the word, you would have left the Order and married me?

*Music plays, indicating the start of the song*

SATINE: What if I said the word now?

OBI-WAN: Satine…

SATINE: _From the moment I met you,_

_I wanted to be, in your arms._

_And while this dream I still pursue,_

_I know it may cause alarm._

_But even if they scoff us for it,_

_I pay no mind, for this love is a gift!_

_It’s something to believe in, even across the stars!_

_We may not see each other, but in my heart, you’re never far!_

_And if you’re gone tomorrow, what is ours will still be._

_For even if I go, before you,_

_I know the last thing is you I shall see!_

*Obi-Wan watches her gracefully move around the garden with a lovestruck expression, but still conflicted*

"I can't tell if the drama is you and Landon, or if the hillarious other Obitine song is you and Landon."

" _CAN YOU SHUT UP ABOUT ME AND LANDON_?!"

OBI-WAN: _We were never, meant to be,_

_But since that day, I felt free._

_A feeling that, I should pass._

_How can this love ever last?_

_I want to hold you right here,_

_But I can’t now, out of fear._

_It’s only something to believe in,_

_A dream so far away._

_Nothing can last forever, I cannot stay, but that’s okay,_

_Cuz if I am gone tomorrow,_

_What was ours still will be,_

_Even though this feeling I must hide,_

_When I die, I’ll stand waiting at your side._

*Satine is moved, but still chafed at Obi-Wan not staying with her*

SATINE: Obi, you don’t have to die to be with me. I’m right here. We can still be.

OBI-WAN: I want that, my darling. More than anything. But…the war, and the people that need me, YOUR people that need you. We have our duties.

SATINE: Our duties weigh us down. We can hold each other’s burdens and lift the other up. Please, Obi-Wan Kenobi, will you be my shining hope?

OBI-WAN: Oh, Satine…

*Obi and Satine hold each other and waltz around the garden*

BOTH: _Do you know what I believe in?_

_Look into my eyes and see,_

OBI-WAN: If things were different…

SATINE: If your people didn’t believe love wasn’t a harmful emotion…

OBI-WAN: And if you weren’t a Duchess, and your people didn’t need constant protection from themselves…

SATINE: Like I said, you could have been with me BEFORE I became a Duchess.

OBI-WAN: You’re right, but maybe….I can make up for lost time…

SATINE: Obi…

OBI-WAN: _For if I’m gone tomorrow,_

SATINE: _What was ours still will be,_

BOTH: _I have something to believe in,_

_Now that I know that you truly love me._

OBI-WAN: _I have something to believe in,_

BOTH: _Now that I know that you…love…me…_

*As the song slowly fades and Obi-Wan dips Satine in a final move, he moves closer, unsure of what to do, Satine slowly closing the distance. Maybe, FINALLY, they can..

ALMEC: Duchess? Where are you?

*Both break apart immediately to see Advisor Almec come around the corner to find them*

ALMEC: Oh, there you are, Your Grace, Master Jedi. I came to tell you the delegates of Projunta have arrived to negotiate a trade agreement.

SATINE: Ah, they are….early. Very well, Almec. I will attend them shortly.

*Almec leaves and gives a curious look at Kenobi, before turning on his heel and leaving*

SATINE: Another time then, Master Jedi?

OBI-WAN: Of course, Your Grace. *He takes Satine’s hand and kisses it a lot longer than what is normally appropriate, which makes her blush*

*They both turn to go their separate ways, and the scene ends*

~

"Oh no. Mortis. A sad arc." Kayla bit her lip. "I NOT WANT SADNESS!"

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Dangerous Woman")**

Anakin runs to the plateau that Ahsoka is….kneeling at? Anakin doesn’t know why, nor cares. They need to get Obi-Wan and get out of here, after they stop the Son.

ANAKIN: Ahsoka?....Ahsoka, it’s me! You’re safe now. Let’s go!

AHSOKA: Are you….proud of me, Master?

ANAKIN: *confused* What? Uh, of course, Snips. Of course, I’m proud of you! Now let’s get out of here!

AHSOKA: *opens her now amber eyes* He’s right. Right about everything. You must join him. *goes dainty* He only wants what’s best for the universe…

ANAKIN: Hey, what’s wrong with you?

AHSOKA: Always with the criticism, Master! Never REALLY believing in me! Trusting me! Well, I don’t need you anymore…

ANAKIN: Ahsoka, Ahsoka, listen to me. He’s done something to you. Snap out of it! This isn’t you, Ahoska!

AHSOKA: Isn’t it? I feel like myself more than I ever have! He asked me to give you a message. He said, “If you don’t join him, he’ll kill me!” *laughs*

ANAKIN: I won’t let him!

AHSOKA: Then YOU will be forced to kill me!

*violin plays, as Ahsoka drags her leg in front of and slowly behind her, tap shoe scraping the concrete as it goes slowly, and she turns just as slowly. She moves and taps around slowly, like her normally angelic movements acting more like a being a puppet on dark strings. She nerve taps rapidly standing stock still as she gets her lightsaber out and turns around again sharply, glaring at her master with a sinister smile. The real music plays, indicating the start of the song*

_Made my decision,_

_Don’t need permission,_

_The Dark Side’s calling,_

_So fully freeing,_

_Ever comforting,_

_Oh, what a feeling!_

_Don’t need you no more,_

_Go walk out the door,_

_I’ve been promised more!_

_Power unheard of,_

_Just kill what I love,_

_I’ll stand up above…._

_All of the rest, who doubted, I was best, I’ll make them, see…_

*leaps to attack Anakin, as he activates his lightsaber to block the attacks*

_The Dark Side helps me, MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A DANGEROUS WOMAN!_

_Fallin from, fallin from, fallin from Light_

_MAKES ME DENOUNCE THE THINGS I ONCE THOUGHT WAS RIGHT_

_Fallin from, fallin from, fallin from Light!_

ANAKIN: Ahsoka, this isn’t you! It’s the Son! He’s controlling you! You have to fight it!

AHSOKA: No more lies! I know what you always thought of me, a failure, a weakling, just like everyone in my creche. They were scared of me because they knew I was better than them. I’ll prove to them they were right when I take all your heads.

*Fight and song continues*

_Chained to the Order,_

_Bound to them no more,_

_I’ll settle the score!_

_I’ll prove you all wrong!_

_Your funeral song,_

_I’ll play all night long!_

_I wanna savor,_

_The fruits of labor,_

_Of when my saber,_

_Shows you true danger,_

_It’s my new nature,_

_So sweet a flavor,_

_I’ll thank my Master!_

_All of the rest, who doubted, I was best, I’ll make them, see…_

_The Dark Side helps me, MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A DANGEROUS WOMAN!_

_Fallin from, fallin from, fallin from Light_

_MAKES ME WANNA DANCE IN THE ENVELOPING NIGHT!_

_Fallin from, fallin from, fallin from Light!_

*Ahsoka jazzes up her routine and sways like a woman possessed, sashaying and strutting to him with her sabers raised, scaring Anakin more*

_You really gotta try this high,_

_You’ve let true power pass you by,_

_If you don’t, then I might die!_

_Fallin from, fallin from Light!_

_And when Kenobi gets here,_

_We’ll show him what to truly fear,_

_We’ll watch him finally shed a tear!_

_Fallin from, fallin from Light!_

ANAKIN: I won’t join you, and I will free you from his control!

AHSOKA: Sorry, Master, but there is no freeing me! I’m right where I finally should be! I’ll never leave, cuz _the Dark Side helps me, MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A DANGEROUS WOMAN!_

_Fallin from, fallin from, fallin from Light_

_MAKES ME WANNA KILL EVERYONE IN A FIGHT!_

_Fallin from, fallin from, fallin from Light!_

_I’m thankful for this chance,_

_To feel my strength feel enhanced,_

_What a thrill, Master, wanna dance?_

_He can show you everything,_

_Like how to save your special fling,_

_Just let the Dark help you sing,_

_Fallin from, Fallin from Light!_

_Come and take the darkened pill,_

_You’ll climb over every hill,_

_You really wanna have me killed?_

_Fallin from, fallin from Light!_

*As Obi-Wan enters the fray, wielding the sword that will stop the Son and cut Ahsoka free, the song ends*

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody" because you all deserve a little Queen after that)**

**(Though warning, it's way darker than Bohemian Rhapsody)**

_Anakin takes his speeder down into a molten crater where he senses the Son to be. Descending into the cavern below, he steps onto the hot surface, searching for the Dark Side incarnate. He needn’t look long, as he shows up behind him._

SON: Welcome. I believe there has been a misunderstanding. We don’t have to be enemies.

ANAKIN: You murdered your sister! And you corrupted my Padawan and nearly killed her too! The Force is out of balance. I have to stop you.

SON: Must you?

*Anakin doesn’t say anything, instead turning on his lightsaber, ready to fight. The Son simply looks unimpressed and grabs the saber from his hand*

SON: There is no need for such _crude_ implements here. I have a gift for you…

ANAKIN: I’ve had enough of your trickery!

SON: Oh, but you will like this one, I promise you.

*The Son walks around Anakin, voices begin to be heard*

SON: What if I can show you…the future?

*As the Son steps away chuckling to himself, Anakin’s head begins to throb, then the pain starts to increase. Anakin begs for it to stop, seeing things in his mind he felt uncomfortable to see, but the Son refused*

SON: Know yourself. Know what you will become!

*As the son steps back further, black mist begins to surround Anakin, the voices becoming clearer, sounding like multiple familiar voices to him, as creeping music begins to play in the back, indicating the start of the song* (Note: there is no specific version of this song to use, but imagine a more dire, creepier version of this song) ( _italicized_ : different voices/ **bold:** Anakin)

_Is this your real life?_

**Stop….stop it!**

_Is this just fantasy?_

**N..No…**

_Drawn to the Dark Side…_

**NEVER!**

_No escape from your destiny…_

***** Anakin drops to his knees, head in his hands as he keeps his eyes shut, trying to force whatever darkness creeping out of his mind*

_Open your eyes…_

_Look at your sealed fate and see…._

**I WON’T LOOK!**

*A single voice, sounding like TPM Anakin, speaks up*

_I’m just a slave boy…_

_I’m meant for misery…_

**Wh…what?**

*Other voices joining in*

_Because my mother’s gone,_

_Left behind,_

_Murdered there,_

_I killed their kind!_

**Please stop!**

_No matter what you do now,_

_You’ll always stray farther from the line,_

_You’re mine._

*Anakin cries in pain, still attempting to get the voices out of his head, when suddenly, another version of him, AOTC Anakin, can be heard*

_Mama, just killed the pack…_

_They did nothing to fight back…_

_I murdered them all in my attack._

_Mama, I left you here to rot…_

_I broke my promise, now I’ve cast my lot!_

*Other voices join in*

_MAMA! OOOOH!_

_There is war, no end in sight!_

_I’m supposed to bring the balance, well, I’m just a blight!_

_Dead friend, new friend,_

_Do their deaths even really matter?_

**OF COURSE THEY DO! YOU LIE! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!**

*As Anakin’s struggle continues, a new version of him, somehow an older version, can be heard*

_Too late! Their time has come…_

**Who…who are you?**

_They took all I ever cared for,_

_Now I shall pay them back and then more!_

_Goodbye, my family, you’ve brought nothing but pain…_

_So now, I’ll make sure you all never return again!_

*A chorus of voices rings in Anakin’s ears*

_MAMA!!_

_Look at me now! (death to all the Jedi)_

_Look at my costly fall,_

_Perhaps it was best that I never was…BORN AT ALL!_

**SHUT UP!!**

*As the song rages on, Anakin’s cries become desperate as he tries to understand what’s happening around him. Suddenly, the song changes tone as he hears more familiar voices, this time not versions of his. His eyes open. His worst mistake*

_Prideful, arrogant, just too old to train…_

*He recognized that as Mace, along with other Council members. They all tower above him*

_Disgraceful! Disgraceful! Power’s all he wants to obtain!_

_Dark Side’s noose is tightening,_

_Very, very frightening…us!_

_Very Reckless!_

_He’s dangerous!_

_Power limitless!_

_What a mess!_

_Even his Padawan went away!_

**No! She’s here! She’s…**

*He hears Ahsoka’s voice in the fog*

_I’m just a tool that,_

_Worn out all its use!_

*He sees a version of her walk away alone towards the light*

CHORUS: _She’s just a poor tool,_

_Cast aside, sent to die!_

_What happened to her?_

_Why, just blame the bad Master!_

**WHAT?! NO, AHSOKA! WAIT!**

*A new voice, his own Master, comes to play*

_I promised him, to train you,_

_Appears I’ve been a fool!_

*Visions of a fight on a molten planet pass through his mind against Obi-Wan, to his horror*

CHORUS: _This is your FATE!_

_We trained you much late! (A Sith Lord!)_

_It’s your fault!_

_You led a genocide assault! (A Sith Lord)_

_It’s your curse!_

_And it gets much worse! (A Sith Lord!)_

_And it gets much worse! (A Sith Lord!)_

_And it gets much worse! (A Sith Lord!)_

**OH, NOOOOOOOO!**

_NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!_

*A new, sinister voice enters the fray*

_Join with me,_

_And rule the galaxy!_

CHORUS: _The galaxy can now be yours!_

_Would you SELL your soul, to save the very precious life of your wife?_

_Your Wife?_

_YOUR WIFE?_

*As the song reaches its peak, Anakin sees multiple visions of himself doing things he’d never dreamed, things he thought could be nightmares, except…they were all real!*

_So you thought you were here to save the Jedi?_

*Vision of him stabbing Shaak Ti*

_No! You are here to ensure that they all shall DIE!_

*Vision of him killing younglings*

_NO BABIES!_

_*vision of him choking his wife*_

"Honey he literally just gave away that it's twins and Anakin didn't notice," Kayla said with a shake of her head. "And guess who _didn't realize it_?!"

"Anakin," they said together.

"To be fair, he didn't say that in real life. And also, technically, the babies were born. And also, Anakin was a bit distracted by the fact that he was watching himself become a Sith."

Kayla shrugged. "Fair." Then she turned to Landon. "If you _ever_ try to strangle my Ahsoka -"

"KAYLA!"

_You pushed your best friend away!_

*Vision of him losing to Obi-Wan*

_You shall be reborn!_

*Vision of him turning to Vader*

_You’ll make all the galaxy TORN!_

*Vision of the Death Star blowing up Alderaan*

*All these vision mixed in one, Anakin sees the truth and knows the horrors he will bring upon the galaxy. Hopeless, he gives up and just sits there as the fog and song settle down. He sings softly and sadly to himself*

**So that is my destiny,**

**Clear and plain to see.**

**I cannot afford it,**

**I will not allow it…to be.**

_No matter what you do…._

*As he opens his eyes to reveal amber yellow, the song and scene ends*

Ahsoka shook her head and held her mic to her lips. "Alright - wait. Selena. Turn it on. There. Alright, you all deserve a bit of an intermission after that! Especially you, Anakin, because you don't remember any of that. Alright, bye bye, see you during part three!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so in character for Anakin to essentially accuse Obi-Wan of being Korkie's father though isn't it XD XD XD
> 
> You thought Luke and Leia were sheltered? NO LONGER.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Sorry it took so long. Part 3 coming soon!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	57. Clone Wars Musical Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PART 3 TIME!!!

The last way Anakin expected to find out that his twelve-year-old daughter liked a boy was _this_.

They were just chilling in the hallways, stretching, waiting for the next two hours of Clone Wars singing and dancing. And then he looks over and he sees his daughter just talking to some guy, like:

"Oh my gosh, Nick! I didn't expect to see you here!"

"How could I not?" The boy - Nick - said with a charming smile that made Anakin's eyes widen. _Wait..._ "I mean, this is your family's story. Besides, I've always been a Star Wars fan," he said with a smark.

Leia covered her mouth and giggled - something Anakin had _never_ seen his daughter do. "Oh, I know. You tell me every five seconds."

"Well how could I not? I'm talking to a princess, a senator, and president's kid all at once! I am truly _honored_ to be familiar with you, even just as an acquaintance." Anakin could feel all of this kid's emotions - he was able to front totally cool, but inside, he was freaking out.

And Leia's shields had totally dropped. Oh, she liked the kid all right.

"I promise you, Nick, you are _far_ more than a simple acquaintance."

Anakin looked over at Luke, who was miming gagging.

Well. Leia wasn't dating anybody until she was eighteen - not under Anakin's watch. As he watched his daughter flirt with this _boy_ , he began thinking of all the things he could do to make sure his daughter _never_ ended up in a relationship with the kid.

"Well, I once took a Star Wars character quiz, and came away as my mother, apparently," Leia said with a shrug. "I guess I'm more like my mother than I am like myself!" She laughed lightly.

"I got hit with a very definitive answer of Han Solo, as expected," he said with a wink. Anakin glared daggers at him.

Leia giggled. Since when did his daughter _giggle_ this much? "Well, _I_ agree with the quiz. You are _so_ much like Han Solo."

"I'm flattered, but I can only aspire to have his charm."

"Oh, you certainly do!"

 _They weren't even being that subtle_!

And with that - as if an answer to Anakin's prayer - the warning sounded to go back into the theaters. Leia waved goodbye flirtatiously. "Well, I'll see you at school!"

"You you around, Leia." Leia came away still giggling and withdrawn in her head...

_No._

_Not happening in a million years._

~

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Hot Chocolate")**

_Rex, Jesse, Fives, and the rest of the 501 st have just given General Skywalker the rundown of their carefully thought out, completely professional plan to help cheer up Ahsoka from her depression. Ever since she returned from escaping the Trandoshian hunt, she’s been quiet and downtrodden from the experience that the entire 501st was alarmed by the usually bubbly Padawan being down._

_“You’re certain this will work?” Anakin Skywalker asked._

_“Absolutely. We just needed your blessing, sir.” Rex answered._

_“Well, there’s still one detail about this plan that I’m not sure—”_

_Rex hands him a set of ear plugs. Anakin looks down at the gift and back up to his Captain._

_“Never mind. Carry on.”_

_~_

_Ahsoka was in the hanger waiting for her Master so they can get their sparring session finished. She wanted it to end early so she can go meditate privately in her quarters to calm herself down, which probably won’t work like the last ten times she tried._

_“Hey Snips, sorry I’m late. Let’s get to training!” Anakin said as he entered the hanger._

_Ahsoka got up tiredly and readied herself for the coming battle. While Anakin went over to the other side, she saw Rex enter as well, with a determined pace reserved for a special drill._

_Ahsoka shrugged and got ready to duel with Anakin, when suddenly…_

_“ATTENTION ALL TORGRUTAS IN THE FRIGATE! ATTENTION! ALL TORGRUTAS PLEASE REPORT TO THE CRATE WITH THE SOFT RED BLANKET IN THE HANGER IMMEDIATELY!"_

"Oh, I like where this is going," Luke murmured.

"What?" Leia asked.

"Snap out of your haze of having seen your boyfriend and pay attention!"

"He's not my boyfriend yet!"

Padmé side-eyed Leia, as did Anakin. They were going to need to address that later.

_Ahsoka looked over to Rex, who had a mic that connected to the entire Resolute, and…yep, sure enough…a crate right there in the middle of the open hanger with a soft red blanket._

_“Rexter, what are you—”_

_“ALL TORGRUTAS ARE TO REPORT TO THE CRATE NOW!”_

_Suddenly, she felt herself being picked up from behind by four clones and being carried over to the crate. She had half a mind to make them run drills if she wasn’t so kriffing confused as to what was happening. As she was forced down onto the soft blanket, she looked over to her Master, who was putting in ear plugs with a smirk._

_Rex looked satisfied. “Thank you.”_

_*Music starts playing, indicating the start of the song*_

_REX: Now that you are all here, attention please. There seems to be a shortage of happiness amongst the Torgrutan population aboard this frigate. That will simply. Not. Do. Would the Torgrutan in question who is experiencing this violent bout of sadness please identify themselves? *Rex pretends to look around at anyone BUT her*_

_AHSOKA: *annoyed* Rex, whatever this is, I don’t—_

_REX: Ah, you there! The one with the frown. You appear to be in need of joy. Luckily, we have staff on hand to provide it. FORWARD COMPANY, ADVANCE!_

*Suddenly, she heard loud marching, louder than usual from a distance. She turned to the hanger door to see a bunch of boys in blue marching toward their position, except it wasn’t a NORMAL march. They were doing running flaps in…

Tap shoes?

Master Skywalker would have them all sent to Hoth for this. So why would..

She looked over to him to see him relaxing with ear plugs in, waving at her.

The men stopped in unison in front of her. She recognized some of them as Jesse, Fives, Echo and Kix from their armor. They all had various trays and items with them as well*

REX: Now then, what would you like to help cheer you up? Name it, and you got it.

*The music kicks up as the men start tapping to the beat and circle Ahsoka with their various items as Rex names them off, the men doing flips and tricks as well*

_Need a foot rub?_

_You got it!_

_Relaxing hot tub?_

_You got it!_

_Corellian hot dish?_

_You got it!_

_Nabooian fish?_

_You got it!_

CLONES: _WE GOT WHAT YOU NEED!_

_A game night for three? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

_A night out in the sea? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

_A sparkling pair of pants? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

_A partner for a dance? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

*Ahsoka was stunned, shocked, and thoroughly amused at the men’s antics*

_In this ship, we got one rule:_

_You never, ever lose your cool!_

_Just name the method you really need,_

_TO BE HAPPY!_

*The men get out a fancy drink machine and launches the liquid in the air. The clones manage to catch all of it into a cup, and hand it to Ahsoka, who gladly takes it with a giggle*

_A hot cup of tea? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

_A chance to prank me? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_Well…maybe not!_

_Draw on all the files? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

_Whatever you need to smile, (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_We got it!_

*The men get on crates of their own and start tapping rapidly on them*

_Here we only have one rule:_

_We never treat you like a fool!_

CLONES: _Our little sister needs cheering up,_

_Let’s start with a sax played by Tup!_

*Tup plays saxophone on the top of a fighter wing, and Ahsoka’s smile is beaming now. Rex dives on his needs in front of Ahsoka*

_Kid, you know we’ll be here for you,_

_So, when you’re sad, we all too!_

_Time to turn that frown into a SMILE!_

*Rex proceeds to moonwalk backward as the song and dance continues*

_A brand new blaster? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

_Prank your Master? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

Rex snorted. "That's the _real_ reason Musical Me had Musical You put in ear plugs."

"I hate you Rex." (That wasn't true. Anakin loved Rex. But he did hate waking up with blue milk in his hair.)

_Get a fighter and go fly? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

_A moja fruit pie? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

*A clone hands her a piece of said pie, and Ahsoka takes it eagerly*

*All the clones jump off the crates, circle around in front of her, and land on one knee, holding their hand out expectantly. Ahsoka looks apprehensive, but Rex gives her a warm look of assurance. Sighing, Ahsoka got up and slowly tap walked out, getting a feel for what to do. Jesse stands up and does a four count tap solo, and motions to her. Ahsoka smirks and does a more rapid one. Jesse backs off, and Kix tries the same thing. Ahsoka responds. Then Fives, then Echo, then Appo, so on, so forth. It becomes a point where Ahsoka has now started tapping on her own looking as happy as the day she first came here, and the clones tap with her, with Rex singing in the back*

_Whatever you need (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_We got it!_

_A nice book wanna read? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

_A shiny new toy? (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

_Whenever you need joy, (Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha)_

_You got it!_

*The clones center around Ahsoka as she finishes the tap number with speed and grace, and as she pirouette spins, the music reaches a crescendo, and it ends with her in a cute pose, causing the clones to cheer*

REX: Feel better, vod’ika?

AHSOKA: *beaming* Yeah, I do. Thanks, everyone! Really!

*Anakin is seen in the background snoring asleep with the earplugs still on, as Ahsoka and her brothers head to the mess for food, as the scene ends*

~

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Empty Chairs at an Empty Table/Do You Hear The People Sing")**

_Rex, Jesse, Fives and the rest of the clones stand near the graves of their fallen comrades with sorrow, grief, and anger in their hearts. They have been betrayed, but don’t know why. A wave of eerie silence falls over them. Rex, with tears threatening to fall, mourns their loss and how they died by their own hands._

REX: _There’s grief that can’t be spoken,_

_A pain that goes on and on,_

_There will be empty chairs at empty tables,_

_Now that our dear vod are gone. *_ The clones listen on as Rex sings his eulogy. A few put their hands on his shoulder, offering sympathies. A soft piano begins to play in the background.*

_They always served with distinction,_

_Always triumphed, never feared,_

_And yet they spoke of their tomorrows,_

_But because of us, their tomorrows ended here. *_ Rex chokes up at this, feeling guilty that his blaster bolts ended the lives of some of his brothers. The rest of the clones sing hang there heads in that same sorrow.*

_Over there, lay Trapper and Voltage,_

_They built tech as far as the eye could see,_

_And over here lay our dear friend Waxer,_

_Oh, will Cody and Boil ever forgive me?_

_How many more lay here right now?_

_How many fought so hard and fell?_

_On this forsaken planet,_

_And their last orders…came from…Krell *_ Rex says his name with disdain and hate, knowing that he had something to do with this*

_If you are here, then please forgive us,_

_We were the night that ended your dawn,_

_This pain lives inside us all,_

_This grief will live on and on *_ Rex’s voice starts to rise, as does the music, as he continues*

_Phantom faces we all shall see,_

_On every face this moment forward,_

_When we see cadets on Kamino,_

_Will you remind us we cut your cord?_

_Oh, my brothers, my vod!_

_Do not ask us what you died here for,_

_Just know that we will never live the same,_

_Knowing your lives are no more._ *End of “Requiem for Fallen Brothers, but the song carries on*

Fives: Captain, no. It wasn’t us.

Rex: Fives, we…

Jesse: No sir, he’s right! They had the same orders we did, all coming from the same man! That kriffing General Krell!

Rex: That doesn’t make any sense! Why would he make us do this!

Tup: He’s been torturing us for weeks! The troopers already under his command live in fear of him! What kind of Jedi is he!

Jesse: Pretty soon…a dead one!

Rex: Jesse, if we did that, we would be…

Jesse: And what’s the alternative, Captain? Huh? Death? Like our brothers right here? We can’t let him get away with this! *Murmurs of decent fill the air as Jesse’s words hung around them, and slowly, Rex was beginning to see his point, remembering his friend Hardcase also died right before this battle*

Fives: Sir, we may have fired the gun…but Krell was the one who pointed it and told us all where to shoot. *Rex turns to the graves, then back to the living men, feeling just as betrayed as he was. He was uncertain of what he was about to do, as nothing like this has ever happened before. But he knows he and the rest of them will feel a level of relief that their vod will be avenged. Rex stood at attention in front of his men.*

Rex: Men, we all know who is responsible for this. We just don’t know why. Something has to be done to ensure this never happens again. Which is why what I’m about to suggest is highly treasonous. We are going to arrest General Pong Krell for treason against the Republic. We are entering uncharted territory. We could be seen as deserters or anarchists within the GAR. They may decommission us for treason of our own. Which is why I’m saying to you all, that if you all are uncomfortable with this, you have this one chance to opt out.

Everyone stood there for a second, thoughts racing through their minds. Then, everyone stepped up at the same time, with pure resolve on their face, and the next song, “Never Again” begins.

All clones except Rex: _Do you hear our brothers sing,_

_Singing this song of angry men?_

_They will decommission us,_

_But we’ll see our dear brothers again._

_But before that fateful day,_

_We will ensure no more blood will be shed,_

_So that our brothers around the galaxy,_

_Can say ‘never again!’_

Rex, moved by their commitment to this mission, barks out orders in song: _Then join in our crusade,_

_Come, be strong, and stand with me,_

_To arms! To arms! Go grab all your gear,_

_And what may the General see?_

Rex and Everyone: _That our brothers will fight,_

_To save us this night,_

_And from this carnage, we will be free! *_ The men get their weapons and begin loading up in the beat of the song, and they also begin marching to the beat, with a military drum now playing with the rest of the music”

_Do you hear our brothers sing?_

_Singing this song of angry men?_

_They will decommission us,_

_But we’ll see our dear brothers again._

_But before that fateful day,_

_We will ensure no more blood will be shed,_

_So that our brothers around the galaxy,_

_Can say ‘never again!’_

_We will storm the citadel and call for answers up above,_

_Of why our dearest brothers fell and why it was with our own guns,_

_And when it is done,_

_We shall lock the man up,_

_And we shall proclaim aloud:_

_Do you hear our brothers sing?_

_Singing this song of angry men?_

_They will decommission us,_

_But we’ll see our dear brothers again._

_But before that fateful day,_

_We will ensure no more blood will be shed,_

_So that our brothers around the galaxy,_

_Can say ‘never again!’_

*The chorus continues as the men march to the citadel where Krell is waiting, and as Rex puts his helmet on, the song ends*

Rex cheered. "Down with Krell!"

And then, to his surprise, the entire theater echoed, "Down with Krell!" Wow. Krell hate was pretty widespread among the Star Wars fandom.

~

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Let's Go to the Movies")**

_Ahsoka checks the time on when they leave hyperspace as the enter the atmosphere of Ilum. Seeing the time approaches, she heads to the main lounging area of the ship to inform the younglings. The assorted children, Petro, Genodi, Biff, Zatt, and Gungie are eagerly talking amongst themselves about how they’re going to make their lightsabers and what color and designs they may be. She also notices the last Youngling, Katooni, sitting by herself. She moves forward to get their attention, as all kids look to her._

AHSOKA: We’re approaching Ilum, so get ready to get you’re winterwear on. It’s not a place to go unprepared.

GUNGIE: *roars*

AHSOKA: *chuckles* Except you, Gungie. You’re already in your winterwear. It’s your skin!

BIFF: *amused noises*

GENODI: Man, I wish I could be warm all the time!

ZATT: Technically, Wookies DO have a limit to their high temperature upkeep. According to…

PETRO: Zip it, Zatt! This is not the time for science, it’s time for action. Are you going to lecture the crystal down to you, huh?

*As the kids begin to playfully bicker, Ahsoka goes over to the lonely girl sitting by herself, looking nervous*

AHSOKA: Katooni, are you okay?

KATOONI: Oh, y-yes, Padawan Tano! I’m…fine…

AHSOKA: Well, you don’t sound nor look it. Is there something bothering you, young one?

PETRO: Yeah, she’s been nervous about not being able to get a crystal cuz she thinks she’s not good enough to get one.

KATOONI: PETRO! You promised not to say anything!

PETRO: AND YOU promised not to look sad the whole way through!

GUNGIE: *roars*

PETRO: Yes! Thank you, Gungie!

AHSOKA: Katooni, is that true? You’re afraid of failing the Gathering?

KATOONI: ….yes, I am. I just….I don’t know what I would do if I fail to get a lightsaber. It’s our lives!

AHSOKA: *chuckles* Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you. It’s just that you remind me of when I went to the Gathering, right at the same age as you.

KATOONI: Really? You were nervous?

AHSOKA: Of course. Everyone always is.

PETRO: I’M NOT! I’LL GET MY CRYSTAL FIRST!

BIFF: *noises*

PETRO: HEY!

KATOONI: Padawan Tano, can….how did you make it through your Gathering? Maybe I can get some courage…..from, you?

*Music begins, indicating the start of the song*

AHSOKA: Well, let’s see. I believe it went something like this…

 _When I was a, little learner, bright eyed and new, exactly like you *_ bops Katooni’s nose, which gets a giggle out of the young girl*

_I was oh so frightened,_

_Of never getting through!_

_But I refused to let my fear,_

_Make my pathway not clear!_

*Ahsoka twirls around the room, amazing the kids, especially Katooni*

_I went to the room, that held all the jewels,_

_And looked to the one, that gleamed in the sun,_

_It spoke to me with words like a tender embrace!_

_As soon as I got it, I stuck in my pocket, and got to work,_

*Katooni gets more excited as she hears about the crystals, and so do the kids*

_I got all the tools, to make it look real cool, and fend off evil that lurked!_

KATOONI: _That’s how you build a saber?_

AHSOKA: YES!

AHSOKA AND KATOONI: _It doesn’t sound like labor!_

*Ahsoka got Katooni up off of her chair and twirled her around, much to the shy girl’s surprise*

AHSOKA: _You have the strength to do it too,_

_This is your chance, assert dominance!_

*She guides her gracefully to the other chair, surrounded by the other younglings*

_The greatest thing to building,_

_Sabers just for you,_

_Is listnin’ in the Force,_

ZATT: Oh I know! You can hear the crystal speaking to you, of course!

AHSOKA: CORRECT! *pats Zatt on the head, and turns to Katooni* So, you see?

_Let’s go build a saber, you and me!_

*Ahsoka starts tapping time steps, spins over in Maxie Fords, claps, cincinattis into buffalo toe, and looks to Katooni, who, sheepishly, just does a little shuffle*

AHSOKA: *sigh* Oh no, you don’t! Come on!

KATOONI: But, Padawan Tano, I…

AHSOKA: Katooni, you mustn’t be shy about certain things. Let me help you relieve you of some of that stress.

*Ahsoka stands besides the girl and starts tapping slowly for her, doing a scissor step, motioning for her to follow. She does, and as Ahsoka speeds up, so does she, until they both start doing it rapidly, to the cheering of the other younglings*

AHSOKA: SEE? If you can do that, you can get your crystal!

KATOONI: REALLY?

AHSOKA: Yes, you all can, if you join me! Come on!

*Petro puts Zatt’s datapad away as he leads him over, and soon Ahsoka and all the Younglings begin to tap dance in unison, going gracefully like that of an old movie. Ahsoka does some watch and repeats (Ahsoka doing steps first, the kids following behind) before she solos as the kids watch in fascination at her fast feet. Then, as they feel themselves exiting hyperspace, they all get in their seats and buckle up*

AHSOKA: _Let’s go build a saber,_

_I know that you all can!_

_And you’ll remember this grand old day,_

_So get ready as we all LAND!_

*As Ahsoka begins to descend on the icy planet, the song and scene ends*

Leia put her hands over her heart. "Katooni is precious."

Luke nodded in agreement. "Oh, look! It's Maul!"

"Maul," Iana repeated.

"Maul," Celestia repeated. There was a ripple of laughter across the theater.

"Maul," Arela added.

"Aren't they like only three months old?" Anakin whispered.

"I'm not surprised, Ani. These are your children we're talking about."

"Fair enough."

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Bury the Light")**

As Mother Talzin completed the last of her incantations, Maul’s eyes sprung open, burning ember irises on full display. Savage regards his conscious brother.

SAVAGE: Brother?

Maul sits up slowly, and grabs Savage’s face violently, initially not recognizing him. After regarding him curiously, Maul finally growls out…

MAUL: Brother…

As Mother Talzin disappears into green mist, Maul checks his new legs.

MAUL: My…my legs…

SAVAGE: They have been restored by Mother Talzin.

MAUL: It has….been so long, and my path has been so dark…darker than I ever dreamed it could be.

SAVAGE: And yet, you survived.

As Maul moves to stand, he drops to his knees, not used to the metal legs yet. He moves to stand and support himself, beginning to hobble on wobbly legs.

MAUL: Of course I survived.

Maul starts running to get a better feel for his new legs, Savage follows not far behind. They both run into a clearing filled with red fog and Maul lets out a primal rage of scream as Savage watches on, awed.

MAUL: My hatred kept my spirit intact even though my body was not. Yet I was lost, and became a rabid animal, and as such as how you FOUND me, brother. Discarded. Forgotten. I have missed…so much. The Force feels…out of balance.

SAVAGE: Yes, there is conflict. The Clone Wars.

MAUL: Ah, yes. So it began. Without me.

SAVAGE: You can begin again, brother.

Savage hands Maul a lightsaber. Maul uses the Force to lift it to his hands and grabs it tightly.

MAUL: I was apprenticed to the most powerful being in the galaxy once. I was destined to become…so much more. But I was robbed of that destiny by the Jedi. By Obi-Wan Kenobi.

SAVAGE: Then you must have your revenge, my brother.

MAUL: Yes, we shall start with….revenge.

*Creeping violin music starts to begin, indicating the start of the song. The red mist begins to swirl around them, green lighting crackling within it, as Maul’s full power and rage come to bear, as Savage watches on, impressed. The song ramps up, and soon, an explosion of dark rock echoes throughout the haunted planet.

_An encroaching madness,_

_Took over my mind, condemned,_

_Now, free of the feeling,_

_I’ll summon the strength,_

_OF MAYHEM!_

*The song continues as Maul lashes out in the Force, destroying rock formations as lighting strikes around him. As he climbs up a high one, a geyser of green souls shoots from below, casting him in an eerie aura (think of it as Scar’s scene in “The Lion King”). At this point, he’s near screaming.

_I AM THE STORM THAT IS APPROACHING!_

_PROVOKING!_

_BLACK CLOUDS OF ISOLATION!_

_I’LL RECLAIM THE POWER OF MY NAME!!_

_REBORN IN FLAMES!_

_I HAVE BEEN BLESSED!_

_MY FAMILY CREST WILL BRING ALL JEDI’S DEATHS!_

_FORSAKEND, I HAVE AWAKENED!_

_A PHEONIX, ASH AND DARK, DIVINE,_

_DELIVERING MISERY,_

_TO EVERY’N’ALL JEDI!_

*The song goes back into rock mode, as Maul jumps off the rock and onto the ground, surrounded by red and green mist, as Savage witnesses in the distance*

_I was promised their nightmare,_

_Shall seal all their fates,_

_Can’t run away._

_I was so close to seeing,_

_That vision unfold,_

_But Kenobi…*_ Song speeds slightly as Maul’s mood darkens at the memory*

_That Jedi lives, so I won’t surrender!_

_Until his life fades in eyes of ember,_

_The Sith fight through fire and night forever,_

_I’ll seal him in there now and forever!_

*Maul tests his lightsaber abilities and fights using his legs and strength, then stops as he screams into the sky again, the song kicking back into gear*

_I AM THE STORM THAT IS APPROACHING!_

_PROVOKING!_

_BLACK CLOUDS OF ISOLATION!_

_I’LL RECLAIM THE POWER OF MY NAME!!_

_REBORN IN FLAMES!_

_I HAVE BEEN BLESSED!_

_MY FAMILY CREST WILL BRING ALL JEDI’S DEATHS!_

_FORSAKEND, I HAVE AWAKENED!_

_A PHEONIX, ASH AND DARK, DIVINE,_

_DELIVERING MISERY,_

_TO EVERY’N’ALL JEDI!_

_DISAPPERED INTO THE NIGHT,_

_A LOST SHADOW LEFT BEHIND,_

_THIS OBSESSION’S PULLING ME,_

_TO GO AND RETAKE ALL THAT WAS MINE!!_

*Song continues, then begins to slow as Maul talks lowly to Savage*

_Repeating visions of a figure dark as night,_

_Constellations exploding away,_

_Standing over graves of foes,_

_Dead at my feet,_

_Dreams of a black throne I keep on repeat,_

_A light snuffed and reborn from the ashes,_

_The puppet master congregates all the masses,_

_Pulling strings, twisting minds, as blades hit,_

_I want this power, so I will go and take it._

_The Sith’s…power…_

_Fire…burns…_

_Secret….lives…._

_Bloodlines….turns…._

_Dark side’s….embrace…._

_Creatures…..die…._

_It will be on daybreak…._

_That death will come on all JEDI!!!_

*Heavy guitar solo arrives as Maul leads Savage out of the area, and struts over to the ship he was brought on, in order to leave, the mist and lightning coming to a crescendo around them*

_BURY THE LIGHT DOWN BELOW!_

_CAST ASIDE THIS FORGOTTEN HOME!_

_WE’RE BRINGING CHAOS IN OUR WAKE!_

_SOON, WE’LL LEAVE KENOBI ALL ALONE!!_

*Another solo, and the song continues as they leave on the ship, and as the planet finally settles, the song ends*

"Oh, he'll leave me alone, now will he?" Obi-Wan said sardonically. "This is Darth Maul. He never gave up on revenge on me for getting revenge on him."

"He likes to have the last revenge," Leia concluded.

~

**(This one was written by me, but the dance was choreographed by........you guessed it........NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong)**

_Set during Onderon, Anakin is convinced Ahsoka has a crush on Lux. But she is trying to be the bigger Jedi here._

ANAKIN: Just so you know?

AHSOKA: Yes?

ANAKIN: I see that.

(music begins)

AHSOKA: See what?

ANAKIN: (laughs)

ANAKIN

I've seen the way he looks at you

The way you look at him

I've seen the way you act and hey

How old is he again?

AHSOKA: Anakin -

ANAKIN

He's your age! Ha isn't that nice

The way you feel is pretty clear

You know it's not the Jedi way

AHSOKA: Master -

ANAKIN

But these feelings are natural dear!

_(Anakin tries a time step, but his leg gets caught in front of the other and he falls on his face. Ahsoka helps him up, saying, "Don't, Skyguy. Tap dancing is_ not _your thing.")_

"Took her long enough," real Anakin muttered.

AHSOKA

So let me get this straight, I hear

(Optional spoken) That you think I 'like' Lux like THAT?

(End optional spoken) I'll have you know right here, right now

That while he's cute and cool - to _LOOK_ at

His 'coolness' goes no farther than looks

All he does is make a mess

It kinda ticks me off and so

(Optional spoken) You're VERY INCORRECT with your guess!

ANAKIN: Sure... (exists stage, giving knowing look)

(song pauses, and LUX enters)

LUX: Hey, 'Sokka. (clears throat) You are... very talented at... commander stuff.

AHSOKA: (dryly) I would hope so. I'm a commander.

LUX: Right. And Steela...

AHSOKA: What about her?

LUX: I don't like her.

AHSOKA: Why not? She's not _that_ bad.

LUX: That isn't what I mean. I don't... _like_ her.

AHSOKA: OH. (pause) What's that got to do with anything?

LUX: Thought you might like to know...

AHSOKA: Why?

LUX: Well here it goes...

LUX

I know I can tend to be

Arrogant or hard to handle

But... (clears throat) after Carlac

I realized something kinda special -

AHSOKA: (flatly) That doesn't rhyme with handle.

LUX: ....about you...

AHSOKA: Lemme guess. You have a crush on me and want to rope me into teenage drama with you and Steela?

LUX: ...I will take that as a rejection?

AHSOKA: (softening a bit) Lux...

AHSOKA

Listen, I can feel it too

I know exactly what you mean

But you must know I'm a Jedi

I'm not your ordinary teen

"There's no emotion, there is peace"

The very first line of our code

So even if I wanted to

It wouldn't work out down the road

LUX: I get it.

AHSOKA: I know you do. I can sense it. Now do you know how to tap dance? I tap dance in _all_ of my songs, and this one wouldn't be complete without it.

LUX: Um... yeah. I'm _amazing_!

AHSOKA: Awesome! Let's go!

_8 sets of rapid 8 counts between Lux and Ahsoka:_

_Count 1) Ahsoka does rapid pullbacks followed by rapid shuffles into a stomp stomp. Lux tries rapid shuffles but the sound it a bit off, so he tries for a toe stand but can't stay up for longer than two seconds_

_Count 2) Ahsoka proceeds to tap on her toes, doing shuffles and wing with a petite posture, toe stand spin, and rapid toe knocks before landing clicking her toes together. Lux goes for an Irish forward but can't get his forward knee high enough so his back keeps hitting the heel making him hurt, he tries to shrug it off with an over the top which he lands._

_Count 3) Ahsoka does a rapic falling-off-the-log followed by rapid bombershays and finishing a stationary tap spin. Lux tries a couple of shiggy bops but keeps jumping into them, not making the sounds and looking like a doofus (at this even Anakin is embarassed for him)_

_Count 4) Ahsoka does a slurp walk into toe nerve taps right next to Lux, ending with a spank of her ball tap. Lux cannot nerve tap that fast, as his foot likes like a waggling fish, and just proceeds to slide trying to look impressive (he doesn't)_

_Count 5) Ahsoka cramp roll spins over to the center rapidly and trenches backwards gracefully, ending with a scuff of her leg going out towards her. Lux, looking nervous now, tries to spin around the same way, but his feet get tangled and almost falls, but Ahsoka saved him using the Force, while he claims that he did that on purpose (Anakin is hiding chuckling)_

_Count 6) Ahsoka does a back essence into backward cincinattis into a clunk. Lux tries to drawback but stumbles back on his heels_

_Count 7) Ahsoka flap runs forward and rapidly wings in center. Lux tries to wing, but can't land right and does and accidental split, cringing because he's not flexible. Ahsoka winces, Anakin just laughs_

_Final count) Ahsoka does both counts now, doing rapid time steps, paradiddles, pullback once more, landing gracefully. Lux tries to come up and do jazz hands next to her, looking completely pathetic_

AHSOKA: Lux... are you alright?

LUX: What? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm... great at tap, right?

AHSOKA: (winces) Um... yeah. (looks at time and sighs sincerely) You should probably go...

LUX: I know. (Walks out sadly)

(Slower, same tune as before)

ANAKIN

Listen, Snips, I understand

I understand more than you know

I get exactly how you feel

Ahsoka: (spoken) You do?

ANAKIN

I felt it a long time ago

There is emotion, there is peace ( _Ahsoka's eyes widen and she mutters something about the reason he isn't a Jedi Master_ )

And attatchments do come naturally

But you must understand this too

If you let go, you'll be happy.

AHSOKA: I _don't_ have a crush on Bonteri. ( _But she says it in a way that shows she's trying to convince herself more than Anakin_ )

ANAKIN: ...Okay. ( _leads his wonderful daughter/sister/padawan offstage_ )

~

The theater was still laughing at Lux as Ahsoka announced the third intermission, and Leia immediately lost herself in the crowd, using the Force to look for Nicholas Anderson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XD So yeah, I ship Luxsoka, I get that some of you may not, but *shrug*
> 
> I hope you enjoyed part three! Also, wow for my queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong's choreography.
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	58. Clone Wars Musical Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a little longer than normal, but HERE IT IS! PART 4!

Backstage was buzzing with excitement and costume changes. Soya Moore prepared for the scene of her death while Hunter practiced his best _I-was-such-a-coward-not-to-kiss-her-before-she-died-because-of-the-dumb-Jedi-code_ face.

Ahsoka held up her microphone to announce the end of the third intermission, welcoming everyone back for more stage production of the Clone Wars. For a minute, her montrals perked, thinking she might here slight _mewing_ of a cat... but then it was gone, and she shrugged, announcing, "Alright, folks, you're in for a ride as our next part of the Clone Wars Musical begins with an epic villain song and extreme tragedy."

She handed the microphone to Kayla, who said, "And, this is Ahsoka's less famous best friend, Kayla, who feels the need to remind you that you're not allowed to tape this, since I did see a few cameras out." She handed the mic back to Ahsoka.

"Now prepare for a situation in which you may bawl your eyes out, because you're in for some tragedy!" The lights, once again, dimmed, and the actors made their way out onto the stage.

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Hellfire")**

_Scene: Maul has captured Kenobi in the Throne Room of Mandalore, with Satine as his hostage. While Obi-Wan refuses to submit to the darkness, Maul takes it upon himself to make him suffer the same way he has for years after their fateful duel on Naboo…_

_Kenobi is dragged by the Death Watch guards to Maul, who is lounging on the throne where Satine would sit, his brother Savage standing next to him. However, he doesn’t see her. He hopes he’s okay. Kenobi is halted by the guards as Maul gloats._

MAUL: Ah, Kenobi. Fate seems to have tied us together for some reason. You believed me dead after cutting me in half all those years ago, and now here you stand before me, just as helpless…

KENOBI: Yes, here I stand, defiant against you. Now matter what you do to me, I will never surrender to you.

MAUL: *chuckles* The Dark Side is not some trifle temptation, Obi-Wan. You will fall today, whether it be from me, or…someone else….

*Kenobi closes his eyes and breaths, as organ church music plays in the back, indicating the start of the song. Kenobi’s singing catches the guards by surprise, as they do not know what to do…*

_I am one with the Force,_

_And the Force is with me,_

_With this ancient prayer,_

_I stand by my pure decree,_

_It takes great strength to stand against the darkness,_

_For that, I will be forever in the light, your efforts hopeless._

*Savage moves to shut Kenobi up, but Maul lifts a hand to stop him, smiling as he slowly stands to mock him*

_Look at Kenobi,_

_This right here is a perfect man,_

_A man who follows his Code without err,_

*The music slowly morphs into something more sinister*

_But that is not so, you see,_

_He has transgressed his noble plan,_

_And that oversight shall now be brought to bear!_

*Kenobi doesn’t blink at Maul’s threats as he moves behinds the throne to acquire something*

_So, tell me, Kenobi:_

*He brings out Satine behind the throne, to Obi-Wan’s shock and horror*

_What do you feel when you stop and stare,_

_At the love you shunned for your perfect Order?_

KENOBI: Let her go! *Kenobi tries to move, but the guards knock him to his knees*

_You live life, so sadly,_

_To want HER, but you cannot dare,_

_And now, your only chance will die with her!_

*Maul throws her back on the steps, away from Obi-Wan’s reach*

_Like Fire!_

"Meowwwww!"

This time Ahsoka couldn't deny it, and her and Kayla's head both turned - but they couldn't find the source of the sound.

_Hellfire!_

_It burns you to your skin!_

_This burning!_

_Desire!_

_Will be what does you in!_

*The song ramps up, as Maul reaches for the darksaber on his belt. Satine is helpless as guns are trained on both her and Obi-Wan, preventing them from acting.

_Before I act, know,_

_I’m not to blame!_

_It’s on you for not ensuring my death came!_

_It’s all your fault!_

_Her fate is sealed!_

_Oh, how I’ve waited long for vengeance, now I claim!_

"Meowwww!" The phantom cat insisted.

"I have no clue where it is," Kayla said, a nervous look on her face.

"Maybe we're going crazy. I mean, we have been dealing with Anakin Skywalker."

*Maul lifts her up with the Force, choking her. Kenobi stares in terror at what Maul is about to do*

_So, thank you, Kenobi,_

_For your failure to act on love,_

_That will be the tool for your downfall!_

_The Jedi will all see,_

_Their perfect pet fall from the Light above,_

_Cuz the only woman he loved was killed by Maul!_

*Maul pulled her toward him using the Force, and stabbed her in the gut with his saber. Obi-Wan shouts her name as she falls lifelessly to the ground.

SATINE: Obi, you must know…I have always loved you…and I always…will….*dies in his arms*

OBI-WAN: Satine….

Obi-Wan is in tears at the loss of his one true love, while Maul stands over him with a victorious smirk on his face.

SAVAGE: Do we kill him now, brother?

MAUL: No…imprison him below. Let him drown in his misery. Take him to his cell to rot, and when his guilt and hatred for himself claws at his very soul, when his sorrow sets upon him to haunt his every memory of her, then…he will know just a fraction of how I felt for all those years!*

_"MeeeeOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW_!"

"Wherever it is, it wants to be noticed," Kayla whispered. She pressed the mic by her ear. "Joy? Oh, Selena's back? Okay. Turn off _all backstage mics_. We don't want it to pick up this strange... mewing noise."

"Oh, it already has," Selena informed her. "Have Ahsoka reach out in the Force. The whole theater is confused about what the meowing has to do with the song."

Ahsoka sighed. "Oh, brother."

_Hellfire!_

_Dark fire!_

_It’s his turn to be burned!_

_His anguish,_

_Will relinquish,_

_His hope and he…will…TURN!_

*Maul moves to sit back on his newly acquired throne*

_And while he stews in misery,_

_I must think of what is next for me,_

_Once this planet is fully mine,_

_IT…WILL….BE….TIME!_

*As the doors of the throne close, the scene and song ends*

And with that, as the audience clapped, a blur of purple burst from backstage, but when Ahsoka reached out with the Force to stop it, it made such a fuss she let it go.

Cocunut, Anakin's purple cat, took center stage and sat down in the middle, anti-climactically scratching the back of it's neck and then just sitting there, like it finall achieved its goal and wasn't sure what to do.

So, it just curled up for a nap, settling down in the middle of the stage. The audience laughed, and Ahsoka turned on her microphone, laughing nervously into it. "So... it appears there have been a few complications with your production of the Clone Wars musical. The curtains will be temporarily closing while we figure out this... uh, situation. Enjoy another short intermission, and may the Force be with you."

As soon as her mic was turned off, she reeled on the cast. " _Who did this_?"

All fingers pointed to Trent.

Kayla crossed her arms. "Trent. We all know that this is very in character. But you do not have to act like Anakin during any time you are _not_ on stage."

"It was Tanner's idea," he defended. Their looks shifted to Tanner.

"Ashlyn dared me!"

"Landon dared me to dare him!"

The directors stared at Landon, demanding an explanation. He put up his hands. "Mr. Skywalker gave me the cat before the show and told me to release it during a particularly sad scene to diffuse the tension, since he's kind of a ridiculous guy. But I didn't want Ahsoka to get mad at me, so I made sure I wasn't the one who did it!"

Ahsoka raised an eyebrow. "Well then, Landon, _you_ have the honor of taking a cat away from its newly found sleeping place. By the way, Anakin has not had Cocunut's claws trimmed."

Landon paled, but accepted his fate. "Okay. I get it." He slowly made his way to the stage with dread. Meanwhile, Ahsoka reached through her never severed training bond with her master to scream some rather colorful Huttese words at him - cussing him out in his own language.

He responded with, _Stop it Snips, the twins might hear_. Which just made her facepalm.

_We're communicating telepathically._

_My kids share a very special bond with me, Ahsoka. They may be able to hear._

_THAT ISN'T HOW THIS WORKS. MASTER,_ she added.

_IT WORKS THE WAY I WANT IT TO WORK! I'M THE CHOSEN ONE! I'M THE JEDI EQUIVALENT OF JESUS!_

_YOU ARE_ NOT _JESUS ANAKIN SKYWALKER!_

_I DIDN'T SAY I WAS!_

And with that, Ahsoka tuned him out. He had interrupted her polished gem of a show, and proceeded to remind her of what a clown he could be. She sighed. Was it bad that she found it kind of endearing?

 _Luke and Leia were growing up with_ very _bad influences in their life_ , Ahsoka realized. She laughed lightly at the thought, while a screaming Cocunut tried to get away from Landon. Ahsoka spared him, using the Force to take the fussing kitty out and hover it in the air. Ahsoka took her microphone. "Alright, Anakin Skywalker, come get your cat down here, and never again interrupt my show. Thank you." The theater laughed as an extremely guilty but ever charming Anakin grabbed his cat out of the air.

It calmed down as he stroked its fur, whispering to it about how mean Auntie 'Sokka was and how it could sleep wherever it wanted.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "And... now, part four of your musical continues!"

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "No Good Deed")**

_Scene: While Ahsoka’s trial is still happening, Bariss is kneeling in her room, contemplating what her next move is. As the REAL perpetrator of the Jedi bombing, she thinks of her feelings toward the Jedi to come to this decision, why it was Ahsoka that she chose to take the fall, and how she plans on getting out of the Order to live a new life…_

Bariss sits alone contemplating her next move after she has successfully framed Ahsoka for her crime, along with her reasoning as to why she would do this.

_Ever since I was a little,_

_Youngling, I thought the Jedi were wonderful,_

_I can’t believe it took me,_

_This long to see they were ignorantly prideful._

_The Code that I have sworn,_

_Their values they have torn,_

_They speak of peace, yet this fight will not cease._

_All the strife they have caused,_

_They will not listen to hear their flaws_

_This will not fly,_

_They have to die!_

_It took a little long while,_

_To get the bomb in without them getting riled._

_The ship that I had needed,_

_Was perfect to show the Jedi were conceited._

_She was a trusting friend,_

_But she could never understand!_

_Her master was family, my Master never paid mind to me!_

_She needed to pay!_

_She needed to see the error ‘o the ways!_

_A grave disaster to prove all that they have corrupted themselves!_

_I know that no good deed goes unpunished,_

_They will try to have me apprehended,_

_But when Ahsoka ends up tried and dead,_

_That’s my way out!_

_My road of good intentions,_

_Have now lead me to my succession._

_No good deed_

_Goes unpunished!_

_Ahsoka…_

_Master Skywalker…_

_I’m sorry…_

_But it needs to be this WAY!_

_This lie may haunt and hurt,_

_Too much, I cannot mention,_

_Was this action really good?_

_Was it worth damnation?_

_But they were corrupted to,_

_The very center of their core!_

_My good deed may be wrong,_

_But it’s too late, this pain I’ve bore!_

_No good deed goes unpunished,_

_When this is done, I need an escape plan!_

_No good deed goes unpunished,_

_Sure, I meant well-_

_Well, other than the-_

_Well, it matters not!_

_When this trial’s over,_

_I’ll leave, they’ll never see me again_

_They’ll think I was evil,_

_My soul is like that of a weasel,_

_But since my plan will succeed,_

_This darkness I won’t feed._

_I promise no good deed_

_Will ever let me lead, me,_

_Down The Dark!_

_They will see,_

_My cause was just!_

*As Anakin enters the room, knowing full well what she’s done, the scene ends*

"You know, this musical started out fun and now keeps getting sadder and sadder," Kayla whispered.

Ahsoka nodded. "Alright, Ahslyn. Your spotlight!"

Ashlyn giggled nervously as she made her way onstage.

**(Original lyrics: Victory)**

ANAKIN: I understand. I understand wanting to walk away from the order, more than you know.

AHSOKA: *gives a knowing look* I do know.

*A surprised look crosses Anakin's face, before he exits stage - or rather, shuffles offstage in a way that looks like he's standing still while Ahsoka pretends to walk in place, creating the super cool illusion of the stage shifitng over to her as she walks away*

*Ahsoka sighs sadly, and the song begins*

[AHSOKA]

Maybe I am making a mistake

But that's a risk I am willing to take

I never felt in place

Now I know I didn't fit in

(Optional spoken) Honestly? Maybe Anakin is right!

(End optional spoken) I was built for battle, to fight

For what I stand for

But never again

Will I see the victory

I had always longed to see

But maybe this is good for me

A life where I can learn to be

Okay without victory

Without fighting constantly

Maybe this is good for me

A life where success doesn't have to be

Victory

I'm not sure where I'm going

I'll trust the Force is showing

Me the path I need;

The right way

(Optional spoken) Honestly? Maybe the council was right!

(End optional spoken) I can't always be trusted out of sight

So it's for the best

That I can't stay

I won't see the victory

I had always longed to see

But maybe this is good for me

A life where I can learn to be

Okay without victory

Without fighting constantly

Maybe this is good for me

Maybe this is supposed to be

(Key change up one half step)

Its own kind of victory

Something that can set me free

I think this is good for me

A life where I can learn to see

Other kinds of victory

Where I don't fight constantly

I think this is good for me

Success doesn't always have to be

Victory

(sadder because she remembers she's leaving her family)

Victory

(Spoken) Honestly? I don't know anybody's right.

The audience clapped and cheered and sobbed at Ashlyn's amazing performance as the lights dimmed and she came offstage, smiling brightly to Ahsoka. "How did I do?"

"You were positively _amazing_."

Kayla nodded. "That was just _beautiful_ ," she added.

_[Recording of_ Victory _now available in our Discord server - piano accompianament & vocals by me!]_

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Snake Eater")**

_Padme has just kicked Anakin out of her apartment for the fiasco of beating Rush Clovis senseless. While she feels guilty because he was just trying to protect her, she fears his obsession with her is becoming a problem with how he acts, and how he thinks he has to protect her from everything possible. Padme sings about her not being a damsel in distress and not needing constant protection, while still wanting to love Anakin, even with his faults…_

ANAKIN: I know I went too far! It’s just….just something inside me _snapped_ …

PADME: I don’t know who’s in there sometimes! I just know that….I’m not happy anymore. I don’t feel safe.

ANAKIN: But, Padme…

PADME: I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore. At least…not for a while. I’m sorry, Anakin.

ANAKIN: *dejected* I’m….sorry, too.

*Anakin walks to his speeder, while Padme walks back into her apartment, as Captain Typho comes to greet her*

TYPHO: Everything alright, Senator?

PADME: *looking back at Anakin leaving* No…

*Padme walks into her chambers, still devastated of forcing Anakin to leave. Deep down, she still loves him dearly, but his obsession over her safety has become more and more apparent lately, and more dangerous for both of them. He needs to realize that she is not a fragile doll in need of rescuing, as she’s proven time and time again she’s able to pull off missions on her own. The music begins playing in the background, indicating the start of the song

_I am not,_

_Some damsel in waiting for her knight,_

_I am not,_

_A body that acts as their prize._

_While you’re still in my heart,_

_I won’t be just your trophy!_

_I’ve spent my life,_

_Fighting for the, freedom from tyranny, (She’s fearless)_

_In my time, I’ve stared down death fearlessly._

_And WHIIIIILE, I fight for peace, I can shoot my way out a mess, (She’s fearless)_

_You should KNOW, BY NOW, I AM FEARLESS!_

*Padme lets her hair down as the song continues, getting more into it*

_Did you, forget, who taught you,_

_The meaning, of “aggressive, negotiations?”_

_Since a child, I’ve survived,, and bid all ASSASSINS adiue,_

_I LOVE YOU, BUT I WON’T BE YOUR DESTRUCTION!_

*Padme steps onto the balcony, free hair blowing in the wind of the Coruscant air*

_I’ve given my life!_

_To be beside, not behind (She’s fearless),_

_You’re my light, but you’re shadow still scares me…_

_And IIIII, will fight, to make you hate yourself less, (She’s fearless)_

_But you need, to remember, I AM FEARLESS!_

_But you need, to remember, I AM FEARLESS!_

*As the lights slowly fade, the song and scene end*

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Writings on the Wall")**

_Rex returns to the barracks and finds a spot in there alone. He’s thankful no one is in here, so he can weep openly. Fives was…different. He had that spark that represented everything in the 501 st: duty, honor, courage, and….he was also a trusted friend, from the Citadel, to Umbara. He never thought it would end like this, not with a blaster bolt from brothers who thought him crazy. But something about all this is just…bugging him. Control chips? In their kriffing minds?! He would have though him insane too, if it weren’t for the fact that he had saw something similar happen to another one of his men, Tup, and how he shot Master Tiplar without rhyme or reason, and how Kix somehow disappeared when he started investigating it. Something didn’t add up, and as he thought, the music begins, indicating the start of the song._

_I’ve been here before,_

_Losing brothers at death’s door,_

_I know the pain of losing,_

_Men I’ve come to know as friends,_

_But with you, I’m feeling something,_

_A hunch I must attend._

_No coincidence,_

_Tiplar and Tup, then Kix,_

_Now I feel like a storm is coming,_

_Now that Fives soul marches away,_

_I don’t think there’s any use in running,_

_This is something I’ve gotta face._

_Do I risk it all?_

_Will they make me fall?_

_How can I know? He was even right?_

_He could’ve been crazy just like last night,_

_But all that has occurred, makes me recoil,_

_It smells of a plot that they don’t want to have foiled,_

_So now, I have to risk it all,_

_Cause the writing’s on the wall._

_Is this revenge for Krell,_

_To have me watch, as Fives fell?_

_I know that something feels amiss here,_

_Too much connects to this,_

_I’m gonna risk all that I hold dear,_

_And start going down the list!_

_Do I risk it all?_

_Will they make me fall?_

_Will they find me? Call me crazy?_

_Thoughts like this would call for decommissioning,_

_Yet I’ve done worse, when my brothers died,_

_From a dead Jedi’s kriffing little lies,_

_Yet now…was he right after all?_

_Is the writing on the wall?_

_The writing’s on the wall…_

*Rex goes over to a picture of when he and Fives posed together. It was a happy moment, he remembers*

_Who should I tell? Would they trust me?_

_They wouldn’t understand what I mean,_

_The risk is too great, the stakes are too high,_

_I need to find answers that I can hide,_

_What should I do? Where can I go?_

_If he’s right, they know where I am, high and low,_

_I have to try and find, the key to this crime,_

_Even now, I feel like I’m on borrowed time,_

_But for my brothers, I have to risk it all,_

_Cuz….the writing’s on the wall…_

*Rex spots a astromech droid doing maintenance. Small, barely noticeable, and unassuming. Rex figures it’s a start. He calls it over and it whirs toward him. As he begins to make a secret recording, the song and scene ends*

"Alright, we're moving into the deeper stuff aren't we?" Ahsoka announced. "Hope you didn't cry too hard - I mean, in this one part we included the death of Satine Kryze - sorry, duchess, you do die in the other timeline - and me leaving the order, and a temporary breakup of the sweetest secret marriage, not to mention that Rex one... but don't worry, there'll be a little bit more comic relief! Enjoy another intermission!" She rolled her eyes. "And Anakin Skywalker, there will be no more _creating intermissions_." The audience laughed as the lights turned on and they stretched their legs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has arrived!
> 
> Yeesh, this part was deep. But the next one does involve a bit more comic relief............................and promptly ends with Order 66.
> 
> Sorry. Not sorry.
> 
> But can you believe there's only two more parts to go?
> 
> And seriously, Anakin _would_ find a way to smuggle a cat backstage and have it interrupt the musical. This is Anakin Freaking Skywalker we're talking about here.
> 
> As always, a shoutout to NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong, my queen! And all my other queens! And my kings! And all other readers - you're all kings and queens or otherwise rulers! ALL OF YOU! *showers readers with love*
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	59. Clone Wars Musical Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did I give you a chapter yesterday AND today?
> 
> Yes, yes I did.
> 
> :) HOPE YOU ENJOY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL HERE ARE SOME FUNNY ONES
> 
> I mean, not the first one. But then we have the clones dancing in circles, and Palpatine as King George, so get in those laughs!

Padmé put her hands on her hips and stared at Anakin, who feigned cluelessness.

"What?" He asked with a shrug.

"I'm not even going to ask _how_ you smuggled your cat backstage of a _B_ _roadway stage_. I'll skip right to _why_?" Padmé gave him the look she'd given to Luke when he'd used putting pizza in Leia's hair as a tool to win the lightsaber battle. The same look that she'd given the triplets when she found them squirming like little jellyfish under the covers in her and Anakin's bed (she had a feeling the clones had something to do with that).

Here she gave the look to Anakin now: Her face a shocked and stern mixture of _who-what-when-where-why-how_?

"It wasn't me, it was Ahsoka's boyfriend!" Anakin defended. Rex materialized at his side.

"Ahsoka has a boyfriend?"

"Yeah. It's the kid she brought home." He and Rex shared a look, and Anakin whispered, " _We'll get him later_." Rex nodded, satisfied, as his gaze wandered over to where -

"Wait, Celestia, no - _ahh_ , Arela - _IANA_! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," he apologized to a singular unlucky couple. "They shouldn't be able to walk yet."

Padmé and Anakin shared an alarmed look, at the same time exclaiming, "They can _walk_?"

"I must have been a terrifying child to my mother," Anakin said with a chuckle. He _was_ half mortal, after all.

"And considering how soon Luke and Leia could do all this, I shouldn't be surprised." She shook her head. "It was hard enough with _one_ goofball whose growth was Force-accelerated. At least Leia was a pretty responsible baby. But _three of them_? We're not going to survive!"

"The clones just signed up for a _lot_ more babysitting!" Anakin decided, panicking as he, Padmé and Rex peeled the various triplets away from the poor people who were just trying to enjoy the Clone Wars musical. One teenager was filming themselves on selfie, however:

"So I just was in the intermission of the Clone Wars musical!" She said over the other people, being careless with her phone for added affect, "and I got attacked by a Skywalker baby!" She shifted her camera down to where Iana Skywalker was hanging on her purse, refusing to be shaken, and then cut the footage to post it on Tik-Tok.

Ahsoka's voice announced the end of intermission, and it occured to Anakin she had _no clue_ what was going on as she invited them back in.

"Alright," Padmé said, taking a deep breath. "Rex, you get ahold of Celestia. Anakin, you get Iana. I'll get Arela. Go!" They all managed to eventually get their babies back, apologizing sincerely. They got a lot of:

"How old are they?"

"Can babies that little even walk?"

To which they had to answer, "Three months, and _no_. The Force just hates this family."

~

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Dangerous" [Michael Jackson])**

Trace: So, you were a Jedi? Like, a real Jedi?

Ahsoka: I was, once.

Rafa: *Suspicious, she walks up close to her and crosses her arms* So, _Ahsoka_ , why did you leave? You do something awful?

Ahsoka: No! I didn’t do anything.

Rafa: Oh, really? Then what’s this? *Throws down a holo-news article about the Temple Bombing, implicating Ahsoka Tano in the attack*

Ahsoka: I was proven innocent!

Rafa: Just more Republic lies! Pretty convenient to me how you can walk free after all the evidence pointed at you!

Ahsoka: I was framed!

Rafa: You expect us to believe…

Trace: Wait, Rafa! Calm down. She’s been helping us ever since we met her. Let’s just hear her out, okay! *Turns to Ahsoka* You said you were framed? How did it happen?

*Snapping start to be heard, indicating the start of the song*

Ahsoka: *sighs and walks slowly center stage on beat of the snaps, back-turned to the audience and the sisters* You really want to know? *in a more serious tone*

*Both sisters look at each other, noticing the change in tone and mood, but nodded.*

Ahsoka: I was betrayed…by my best friend. *Shoulders start to pop to the beat, as her face pains at the memory.*

Trace: How?

*Ahsoka spins around, the snapping suddenly stops. She takes a deep breath, and as she begins to sing in a low, hushed voice, the snapping starts again.*

_The way she walked into the hanger, I knew right then and there,_

_There was something different about this girl._ *Left leg pops out, but brings it back under her.*

 _The way she moved, careful steps, shifty eyes, shamed face… *_ Left leg pops out again, but stays. Ahsoka lifts her right hand up.*

 _Suspicion in motion._ *Hand drops down, and the snapping makes way for an explosion of music.*

_As she stalked the room,_

_I could feel the dark aura of her presence,_

_But not a single head turned to see the bomb that would turn them into dust._

_This girl was cunning,_

_This girl I could no longer trust,_

_The girl was bad,_

_The girl was dangerous._

*Ahsoka’s voice begins to pick up, sounding more distraught and confused as she hits higher notes*

_I never knew, that she was walking the line,_

_Between the light, and to the Dark Side._

_And though I’ve been there, for her no matter right or wrong,_

_On that fateful day, SHE LEFT ME STANDING ALONE!_

*Main chorus hits, as Ahsoka dances to convey pain and loss*

 _Dangerous_!

_That Mirilian’s so dangerous!_

_She FRAMED me on the spot,_

_She THREW away her life,_

_BEFORE, I trused her,_

_But now, SHE’S NO! DANG! FRIEND! OF! MINE!_

*Chorus ends, as both sisters appear moved by this story. Ahsoka returns to her low voice as the song continues and dances dramatically to the beat.*

_They put me on trial,_

_With the intent for me to expire._

_Her web of sin trapped me,_

_Because she was just such a good liar._

_Wrong place,_

_Wrong time,_

_A convenient alibi,_

_She put me in a place of no return._

_I tried to escape this mad insanity,_

_To uncover why she would cause such inhumanity._

_For she was calculating,_

_This girl who lost my trust,_

_The girl was bad,_

_The girl was dangerous._

*Ahsoka returns to her higher voice*

_The Jedi showed me, that their intentions were clear,_

_That guilty or not, they’d give me to the Republic so dear._ (Couldn’t think of a good rhyme scheme here).

_And when they wanted me back, with an excuse so poor,_

_Because of their fears, I had to WALK OUT THE DOOR!_

*Chorus returns*

_Dangerous!_

_That Mirilian’s so dangerous!_

_Made my FAM’LY lose faith in me,_

_And then ACT like it was fine!_

_And NOW I really see,_

_That they’re NO! DANG! GOOD! FOR ME!_

_Dangerous!_

_That Mirilian’s so dangerous!_

_Before, I trusted them,_

_And believed them pure of heart,_

_I tried to be like them,_

_But now, THEY’RE NO! DANG! FRIENDS! OF! MINE!_

*Song continues, as does her dance, as both sisters look shocked by the truth. The song goes into a high point with a piano, as Ahsoka continues to belt out in near crying Soprano*

_I HAVE NIGHTMARES EVERY NIGHT,_

_OF WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF MY MASTER DIDN’T FIGHT!_

_TO PROVE ME INNOCENT OF CRIME,_

_BUT I COULDN’T LOOK AT HIM AND NOT THINK,_

_OF THE COUNCIL’S LIES!!_

*Music calms down back to normal, as Ahsoka momentarily returns to low voice*

_Maybe, maybe I should thank her._

_Cuz through her scheme, I saw that the Jedi weren’t as praiseworthy as they seemed._

_Maybe, I should go to her cell and ask her why she framed ME herself,_

_But you see, I’m reluctant,_

_Cuz she’s DANGEROUS!_

*Chorus returns once more, and Ahsoka makes her voice sound shaken even more, as she returns to her higher voice range and dance*

_DANGEROUS!_

_That Mirlian’s so dangerous!_

_I SAVED her life from death,_

_I CONFIDED her my life,_

_And the WAY she pays me back,_

_Is to cause ME! ENDLESS! PAINFUL! STRIFE!_

_Dangerous!_

_That Mirlian’s so dangerous!_

_My MASTER misses me!_

_And it HURT to let him go!_

_But I HAVE to walk my path!_

_To prove that MY! LIFE! IS MY OWN!_

_Dangerous!_

_That Mirilian’s so dangerous!_

_I’ll prove to them all,_

_That I don’t need them to be good,_

_That I’ve learned to move on,_

_Cuz they’re NO! DANG! FRIENDS! OF! MINE!_

*Song and dance continues, with Ahsoka able to convey through jazz and contemporary the many emotions coursing through her from all the pain and suffering done to her. The music suddenly cuts again, and returns to snapping. Ahsoka is once again at center-stage, dancing stationary and now looking and sounding angry as she sings*

_DANGEROUS!_

Background Chorus: _DANGEROUS!_

_DANGEROUS!_

Background Chorus: _DANGEROUS!_

_DANGEROUS!_

Background Chorus: _Dangerous!_

*Music cuts at two short spots, letting her strike two poses and continue, as she’s removing her mechanic jacket to reveal the outfit she wore on Mandalore*

_DANGEROUS!_

Background Chorus: _DANGEROUS!_

_DANGEROUS!_

Background Chorus: _DANGEROUS!_

_DANGEROUS!_

Background Chorus: _DANGEROUS!_

*Music stops altogether, save for a small drum cymbal beat, as Ahsoka strikes another pose, and turns to the sisters*

Ahsoka: You get it now?

*Both sisters nod their heads in awe*

Ahsoka: Good. Now here’s what I’ve learned since I left them..

*The music kicks back in, and Ahsoka dances her heart out, much more confidently before, conveying her accepting the life outside the Jedi and living her own, best life helping others. The song continues for another interrupted two minutes of her showing off her jazz/contemporary technique, and the music abruptly stops one final time, as she poses in the spotlight one last time, leaving a shadow*

"Hey, it's that one that she performed at Thanksgiving!" Luke recognized. Then his eyes skirted to Leia, who was texting. " _Leia_!"

Padmé noticed this too, ans promptly took her phone away, even as Leia protested. "It's rude to text in theater. And..." she looked down to see that her daughter - _twelve-year-old-daughter-_ had just been literally _text-asked-out_ during a _musical_ by some kid named Nick! "Also, Leia, you're not dating till you're sixteen! And when you do, you won't say yes unless he asks _to your face_!"

"Too bad!" Leia said with a humph. "Besides, he wanted to ask during an intermission but couldn't get up his courage."

Anakin cracked his knuckles. "Where's this boy?"

~

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Best Day Ever" - YES, LIKE FROM SPONGEBOB)**

_Jesse, Appo, Kix, Vaughn and a whole crew of boys in blue just got the most unexpected news from their Captain and General: Ahsoka Tano, their former Commander, their vod’ika, was coming home. She is in need of assistance trying to stop the Death Watch led by Maul on Mandalore, and expectantly, Anakin hopped at the opportunity to aid his former Padawan. To celebrate the return, the General has commissioned every 501 st soldier for a little repainting of their armor, which they all eagerly agreed to do. Anakin steps into the hanger._

ANAKIN: Alright, how are we looking so far?

JESSE: Paint job’s a little crude, but it gets the point across. RIGHT, BOYS?

CLONES: *cheer and agree*

ANAKIN: Looks great, everyone! Let’s hurry up and finish. She should be coming any minute now. I want this to make her feel like she’s home again. *leaves*

APPO: The General’s definitely happy to see her again.

KIX: Can you blame him? She’s been by our side for years, and then the Jedi Order up and kicks her out? Doesn’t seem fair..

JESSE: Actually, I heard she refused, saying they were a bunch of stuck up Kowekian Monkey Lizards!

*Everyone laughs at the visual*

VAUGHN: So, she was a good Commander?

JESSE: Of course she was. She was one of the best, cuz she was raised by us! Don’t you know…

KIX: Ease up, Jess! Vaughn’s new here, remember? He hasn’t heard of our darling little ‘un.

*Music plays, indicating the start of the song*

Vaughn: Well, can you tell me about her? I’m probably going to be under her command, so I thought, well….it would be a good idea to get a feel for her.

APPO: Well, you see….*Jesse cuts him off*

JESSE: So glad you asked! _We remember the day when she came our way,_

_We didn’t know what to do, with this small Padawan new._

_But soon, it was clear,_

_We would treat her so dear, and now we hear she’s coming home right here!_

*Jesse stands on a crate and conducts the men*

_It’s the BEST DAY EVER!_

CLONES: _BEST DAY EVER!_

_It’s the BEST DAY EVER!_

CLONES: _BEST DAY EVER!_

VAUGHN: Um, that’s great, but that didn’t answer my question…

"This that Spongebob song," Luke said, cackling.

"Spongebob!" Arela said, even though she didn't know what that was. She just liked to form all the words with her mouth that she could.

KIX: _She was a spunky kid, we found out quick._

_I lost count of the times she sprained her leg from a kick!_

_Every bruise, every bandage I stuck,_

_Was with a smile that wished me luck!_

_It’s the BEST DAY EVER!_

CLONES: _BEST DAY EVER!_

_It’s the BEST DAY EVER!_

CLONES: _BEST DAY EVER!_

VAUGHN: I’m…not getting my question answered, am I?

APPO: Nope.

JESSE: _You remember the times she helped play hide-and-seek with us?_

_It was so much fun,_

_We saw her grow right up,_

_She left us before, but now she’s coming around!_

_So, get that paint flowing, she’s arriving soon!_

_When she’s sees what we have done, she’ll be blushing maroon!_

_We thought she would never come around again,_

_But when she sees us, she’ll be quickly dancin’!_

_Yeah, when she sees us, she’ll be dancin’ again!_

*The clones start a kick line*

ALL CLONES EXCEPT CONFUSED VAUGHN: _IT’S THE BEST DAY EVER!_

_IT’S THE BEST DAY EVER! (x4)_

*The clones continue to be happy about her return until the Captain comes in*

Rex sighed with relief. "My character has entered the show! This buffoonery shall stop."

REX: What are you—ugh, not now! She about to land! Are you all finished?

ALL CLONES: *murmers*

REX: *sigh* Every helmet will be painted, or so help me, I will send each and every one of you to the latrines for the rest of your life cycles. GET MOVING!

ALL CLONES: SIR, YES, SIR!

*Rex leaves, the clones get back to work, Vaughn is still confused, and the scene ends*

Anakin smirked. "Okay. That... was the best song in the show."

"I disagree _strongly_ ," Leia said, crossing her arms. "The Duchess and the Jedi."

"Oh, yes," Satine said with a smirk. Obi-Wan buried his face in his hands. "I like that one," she said, giggling slightly.

Anakin's eyebrows furrowed. "How did we forget you two were there?"

Obi-Wan glared at Anakin. "Unlike _you_ , Satine and I are civilized enough to respect Broadway."

Then Palpatine made his way onstage, and the very distinctive chords to _You'll be Back_ from Hamilton began to play. Leia's mouth fell open. "AHSOKA DIDN'T!"

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "You'll Be Back")**

_Palpatine has just revealed himself to Anakin as the Sith Lord, Darth Sidious. He gives the boy an ultimatum: join him and learn the way of the Dark Side of the Force, or watch his beloved Padme die helplessly. As Anakin leaves his office to inform the Council of this discovery, Sidious playfully remarks to himself about how it is too late for Skywalker to remain in the light, and the end of the Jedi is at hand…_

PALPATINE: Are you going to kill me?

ANAKIN: I would certainly like to….

PALPATINE: I know you would. I can feel your anger. It gives you focus, makes you stronger.

*Anakin, conflicted, turns his lightsaber off*

ANAKIN: I’m going to turn you over to the Jedi Council…

PALPATINE: Of course, you should. But you are not sure of their intentions, are you?

ANAKIN: I will quickly discover the truth of all this.

PALPATINE: You have great wisdom, Anakin. Know the power of the Dark Side, the power to save Padme…

*As Anakin leaves the office to head back to the Temple, Palpatine smirks to himself, his long awaited plan finally coming to fruition. The song begins.

_Dear boy,_

_I’ve known you since you’ve been,_

_Just a little arrogant Jedi toy,_

_You child,_

_You think that you’re slick when,_

_You see her, no, your emotions get wild,_

_Don’t you see?_

_This has been all foreseen and ordained to,_

_End in this way,_

_And now you’re where you should be,_

_No master, no brat, to help aid you,_

_Only me,_

_You’ll be back._

_Soon you’ll see,_

_You’ll be begging to learn all from me,_

_You’ll be back!_

_Time will tell,_

_I’ll be the reason as to why you Fell._

_The Sith will rise,_

_The Order will fall,_

_And you’ll be the tool that’ll cause it all,_

_And when they figure it out,_

_I will send their very own battalions,_

_And have their heads all mount!_

*Palpatine starts dancing in his own office, excited for his plan to finally begin*

While the theater had been restraining giggles as he sang like King George, it was the dancing around the office that finally did everyone in. Even the classiest in the theater began to full-on _cackle_ \- even Obi-Wan Kenobi!

_Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da_

_Da da dat dat da ya da!_

_Da da dat da dat da da da da ya da_

_Da da dat dat da…_

_You see that your love is dying,_

_And you can’t let her go_

_Well, I may be the one who’s making you see,_

_But you’ll never know,_

_And no, I don’t care if she dies,_

_Cuz it’ll help make you mine!_

Anakin's hands curled into fists and Padmé put a hand on his shoulder. "Remember. You threw him down a reactor shaft."

Now a smile came back to his lips. "Right." He laughed. "I feel like this song would be hillarious and enjoyable if it wasn't addressed to me. Right before I turned to the dark side. And maybe if I had turned him down and thrown his plans out the window."

"Well, you did turn him down and throw his plans out the window. Or rather, him down a reactor shaft. Twenty years later. Be happy."

_My new, shiny apprentice!_

_The galaxy’ll be ruled by the Sith!_

_Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever,_

_You’ll be back_

_Through the door,_

_And then, I’ll finally just end this war,_

_And then you, will go on,_

_And you’ll burn the Jedi Temple till dawn!_

_The ones out there, they’ll be next!_

_I’ll switch the clones on and my problem’s fixed!_

_So you see, now you’re free!_

_Free to kill your friends and family, and forever belong to me!_

_Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da,_

_Da da dat dat da ya da!_

_Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da,_

_Da da dat—_

_Our revenge is here at last!_

_Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da,_

_Da da dat dat da ya da!_

_Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da da da da_

_Dat dat da ya da!_

*Palpatine sits in his chair, waiting for the Jedi to come for him, an evil smirk on his face, and the song and scene ends*

The theater was still getting over that song when Ahsoka walked back onstage.

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of "Journey to the Past")**

_Ahsoka walks the halls of the cruiser with a weary expression on her face. She has just done the near impossible: break the Siege of Mandalore and fight a Sith one-on-one and win. She had him in custody and was currently en route to Coruscant to be picked up by the Jedi._

_The Jedi Order. Ahsoka remember her time there, from the creche, to her padawanship with Anakin, to her many adventures with him and the boys in blue, and the circumstances of her departure. While that still stings, Ahsoka can’t shake the feeling of nostalgia away from her, especially as her thoughts drift back to Anakin, from what Maul told her. She wanted to tell him everything, to talk again, to….come back, maybe? She didn’t know. The music begins, indicating the start of the song_

_Do I dare want that,_

_Should I really consider…_

_Can’t turn back, now that I’m here…_

_The Jedi was my way,_

_I strived to be the best,_

_And yet they shunned me out of….fear,_

_And yet, the Force comes calling me back,_

_On a journey to the past…_

_I remember my own Master,_

_His kind words helped shape me,_

_Years of training didn’t prove him wrong!_

_And Master Kenobi,_

_Made me feel safe and wanted,_

_Like a home where I belong!_

_Well, this wild ride, is ending fast,_

_This whole journey to the past…_

_Home, love, family,_

_There was once a time,_

_The Temple always came through,_

_Even, out here, on my own,_

_I will never feel complete,_

_Until that feeling returns anew,_

_One step at a time,_

_Skywalker’s still troubled,_

_I still need to let him know!_

_But then what do I do?_

_Move on to find my futures?_

_Who now where this road may go?_

_Oh, I’m lookin’ for a sign!_

_Find what my heart wants mine!_

_Will it lead me to my past?_

_Will it bring my family back,_

_At last?_

*Rex comes to find her after the song ends*

REX: Commander, the Council is ready for your debriefing.

AHSOKA: *recomposes herself for her captain* Yes, very well. Let’s go!

*Scene ends*

Anakin closed his eyes, reminiscing. "I'm... so... _proud_ of my little padawan!"

~

Everybody had been enjoying this part. It was funny, it was interesting, everybody loved it. It had a bunch of hillarious songs and wasn't as heavy.

But oops, then they got hit with -

**(Written by me: Order 66")**

[ANAKIN]

So this is it

My decision

I've learned to trust

Each frightening vision

Now I'm at a

Head-on collision

With all my teachings

And the light obscuring my vision...

(taking down various shocked Jedi at the temple)

Don't show mercy!

[CLONES]

(Don't show mercy!)

[ANAKIN]

They've betrayed me!

[CLONES]

(They are traitors!)

[ANAKIN]

I bet they would let her die

To preserve their precious teachings

[CLONES]

(Precious teachings0

[ANAKIN]

Don't show mercy!

(pausing in front of a padawan) I remember...

I don't remember! (stabs him)

Where light in me remains

I'll squash the last ember

Won't hesitate

At the younglings' tremor

I am the dark side's

Newest member!

(leaving temple as it burns)

[ANAKIN]

Don't show mercy!

[CLONES]

(Don't show mercy!)

[ANAKIN]

They've betrayed me!

[CLONES]

(They are traitors!)

[ANAKIN]

All they care about is the Force

And its teachings

_SHOW._

(cuts down another child)

_NO._

(The last one in the room falls to the ground, looking betrayed)

[CLONES]

(Mercy...)

[ANAKIN, CLONES]

Don't show mercy!

Anakin cringed at himself as Ahsoka announced, "Well, we got you all excited for hillariousness, and then smacked you with that, huh? Well, you all knew it was coming, anyway. Enjoy your last intermission! Also, I felt a disturbance in the Force last time, and I have a feeling it had something to do with the triplets. Also, my friend Kayla just found a Tik Tok confirming my suspicions. Master, please keep your kids under control. Thank you."

That relieved some of the Order 66 depression as the curtains closed and the lights came back on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ooh, cool song!"  
> "Ooh, funny song!"  
> "Ooh, funny song!"  
> "Ooh, cute song!"
> 
> *slaps everybody with Order 66*
> 
> Welp, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and all its triplet shenanigans!
> 
> Only one part left to go!!!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	60. Clone Wars Musical Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HERE!!!!
> 
> Well, this is it: The sixth and final part of Ahsoka's lovely Clone Wars Musical! But don't worry, even after the musical is over there will be... many shenanigans still going on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with the first song, "The Sith Will Rise" - I mean, you can probably guess who wrote it...
> 
> Take a guess...
> 
> Congratualtions, you got it right! NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong!
> 
> But I specifically requested that one because the song it's based on may be a song that constantly reminds me of two girls my family fostered who were like my bitty sisters...... they loved this song so it's a bit of a tribute to them, I guess.
> 
> Happy New Year! FINALLY out of 2020!

"Alright, folks, welcome back for the sixth and final part of the Clone Wars musical, complete with the depressing ending you all knew was coming right from the beginning," Ahsoka said cheerfully, turning off her mic. Then she said to Kayla, "Wait till Obi-Wan realizes what movie this song is from."

**The Sith Will Rise**

The flames were raging as Anakin and Obi-Wan locked eyes after the Master checked on Padme to see if she was still breathing from Anak—VADER—Force-Choking her to unconsciousness.

VADER: YOU’VE TURNED HER AGAINST ME!

OBI-WAN: YOU HAVE DONE THAT YOURSELF!

*Vader’s blood was boiling at the sight of his former Master, blue eyes slowly morphing into amber*

VADER: YOU WILL NOT TAKE HER FROM ME!

OBI-WAN: Your anger, and your lust for power, have already done that! You have allowed this Dark Lord to twist your mind until now….now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy…

*Vader and Kenobi were circling each other, eyeing their next move*

VADER: Don’t lecture me, Obi-Wan! I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the Dark Side as you do! I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire!

OBI-WAN: YOUR new Empire?

VADER: Don’t make me kill you…

OBI-WAN: Anakin, my allegiance is to the Republic, TO DEMOCRACY!

*Music begins, indicating the start of the song*

VADER; If you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy!

DARK CHORUS: _The boy you knew is now corrupted,_

_The Dark Side claimed its prize,_

_It took his mother as a start,_

_To tear and darken his sad heart,_

_The Jedi never knew his pain,_

_And now dark powers he obtained._

_They always feared, they always scoffed,_

_They always took, they kept him locked,_

_He always struggled, He never took rest,_

_Because he wanted to be the BEST!_

_That desire led, to his demise,_

_LOOK AT HIS EYES!_

OBI-WAN: _Once I called you brother,_

_Once you were my friend,_

_How could this be,_

_You became the Jedi’s end._

CHORUS: _You and your weakling Jedi lied,_

_How could make him think you died?_

OBI-WAN: _And even now, I wish that this_

_Was some bad nightmare._

_I know what I now have to do,_

_But it’s still the last thing I want for you._

CHORUS: _You failed to protect his Ahsoka,_

_Yet you knew she was no pariah_

OBI-WAN: _You were my brother!_

_Yet all this pain and devastation,_

_Because you joined his side,_

_For all the Younglings you slaughtered,_

_Due to stubbornness and pride!_

CHORUS: _When he needed you most, you always fail,_

_And he’s struck the final nail,_

_Of all coffins, in every hole,_

_The bells of the Jedi will forever TOLL!_

_The Sith has power, you’ll never know,_

_The blood will flow!_

VADER: _You dare call me brother?_

_You were just another hypocrite!_

CHORUS: _The Jedi have died, the Sith will rise!_

_The Sith will rise!_

VADER AND CHORUS: _The Sith will rise!_

_You only held me back!_

_How could I have been so kriffing blind!_

_You tried to keep me chained!_

CHORUS: _He broke his chains,_

_Now the Sith reigns!_

VADER: _My heart has now been hardened!_

_Because you took my,_

_Dearest angel from me!_

_How cruel you can be!_

_I will denounce the Light in ME!_

CHORUS: _THE SITH WILL RISE!_

_THE SITH WILL RISE!_

VADER AND CHORUS: _THE JEDI HAVE DIED, NOW THE SITH WILL RISE!_

*The song ends, Vader having fully embraced his Darkness within him. Obi-Wan shakes his head, disappointed in him, in himself, and at all the events he missed to stop this*

OBI-WAN: Only a Sith deals in absolutes. I will do what I must to save the little left of the Jedi Order….*brings out lightsaber*

VADER: *brings his lightsaber out too* You will try….

*Both Vader and Obi-Wan activate their weapons and clash, ending the scene*

Ahsoka reached out with her sensitive hearing and a little bit of the Force, straining to hear her family's conversation:

_"Why does that song remind me of that song about the plagues from Prince of Egypt?" Leia whispered._

_"It probably is," Luke said back._

_"I don't believe I know that one," Obi-Wan noted pleasantly. "What is Prince of Egypt?"_

_"It's the movie about how Moses freed the Israelites!" Leia said excitedly. Obi-Wan's heart sank as he deciphered what this meant, and then Leia added, "God sends all these epic plagues on the Egyptians and that is what the song this is based on is all about!"_

_"Anakin, I understand that you are obsessed with Christianity, but I am trying to raise your kids into Jedi -"_

_"Um, not only is it Christian and good for my kids, but literal slave traders getting stomped all over by God? That is_ amazing. _I would have given anything for frogs to have randomly showed up all over Watto's shop."_

_"Well... okay, I can see why you'd enjoy watching the Egyptians get plagued, but -"_

_"And why can't my kids by Jedi_ and _Christian?"_

_"We can discuss the discrepencies between ideals later. The next song is starting, and it looks like a rather sad one." Obi-Wan returned to polite silence._

Ahsoka chuckled. "Intended reaction," she said bumping fists with Kayla. "Hey, Landon - drag some clone graves out there, will you? Landon?"

"AHSOKA? HELP ME. I'M In THE DRESSING ROOM AND -" his voice became muffled and faded away.

Ahsoka's eyebrows furrowed in worry. But when she found Landon in the dressing room, she found Trent smiling triumphantly as Landon put his hand on his forehead. "I'm telling you, she doesn't like to be pranked. She doesn't think it's funny."

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Landon, please get the clone graves out there. And people! _Stop torturing my boyfriend_!"

**Memories (original lyrics, by me - has NOTHING to do with the song from _Cats_ )**

_Note: I toyed with like fifty instrumentals for this song, but ugh it wasn't working as I tried to add my rhyme scheme, so if it feels like the beat changes in a certain place, just let me know._

_And I'm serious, this is NOT based on the_ Cats _song. Lol._

_Ahsoka stares at the graves of the clones, sad piano music playing in the background as she begins to softly reminisce._

AHSOKA

*takes her time going between each individual grave, singing a stanza to each*

Do you remember that time

(with a melancholy laugh) That Anakin pushed you off a cliff

I made sure to catch you

Cause he pushed me off too

And you, I recall

Were a much better pilot than I

You put me to shame when you flew

And my masters too

And you - oh, right

We fought side by side so many times

I saved your life

And you saved mine

(string instruments join in for the chorus)

And if you are somewhere in the Force and listening

And if you can hear the words I've come to say

I'm not upset if any of you may have shot at me

Because there's so many memories I have today

I hope that you remember

That time we wasted five minutes arguing

About which way to go

But then we were both wrong, and so

If you are somewhere in the Force and listening

And if you can hear the words I've come to say

I'm not upset if any of you may have shot at me

Because there's so many memories I have today

Memories I have cherished all these years

Memories I still now cherish today

Memories I'll still cheris tomorrow

So never forget what I've come to say:

I'm not upset if any of you may have shot at me

Because there's so many memories I have today

Ashlyn had totally killed it. She did amazing. Her acting? Perfect. She probably even made Anakin Skywalker cry.

Um, scratch that, Anakin was probably out in the hallways after _The Sith Will Rise_ , taking deep breaths and _not_ accidentally destroying anything in his outrage at Palpatine and himself.

_[Recording of_ Memories _now available in our Discord server - piano accompaniment & vocals by me! There is also, for this song, a karaoke version for those of you who want to sing along!]_

**Words Fail (yes like from Dear Evan Hansen, and yes, written by NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong, my QUEEN)**

It has been a few months since Obi-Wan, now officially going by “Ben” in honor of his late love, Satine, has dropped off Luke Skywalker to the Lars residence on Tatooine. But now, he stands in front of Shmi Skywalker’s grave for the first time in his life, face to face with the woman who raised the young man he thought of as a brother not too long ago, a woman who no doubt would feel sick to her core at what happened to her beloved son. Obi-Wan, trying to maintain his composure, sings to the grave as an apology for what has happened.

_I never meant to make him feel shunned,_

_I never thought he would take it this far,_

_So now I stand here sorry,_

_Searching for something to say,_

_Something to say_

_Words fail, words fail,_

_There’s nothing I can say_

_I watched him become the best of us,_

_I never felt that kind of pride before,_

_I truly loved him like a brother,_

_I guess somehow he never,_

_Felt the same way for me._

_And even though I knew of him and Padme,_

_They were as subtle as a pair of rancors,_

_I knew they were happy,_

_So I kept their secret safe with me,_

_But even still I failed him, Shmi,_

_I know it was me,_

_Nothing else can make more sense,_

_It’s my fault, you see._

_Words fail, words fail,_

_There’s nothing I can say,_

_EXCEPT I should,_

_Have not ever faked my death,_

_Nor should I,_

_Had left him alone with Palpatine, and_

_He was right there, right there, right there in front of us!_

_And he played us all so well,_

_And how…..your boy Fell,_

_Perhaps I, should have, have let him know that he,_

_Was always….loved by…..me…._

_And when I saw him on Mustafar,_

_Right then and there, I knew,_

_That he was gone,_

_I guess I failed you and Qui-Gon, too._

_I guess I failed Ahsoka, as well,_

_I guess that all I ever hoped,_

_Can now never help me cope,_

_With the family I have lost because of me,_

_But now, there’s a new chance_

_To make a new hope,_

_In this desert,_

_To give this boy a better life,_

_Free from all this pain,_

_But every time I come to see him_

_I’ll always see the little boy,_

_Who asked us how many stars were up above_

_So now I’ve come to I’m sorry,_

_I’ve left your son to burn away!_

_While I know there’s no hope for me,_

_I will ensure that your grandson will stay,_

_Stay right here on the path his father strayed_

_I am so sorry, dear Shmi,_

_This hurt could have been stopped,_

_This shame shall stay with me,_

_Until the day I drop._

_But until then, I’ll keep Luke safe from the coming Dark_

_One day I’ll tell him the truth,_

_I hope that day, he’ll forgive me,_

_For letting you all down…._

_Letting you all down…._

Backstage, Ashyln was crying, quickly trying to get over herself because the finale was next and she needed to _sing_ in the finale. And singing after crying was a Very Bad Thing for singers.

"Alright!" Ahsoka said, clapping. "Listen up: The finale is next."

"We know you're all emotional," Kayla sympathized. "Even I shed a few tears watching Ashlyn and Hunter's amazing performances."

"But your job is to get out there and make all of _them_ emotional," Ahsoka told them all. "So take all that sadness and channel it into your singing - and take melancholy happiness when it's appropriate."

"Just give them the supersad but also final ending they've been looking forward to since eight AM this morning," Kayla added. "Now get out there and make some people cry!"

**(Written by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong to the tune of the Les Mis finale)**

After the final scene of the musical ends, the stage is pitch black. Anakin, in an all-white Vader outfit unmasked, comes out center stage in the spotlight. The song begins.

_On this day,_

_You know my tragic story,_

_Know it well,_

_So you may never see it repeat._

_It’s the story of one who wanted everything,_

_A man who tried to take by force,_

_And lost himself to hate._

*Anakin looks teary eyed, but Ahsoka, still in her grey robes from mourning the clones, come over to comfort him*

_One day soon,_

_You’ll know when chains won’t bind you. (Truly, will I know?)_

_For your grief,_

_Will, be healed, by a certain two,_

_The Living Force,_

_Will be your final legacy,_

ANAKIN: _If I knew this was my destiny,_

_Would I, have still, made it to be?_

*Ahsoka takes his hand, and several others come from behind, still in shadow so they cannot be seen*

AHSOKA: _It was to be,_

_The only way to balance, you see._

_So this pain,_

_May never be felt again…_

ANAKIN AND AHSOKA: _And remember,_

 _Our story so it may last forever_ *Obi-Wan comes to Anakin’s other side, joining them for the final trio shot*

_We gave all that we could for,_

_The greater good….of all!_

*The song slowly shifts into a march, and it is a reprise of “NEVER AGAIN,” complete with everyone who died in the musical canon: Fives, Satine, Waxer, Jedi Ima-gun Di, Steela, Hevy, Jesse, all the Jedi who died in Order 66, all the clones who died in the war, and most of all the recently deceased Padme, all coming out in one final hoorah for the audience dressed in all white, as the trio joins them for one final song*

_Do you hear the people sing?_

_Lost in the valley of the night!_

_It is the music of the people,_

_Who are climbing to the light!_

_For we fought to bring the peace,_

_And while it will not be in our time,_

_We have helped pave the way,_

_For a new hope’s bells to chime!_

_We will live again in the hearts,_

_Of those who we inspired most,_

_We will watch them through the Living Force,_

_And our legacies we shall boast!_

_The chains will be broken,_

_And they shall deliver a toast!_

_For the Prophecy has come,_

_While it was never what we thought,_

_We know now that it was meant to be,_

_It will bring the peace all have sought!_

_Do you hear the people sing?_

_Say, do you hear the distant drums?_

_It is the future that they bring_

_When tomorrow comes!_

_For the Prophecy has come,_

_While it was never what we thought,_

_We know now that it was meant to be,_

_It will bring the peace all have sought!_

_Do you hear the people sing?_

_Say, do you hear the distant drums?_

_It is the future that they bring_

_When tomorrow comes!_

_AH! AH! AH!_

_TOMORROW COMES!_

*As the songs begins to fade into something softer, and the lights fade from the crowd, only Anakin remains*

_One day, the hope will come,_

_It will bring peace to everyone,_

_It will even come for me,_

_And bring my dark heart back with love._

_But you already know that tale,_

_You know it all the very best,_

_A little dreaming boy on Tatooine,_

_And…_

*Anakin looks at his helmet with resigned recognition of his fate, and puts it on, the mechanical voice coming to life*

_You know the rest._

*The familiar breathing can be heard, as Anakin turns around and walks away from the spotlight into the dark, the song, scene, and musical ends*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would keep writing - the curtain call, and stuff - but it feels wrong to end it anywhere but there.
> 
> One simply does not write about the thundreous applause that followed that spectacular performance while still emotional over NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong's writing...
> 
> SO! That got real angsty and sad. For those of you who like that, congrats - you got to see what my queen can do, with some of me sprinkled in there.
> 
> But we're back to what I'm notorious for after this: Pure crack and humor. So for those of you who were like "Stop it KittyPaw and NLDNW, stop making me cry, I DON'T WANNA CRY -" It'll pick back up.
> 
> However, right now, just.... enjoy that ending. Oh, it's so perfect.
> 
> And of course, don't forget to join the discord:
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	61. The Purple House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The introduction to the next arc: PSE Originals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, at this point, Obitine is married :) Your wedding fic will be coming soon from NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong! She's working on some other things too, which she has a lot of ideas for, but it'll be soon!
> 
> And after this intro, you're going to enjoy some more PSE shenanigans - because Anakin couldn't just limit his tampering to the prequels. He had to give the originals the same attention.

"Oh my - oh my!"

Ahsoka dragged Kayla's eighth grade Social Studies teacher into the Purple House (THAT ONE WAS LUKE AND LEIA) with absolutely no permission a few months after The Clone Wars musical: The triplets were officially six months, but waddled around like they were two years old. Padmé remembered this phase with Luke and Leia - she'd thought it was normal, but apparently not.

Mrs. Larson found herself being dragged past many different rooms, all of which appeared to have different issues going on inside:

_"Cody that's cheating!"_

_"It is_ not _! This is how you play Monopoly, General Kenobi taught me!"_

_"No, that's cheating!"_

_"No, it's not_!"

_"The rules say nothing about stealing a bunch of money!"_

_"It's called money-in-the-middle and everyone plays that way!"_

_"Right, so you_ only _get the money in the middle, not the enitre bank!"_

_"That's not what General Kenobi said!"_

_"I think you majorly misunderstood General Kenobi!_

_"And that, my friends, is how to make a confetti balloon that spills tea on the head of an unsuspecting guest. See you next time on another episode of The Skywalker Twins - with Leia next time!"_

_"Satine, we're the perfect parents. We've got these Skywalker triplets under control."_

_"We_ are _perfect, aren't we. ...Ben? Where's Iana?"_

_"Wait, what? IANA!"_

At this point, Mrs. Larson looked down to see a very small baby that shouldn't be able to walk giggling at the door. "Hold on," Ahsoka excused herself, scooping up Iana and opening the door, putting her back in Satine's arms. "If you're so perfect, make sure she doesn't get out next time. That could have been bad."

Satine flushed and took Iana, allowing Ahsoka to go back to her task of dragging Mrs. Larson through the Purple House.

"Ahsoka, please tell me what we are doing!"

"You have no need to know," Ahsoka informed her, continuing so drag her.

_"Dad, I'm thirteen now! I can date Nick if I want! Rex, back me up here!"_

_"No can do, young Leia. Your father is right."_

_"You'll never get my captain to side against me! How dare you! Besides, I already said: Not until you can drive!"_

_"Well I'll just have to learn to drive then, won't I?"_

_"You're not old enough for a license!"_

_"As if I'm getting pulled over for anything other than autographs! I'm Leia freaking Skywalker!"_

"This is the room," Ahsoka announced. She flung the door open and pushed a flustered Mrs. Larson inside.

Anakin, Rex, and Leia stopped arguing, turning to face her. "Ahsoka? What are you doing?"

"Your wife has informed me you plan on screwing with the Original Trilogy and doing whatever you want."

"I am _not_! I'm making a -"

"Primary source," Ahsoka interrupted. She turned to Mrs. Larson. "Please define 'primary source' for this doofus."

"Um... of course!" Mrs. Larson, _still_ flustered, cleared her throat. "A primary source is a source about certain events created by somebody who was living in the time period and experienced the events firsthand."

"Mhmm," Ahsoka said with a nod. She crossed her arms and looked at Anakin.

"Hey, I was alive during these ones too! I still have all my memories at Vader, _remember_?"

"That's not what I mean," Ahsoka told him. She turned back to Mrs. Larson. "And why, Mrs. Larson, are primary sources preferable to secondary sources?"

"Because somebody who lived through the event will likely have a more accurate represenation of the event, because they can describe what they experienced the way they experienced it in person."

Ahsoka once again turned back to Anakin and crossed her arms.

"My point..." Anakin's eyebrows furrowed. "...doesn't quite stand. I mean... yeah. Like..." he sighed. "I'm just trying to make them more interesting!"

"Then you should call them Ridiculous Skywalker Edition instead of Primary Source edition. RSE. Not PSE."

"They're not _ridiculous_ , they're better!"

Ahsoka turned to Mrs. Larson. "Mrs. Larson, you are dismissed. Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Purple House! Because it can't just stay one color, now can it?
> 
> PSE Originals are up next! Hope you enjoyed your introduction to it, and may the Force be with you.
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4 (If it wasn't working before, I figured it out and it should work now, sorry about that!)


	62. Making A New Hope - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE BREAK IS OVER!
> 
> I promised you two chapters today and you'll GET two chapters today! Here is the first. The second will come out slightly later.
> 
> Enjoy!

Been a while since I've done these but we all remember the kind of chaos they get into...

**~A New Hope~**

_Step one: Find the right actors_

Annelise sighed. "Let me guess. You want me to do the role of Leia?"

Ahsoka beamed. "Now you're getting it!"

"It feels kind of wrong to cast somebody as Leia after Carrie Fisher died. She's, like, always been Leia."

Ahsoka sighed. "Well would you rather we CGI'd her face onto -"

" _NO_!"

"Then how about we do this: At the end of the movie, you can say a little dedication to the life of the true princess, Carrie Fisher."

"I still haven't agreed to do the role."

"But you will, you always will, you're Annelise Viotto. You do whatever roles I tell you to do."

Annelise sighed. "Fair point."

~

"No! I already did Anakin and I'm done with acting in your scripts!"

"But Jake, we need a Luke -"

"I figured that _out_!"

"And you're perfect since you played his father -"

"I'm like twenty-eight now, that's like ten years older than what you need -"

"Just do it, pleaase? Pretty please? You get to kiss Annelise again -"

"And watch her kiss the actor for Han more times before I find out she's actually my sister. _No_!" And Jake hung up. Ahsoka sighed. Looked like she'd still have to look for an actor for Luke.

~

"No."

"You're perfect for the ro-"

" _No_ , Obi-Wan, I _won't do it_."

"There's literally nobody alive right now who could do this role better than you."

"Obi-Wan. I will not. Play. The role."

"But you'd know exactly how you'd act, exactly the things you might do -"

"Like lock his arms behind his back when he's angry in this deathly calm way that makes everybody catch their breath and get scared they're about to be strangled?"

"Stuff like that, yeah. See? I didn't know that detail! It'll be extremely accurate! You just proved my point!"

"If your point is that you're essentially trying ot talk me into doing every bad habit I've been trying to break for the last fifteen years, then yes, I did prove your point. But no, I'm not doing it!"

"But it's literally you!"

"It's literally not me and -"

"Well it is literally you, it would be figuratively not you -"

" _Obi-Wan I'm not doing the role of Darth Vader and that is final_." Anakin crossed his arms and stomped off.

Ahsoka sighed. "Why would you _ever_ think he would say yes?"

"It was worth a shot."

~

"Doesn't look like my son, doesn't look like my son, doesn't look like my son, hey, you look like my son! What's your name?"

The boy in the lineup of blonde, blue-eyed teenagers looked up at a smiling Anakin worriedly. "It's Adam, sir?"

"Anakin'll be fine, thanks. And can you act?"

"I-I think so, sir."

"I said Anakin would be fine, thanks. Wanna be Luke?"

"I-if it's possible, s- Anakin."

"Awesome, you're cast! EVERYBODY ELSE GO HOME, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE MY SON!"

~

"I used to think nobody could ever be as good a Han Solo as Harrison Ford," Ahsoka told Anakin dramatically, like she was in a commercial. "And it's probably still true. But may I introduce you to... San Holo!" She guestured to a scarecrow that she'd dressed up in a classic Han Solo outfit.

Any competent director would say, "No, that's a scarecrow, he can't star in our film." But Anakin said, "I love it! Let's do it! Nice to meet you, San Holo!"

It was then that Obi-Wan walked into the room, looked at Anakin shaking hands with a scarecrow dressed as Han Solo, and sighed, deciding he needed a lot of tea and a _lot_ of actors to play Han Solo to bite this in the bud and make sure no scarecrows got into the final cut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SAN HOLO THE SCARECROW XD
> 
> Tysm for 13,000 hits! It means so much!
> 
> And if you're on the Discord, you already know this, but I got COVID. It doesn't feel all that different from a cold, except that I can't leave my room and when I use the bathroom in my own freaking house I have to wear a mask and then sanitize everything.
> 
> See you later today with the second update!


	63. Making A New Hope - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote like half of this yesterday and like I said I was going to post it yesterday but then I glanced over at the piano in my room and next thing I knew I was teaching myself Chopin's Etude Op.10 No. 5 for some reason.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tcnuRsfgUQ
> 
> I had a book with the song in it so I thought why not?
> 
> This is literally not even for lessons I have no clue why I randomly decided THAT ONE I WANNA PLAY THAT ONE?!?!
> 
> Sorry about not getting this out yesterday, but you did get an update two days in a row so thats nice. And if you're following "When the Force Gets Bored," my other fic, you got two updates yesterday there so that's nice.

Anakin still hasn't figured out that writing the script is the _first_ thing you do.

**~A New Hope~**

_Step Two: Write the Script_

"It must have been hard to write a script about a time in history you're not very proud of," Ahsoka sympathized.

"Actually, it was super easy, barely an inconvenience. Look at this!" He shoved a script at Ahsoka.

Ahsoka sighed. "Oh boy," she muttered as she accepted the script and she just flopped it open to a random page, bracing herself.

_VADER: I find your lack of candy disturbing. (begins to strangle him until he gives him the candy that he wants)_

"Anakin I really -"

"Just keep reading!"

"No, Anakin, seriously -"

"No Ahsoka just _read_!"

She sighed, and flipped through different pages, catching only glimpses of Anakin's ridiculousness.

_LUKE: We could by our own ship for that kind of money!_

_HAN: But who's gonna fly it, kid? You?_

_LUKE: Given my father was the best pilot EVER during the Clone Wars, Anakin Skywalker, I bet I could!_

_HAN: Whoa, Anakin Skywalker was your Dad? I'll pilot your ship around for free!_

"That is neither something Han nor Luke would say and also it's _not accurate_ , did you not hear what Mrs. Larson said about Primary Sources?" Ahsoka groaned. "This is, like I said, Ridiculous Skywalker Edition!"

"No, it's the Interesting Skywalker Edition! We're going to call it a Primary Source."

Ahsoka sighed heavily. Mrs. Larson had taught him _nothing_.

~

Obi-Wan spit out his tea.

_LEIA: Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?_

_LUKE: No I'm here to rescue. Also. I'm your twin brother, so you're not allowed to fall in love with me. By the way, I don't know that yet._

_LEIA: Noted._

"Anakin, I know that whole your-twin-children-kissing subplot made you uncomfortable. It also made me uncomfortable. But you can't just randomly have him say something he doesn't know yet because you just feel like it!"

"Yes I can, I'm writing the movie."

Ahsoka groaned and flopped back on the couch. They were getting nowhere with this idiot.

_Step Three: Film_

In the same way that young Elsa stood behind Olaf in _Frozen_ , making him talk and wiggling his arms, Nick Anderson (who was ONLY there because Leia had asked him to be, and so that Anakin could keep an eye on him since he was suspicious of his relationship with Leia) stood behind San Holo, voicing him and saying, "Whoa, Anakin Skywalker was your dad? I'll pilot your ship around for free!"

Leia smirked. "I have a feeling the _real_ Han Solo would be very offended by this," she whispered to Obi-Wan as Anakin turned off the video on his phone.

"By the line about piloting for free which he would _never say_ , or the fact that _he's a scarecrow_?!" Obi-Wan really needed to be vice president right now, but it was more important he supervise this.

"Both."

"Any luck convincing Dad to play Vader yet?" Luke asked.

" _I'm not doing it_!" Anakin vehemently said, crossing his arms.

"Anakin, we really need you to do it," Obi-Wan pleaded with him.

~

In the end, it took Padmé kissing him and whispering in his ear to get him to do the role. "She probably promised him chocolate chip cookies," Luke said confidentally. Leia nodded.

"Dad's a sucker for chocolate chip cookies."

~

"Anakin, you can't keep taking off the mask while we're filming."

"But it's _hot_! And it makes my voice sound weird!"

"Anakin that is _literally the point_!" Ahsoka threw her head back against the couch, closed her eyes, and said a silent prayer to the Force and to the God Anakin worshipped that he would just shoot the scene.

~

Obi-Wan, meanwhile, was trying to find an actor for Han Solo to put an end to this San Holo madness, but to no avail. Maybe he could just use CGI. That stuff was pretty good these days. Put his face on somebody else.

"Please," he begged. "If you don't do it, there's going to be a scarecrow in the movie."

He finally struck a chord with a guy named Nicholas Anderson, who... turned out to be Nick's dad, cause Leia new him and said, "Oh hi Mr. Anderson. What are you doing here?"

"I've been cast as Han Solo."

"Awesome! I mean, I loved San Holo, but it's best to have a person."

Mr. Anderson slowly turned to where Anakin in a Vader costume, without a helmet on, stormed around the room muttering curses under his breath. "What happened?"

"Not sure. Every five minutes he seems to remember he's in a Vader costume, so we're shooting these scenes five minutes at a time."

"Good luck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obitine Wedding Fic coming soon from NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong, set in this universe right after the ending of TCW musical. I've seen about half of it and it's coming along great. You guys are going to LOVE it.
> 
> ~have a good day~


	64. Making A New Hope - Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BLAME THE DISCORD.
> 
> I'm serious- BLAME THE DISCORD.

####  [NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/pseuds/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong) has written the Obitine wedding! Takes place in this universe, right after the musical.

And now, for the chapter!

**~A New Hope~**

_Step four: Edit (and also maybe end up raising three Sith from scratch!)_

"So basically what happened was I saw the stuff George Lucas had done to the original versions with later CGI," Anakin explained. "And I was like - I love it! CGI is so cool! Seriously I love CGI..."

"Anakin, you realize the entire fanbase hated that, right?" Padmé tried to reason with him.

"Yes but I'm Anakin Skywalker. They'll accept anything I do. They're literally _my_ fans."

"A lot of people originally didn't like -"

"Padmé don't you have more important things to do than whine to me about CGI?" He complained. (Seriously. Which one of them was whining again?)

"Yes, actually."

Anakin seemed surprised by this. "Wait, seriously?"

Padmé rolled her eyes. "Anakin, aside from being the president of the kriffing United States and the general business of that job, do you know what year it is?"

Anakin thought about it. "The year Leia and Luke turn fourteen?"

"Yes, but not what I was going for."

"The year I finally discovered this cool thing called CGI?"

"Anakin -"

"The year that Landon's going to get his head chopped off by my clones?"

"ANAKIN! It's 2028!" Padmé waited for it to register in Anakin's brain, but it didn't. She groaned. "It's an _election year_ , Anakin. If I want to be president again, I have stuff to do." She huffed.

"Oh." This was lost on Anakin. "So... every four years they're going to question if you should be president? That seems wrong."

"No, they reelect, and if they particularly like a certain president they can make sure he or she gets elected again. However, after two terms, it's over. It's meant to preserve democracy."

"That's dumb! The rules don't apply to you, right?"

Padmé sighed.

~

"If she does want CGI," Anakin muttered, "I could always just put in some of these..." He dragged cat gifs over the sands of Tatooine. "Aha! Perfect! Nobody can resist cat gifs."

From the other room, Obi-Wan yelled, " _ANAKIN SKYWALKER I HEARD THAT! TELL ME YOU ARE_ NOT _PUTTING CAT GIFS IN THE MOVIE!_ "

"But they're awesome," Anakin whined.

" _I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A PHASE! AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH_!"

~ _Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away...~_

Three Sith getting into a crazy fight should have been extremely scary. But given the way the fight ended, it's kind of hard to take the whole thing seriously. At all. Even a little bit.

Maul, Dooku, and Sidious _really_ should have payed more attention to the note reading: _So this time machine is defective because it'll turn you into an itty bitty person. Please don't ask why. It's a Force thing. ~Anakin Skywalker_

Maul, Dooku, and Sidious were all obsessed with getting to the future for the same reason: To see if what they wanted to happen would happen. Three normal people would have just _shared_. They were all going to the same place, were they not? But they all started getting in a very big fight including lots of lightsabers, Force lightning, and accidentally activating time machines with a rather strange note on them.

~

Ahsoka had just been minding her own business, sneaking a musical number into the final editing of _A New Hope_ , when suddenly she'd heard a _bang_. Then the sound of smoke. Then, _whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_!

The first thing she thought was _What happened to the triplets?!?!_

She raced outside towards the sound of the bang. And she did indeed find three one-year-olds wailing for their lives. But... it wasn't the triplets. One of them was a zabrak that looked suspiciously like a baby Maul. One of them was a scowling baby with a pointy nose. The other one was pouting and oh my freaking gosh, their Force signatures.

"MASTERS HELP, THERE'S THREE BABY SITH ON OUR LAWN!!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LIKE I SAID BLAME THE DISCORD
> 
> I
> 
> WE STARTED BRAINSTORMING
> 
> I STARTED ADAPTING EVERYTHING
> 
> THIS HAPPENED
> 
> YAY
> 
> This is gonna be Padmé's life now
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4
> 
> (Aka, link to where this maddness of a chapter spawned from)


	65. A New Hope (Primary Source Edition) in Theaters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH SO THERE'S BABY SITH HERE NOW XD
> 
> Cinema production, as always, y'all remember how this goes.

Since the baby Sith showing up majorly distracted from the making of the movie, the version as it was done right then and there is what ended up in the theaters - with the cat gifs, Ahsoka's musical number, and the bloopers Ahsoka stuck at the end.

The baby version of Count Dooku still had a beard, which... Anakin liked it, Obi-Wan voiced no opinion (he was just done. He and Padmé, _done_.) and Ahsoka wanted it shaved immediately.

Baby Maul was the cutest little thing and made Ahsoka's eyes turn into tiny hearts.

Baby Palpatine had pale skin and a slightly pointy nose, and had his arms crossed and a grumpy look on his face. It was so hillarious Ahsoka couldn't even. "How the heck did this happen?" She said with a giggle.

"They must have found the time machine that turns you into an itty bitty baby," Anakin reasoned. Ahsoka, Obi-Wan, Padmé and Satine, as well as all the clones, just decided not to ask.

~

_Epidode IV: A New Hope (Primary Source Edition)_

_You've literally already seen the movie, but sure. Basically. It is a_

_period of civil war and blah blah. There's an empire. There's a rebellion._

_Seriously, have you not seen this? erijfuayhuijdkshgkajfalekbfadgfasdfasd_

_and this is Ahsoka I have comandeered this opening crawl, nice to meet you._

_It is a period of civil war._ _Rebel spaceships, striking_ _from a hidden base, have won_

_their first victory against_ _the evil Galactic Empire._ _During the battle, Rebel_

_spies managed to steal secret_ _plans to the Empire's_ _ultimate weapon, the DEATH_

_STAR, an armored space_ _station with enough power to_ _destroy an entire planet._

_Pursued by the Empire's_ _sinister agents, Princess_ _Leia races home aboard her_

_starship, custodian of the_ _stolen plans that can save_ _her people and restore_

_freedom to the galaxy.… COPY AND PASTE, ANAKIN, IT'S NOT THAT HARD_

"I'm still salty about that," Anakin pouted, crossing his arms.

"Control C, control V. I don't understand why you hate it so much." Ahsoka rolled her eyes.

"Wong wiv da Empire!" Baby Palps cheered.

Padmé sighed. "Anakin taught him to say that. He thought it would be funny."

~

It was hard not to recognize the little jawas were not really... _jawas_. If you looked close enough, you saw the little faces of Arela, Celestia, Iana, baby Maul, baby Dooku, and baby Palpatine.

~

"Oh my gosh, their _armour_. It sucks! No wonder they couldn't aim their blasters to save their kriffing lives!" Rex complained.

"Just look at it! It's a disgrace!" Cody agreed.

"Who designed it?" Echo demanded.

"It wasn't me," Anakin said with his hands up when they turned to him. "I swear, this one really wasn't. Though I may have approved it. Despite the fact that they were literally _my_ armies, I didn't like stormtroopers very much."

~

Nick Anderson, holding Leia's hand throughout the beginning of the movie as they shared a bag of popcorn, paled considerably when the Death Star got aimed at... well, it was _supposed_ to be Alderaaan.

But it was his face.

His face, blown to bits as the Death Star sent little cat gifts of debri flying in every direction. Nick gulped, and Leia glared daggers at her father. Why couldn't he just leave her boyfriend alone?!

~

" _Anakin, you_ SAID _you cut out_ ALL _the San Holo scenes_!" Obi-Wan shouted when the crowd was confused to see a scarecrow with Nick behind it voicing it.

"Well I was _going_ to but then three baby Sith Lords showed up instead!"

~

"No, Han _definitely_ shot first."

"I agree, but technically in movie making, Greedo -"

"Nuh-uh! It was _Han_ and you know it! Why did you edit it like that?"

Anakin shrugged. "I'm a master of chaos."

"And getting caught," Obi-Wan reminded him. Satine giggled beside him. The newlyweds were giggling at everything the other said these days, like they still couldn't believe they were literally _married_. But it really felt unnatural to hear Obi-Wan Kenobi and Satine Kryze _giggle_.

~

As Leia (Annelise) and Luke (Adam) and Han (San Holo) fired their blasters, there were no lasers or good high-tech noises - none of the stuff Anakin had planned ot put in. He got distracted by baby Sith, and Luke and Leia had taken things into their own hands.

You could hear the twins' enthusiastic, "Pew pew pew, pew pew pew!" As the blasters fired, which got the audience bawling with laughter. The Skywalker twins looked particularly pleased with themselves.

~

The audience had been waiting with bated breath for a musical number, and _wahoo_ , they got one. Stormtroopers randomly stopped, all the other characters froze in time, and the troops took off their helmets, revealing the heads of clones (the audience cheered) - and began to dance ballet.

The stormtrooper played by Tup was obviously the best.

Ahsoka smirked to herself. "I told you I had a good dance number planned," she murmured to Landon beside her, who laughed and kissed her on the cheek.

"You never dissappoint."

"Ew, cut it! Save that stuff for when you're alone," Luke complained.

~

"Aaaan there it is. My sweet revenge!" Anakin smiled triumphantly. Obi-Wan looked at him, offended.

"No, definitely not!"

"You literally lost the battle!"

"On purpose!"

"Doesn't matter, I still killed you!"

"I dissappeared before your wicked red lightsaber even _touched_ me, Anakin! I would never allow something so violated and corrupted and defiled to graze me," he said with his arms crossed.

"I don't _care_. You still _died_. You would _not_ have died if I hadn't tried to kill you. Therefore, I killed you."

"No, you did _not_! I sacrificed myself!"

"In other words, you let me kill you! _I still killed you_!"

The theater was now holding their popcorn in their hands, watching Anakin and Obi-Wan bicker over their fight. The movie was interesting, but this was even _more_ interesting.

~

Everyone stayed for the end and were not disappointed by the end of the credits, which featured:

_About to blow up Alderaan_

_Leia standing in horror_

_Vader off to the side... taking off his helmet and yelling "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!!!" ...?_

The audience laughed as Anakin continued to stomp around the room and talk about how he wouldn't stand by and pretend to do everything he did in the past when he's been trying for years not to. Obi-Wan almost felt bad for him, cause that was... kind of a good point.

_"Should you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you could possibly -"_

"WHY DO I HAVE TO PLAY THIS ROLE??!?!?!"

~

As they left the theater, Rex was carrying bitty-Maul, Cody was carrying bitty-Dooku, Wolffe was carrying bitty-Palpatine, Tup was carrying Arela, Echo was carrying Celestia, Fives was carrying Iana, and the rest of the clones were supervising the very heated discussion between Anakin and Obi-Wan about who won their fight in _A New Hope_.

"It's not even a question! I lived, you died, Luke screamed 'NO!' It's... not that hard to know -"

"But I did it on _purpose_ -"

"It doesn't _matter_ -"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER LOL
> 
> ALSO, this may be noteworthy:
> 
> The triplets might grow like three years over the course of the OT like the twins did over the course of the PT. Each movie takes a year. So by the end of this, we'll have four year old Celestia, Arela (I think her name was Anela in the original triplet chapter, and in a later chapter, and then in Obitine, so honestly, I'm going to chalk it up to Anakin not knowing how to spell the name) - as well as four year old Maul, Palpy, and Dooku. lol
> 
> By the way, you've got some more... well. Interesting content here coming soon. It'll come from our girl Lara over on discord and, from the ever-wonderful, shows-up-in-every-freaking-chapter NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong. They're bRINGING YOU STUFF TO READ.
> 
> Seriously. The AGFFA universe is expanding rapidly.


	66. Making The Empire Strikes Back - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK
> 
> So sorry it took a bit longer than normal for me to get this chapter up. I've been ridiculously busy. I do too much and then it all happens at the same time to I'm copied into an argument between the drama club directors and drumline directors about how to compromise and my drama club directors are lowkey kinda jerks this year and then there's voice and piano and homework and (breaths heavily)
> 
> I have to sit out of gym today due to the end of COVID note and blah blah blah, so I'm writing this in the gym lol
> 
> Hope you enjoyed Lara's Mando fic in this universe!
> 
> And with that...
> 
> _Execute Chapter 66..._

North_Point_Skating_AcademyFigureSkater, also known as Queen Lara from Discord, has officially introduced Din Djarin to the universe. I'm working on your update for this fanfiction right now - PSE The Empire Strikes Back - during which Din Djarin will randomly exist. I promise it isn't random, there is context and I highly reccomend reading:

####  [Does this look Jedi to you?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28992153)

Again, if you don't read it, it'll be rather confusing as to why Din Djarin/The Mandalorian and Grogu/Baby Yoda randomly exist in the next chapter. This is another one of my queens yet again totally killing it: It's hillarious, it's interesting, it adds more interest and characters to the AGFFA universe, and it explains what happened right before this, so go check that out if you haven't already!!

**~The Empire Strikes Back~**

_Step one: Find the right actors_

"YES! WAHOO! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Anakin what is it?"

"Don't tell me you're not happy that you and Padmé won the election again?"

"I am, but are you really surprised? Also, you're going to wake the babies. All three of them." Obi-Wan looked up at the ceiling. "Actually, six." Then he rethought that. "Seven, counting Grogu."

"Baby Yoda."

"Grogu. Now don't you have a -"

"Purple House to paint? Yep! I think we'll go with green this time -"

"No Anakin I was going to say, 'movie to make.'" Obi-Wan gave him a standard, _Don't even THINK about painting the Purple House green_ look, which Anakin was fairly sure he interpreted perfectly.

"Oh. Right."

~

"Dad no, I'm fifteen and me and Leia would be twenty-two in this movie," Luke argued. "Besides, I'm not kissing her! That's so freaking disgusting!" Leia nodded, crossing her arms and giving her father a look.

"You did it last time!"

"That was in a different timeline!" Leia reminded him. "Luke and I grew up in the Milky Way, ever since we were two. We've known we were twins since day one. So no. We're not doing this."

That was when Padmé walked into the room to check up on them, carrying Arela on one hip and Celestia on the other. Satine was in another room watching Iana with Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka was in that same room taking care of BabyPalps, BabyMaul, and BabyDooku while Din and Grogu where who-knows-where in the Purple House, and he was watching him. The babies were successfully looked after, and the clones were off being secret service, and everything was right.

Except that -

"Mom, Dad wants me and Luke to kiss each other for the next movie."

Padmé delicately placed Arela and Celestia, each two years old, on the ground. As soon as they were out of their mother's arms, she marched up to Anakin and slapped him across the face. "That's incest, Anakin. Also, you've had that coming ever since you betrayed the republic and killed billions of people anyway, so it's long overdue."

Anakin sighed. "Can't they at least do the role?"

Padmé sighed back at him, a much longer, much more exasperated sigh. "Only if you have two _other_ people do the kissing scene. I will not stand for incest between my two children."

Leia raised her hand slightly. "I'll only do it if Nick gets to play Han. I'm _not_ kissing San Holo."

Padmé nodded. "Understandable, seeing as he's made of straw. Anakin?"

Anakin crossed his arms and pouted at the prospect of condoning his daughter kissing that guy... _ugh, ew, he so did not approve_ \- but it meant less casting decisions for him. (Well, Adam was technically the only one who dropped out, and then he thought _if I have to have Luke play Luke, I might as well have Leia play Leia,_ and Annelise happily stepped down.)

~

Rex walked through the hallway purposefully. He had been sent by General Skywalker to tell Ahsoka that he'd made all necessary casting decisions for the main cast, and now simply needed extras and people to play random aliens. But when he opened the door to supposedly find Ahsoka taking care of the babies with Satine and Obi-Wan, Satine said, "She went to go check on little Grogu and his Mando dad."

Rex had nodded and made his way to the room he knew they were in, but as soon as he opened the door, he found weapons to his throat - before Din relaxed and sighed exasperatedly. "We're fine in here."

"Is Ahsoka here?"

That just seemed to confuse him beneath that helmet. "She never came here."

This would annoy Rex if he wasn't beginning to get worried about his comman - er, Ahsoka.

Eventually he just found General Skywalker and his children plotting shenanigans for the next Star Wars movie they were making, while Luke giggled about something he was drawing, which...

"Luke, stop it, we're not putting that in the movie!" Leia chatised.

"Yes we are! Dad, can we do it?"

"Of course buddy, why wouldn't we?"

"Because it's dumb and it's a famous scene and that's not how it goes!" Leia argued.

Rex cleared his throat to announce his presence. Anakin looked over to him. "Ah, Rex! Did you tell Ahsoka?"

"I can't kriffing find her in this whole kriffing building! She isn't anywhere she should be! Can you do a Force thing and figure out where she is?"

Anakin's eyebrows scrunched together as he contemplated this. Reaching out, he felt... "Um... that can't be right. What...? The Force doesn't lie I suppose." He shrugged. "She's apparently in the bowling alley. Basement of the Purple House Executive Building. Only two lanes. Don't see why she'd be there."

Rex blinked. Then he said, "This place has a bowling alley?"

"Two lanes in the basement of the Purple House Executive Building. But why?"

Then Anakin blinked a few times. "Oh my gosh, I swear on the kriffing light side of the Force if she's tapping on those lanes - Rex. Just get her, deliver the message, and if she's tapping _make her stop_."

"General, if she's tapping, at least she's doing it somewhere you can't hear."

Anakin contemplated this. "Actually, good point. If she's tapping, tell her that's a good decision."

~

Ahsoka was not, in fact, tapping.

The fact that she was wearing tap shoes suggested that she _had_ been utilizing the hard floors, though the lanes didn't look like anybody had been abusing them with tap shoes. The boy she was with - Landon Seagate, Rex was pretty sure his name was - was also wearing tap shoes.

But -

Ahsoka didn't appear to sense him at all, as much as he wanted her to.

Because -

They were - 

They were -

"Mr. Seagate, who gave you permission to be kissing the commander?"

Ahsoka and Landon suddenly broke apart. There breathing was a bit rapid and their cheeks flushed, so they probably would have had to come up for air soon anyway. But... "Mr. Seagate, I repeat: Who gave you permission to be kissing the commander?"

When Landon was pale and stuttering, Ahsoka intervened, saying, "Rex, I love him. Don't you have more important things to do than worry about what I do with my boyfriend?"

"No. Your safety is my priority, C - Ahsoka. Now, Mr. Seagate, I repeat -"

" _I_ gave him permission, Rex!" Ahsoka said with an exasperated look on her face. "Anakin has given him permission officially to date me, which you should know since you were at the afterparty for the musical, and I'm twenty-four! I get to make my own decisions about who kisses me, and I love Landon, so get off my back."

Rex huffed, but she (unfortunately) had a point. Who's permission did he need besides the grown woman he wanted to kiss?

 _The entire 501st_ , his brain whispered.

"Well, Ahsoka, I was just sent by your master to inform you that casting decisions for the next movie you are making have been dealt with so far as the main cast goes. Now we just need our extras."

"Thank you," Ahsoka said calmly, though her exasperation was showing through. "Now, you _are_ interrupting something, so I would very much appreciate being left alone?"

"Gladly." Rex began to leave, then paused. "Mr. Seagate? The commander asked to be left alone."

"I _meant_ with Landon," Ahsoka said with a sigh.

Rex wasn't sure how he felt about that, but allowed it as he existed the awkward situation, deciding to allow the general to handle this... interesting new knowledge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LANSOKA FLUFF XD
> 
> I hope you enjoyed today's chapter!


	67. Making The Empire Strikes Back - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! EVERYONE IT'S HERE!
> 
> You're next chapter is HERE!
> 
> I got a bit of writer's block but as always, my queens helped out! I should probably credit NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong, NorthPointSkatingAcademy_figure_skater, VanillaChip101, and as of late WyntreBlosson for always helping me overcome writer's block. Y'all are the best!

ATTENTION!

For the month of February, our [Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong/pseuds/NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong) will be releasing a new cracky one-shot every day! The first one is up today, so check out [Tales from Tano's Dance Studio](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29133120) as soon as you can! Like I said, she's giving us a new one every day, so if you like the universe, you'll like this fic.

Day five is up today (February 5th), and day six will be up tomorrow, etc. So enjoy a our queen's amazing writing!

And with that, Chapter 67!!

**~The Empire Strikes Back~**

_Step two: Write the Script_

Ahsoka sighed. "Anakin, this is hard for me to say, so very hard. But... _no_ ," she said without hesitation. "Absolutely not. Not in a million lifetimes. No."

"It's a fun comic relief scene in a heavy movie! What's wrong with it?"

"Correction, it's a petty excuse to have your daughter punch her boyfriend in the face _disguised_ as a comic relief scene in a heavy movie." Ahsoka crossed her arms. "Has Leia seen this?"

Anakin scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Um... not _this_ part..."

"Well we'll see how she feels about this! LEIA!"

"Fine! I'll change it." Anakin pouted and crossed his arms.

"And _this_? No. We have to at least stick to what _kind_ of happened. We can't just completely change the whole thing."

"That is _exactly_ how he reacted," Anakin said with his arms crossed.

"Oh really?" Ahsoka looked down at the script in her hands and began to read aloud. "'Yay! That makes me very happy! It's true; it's POSSIBLE!'"

Anakin stood his ground.

"Anakin, he vehemently denied it."

"No he didn't! You weren't there, _I_ was!"

"I've seen the kriffing movies Anakin! That's not what happened!"

"What if the movies were wrong?"

"Haven't you heard everything Obi-Wan said about spacetime? You were literally _created_ by those movies!"

When Anakin opened his mouth to argue, Ahsoka put her hand up to stop him. "No. End of discussion, I still have more problems with this. Like in the beginning of the movie. Luke chops of the wampa's arm. He doesn't have a snowball fight with it!"

"It's more kid friendly!"

"You're literally the one who chopped off your son's hand Anakin."

"A long time ago! And I said I was sorry."

"And speaking of Luke's hand. It is going to be a _hand_ , okay? Not a wookie wearing Leia's slave outfit from _Return of the Jedi_. Would that even grab things?"

"It would be funny! And I would much rather a wookie wear that thing than my daughter."

Ahsoka let her arms drop to her sides and stared at the ceiling, her eyes begging the Force and the God Anakin believed in to help her out here. "Why do we even let you write the scripts anymore?"

~

"Well the good news is, he knows how to write in English now!" Landon said to her as they slow danced to music, past the closing hours of Tano's Dance Studio. They were in one of the level two ballet rooms, and Ahsoka had dimmed the lights, creating a very romantic setting for her and her boyfriend as they danced around the room. Ahsoka's favorite type of dance had always been tap, and her second favorite ballet. Her second favorite had to change though: _Slow dancing with Landon_ was taking its place.

She rested her head on his chest. "I know, but he drives me insane." They continued to sway and dance to the music. "He actually added a scene where Leia punches Han." She laughed lightly, taking a moment to enjoy the feeling of closeness with -

"He WHAT?!"

"LEIA YOU RUINED THE PRANK!"

A ceiling tile fell out, Leia and Luke splatted on the floor with two open enourmous bags of skittles. The skittles were now _everywhere_ on the hard wood floor of the room, and continuing to spread.

Ahsoka and Landon put their hands on their hips, glaring down at the twins, who had the sense to look guilty about it. Ahsoka internally sighed. So much for a romantic night with her boyfriend.

"Aren't you two supposed to be in bed?"

"Well, yeah, but then Luke was like, 'How about we go dump some skittles on Ahsoka's head?'"

"Yeah, and Leia was _totally_ on board," Luke added quickly. "But then we couldn't find you so we were confused. But then we found your cell phone, and Leia unlocked it with the Force -"

"- and you had a text message where you texted Landon asking if he wanted to come to the dance studio, where you guys could just be alone for a little bit, and we were like, _perfect_!"

_THEY READ HER TEXTS WITH LANDON?!_

"As soon as we saw we immediately put the phone down and rushed off to your dance studio!"

Okay. Good.

"When we got here I used the Force to unlock the doors," Leia explained. _Ahsoka needed to find a way to fix that_. "You were so caught up with _him_ that you didn't notice us."

"And you know the rest!" Luke finished.

Ahsoka gave them a hardened look, and they both knew they were in trouble. _Big-time_.

~

The next day, at five AM before the studio had opened, Luke and Leia wore Force-restraining bracelets on their hands as they were forced to pick up every single skittle - no broom, no dustpan - by hand.

_Step three: Film_

"Please?"

"No."

"Angel -"

"I'm the president of the United States and I have important things to do that don't involve making sure you don't fly your entire cast to Antarctica just to film Hoth. So please stop."

"Or you could stop trying to stop us," Anakin suggested. "Or come with us!"

Padmé sighed. "We're not going to Antarctica, Anakin. And once my presidency is over - just four more years, you can do it - we're all going on vacation. You, me, Obi-Wan, the kids, Satine, the clones, the babies, whatever Grogu is and that Mando guy - we're all going to go relax and have fun somewhere." She met his gaze sternly. "Somewhere _warm_."

~

"Me no play wampa," BabyMaul complained as he stood on BabyPalpabean's shoulders, BabyDooku standing on his.

"No wampa," BabyPalpabean added.

"Yeah," BabyDooku interjected.

"You yes play wampa. Alright, we're ready for the costume!"

~

As they watched Luke hurl snowballs at three baby Sith in a wampa costume, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka sighed and smacked their heads in unison.

~

"No! Stop it! _Din_! Stop it!"

He sighed that _I-couldn't-care-less-but-seriously?-come-ON!_ sigh of his. "What? You said you wanted me to be a bounty hunter. That's what I'm doing."

"Yes, but when you act you do it for _real_. You're not supposed to _actually_ hurt people."

"You told me I was playing the role of a bounty hunter. That's what I'm _doing_."

"You need to do it _fake_!"

"Why would a bounty hunter carry a fake blaster? That doesn't make sense!"

"Alright," Ahsoka interrupted. "How about we go with plan B, which is have a clone play Boba Fett?"

"Sure." Din threw his stuff to the side, picked up Grogu, and walked away to Force-knows-where. The Skywalkers and Skywalkers-in-all-but-blood had learned long ago to just let him go, and just like a cat, he'd be back soon.

(Which reminded Ahsoka: She'd need to scan to final product for erratic cat gifs. Anakin had a way of doing that.)

~

"No!"

"You let it go in the script!" Anakin argued.

"Yeah, cause it's part of the plot," Ahsoka told him. "Obi-Wan! Back me up here!"

"What do you need?"

"Can you tell this _idiot_ that we're not actually freezing Nick in carbonite?"

Anakin gave Obi-Wan puppy eyes. "Pleeeeease?"

Luckily, Obi-Wan Had learned during Anakin's padawan years how to resist said puppy eyes. "No. It's not happening. I know you don't like him -"

"He's dating my fifteen-year-old daughter!"

"- but we aren't freezing him in actual carbonite. Anakin, if you continue like this, we may have to remove you from the head of Kenobi Studios," he said with his arms crossed.

"That's an option?! WHY HAVEN'T WE DONE THAT YET?!" Ahsoka exclaimed.

"Ouch," Anakin said.

"You're not exactly a _good_ director." Ahsoka was about to keep going when her phone rang. "One sec." When she answered the phone, her eyes lit up. "It's Landon, see you guys later, bye! I've got plans."

~

"Why. Why? Why did you paint the White House _rainbow_?! I don't understand!" Obi-Wan stood beside Padmé, and they stood over him with glares that should have intimidated Anakin - but he has no survival instinct, so they didn't bother him.

"Because it has good symbolism!"

Padmé raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to come out as bi or something?"

"What? NO! It's God's promise to never flood the entire Earth ever again! Like from the Noah's Ark story!"

It took Obi-Wan a few seconds for it to register that this was once again a reference to a Sunday school story. _You've got to be kidding me. More of_ this _?_

"Honestly," Padmé whispered to Obi-Wan, "what really scares me about this is the fact that we never catch him doing it until he's already painted the whole dang thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4
> 
> The discord actually underwent a few changes that took the Chaos and organized it into different subsections of Chaos. Join for Chaos.
> 
> Leave a comment letting me know what you think!


	68. Making The Empire Strikes Back - Part 3

Okay, so there's some stuff coming up in future chapters of the fic that you should be aware of:

Ahsoka is going to becomea rockette and move to NY, visiting sometimes. If you've been keeping up with _Tales from Tano's Dance Studio_ by Queen NevilleLongbottomDidNothingWrong, you already know this!

So as the chapters about Ahsoka leaving begin to come out on different days, I really suggest reading them. They're in the same series as this, so should be very accessible for you guys.

Basically, if anything ever happens and you're like "Hold on when did THAT happen?" It probably means you should read the other fics.

Anyway, enjoy!

**~The Empire Strikes Back~**

_Step four: Edit_

"Surprise!"

Padmé Amidala looked up from where she was busy signing a _ton_ of stuff that Anakin didn't really care to understand. "Anakin? What are you doing?"

"It's two o'clock and you haven't eaten lunch yet!" Anakin said with a huge smile on his face. "So I made you something!" He held out a bag for her.

Padmé raised an eyebrow. "Anakin, are you _sure_ you made this?"

"Yes!"

"...It's in a Wendy's takeout bag." Realizing that her husband was totally the type of person to reuse a Wendy's takeout bag, however, she decided to give it a try and opened it up to see the contents. However, that just proved her point.

She gave Anakin an unimpressed look. "Ani, I love you, and thank you for buying this, but the contents are in literal Wendy's boxes and wrapping. This burger says 'Wendy's' on the packaging. And these fries say _W-e-n-d-y-'-s_ right there. There is no need to lie."

"Padmé, I was a Sith and I worked for the Empire and _Palpatine freaking breathed over my shoulder_. I'm a world-class liar," he reminded her. "NOT THAT I'M LYING!"

"If you are such a good liar, than why didn't you at least _try_ to make this look like you made it?"

"I _did_ try! I mean, I didn't have to cause I'm not lying!"

Padmé shook her head, realizing this was a losing battle and she had work to do. "Whatever. Thank you for buying me Wendy's takeout."

"It's not - whatever."

~

"Perfect," Ahsoka muttered. "Now I just need to smuggle it into the final version of _The Empire Strikes Back_."

The video she had just completed editing showed clips of the kidnapping and trap setting, and then Luke speeds away from Dagobah as hers and Kayla's voice come in in full. perfect, beautiful and LOUD harmonies: "HERE COMES THE SON, DO DO DO DO..."

Haha. Puns.

Ahsoka was very pleased with herself.

~

"So you release all the sounds trapped in your mind-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

Obi-Wan pinched his nose bridge. "That's not what that _means_ , Anakin."

"You're really bad at yoga Dad," Leia said, still in her very peaceful cross-legged state, ready to do yoga poses with Obi-Wan. Luke seemed to agree with his Dad's assertion that this was useless, however.

"Yoga's dumb and boring! Just like that meditation thing Obi-Wan was trying to get us to do!" Luke said, voicing his _very strong_ opinion.

"Anakin, your kids are never going to be Jedi."

"Great! They can do the cool lightsaber stuff and use the Force _without_ being brainwashed and emotionless!"

"I love how after all my years of training you, the only Jedi think you care about it 'cool lightsaber stuff.'"

"And the Force! That's important!"

"Don't you have a movie to edit?"

~

Ahsoka had been trying to check Anakin's computer for any cat gifs he may have stuck in _The Empire Strikes Back PSE_ , but made a very different discovery.

"Hey guys, welcome back to my vlog. Again, my wife and family don't know about this, so make sure you don't tell them. Today I'm going to try to make a wedding cake for Obi-Wan's wedding with Satine!"

"Hey guys, welcome back to my vlog. Again, my wife and family don't know about this, so make sure you don't tell them. Today, I'm taking Grogu, who I have promised snickerdoodles, to paint and sabotage Ahsoka's dance studio! i'm pretty sure I have a death wish for doing this, but I don't really care because it'll be funny."

"Hey guys, welcome back to my vlog. Again, my wife and family don't know about this, so make sure you don't tell them. Today, I'm booking flight tickets to Antartica and my wife is probably going to kill me but, who cares? We'll have an authentic scene in our primary source. Isn't that what Ahsoka _wants_?"

"Hey guys, welcome back to my vlog. Again, my wife and family don't know about this, so make sure you don't tell them. So today I'm going to be adding these 100 new cat gifs I found to the Empire Strikes Back, Primary Source Edition!"

Aaaaaaaand there it was.

Ahsoka checked his view count - over a million people were watching Anakin's secret vlog and actually keeping it secret from the _freaking President of the United States_? Geez.

Well, time to watch that particular video and make sure to undo _literally everything_ that Anakin had done.

~

Only Anakin would give a three-year-old version of Palpatine a real hammer and tell him to start helping him build this thing.

"See, Satine's going to have a baby, okey? And we can worry about making sure his name is Bryan later, but for now we just need to make a crib from scratch, alright?"

"Wong wive da Empire!"

"How is that still the only thing you know how to say? You're _three_."

"Dat _not_ da only ting I say! I say _dew it_! I say _da dak side of da fowce is a pafway to many abiwities some consida to be unnatuwal_."

"Whatever. Can you - no don't hammer your _self_ , hammer the - ugh fine I'll do this myself!"

~

"Why does your beard have to grow back at the speed of Harry Potter's hair?" Ahsoka groaned as she snipped at it. She'd cut it, shave it, and then the next day it'd be full length again.

"I D K," said the three-year-old Count of Serenno.

Ahsoka slumped. "I knew we never should have let Kayla babysit you. Should've just grabbed Rex. Okay lil' Dooki, I need you to not talk in text like that. Say, 'I don't know.'"

"I D K!"

"Whatever. Hey, hold still - no, those are _my_ scissors -"

~

"Welcome back to _The Skywalker Twins_!" Luke announced happily. "I am now going to go through the detailed account of how I glued Leia's mouth shut in her sleep! Also why I may have stolen the Force-restraining-cuffs that are to be used soley for punishing Dad and put them on her."

Leia crossed her arms and pouted, the locked metal bracelets on each hand clanking together.

"Basically, we bet money on who would win a lightsaber battle and then we, well, lightsaber battled. And I lost but I was pretty sure she cheated to when she was sleeping I glued her mouth shut. But then I thought maybe she would be able to undo it with the Force or something so I snuck these onto her and there we go! Sweet revenge!"

Leia very rapidly and aggressivly Force-grabbed a piece of paper, so fast it crumpled, and a pencil. She scribbled something down and held it up to the camera:

_I DIDN'T CHEAT, HE'S JUST A TOTAL LASERBRAIN AND ALSO A SORE LOSER._

"See? She definitely cheated."

~

"Thank you Nick," Leia said to her boyfriend, who had officially uncuffed her hands so she could get the glue off her mouth. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Yeah, neither do I," he said with a smirk.

Leia laughed. "Nick!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek and pulled out her phone, recording a selfie. "If you're watching this on YouTube, my wonderful boyfriend, Nick, has finally gotten me out of Luke's mess. But this isn't over. The prank wars have _begun_."

~

Obi-Wan paled significantly when he saw these videos. The _last_ thing he needed were more prank wars. The _last thing_!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin's vlog scenarios are all from the content of this universe, and you may remember them from the very long chapters written by some of my readers-turned-almost-co-authors (almost just because they aren't like in the actual story, but it's all "AGFFA canon," so I suggest if you haven't read it you get on that! I promise they're hillarious - probably even more than mine!)
> 
> Have a good February break! Unless you don't have a February break. If so that's sad. But if you do then happy break!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


	69. The Empire Strikes Back (Primary Source Edition) in Theaters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are four kinds of people reading this:
> 
> 1\. The kind who read it right after it came out and didn't notice anything amiss  
> 2\. The kind currently binging it after there are more chapters so don't care  
> 3\. The kind who have been wondering where I was for 10 days  
> 4\. The kind who saw my message on discord on Friday where I said I would be uploading that day and then I... didn't
> 
> Lol sorry about that, been focusing on original work, but here's your chapter!

Have you ever tried to bring two bickering twin fifteen-year-olds who just recently realized what the line about "dead Jango hear[ing] [Obi-Wan and Satine] in the Force" meant in the Clone Wars musical and discussing it fervently, three three-year-old triplets screaming about how much they want ice cream, and three baby Sith quoting their most memorable evil lines from old Star Wars movies to a theater?

All while your husband acts like a doofus off to the side, your Vice President drinks his tea with sighs and enjoys quality time with _his_ wife because he deserves it, and your adoptive daughter won't do any babysitting for you because she's too busy making gooey-eyes at her boyfriend?

So then you ask the clones for help but they'd rather practice a bunch of sports because they apparently want to go to the olympics?

Yeah, well, Padmé Amidala somehow managed this, so kudos to her.

~

_Epidode V: The Empire Strikes Back (Primary Source Edition)_

_Due to near-death experiences and duels that occured in the White House,_

_President Amidala herself has put a stop to the whole opening crawl business._

_She is, unfortunately, very sick of her nice furniture being destroyed while she_

_innocently tries to run the country. So from now on, we will not be having opening_

_crawls. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY ANAKIN! ~Ahsoka Tano_

The people in the movie theaters, who had somehow managed to get a ticket early enough to be to the first showing - cause those sell out _fast_ \- laughed as Anakin and Ahsoka glared at each other with the heat of an unsolved rivalry over the opening crawls in the PSE Star Wars films.

~

Everyone cheered when they realized that the person playing Luke was... well, Luke. And then he got into a snowball fight with a bunch of baby Sith and toddler triplets standing on top of each other in a very poorly designed Wampa costume, and they were very confused, but a quick look back at a very smug Anakin Skywalker was explanation enough.

~

But that's not when people _really_ lost it.

No, they lost it when a hologram that was _supposed_ to be the Emperor popped up. But no, it wasn't the Emperor. It wasn't even the baby Emperor, as Obi-Wan had thought. No, it was a _cat._ A hologram of a _cat._

A very specific cat that everyone in the crowd recognized from about seven years prior...

"There appears to be some sort of filter on here, Lord Vader. I am here live, I am not a cat."

Oh wait Padmé remembered this!

It was the cat lawyer thing. 2021, right?

"I can see that," Anakin rumbled through is costume, and the whole audience was cackling. Flat-out _cackling._

~

Ahsoka had outdone herself with the musical piece this time.

Everyone had waited with baited breath for whatever Ahsoka decided to do... but it was when Han and Leia were in trouble (Nick and Leia, actually) with a very large space worm and there was lots of well-done cinematic action and -

...right in front of all the suspense came Ahsoka doing a ballet solo to Swan Lake - a dainty green-screened dance right over all the action. The audience began to laugh. Count on Ahsoka to do yet another creative and unexpected dance number in the middle of the film.

~

"YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!" Luke squealed. "YAY! YAY! THAT'S AMAZING! And it's definitely possible because you know why wouldn't it be? YAAAAAAY!"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Anakin. Why?"

"Because I could," Anakin said with a shrug. "I guess my son just loves me."

"Then why did he say 'I will definitely join you!' and then jump down an empty shaft for no reason?"

"Well I had to keep the movie going normally!"

"In the normal movie Anakin -"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" ...That was Satine. She had been trying to enjoy the movie silently and politely, but... this _family_...

~

Everyone stayed till the end of the credits, if for no other reason then they knew they were getting bloopers at the end. They got Ahsoka filming herself taking cat gifs out of the final product, much to Anakin's annoyance; the triplets and baby Sith collapsing on each other inside the wampa costume, and best of all, the standard Anakin-getting-very-annoyed-with-his-evil-self-and-screaming.

However, the greatest blooper was at the end. It was Han Solo and Leia's first kiss, and then C-3PO, played by a wonderfully built version of C-3PO that Anakin had made, came to interrupt, but got completely ignored. In fact, there was a whole minute of making out before Anakin went "THAT'S ENOUGH KISSING!"

Leia pulled away from Nick and shrugged. "Not sorry."

Followed by a quick flash of Luke and Leia arguing with their dad that they _would not_ kiss each other before the movie was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was gone. I hope my writer's block didn't make this chapter too bad... Since it's a bit of a short and disappointing chapter for a wait this long...
> 
> On another note, check out Shenanakin Skywalker's YouTube channel, she's a hidden gem and you need to check out her stuff it's just... amazing...
> 
> (For example, TCW portrayed by Disney, and way better than the popular ones I've seen... she's amazing lol...)
> 
> So yeah stay safe as always and if you're reading this some years into the future I apologize for how poorly this is going to age XD
> 
> What's 2024 really like? Let me know! XD (And if Padmé is really President IDK what to say...)


	70. Making Return of the Jedi - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So, for those of you who haven't read "Tales from Tano's Dance Studio" (SPOILERS AHEAD), Ahsoka and Kayla are rockettes now, meaning they do live in NYC. They may occasionally come and visit too!
> 
> I highly reccomend reading the rest of the AGFFA universe if you haven't already! My queens are hillarious. Also, it's a little necessary to understand the fic.

**~Return of the Jedi~**

_Step one: Find the right actors_

"Guys! We have a problem!"

Anakin, who had a lot of experience dealing with Leia's "problems" in mere minutes, casually drawled, "What is it?"

"Nick -"

"Broke up with you? That's _great_!"

"No! Dad. His friend moved to South Carolina. Jonathan can't play Chewie anymore!"

Oh.

That did pose a bit of a problem.

~

So that was how they ended up in a mall in California with a big sign saying "Chewie auditions!" With various different sizes of Chewie costumes and free lolipops as incentives. Even though Padmé had tried to convince them it was completely unnecessary to go to California.

"But see, Hollywood is in California, and therefore we're more likely to find actors there!"

"...Do you have any idea how big California is?"

Anakin did not.

He also did not care.

~

So there was this one fourteen-year-old boy who was, like, a _prodigy_ at the Chewie growl. Like seriously, nobody can Chewie-growl like him. Except maybe Chewie. And the original Chewie. Anyway.

The next acting problem was the fact that Leia had been playing Leia, and, well...

"My daughter _will not be wearing that_. No. Not _happening_."

Padmé had to agree with him on that one. "It's highly innappropriate for my sixteen-year-old daughter to wear. I won't be having it."

"Plus, her little boyfriend Nick as Han Solo seeing her in that? Never. Like, _no_ , not even going to be _considered_."

Leia shrugged. "Honestly, I kinda agree with this one. So what do we do?"

~

"No."

"But Luke, see, if you and Leia switch roles for this, it makes it much more -"

"I. Am. Not. Wearing. That."

"You already have. As Ahsoka's revenge. In a number of viral YouTube videos," Anakin reminded him.

Luke groaned. " _Find a new solution_! I'm not wearing that!"

~

"Can someone call Ahsoka?"

"Why don't you do it?" Wondered... who was that again?

Turning around - geez! And the mando shows his f - well, helmet!

"Crawled out of your little hole?"

"No. Grogu and I have been staying longterm at a hotel in Colorado. We needed to get away from this mess."

"Understandable," Padmé sadi with a sympathetic nod. "If I wasn't the president, I would leave too. Maybe I should just kick them all out."

"Padmé!"

"Except you Anakin."

"Mom!"

Padmé sighed. "Okay, now I remember why I stay. I really do love my family, even if they're a bit chaotic sometimes."

Luke mimed gagging. "Ew. Don't get cheesy on us, Mom. Someone just call Ahsoka!"

"So like I said," Din drawled, "why doesn't _he_ do it?"

Anakin looked at the ground sheepishly. "Padmé grounded me from my cell phone."

"I'm not surprised," Leia said with a shrug. "I swear, Dad gets grounded more than I do. Anyway, I can call Auntie 'Sokka!"

~

"Ah. I see the issue," Ahsoka said with a nod of her head. Then she called back to Kayla, "They don't want Leia to wear the Return of the Jedi slave outfit."

"Understandable!" Kayla shouted back.

"Do you have any less skimpy gold dance outfits she could use?"

"I'll look!"

~

In the end, Kayla and Ahsoka ended up being the saviors, mailing a sparkly gold leotard with pretty accessories to them for Leia to wear instead. Once again, Ahsoka saved the day.

And Kayla. Can't forget her. It was technically her costume.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a while! I wanted to wait until day 28 of Queen NLDNW's fic went up so that we'd have the premise all set up. Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Discord link: https://discord.gg/2hgVWVwnN4


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